CORAL AVALON VS. ARTHUR PLEASANT
We are now back at ringside.
“Slum Planet” by 3TEETH and Mick Gordon hits the speakers and a chorus of boos immediately follows.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Two words, followed by two letters, written in signature style, appear on PRIMEview with a bleeding effect; this is created by a machete that slices through the bottom of the screen with a violent effect. Arthur Pleasant, meanwhile, has already begun making his way out from behind the curtains.
YOUR NIGHTMARE,
AP
Vince Howard: This Almasy Invitational First Round Match is set for one fall and has no time limit. Introducing first… from Under The Midnight Sun… weighing in at 225 lbs… he is PRIME’s WORST NIGHTMARE… ARTHURRRRRRR… PLLLEEEAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAANT!!!
Nick Stuart: This seems like the perfect time of year for this man.
Richard Parker: A Dracula if ever there was one.
Nick Stuart: As much as we talk about teeth with Arthur Pleasant, it’s becoming more and more clear that the man poises a unique threat. I believe some might have written off Pleasant, thinking some early failure might doom him to quickly flaming out and exiting. But he’s persevered, notching tough wins, making life difficult for those inside the ring…and outside of it…as brutal as they come.
Darkness hits the KFC Yum! Center. Static hits the Crumbotron before something cold and ominous fills its view. A sound like a cold wind cuts through the static as we see a scene of a large block of ice being towed down a lonely track.
Fans see something large and ominous coming from behind the curtains in the darkness, illuminated only by a single spotlight as it rolls out on the stage. Fans do not see that it’s being pushed out specifically by none other than Lunchbox Larry. Boos start to emanate from the crowd as they see the man walking alongside the box of ice and recognize him for the T-shades attached to a crumb that he is.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Richard Parker: Oh god, what’s he doing out here?
The “he” being Cancer Jiles, of course.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Dressed in his baby blue as usual, Jiles’ presence indicates that the eGG Bandits’ paterfaeGGlias is out in force for the newest recruit. The fans’ boos turn to confusion when the opening notes of Monster Siren’s “Real Me” starts up, the entrance music of Arthur Pleasant’s opponent tonight.
The spotlight shines down on the big block of ice as it starts to crack and crumble. Nevermind that the “ice” looks obviously fake. We just froze this man, don’t question it. When the guitars of the song hit, the block crumbles completely. Standing in the center of the block’s ruins, in full ring gear, is a man who hasn’t been seen by anyone in almost a month.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Where in the world was Coral Avalon?
Who cares! He’s in electric blue now!
Welcome to the eGG Bandits, buddy!
Nick Stuart: We haven’t seen Coral Avalon since he was carried away by the Bandits at UltraViolence, and now he’s here with Jiles! Has he really thrown his lot in with the Bandits!?
Richard Parker: I have never hated anything more in my life than what I’m witnessing right now, and I saw a man get crippled in that ring just over a year ago.
Nick Stuart: Priorities as straight as usual.
Avalon carefully steps over the icy rubble that once contained him, and starts to make his way down to the ring. Behind him, Cancer Jiles is teasing a full-on Fargo Strut, but with middle fingers out.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Vince Howard: His opponent… residing in Seattle, Washington… weighing in at two-hundred and twenty-four pounds… REPRESENTING… THE EGG BANDITS!? What? I mean… COOOOOOOORAAAALLLLLL! AVALOOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!!
Avalon hops up onto the ring apron and steps into the ring, while Jiles is his usual self in one corner and paying little attention to the match Coral’s about to wrestle. In fact, he has a special message for Ivan Stanislav at ringside, in the form of… well, more middle fingers!
Nick Stuart: Another round one match in the Almasy, and another interesting matchup most wouldn’t think of–
Richard Parker: Definite styles clash here.
Nick Stuart: Avalon is the consummate wrestler, skilled in near all styles in the sport. And given his movements on that entrance…it appears he’s not favoring his ribs or–
Richard Parker: The ice was fake, Nick. It was fake. You don’t get frozen and miraculously heal.
Jiles, for his part, is always attuned to the derision of one ‘Dick’ Parker. And as the two commentators attempt to focus on the match, the Fargo Strutting Golden Ticket holder and former Universal Champion is all double birds, extra crispy, no holding the MSG because he wants ‘Dickard’ to be starving for more five minutes from now.
