CORAL AVALON vs. IVAN STANISLAV
Our scene fades from backstage.
Nick Stuart: A big match up here.
Richard Parker: Literally in the case of one man.
Nick Stuart: Ivan Stanislav and Coral Avalon. Two figures, one from wrestling’s past, a massive tank of a figure returning to the forefront after a long time in slumber. The other, distinct for another personality, a world traveler, a trendsetter, one of the most undoubtedly underrated and beloved wrestlers the world over…finally given a chance to step out on his own, once again, on his own terms.
Richard Parker: Sounds like you want to give him a hug.
Nick Stuart: Well my children do enjoy his web show–
Richard Parker: SHHHHHHHHHH…we can’t speak its name right now. ACE NETWORK is watching!
“The Soviet National Anthem” by the Russian Red Army Choir erupts as Ivan Stanislav and Alexei Rulsan emerge from the backstage area.
Vince Howard: This contest is scheduled from one fall and has a thirty minute time limit. Coming down the aisle, hailing from Arkhangelsk, Russia, standing seven-feet one inches tall and weighing in at 400 lbs. IVVVVAAAAAAAAAAN STAAAAAAAANISLAAAAAAV!
Stanislav and Ruslan raise their arms, side by side, roar at the crowd, and pointedly make their way towards the ring. Stanislav points and jaws at several fans along the way, while Ruslan points and hawks at the greatness of the Russian Bear. Stanislav steps over the top rope and thunders into the ring. He raises his arms over his head and bellows at the camera.
Nick Stuart: Ivan looks so impressive. So massive. Even at his age, to say he isn’t would be a lie.
The lights turn out in the MGM Grand, and the opening notes of “Real Me” kick in.
After a few moments of eerie darkness, a spotlight shines at the entrance, covered in smoke. There, standing in the center of that spotlight, is the silhouette of a man in a patchwork cloak, carrying a battle standard in one hand. As he stands there, two more individuals appear from the mist. One is a very large powerbomb boy who does the big powerbomb. The other is carrying what appears to be a cylindrical shaped object with him.
Richard Parker: Oh look, the action figure comes with accessories. Dumb ones.
The moment the guitars swell, the three walk together to the ring and the lights come back on.
A few things are made clear.
The first is Coral Avalon’s battle standard, which depicts the logo of the Crownless King, the skull with half of a broken crown on it. Very standard. Haha, we make joke. The second is that Sid Phillips is bringing a bucket of popcorn with him to the ring. Coral catches a glimpse of the popcorn at the corner of his eye, and rolls his eyes at the sight of it. The third is that Joe Fontaine is dressed as he is in a garish green sparkling suit.
Vince Howard: His opponent…standing at six feet tall, weighing in at two-hundred-and-fourteen-pounds…he hails from SEATTLE, WASHINGTON! HE IS THE CROWNLESS KING! CORAL! AVALON!
Once they reach the ring, Coral goes to hand off the standard to Joe. Joe, however, decides instead to take the popcorn bucket from Sid. Coral sighs, and hands off the standard to Sid instead. He then hops onto the apron and through the ropes. Once in, he turns to the side of the ring with the hard camera. After standing for a few moments, he brings his fists together, sticking out his ring and pinkie fingers.
Nick Stuart: Sensing a little tension here with Joe Fontaine here.
Richard Parker: What? Is he the one that comes with the kung fu grip?
Nick Stuart: Excuse me? The Winds of Change were the most recent number one contenders for the PRIME Tag Team Championships. They pushed the Kings Of Popsicles to their limit in the ring.
Richard Parker: And in the battle of the berries…am I supposed to act like we all didn’t lose?
Sid sets the battle standard in a lean against the ring post, and both he and Joe stand at one corner. Joe passes the popcorn bucket to Sid and they share a little bit of the delicious corn treat.
There’s no time. No hesitation. Coral Avalon knows he’s at a distinct disadvantage given the immense size of Ivan Stanislav. The one thing he has going for him, against this Russian Bear, is stamina. He takes off as soon as the bell rings, and launches himself at the OSW and PCW Legend.
