DUSK vs. PETE WHEALDON vs. GREAT SCOTT
Pyro, fanfare, and a sweeping camera shot of the MGM Grand Garden Arena. You want signs? Cuz we got ‘em!
I’M ONLY HERE TO SEE BROCK NEWBLUDD FLEX
I HOPE MIKEY UNLIKELY GETS AN ITCHY SPOT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS BACK THAT HE CAN’T REACH
I JOINED THE FRUITSYLVANIAN ARMY TO FIGHT CANADIAN MANNEQUINS
THE LOVE CONVOY RAN OVER MY DOG
DOES GREAT BEAR SHIT IN THE WOODS?
WHAT’S FAR, CAN’T BE SEEN, AND MALIGNANT? THE EGG BANDITS!
THE PERSON BEHIND ME CAN’T SEE, HURR HURR
SKYWARD SWORD HD > OCARINA OF TIME
NEXT SURVIVOR CHALLENGE: GET TAPIOCA LAID
WE WANT A DITCH MATCH
WE WANT THE LOVE CONVOY
THE EAGLES SUCK
THE BAND OR THE FOOTBALL TEAM?
(this sign is a picture of Bret’s chips)
HAPPY eGG DAY!!!!
And then the fans at home are treated to the familiar voices of PRIME’s legendary broadcasting pair.
Nick Stuart: Good evening everyone and welcome to the ReVival! I’m Nick Stuart, and joining me as always is the inimitable Richard Parker!
Richard Parker: Dammit, the show just started. Don’t make me Google words already!
Nick Stuart: We’ve got a tremendous show in store for you tonight.
A match graphic appears on screen, starting first with the competitors in the 3-way tag match scheduled for later this evening.
Nick Stuart: Two weeks ago, Bobby Dean and Doozer knocked 2Become1 off of their post-Survivor win streak. We’ll see if their good fortune continues tonight as they take on both the Saturday Night Specials and the team of Nate Colton and Nathan Filmix!
It gives way to a collection of headshots for the Survivor contests, layered on top of a tropical backdrop. If you’re at all familiar with the reality show it’s drawing inspiration from, then you know the vibe.
Richard Parker: We’ve seen puzzles. We’ve seen boulders and weird food. Tonight we’re going to see if the four teams remaining in Survivor can navigate a maze, and they won’t be seeing anything at all, because I hear from Melvin Beauregard’s office that they’ll all be blindfolded!
As the pair runs down the rest of the card, the image that the fans at home see shifts to correspond.
Nick Stuart: Tapioca Puddings has quite the hurdle to overcome tonight, but he’s got the chance to make a name for himself as he steps into the ring with the number one contender to the Universal Championship when he faces Impulse!
Richard Parker: The Hollywood Bruvs have been given an ultimatum by Lindsay Troy – stay and fight, or leave and never return. We’ll see which one they choose later tonight when they square off against the Dangerous Mix of David Fox and Mushigihara!
Nick Stuart: This one I’m looking forward to. Tonight Anna Daniels will go one-on-one with Rezin, in a match that – and please correct me if I’m using the word wrong – should “slap”, as the kids say.
Richard Parker: Yes, Nick. The “kids” do say that. Maybe you shouldn’t, though.
Nick Stuart: And in our main event Hayes Hanlon defends his Five Star Championship against Alexander Redding and Cecelia Ryan. At ReVival 7 both Hanlon and Redding wrestled to a double-countout, but the addition of Ryan to the mix means that tonight we will have a winner. Will it be the wily Redding, the second-generation star Ryan, or will the Event Horizon’s meteoric rise continue? We’ll find out tonight in the main event!
Richard Parker: Ha! Space jokes. I get it.
Nick Stuart: But first, our opening contest should be quite the clash of styles as Pete Whealdon, GREAT SCOTT, and Dusk are scheduled to compete. Let’s turn it over to Vince Howard for the introductions!
The camera shifts its focus to the ring at the heart of the MGM Grand, as the fans prepare for their first in-ring action of the evening.
Vince Howard: Introducing first… From Los Angeles, California he weighs in tonight at 227 pounds… “MAGNUM” PETE WHEALDON!!!!