Richard Parker: This is stupid. ALL OF THIS IS STUPID.
The confusion from the fans for Avalon is intriguing, especially with the backdrop of Banditry, Ivan Stanislav, and 4Chan’s favorite wrestler, Arthur Pleasant. The Crownless King gives his shoulders a few warm up slaps, bouncing on the soles of his boots, his eyes trained on Pleasant should The Nightmare try to take advantage. All Pleasant does, though, is smile, flashing his teeth.
Richard Parker: IF IT WORKED THAT WAY THEN WHY DIDN’T THE ICE AGE CURE THE DINOSAURS?! IT KILLED THEM! THEEEEEEEY DIED IN THE ICE! ICE KILLS YOU! THIS IS SO STUPID.
Nick Stuart: Richard…I feel like you’re taking things a little too literally here.
Richard Parker: I can’t stand him, Nick. I…I can’t. I feel like Jiles is giving me second hand IBS.
Turnbull calls for the bell, and we are officially underway.
DING DING
The match started, both Avalon and Pleasant start drawing closer to each other, limber in their movements, Arthur comfortable in his muay thai stance, Coral slightly crouched in freestyle wrestling. Fingers moving wildly, Avalon makes the aggressive first move, shooting to a knee, looking to pick at Pleasant’s leg, but PRIME’S Worst Nightmare darts out of range, throwing a space checking front kick in Coral’s direction. The Crownless King barely avoids the strike, but grabs hold of the leg, extending Pleasant out, Arthur hopping, all before Coral wedges his heel behind his opponent’s free leg, pushing him over in a trip.
Avalon follows him downward, gripping heavy with a side headlock. Pleasant, for his part, pushes up off the canvas quickly, standing the pair back up, shooting a fist into the liver of his opponent, causing Coral to wince but then tighten his grip. Arthur grits his teeth, throwing another shot to his opponent’s liver, all before forcing Avalon upward and driving him back first with a belly to back suplex. Finally breaking the hold, the pair scramble to their feet, Avalon second, and the time doesn’t help with Pleasant hitting a mid kick, following it up with an authoritative muay thai elbow.
Nick Stuart: The style difference showing out already.
The blow staggers Avalon, who is quickly smothered by Pleasant, grabbing hold of Coral in the clinch, firing off a knee to the ribcage. The blow is enough to lift Avalon off his feet, and with a biel, he is tossed like a sack of trash to the canvas. In the past few months, the pinpoint accuracy of the knee strike Pleasant connected with would be enough to put Coral in the danger zone. Take his wind from him. Compromise him. But, to the surprise of The Crownless King, he’s surprised with how well he was able to take the blow.
Jiles mouths to him ‘See, told you so.’
Nick Stuart: And PLEASANT throwing a heavy kick to the downed Avalon.
Richard Parker: Thigh kicks. Heavy. Get the muscles knotting up. Enough of those blows compromises the legs, and for Avalon, with how much he pivots and uses Rhongomyniad, and needing to be able to move out of the striking range–
Nick Stuart: OH Pleasant jumping up trying to hit a stomp and Coral JUST avoids.
Richard Parker: Lucky for him, looks like Arthur was looking to stomp his jaw to paste.
The reverberation of the ring is quite alarming. Pleasant isn’t someone known for his subtlety in the ring, but the sheer snap in his movements, the heaviness in which he is coming with blows, even if they miss, is quite alarming. Extremely threatening. Avalon, for his part, pushes up to his feet, and, after absorbing another mid kick, seems ready to eat another, which Arthur is more than willing to feed him, save the arm drag take over he manages to get.
Nick Stuart: And Avalon, putting some torque on the elbow here.
Pleasant tries to snatch his arm away, the eyes of Ivan Stanislav fierce with intent, as though his very look should will Arthur to a better position. Avalon continues trying to extend the elbow, but then, Pleasant rises up to his feet. The Crownless King wastes, spinning the arm and then snapping him down, hitting the ropes, looking for a kill shot.
Nick Stuart: SECACE–
Richard Parker: Pleasant JUST out of there–
Nick Stuart: And the scramble has Pleasant trying to gain an advantage, trying to wrap his arms around him and get a choke, but Coral Avalon elbows himself free, and the two are back up–
Richard Parker: There’s a chair in the ring.