Nick Stuart: ARMAMENT ONE! RHONGOMYNIAD! CORAL THROWING EVERYTHING HE HAS IN THAT YAKUZA KICK!
Richard Parker: Uhhhh…
Coral can climb a ladder, for sure. But this ladder is a bit too high, and while his boot strikes violently at the massive chest of the Russian Bear, all it manages to do is make him take a single step back. Coral resets, looks, then bounces off the ropes, blind charging again, blasting Ivan with ANOTHER Rhongomyniad. This would be a deep hole to get out of for pretty much everyone on the roster. The Russian Bear’s chest surely has a boot print plastered across it. And yet, there he stands, looking down at the smaller Avalon.
Ivan Stanislav: DYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Richard Parker: Uh ooooooooooh!
Nick Stuart: OH MY LORD!
Richard Parker: GOOD HOYT!
Nick Stuart: Ivan…Ivan Stanislav absorbed two Rhongomyniads and barely moved and just used his massive paw to cave in Coral Avalon’s chest! And Avalon is INSTANTLY down!
Popcorn flies. Not for nothing, but Joe Fontaine literally threw his bucket into the air and screamed on the impact. Sid Phillips is doing the Powerbomb-ath (math has been destroyed, all that remains is powerbombs) as he winces at the blow.
Sid Phillips: POWERBOMB, CORAL! USE THE POWER OF POWERBOMBS!
Coral Avalon would roll his eyes…if they weren’t rolled into the back of his head.
Richard Parker: Do they have oaks in Russia? Because that looks like he just got blasted with one!
Nick Stuart: Coral trying to get away, but his eyes are wide. He’s grabbing his chest. Rolling away and now back on his feet. Ivan is stalking…
Richard Parker: Coral not backing down!
The Crownless King rushes in and reels off a trio of forearms to the bearded jaw of the Russian. The blows are heavy, but Stanislav merely folds his arms, only to surge his body forward, sending him flying back.
Ivan Stanislav: DYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Nick Stuart: Jeeeeesus.
Richard Parker: Hey, Coral…I know the Winds are supposed to be the idiots and all, but maybe all these conventional blows? Not the wisest move.
There is no follow up. Ivan stands center in the ring, the old Russian Bear laughing heartily as he watches Coral scurry back on his hands and knees. Within moments of getting up, he grabs onto the massive leg of Stanislav, looking to twist or lift or do something to it. Ivan finally unfolds his arms, throwing a clubbing blow to the back of the Crownless King, causing him to go to the mat. Stanislav then lifts Avalon up to his feet, all before launching him in the air with a makeshift looking hip toss that is less hip and much more toss.
Yeet Count: 1
Nick Stuart: Coral Avalon airborn and crashing to the canvas hard!
Richard Parker: This…this is ugly!
As Avalon tries to move, Stanislav merely scoops him from the canvas like a child, once again launching the Crownless King skyward in another vicious toss.
Yeet Count: 2
Joe Fontaine: DON’T GO TO YEET PARISH! NOBODY WANTS TO GO TO YEET PARISH!
Avalon struggles to his feet, the crowd starting to clap. As he does, Alexei tries to wave the crowd down from their revelry. Ivan grabs Avalon by the arm, whipping him hard into the ropes. On the carom, before Ivan can launch him yet again, Avalon slides between his wide stanced legs, ending up behind him, all before launching a dropkick into the back of Ivan’s knee.
Nick Stuart: Oh…that’s a smart play. The strength of that blow brought Stanislav to a kneel.
Richard Parker: I don’t think that’s a real chink in the armor…maybe a mind game, and simple flex, give him hope…
A heavy european uppercut snaps into the face of Ivan Stanislav, and since he is now at a more manageable height, the strength of the blow is much greater. No laughter here. And another. And another. Avalon takes off, springboarding off the middle rope, driving toward the Russian Bear with a flying forearm.
Nick Stuart: What a show of athleticism by the former Baron Von Blackberry!