Angular guitars and a brick head of a kick drum begin to strobe as Joe Talbot starts ranting about creatine and a bag of Charlie Sheen. The Thumping Bass line of “Never Fight a Man with a Perm” brings Pete Whealdon out from behind the curtain. Hair done up slick, wearing aviator sunglasses, he has his hands in the pockets of his Members only Jacket. He strides down towards the ring, Green kick-padded Boots slamming confidently into the ground.
“Never fight a man with a perm!”
Whealdon slides under the bottom rope as the song starts breaking down into tremolo’d chaos. He moves to his corner and starts removing his excess gear, revealing green floral print tights.
Vince Howard: Introducing next… From the Greater Metro Area of Great Falls, Montana, and weighing in at 276 pounds… accompanied to the ring by GREAT BEAR this is… GREAT SCOTT!!!!
“Born For Greatness” by Papa Roach begins to blast over the speakers, as GREAT SCOTT emerges from behind the curtain carrying a nondescript championship belt over his shoulder. For some reason, Great Scott is over. Like really over. The crowd is going goddamned ballistic, and get even louder as GREAT BEAR steps out behind him, rocking out to some EDM on his sweet Beats By Dre headphones.
GREAT SCOTT and GREAT BEAR make their way down to the ring, where GREAT BEAR starts doing awesome dance moves at ringside. It isn’t entirely clear if this is a real live bear, or a man in a very convincing bear costume, but the crowd is very into all of it.
Anyway, Great Scott climbs up into the ring and goes up on all four ring posts, basking in the adulation of fans and holding up his championship belt.
Silence fills the MGM-Grand Arena before “Death Grip” by Watt White fires up as the PRIME*View comes to life and starts playing the entrance video for “The Lost Soul”… Dusk! The man himself emerges from the backstage area and stands at the top of the ramp, soaking in the cheers from the fans.
Vince Howard: From Los Angeles, California…weighing in at 225lbs, he is DUUUUUSK!
DUSK DUSK DUSK DUSK!
Dusk makes his way down the ramp, high-fiving the fans on his way down, a renewed energy in his eyes as he slides under the bottom rope and bounces off the ropes a few times before he stops in the middle of the ring, a smile on his face. He slams his fists into his legs and abdomen, working to get the blood pumping, and his eyes look as focused as ever, as there is a tiny glimmer of a fire there.
Nick Stuart: There’s the bell, and ReVival 9 is underway!
The three men size each other up for a moment, but as soon as it looks like something might happen, Whealdon hits the mat and rolls out of the ring.
Richard Parker: Whealdon already out of the ring for a smoke break. It’s a sound strategy. Since there are no countouts he can stay out there as long as he wants while these two pummel each other.
Dusk and SCOTT circle, while the crowd breaks into dueling chants.
Let’s go Dusk!
Kick! His! Tits!
Let’s go Dusk!
Kick! His! Tits!
When the two men finally meet in the center of the ring to lock-up, that’s when Whealdon sneaks back in and starts laying into both of them with a series of kicks.
Richard Parker: See? I told you. Sound strategy.
Nick Stuart: Whealdon coming in hot with kicks to the thigh of both GREAT SCOTT and Dusk, trying to chop both men down.
Dusk goes down to one knee, and Whealdon takes the opportunity to press the advantage against GREAT SCOTT. He lunges in, but is caught in a released northern lights suplex. GREAT SCOTT gets back to his feet, and immediately turns into a jumping knee strike from Dusk.
Nick Stuart: A flurry of offense from all three men here early.
Richard Parker: And now Whealdon is on the attack again.
As Dusk lands from his strike, he’s caught by a snap neckbreaker from behind by Whealdon.
Nick Stuart: Dusk down! And now GREAT SCOTT back to his feet, and a thundering forearm shot sends Whealdon through the ropes to the ring apron!
Richard Parker: No one here giving an inch tonight, Nick. You love to see it.
A superkick from Dusk connects, and Whealdon is knocked back off the ring apron. But he doesn’t land on the floor.
Nick Stuart: Pete Whealdon has landed on GREAT BEAR’s shoulders, and I don’t think he realizes it yet!