Nick Stuart: Jimmy Turnbull not seeing the chair.
Richard Parker: I thought Lindsay Troy made it PERFECTLY clear about interference–
But Jiles has plausible deniability, because he’s not ‘interfering. He just put something in the ring. And Coral, seeing the chair, his eyes growing wide, motions for him to take it out. Jiles doesn’t budge. But Coral insists. The cryochamber link makes communication take place via telepathy. Jiles would blame Coral’s forehead for picking up his brain waves. Then, out of nowhere, Jiles looks towards signage in the arena. KFC Yum! As though the newest Bandit? made a salient point, Jiles quickly grabs the chair and pulls it out of the ring.
There is no respite, however, as Turnbull almost sees the whole thing take place. And there is no relief, as Pleasant shoots in, catching him with an elbow to the chin, stunning Avalon, all before grabbing hold of him and deadlifting and tossing him to the canvas carelessly. A sharp kick to the head of his downed opponent follows, and driving his forearm into Avalon’s face, Pleasant maintains hold for a pin.
ONE
TWO
Nick Stuart: Avalon kicking out–
Richard Parker: CHOKE!
Nick Stuart: Arthur Pleasant grabbing hold of a rear naked!
Turnbull scrambles with the vantage point, and the torque is immense! Avalon’s eyes bug out of his head.
Nick Stuart: THIS is not what I think ANYONE was expecting here with the former 5 Star Champion–
Richard Parker: He needs to tap or he’s going out!
No way. No how. Not after that big entrance! Jiles MUST intervene! He goes to grab the ropes, to push them towards Avalon so he can get his foot on them and get out of the submission. There is no thought behind it, just a sudden reflex. But Coral shoots The Main Event a death glare, all the more stark given how red his face is. How very Total Recall surface of Mars he’s looking right now.
And Jiles…actually is arguing for this new Bandit to put away his stubborn pride? That he’s trying to help him? And is Avalon willing to pass the hell out to save Jiles job?
Nick Stuart: Pleasant DEEP with this choke–
Richard Parker: OOOOOH! OH NO!
Nick Stuart: Avalon ABSOLUTELY THREW EVERYTHING HE HAD with his head back into the mouth of Pleasant, and it’s busted open Arthur’s lip, and…and…
Richard Parker: He’s SMILING!
Nick Stuart: Arthur Pleasant is SMILING through the blood here, and WOW!
Richard Parker: The choke hold was loosened for a moment but it’s back on tight as can be!
Nick Stuart: Avalon…AVALON…struggling…trying to get to the ropes and–
Richard Parker: Jiles is…backing up? Going around the ring? Trying to get out of the sight of Jimmy Turnbull?
Nick Stuart: He…he may be trying to avoid being a distraction in case Avalon MAKES THE ROPES! A spastic kick and that’s all Coral had left!
Richard Parker: But Pleasant isn’t letting go!
Nick Stuart: Arthur Pleasant OH NO! FULLY LOCKED IN! Turnbull is there! And he’s counting for him to break the hold!
Richard Parker: Did Pleasant just…lick the back of Avalon’s head?!
Nick Stuart: Pleasant with that hold in FIRM! He’s going to choke him out REGARDLESS!
Richard Parker: Oh my Hoyt what a strategy!
Nick Stuart: Strategy?
As if on cue, with Turnbull about to make the fifth count and officially disqualify him, Pleasant releases the hold. The strangled Coral Avalon limply falls over, hands meekly grabbing at his own throat.
And Arthur Pleasant, he rises up, grabbing and lifting Avalon up by the waistband of his tights, all before smashing him in the back of the head with a roaring elbow.
Nick Stuart: This has been calculating brutality here from Arthur Pleasant!
Richard Parker: Maybe Coral is like the dinosaurs. Dead. Except Rocky de Leon, or something…
To prove the point, Pleasant grabs hold of Avalon in a standing headscissor, looking to drop him with a piledriver that could well spend of the end of Coral’s time. Except…
Richard Parker: What the hell…
A KFC apron is now in the ring.
Nick Stuart: Is that…sponsorship?
Richard Parker: Jiles is a wolf. But not like you think. You know the saying ‘you are what you eat’?
Nick Stuart: Of course.
