DO YOU HAVE ANY GRAY POOP, JOHN?
We see the not-quite-quite Albino G.A.S. exclusive interviewer with the indecipherable East European accent, Johnnie Newsman. Standing, nay, towering over the much shorter man is Mortgomery Byrnes in his ring gear no doubt feeling naked without his Alias (aka Gamble) Championship.
Johnnie Newsman: Good evening, I am standing with greatest Alias Champion in PRIME history. First of all, losing Alias title was very much devastating and I know you don’t want to talk about that but after losing championship, you basically went badass Dirty Harry on the Arthur Pleasant. Many wonder, why?
Morty Byrnes: Tony’ll get pissed for me sayin’ but it was for Kohime. That Franksenstein fuck took liberties, liberties of which has caused Kohime to miss time in the ring and when you fuck with Kohime, you gotta deal with me and you don’t wanna have to deal with me.
Johnnie Newsman: Oh! Have you spoken with Kohime Mori? I ws under impression you two were not on the speaking terms
Morty Byrnes: No. But she’ll be back and when she comes back, she ain’t gonna hold a grudge forever, to give it that little, whaddya call it, nudge, I’m gonna give’er a little present. Arthur Pleasant’s fuckin’ tooth, gift wrapped. And it’ll be beautiful. I’m takin’ lessons.
Johnnie Newsman: That is super romantic. But are you worried he might decide to be seeking the oftooth for the tooth?
Morty Byrnes: Fuck’em. Let’em try, I’ll fuck’em up so bad, his great-great grandkids will feel it.
Johnnie Newsman: Chills, man. Very intense. Reminding me, tonight, you have huge match for Intense Championship against the Flamberge. Any worries?
Morty Byrnes: One door closes, another one opens, right? That’s the sayin’? Yeah, I lose the Alias Championship and, yeah, it’s a tragedy knowin’ that I lost to some little weasel who ain’t good enough wipe my diarrhetoric ass after extra spicty burrito night at the taco truck down the street. But tonight? I get a chance tonight to redeem myself in the eyes of Tony Gamble. While I kicked Arthur Pleasant’s ass in honor of Kohime Mori and tonight, I kick Flamber-Jay’s ass in the name of Tony Gamble and the Gamble Adoration Syndicate. Flambeau Field over there, thinks he’s Intense? He ain’t intense. He’s French. Not even French-Canadian. Just French. Unless he’s gonna make’ a hollandaise sauce or one of them thin pancakes—
Johnnie Newsman: Crepe?
Morty Byrnes: The way French food affects my digestic track, I’m sure I’ll be on the toilet bringin’ the Browns to the Super Bowl, you ain’t wrong. Point is, when it comes to that ring, he’s as intense as paint dryin’ on a wall. What I did to Arthur Pleasant is gonna be like watchin’ the Power Puff Girls compared to what I’m gonna do to Pepe Le Pew tonight. In other words, I may have left Tropic Thunder without the Alias Championship….but tonight? “Main Event Morty” is walkin’ out the Intense Champion. I guarantee it.
Morty Byrnes walk off leaving Johnnie to wonder should he just stand there or follow him. We never get the answer as the scene fades to…