Richard Parker: That isn’t very kruta!
Nick Stuart: …excuse me?
Richard Parker: Um…
Nick Stuart: Are you dropping Russian here?
Richard Parker: Broadening my horizons. Rosetta Stone works! Я люблю твою мать, Россия!
For those of you who want to know what Richard Parker just said? It roughly translates to “I love your mother, Russia.”
Even with the heaviness of the blow, Ivan still isn’t on his back. A running knee to the face changes that.
Nick Stuart: Coral Avalon quick like a hiccup! Cover!
The Russian Bear pushes The Crownless King off his chest like a bench press bar, exploding through as he sends him airborne. Avalon falls on his chest. Everyone cringes.
Yeet Count: 3
Nick Stuart: This is going to be rough. I think conventional wrestling might be a difficult strategy to deal with Ivan Stanislav. He might be the oldest member on the roster, but he’s sculpted out of granite. And he’s always dealt well with pain…
Coral scurries back to his feet, looking to go after the rising Stanislav, particularly his knee. Like a mule, the Russian Bear pushes him away, but the Crownless King is dogged in his attack, especially with what is taking place. Another mule kick, and on the third attempt, Stanislav grabs at his throat with his massive paw. Like a horror movie monster, Stanislav rises, Coral in hand, back onto his feet, lifting him from the canvas…then off his feet. Avalon tries hammerfisting at the Russian’s forearm and wrist to break the hold, but there’s no budging. Stanislav’s old friend, Timo Bolamba, has to step in.
Timo Bolamba: Let go of the choke Ivan!
Ivan Stanislav: NYET!
Bolamba steps in and begins his count, the argumentative Stanislav refusing to give.
Timo Bolamba: ONE!
Ivan Stanislav: NYET!
Timo Bolamba: TWO! I’M WARNING YOU!
Ivan Stanislav: NYET!
Timo Bolamba: THREE! I WILL DISQUALIFY YOU!
Ivan Stanislav: NYET!
Timo Bolamba: FOUR!
Ivan Stanislav: NYET!
Timo is about to make his fifth count, but before he does, Stanislav throws Avalon across the ring.
Yeet Count: 4
Ivan Stanislav: DYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Coral struggles into the turnbuckles, and is then almost flattened by the charging Stanislav. Thankfully, he sees him before he arrives, ducking out of the ring to the apron, allowing the immense Russian Bear’s chest to blast into the turnbuckle with a sickening crunch. He stumbles back a few steps, wobbly, grabbing at his massive chest. Avalon, having given space so he isn’t sent flying from the backdraft, takes off running, leaping to the top ropes, and then jumping onto the back of Stanislav with a headscissor.
What happens here is a highlight reeler maker.
Nick Stuart: POISON RANA! POISON RANA ON IVAN STANISLAV! OH MY WORD!
Richard Parker: GOOD HOYT GOOD MOTHERS RUSSIA MOTHERS RUSSIA OH MY HOYT HE MIGHT’VE SCRAMBLED HIS BRAINS TO BORSCHT!
The blow isn’t a true poisonrana. Ivan doesn’t flip over. Coral released as the Russian Bear timbered downward, the top of his head slamming into the canvas.
Yeet Count: 5
Nick Stuart: Just immense power showcased by the Russian Bear!
Richard Parker: Even in trouble, the Russian Super Athlete is strong as can be!
Coral lands on his feet this time, launching and landing a kneedrop to the brow of the knee of the Russian Bear. Taking advantage of his downed opponent, the Crownless King darts off and springboards off the ropes, landing an asai moonsault across the massive chest of Stanislav.
Nick Stuart: Avalon knows he can’t outstrike Stanislav. He has to give himself as much power as he can. Launching himself. Using his body as a weapon.
Richard Parker: A torpedo. A human torpedo going for a tank.