Richard Parker: He doesn’t get in the coop. He goes under it. Milling around with that snout those cute little Dollar Tree sunglasses rest on…truffle hunting for crap.
Nick Stuart: That’s…rather disgusting. And disconcerting.
Richard Parker: That makes him chicken sh–
Nick Stuart: Richard–
Richard Parker: –you think that KFC fascination is because wrestling was his second choice? Because he really wanted to make coleslaw but the illiterate moron couldn’t read the instructions?
Nick Stuart: Richard–
Richard Parker: Couldn’t spell KFC if you spotted him the K and the F.
The whole thing transpires because Arthur Pleasant is laughing his head off at this floppy piece of fabric dumped in the middle of the ring. Cancer Jiles, for his part, is making sure to not look at the ring, staring at the crowd, whistling. He didn’t do that. There’s no way.
And Arthur drops Avalon, bieling him away, all before stalking the KFC apron. And then, he stomps it. Again. And again. Heel of the boot. The force and velocity is insane. Soon, the apron is ripped open. And once it is, Pleasant pulls it off the canvas, taking a hefty bite from it, and then tearing it to ribbons, of which he keeps one piece.
This is his choking apron.
He makes his way back to Avalon, who is on his knees. Before Turnbull can even attempt to put a stop to what is about to happen, Coral launches into the ribs of Pleasant with a fierce elbow, then another, and another, and another. Pleasant tries to throw a kick to stop the blows, but there is no fifth, instead, the staggered Crownless King takes a few steps back, charging forward, putting his right foot into Arthur’s knee, leaps up and driving his opponent into the canvas with a devastating DDT.
Nick Stuart: DDT and Avalon needs to fire off quickly here–
Avalon gets to his feet, nearly falling back down. Pleasant is on his feet, stumbling, trying to stabilize. With a blind charge, Coral looks to take Arthur’s head off.
Nick Stuart: RHONGOMYNIAD–
Except…
Nick Stuart: PLEASANT AVOIDS–
Only for…
Nick Stuart: AVALON AGAIN OOOOOOOH! OHH! FIREMAN’S CARRY!
Richard Parker: PLEASANT CAUGHT HIM!
Pucker.
Kiss.
From PRIME’S Worst Nightmare, a message; Fuck not just the Bandits, but the entire Almasy field, because Arthur Pleasant is moving on.
Nick Stuart: CALAMITY PAAAAAAAIN CONNECTS–
Until it doesn’t.
Nick Stuart: AVALON BARELY SQUIRMS AWAY–
Arthur tries to get his bearings.
Nick Stuart: SECACE! SECACE!
Pleasant took the wholeness of the running diving european elbow to the back of his head. He staggers up to his feet, eyes glassing over. A wild swing misses. Coral catches him with a boot to the gut, lifting him up before driving and sitting out.
Nick Stuart: EXCALIBUR! EXCALIBUR! EXCALIBUR!
Avalon flops over, covering Pleasant as soon as humanly possible.
ONE
TWO
THREE!
DING DING DING
Pleasant’s legs kick upward, but there’s just not enough umph to get Coral up and off him. Avalon, for his part, rolls off, grabbing at his neck, staring wide eyed at Arthur Pleasant, knowing just how close he came to getting put down horribly by PRIME’S Worst Nightmare.
Nick Stuart: Avalon…survives!
Richard Parker: And survive is a way to put it. Damn. Arthur Pleasant is vicious, he’s savage, but look at how he went about his business tonight, it was seeing a pervert combat Picasso starting to feel himself.
Pleasant is furious, reaching out for Avalon, perhaps thinking that the match is still taking place.
Vince Howard: Yoooooour winner…and advancing to the second round…of the 2023 Seymour Almasy Invitational…COOOOOOOOOOOORAL! AAAAAAVALON!
There’s no point in the Crownless King lingering longer, especially with Pleasant looking ready to murder. Another trip to the cold box on the Octane probably isn’t something Coral wants to do. And as he rolls out of the ring, the Salt Shoes Style Messiah motions that the pair need to head to the back. Bobby might be just about ready to come out. Avalon, trying to catch his breath, asks why they don’t just stay outside, and if need be, have someone like Turnbull take care of the irate Pleasant.
Oh you Egg-O-Wan…so much to learn about stealing the show…
We then cut to the backstage area.