EGGSCALATION – THAT WAS AWFUL, I’M SORRY
Event: ReVival 15
Event Date: 09/09/2022
EGGSCALATION – THAT WAS AWFUL, I’M SORRY
We come back from commercial to find Angelica Brooks standing next to the members of Fighting For Nora. Jonathan is smiling politely. Paxton Ray is snarling.
Angelica Brooks: Welcome back to ReVival. I’m joined by Tag Team Survivor runner-ups Fighting For Nora. So guys, while you’re not in action tonight, you are booked against the eGG Bandits at UltraViolence. The two of you have gone back and forth in recent weeks. Are you looking forward to the matchup?
Jonathan Rhine: Of course, Angie. I love competing in PRIME, and it’s going to be nice to get back in the ring with Pax. We’ve had a few singles matches recently, so it’ll be good to get back to building our chemistry together.
Angelica Brooks: I noticed you didn’t actually mention your opponents. Aren’t you ready to get them in the ring after all of the back and forth you’ve had?
Paxton Ray: Ya better believe I am. Can’t wait to get my hands on those bastards.
Angelica looks from Paxton back to Jonathan.
Angelica Brooks: And you, Jon?
Rhine looks from Angelica to Paxton, then shrugs.
Jonathan Rhine: I mean…yes. They’ve been a nuisance. Spraying us with eggs, trying to prank us. But the way I see it, Paxton…handled that on the last show.
Paxton Ray: That was jus’ half’a what they deserve.
Jonathan Rhine: I honestly don’t know what the Bandits have against us. And I don’t really care. I’m just ready to fight again. They’ll be in the ring with us. End of story.
There’s an awkward pause as Angelica looks at her subjects, then at the camera. Then, the professional she is, she trucks on.
Angelica Brooks: Last ReVival, you came up short against Julian Bathory. Is this perhaps why you are trying a more businesslike approach to the Bandits?
The question surprises Rhine judging by his reaction; his eyes go wide for a second, then he raises his eyebrows and nods slowly.
Jonathan Rhine: That’s…a very good question. Maybe? I’m not sure. It hurt to lose to Bathory, especially since I had harbored so much animosity for him. And I don’t think I’m done with him, but I also don’t really know where to go from here. So am I treating the Bandits like any other match because of that? I don’t know.
He turns to Paxton.
Jonathan Rhine: What do you think?
Paxton Ray: Me?
Jonathan Rhine: Yep.
Paxton Ray: I think that those Bandit chumps are gonna get more than just business from me at UltraViolence.
Angelica Brooks: So, wha–
Angelica decides her attire is more important than her professionalism and runs, after seeing an egg explode right on Paxton’s forehead. Beneath the oozing yellow, Ray’s face turns beet red. Jonathan Rhine spins toward the direction where the egg was thrown. So do the cameras.
There stand Bobby Dean and Doozer.
Faces even painted to match.
Deans holding as many 30 pack cartons of eggs as he can balance with his left arm, while his right is busy picking them from the top case and feeding them into the Weapon of Mass Yolking that can only be described as an egg Gatling gun that rests atop Doozer’s shoulder.
SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT
The rapid-fired eggs cover Paxton Ray in a split second. Rhine quickly moves to take Doozer out, but just before he can, Bobby Dean jumps forward faster than he’s ever been recorded moving, and shoulder blocks Jonathan sending him to the floor with a thud.
Bobby’s momentum takes him straight past Rhine’s fallen body. He lowers his head and delivers a spear right into the yolk covered gut of Paxton Ray, taking him straight to the ground. The two roll over, exchanging blows, back and forth while grounded.
Doozer, looking a little disappointed, lowers the eGG Gatling and turns his focus toward Rhine, who’s just starting to get back up on his feet.
Bobby ultimately gains control and plants himself onto of Ray’s stomach, causing Paxton to wince in pain just from all the weight on his midsection. Dean begins throwing down rights and lefts, one after the other, like a man possessed.
He lands a hard right.
Bobby Dean: NEVER!
He begins to shout down at Ray, spittle accompanying every word, in between haymakers.
Bobby Dean: EVER!
Another big hit lands square on the side of Ray’s slimy chin.
Rhine finally gets back on his feet.
Bobby Dean: ABUSE!
A big right lands again.
Rhine moves to grab Dean from behind, but Doozer grabs him and pulls him back.
Bobby Dean: CHOCO!
A hard left.
Jonathan fights loose from Doozer’s grip and he immediately swipes, but the Elder Bandit leans back to avoid the shot, then immediately raises both hands up as if to say he wants nothing to do with the fight.
Bobby Dean: TACOS!
Another right, this one drawing blood from the side of Paxton’s mouth and his face starts turning a blaze orange from the mix of yolk and blood.
Rhine shakes off his onset confusion from Doozer’s actions, and spins back toward his downed partner, but Doozer quickly grabs his shoulder and spins him back… then picks up one of the cartons and… offers it to him?
Bobby Dean: AGAIN!
That might’ve been accompanied by the hardest left hand the Obese Bandit’s ever thrown.
Rhine, annoyed with the offering, throws a right at Doozer, but it’s blocked. The Elder Bandit uses his right, not to send back a punch of his own, but again to offer the carton to Jonathan.
Bobby continues to throw right after left while muttering monstrosities ala Ralphie’s Christmas Story fight scene against his bully.
Jonathan, in an unexpected twist, slowly pulls his punches back. Doozer smiles, nods, then grabs an egg.
Doozer: One point for hitting your own teammate, two for hitting each other’s?
Rhine raises an eyebrow, still unsure about… well, everything.
The Dooze tosses up the first egg, landing square on the back of Bobby’s head.
Dean, who’s knuckles are also blaze orange from blood and yolk, doesn’t even notice it.
Doozer swipes at the air, disappointed by the one pointer.
Rhine begins to reach for an egg, only to swipe his straightened arm toward Doozer. The savvy vet, anticipating the possibility of the sneak attack, ducks just in time. Dooze quickly straightens back up, shaking a finger at Jon. Then before Rhine can blink twice, Doozer drops a right heel on Jon’s foot, doubling him over. The Old Bull quickly throws his knee up to meet Rhine’s face, sending him flying backward and falling to the floor.
Meanwhile, Paxton Ray, using the last of his strength, turns over on Dean and takes mount. His moment on top isn’t long, though, as the dropping of blood, sweat, and yolk hits Bob’s face and trickles into the big man’s mouth.
Bobby Dean: TOO MUCH SALT!
Bobby wrestles his way back on top, probably to avoid any more savory snacks. We all know he’s a sweets guy.
The scene fades as Dean resumes his barrage of rights and lefts down upon Paxton and Doozer picks up his game where he left off.