Having worn the Russian Bear down a little more, Avalon returns to the knee, driving it into the canvas with a whip. The wounded Stanislav roars, trying to drag himself away, leaving Avalon, who picks up the leg once again, to follow up with another whip into the canvas. Wasting little time, Avalon seizes Ivan’s foot, spinning through into a standing toe-hold, straining the ancient knee ligaments of the Russian Bear. Bolamba draws close, checking to see if Stanislav will give.
Ivan Stanislav: NNNNNNYET!
With a fury, the Russian Bear tries to reach for the Crownless King, but all Avalon does is spin the toehold around, maintain his grip, causing the seemingly impervious Stanislav to gripe in immense pain.
Nick Stuart: Oh wow! Avalon is doing amazing here! He’s actually managing to keep Stanislav grounded, using the knee to his advantage. Great strategy from the seasoned pro.
Richard Parker: This seems…this seems conspiratorial. I can’t believe my eyes. Is…Coral Avalon kryptonite for the Russian Bear?! It seems unfathomable!
Maybe for Richard Parker, but for those that know Coral Avalon, they know he’s no neophyte. Around the globe, he’s known for his wrestling acumen. Hell, while the Russian Bear hibernated, he’d not only debuted in the sport, but had risen as one of its truly underrated heroes. And now, with this big chance, he isn’t about to let Ivan Stanislav make his bones on his legacy. Maintaining hold of the leg, he does a dragon whip, maintaining the hold and grabbing onto a knee bar.
Nick Stuart: WOW!
Richard Parker: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It’s not an armament, but it’s devastating all the same. There is no delay, the Crownless King torquing the knee with a force one would see from Rousimar Palhares. The Russian Bear can feel his ligaments strain, can feel them at their maximum capacity. He reaches for the ropes and, even with his massive size, the reality is, he’s in the middle of the ring. He tries sitting up, but the torque brings him to his back, and he yelps, honest to God yelps, from the pain. Timo rushes over, looking to see if Ivan is ready to give. An impossibility. This can’t be happening. Russia is on edge. Their hero is being undone with this submission hold.
He looks out of his eyes and gets enough of Avalon’s positioning, knowing what he must do. Timo isn’t looking at the hold, only at him. He takes his other leg, massive as it is.
And drives the heel of his other foot right into the nutsack of Coral Avalon.
Nick Stuart: What the?!
Richard Parker: Brilliant submission defense!
You ever been hit in the nuts by a tree trunk? No? Ask Coral Avalon how that feels. Because he’s released the hold, and as his hands shoot between the space where his privates once were, Ivan Stanislav, pissed as can be, pushes himself off the canvas. Hobbled, human, humbled. How dare this ant do this to him? He stumbles over, grabbing Avalon by the throat, and violently jerking him in the air.
Yeet Count: 6
Nick Stuart: IRON CURTAIN!
What should follow should be instant, but the Russian Bear falls to his knee. He grimaces, hands grabbing to his suspenders. He wills himself back up and grabs onto Avalon, who very well had this match in hand until a blatant low blow.
Nick Stuart: THE RED SCARE! AVALON PRACTICALLY THROWN ACROSS THE RING LIKE A RAG DOLL!
The explosion takes his body into the ropes, then back to the canvas in violent short order.
Yeet Count: 7
Stanislav falls on top of Avalon.
DING DING DING
Nick Stuart: What the…wait…Avalon’s foot was under the rope!
Richard Parker: No it wasn’t!
Nick Stuart: Yes it was! Right as Timo was counting three, Avalon’s foot went under the rope!
Richard Parker: It was well after! Well after!
A replay shows the closeness. It’s tight enough that a judgment call could be made to reverse this. But from Timo’s eye, it’s a touch too late.
Vince Howard: Your winner…by pinfall…IIIIIIIVAN! STAAAAAAAAANISLAV!!
Richard Parker: Oh Russia! Our home and native land–
Nick Stuart: This…wow…Coral had this match in hand. His strategy was working. But he got cheated by the Russian Bear!
Richard Parker: You can’t prove that.
The camera doesn’t lie.
Unfortunately, this round goes to Ivan Stanislav. And with that, we go elsewhere.