For his part, GREAT BEAR doesn’t seem to give a shit. He’s locked-in to the groove pumping through his headphones. It takes a few seconds for Whealdon to realize, and then the natural panic that accompanies straddling a live bear sets in.
Nick Stuart: GREAT SCOTT looking to take advantage. He’s building up a head of steam.
GREAT SCOTT charges off the far side ropes, ducks under a clothesline attempt by Dusk, and dives between the ropes on the opposite side of the ring, knocking Whealdon to the floor with a GREAT BEAR-aided tope suicida/Doomsday Device.
Nick Stuart: Devastating move to the outside. SCOTT now getting back into the ring…
Richard Parker: And right into the arms of PRIME’s senior citizen.
Dusk grabs a quick front facelock as GREAT SCOTT slides under the bottom rope, and snaps to the ground with a DDT.
Richard Parker: AARPDDT!
Nick Stuart: Will you stop?
Dusk slides over for the cover, but only manages a 2-count before GREAT SCOTT kicks out.
Dusk tries to transition into a kimura, but GREAT SCOTT is able to counter. He reverses the grip on Dusk’s arm, pulls him in close, and hits a twisting overhead release belly-to-belly suplex. Holy shit that was a lot of adjectives.
Nick Stuart: You know what they say, you can’t keep a GREAT SCOTT down.
Richard Parker: Is that what they say? Who says that exactly?
GREAT SCOTT continues to press the advantage, pulling Dusk up and bringing him back down with a gutwrench suplex. SCOTT keeps his grip locked, rolls through, and connects with another suplex.
Nick Stuart: GREAT SCOTT with a cover of his own!
But it also gets a 2-count before Dusk kicks out.
Outside the ring, Whealdon has started to stir. He pulls himself back to his feet using the ring apron, and slides under the bottom rope. As both Dusk and SCOTT work back to a vertical base, Whealdon rushes in and begins clubbing on both men to try and keep them down.
Richard Parker: Pete Whealdon back with a vengeance.
Nick Stuart: And he’s just laying those shots in on both Dusk and GREAT SCOTT. Whealdon with a waistlock, and a German suplex takes Dusk to the ground!
Richard Parker: At this rate, he’ll be back in that ditch in no time.
Nick Stuart: What are you talking about?
Richard Parker: That’s where dead people go, Nick. I read it on the internet, and we don’t argue with the internet.
Whealdon goes for the cover, but he’s pulled off by GREAT SCOTT after the 1 count, and spun around into an exploder suplex.
Nick Stuart: GREAT SCOTT hammering away on Pete Whealdon. Whealdon fighting back, but right now GREAT SCOTT has the upper hand.
Outside the ring, GREAT BEAR scratches at an imaginary record with his paw.
Nick Stuart: Dusk back to his feet, and he’s joining the fray…
Richard Parker: The ditch will have to wait!
Nick Stuart: Dusk with another one of his trademark superkicks, and GREAT SCOTT ducks!!
Pete Whealdon however, catches it flush on the chin. He staggers back into the corner, held up only by the ropes and turnbuckles.
Nick Stuart: Dusk still wobbly on his feet, and GREAT SCOTT sends him out through the middle ropes!
Richard Parker: Right into a…
Nick Stuart: It’s not a ditch, Richard!!
GREAT SCOTT looks to the crowd. They know what comes next. He hoists Whealdon up to the top rope, then follows him up.
Nick Stuart: SCOTTACANRANA! GREAT SCOTT with the cover! This could do it!
Elvis Nixon is down to make the count.
Richard Parker: Dusk must have found a ladder to pull himself up out of the…
Nick Stuart: I swear to god if you say “ditch” one more time.
Dusk, aware of what’s happening inside the ring, uses the ring apron to help pull himself up quicker.
He lunges between the ropes, diving to break up the count.
DING DING DING
He’s just a hair too late.
Vince Howard: The winner of this match… GREAT SCOTT!!
Nick Stuart: And GREAT SCOTT is your winner in our first match of the night, taking the victory over Pete Whealdon and Dusk.
Richard Parker: If I understand this right, that means he is now the “Impulse” champion, because he pinned a guy named Pete. I wonder how that’s going to work.