Nick Stuart: John Kennedy Royko Jr. versus Dusk is upon us.
Richard Parker: Is that the John Kennedy kid who is over doing it with the charity work?
Nick Stuart: Well, I for one think it’s thoughtful.
Richard Parker: It’s too much. If you want to be a champion you need to focus on your craft, not visiting sick kids. That’s how YOU get sick and run down.
Parker pushes in some ear plugs anticipating the Dusk pop.
Nick Stuart: This match will not be for the faint of heart!! Let’s send it down to our microphone partner Angelica Brooks who is standing by with John Kennedy Royko Jr.
Brooks smiles a broadcast journalist smile while holding a PRIME flagged microphone in her hand near the face of the 6’7” recruit, John Kennedy Royko Jr. His fiancée Aurora, a strikingly beautiful woman, stands next to JK modeling a Seymour Almasy tournament logoed shirt.
Angelica Brooks: JK, who is this gorgeous lady?
JK Royko: This is my fiancée, and former Miss Alabama, the gorgeous, Aurora Jennings. My rock. Look at this bad ass shirt she is wearing featuring the tournament logo. It’s sure to be a collectable from the rebirth of PRIME! These are for sale for a limited time only.
The young lady moves her shoulders to show different angles of the shirt.
JK Royko: Not only is it stylish.
Angelica Brooks: Go on.
JK Royko: Not only is it comfortable!
Angelica Brooks: Right.
JK Royko: Not only is it affordable! It also helps fund a great cause as proceeds go to ProLiteracy, the largest adult literacy and basic education membership organization in the United States! Help a great cause and look damn good doing it at the same time. Angelica that’s the perfect combo. Go to our website for details and order before your chance is gone!
Angelica Brooks: I know I’ll be ordering a bunch later tonight! So, the question going into this match is kind of the same as last week. How is the knee, and will it hold up tonight?
JK Royko: Feeling fine as a frog hair and ready to jump like one.
The big man starts jumping up and down as his fiancée raises an eyebrow in concern.
JK Royko: A cortisone shot helped and my knee won’t be an issue tonight. But Angelica my hands will!
The big man puts up his big hands for the camera to focus in on.
JK Royko: Today is Dust’s 50th birthday!! I was going to get him a cake but being a lifelong wrestling fan, I know that ends up messy. Somebody was yelling at me to give him a blueberry shake but those are expensive. I got him something he will remember for a long, long time.
Angelica Brooks: Really? What’s that?
Already embarrassed before it even begins Aurora just shakes her head trying to discourage JK from his plans.
JK Royko: I got him something right over here…honey, hit the music!!
Being a team player and a former university of Alabama cheer leader Aurora picks up a giant 80’s style boom box, hits and puts it on her shoulder. JK throws on a pair of shades over his eyes and comes up with a giant novelty looking gift box covering his hand.
Angelica Brooks: Oh, music?!
The journalist starts shyly grooving along to the song by Lonely Island “Dick in a Box” as JK starts dancing with the box in his hand.
JK Royko (singing):
Hey Dusk I got somethin’ real important to give you
So just tape up and listen well
Dust you know you’ve been around a long long time (such a long time)
And now I’m ready to give you a sign
(Wooow) You know it’s a tournament with a title on the line
Gonna give you something so you know what’s on my mind
It’s my Fist in a box, my Fist in a box dust
It’s my Fist in a box, my Fist in a box busta
It’s my Fist in a box, my Fist in a box brah
It’s my Fist in a box, my Fist in a box ooooo
The wrestler dances around with his fist in a box before kisses his soon to be wife as he walks away heading to the ramp to start his match.
Angelica Brooks: Ok, that was…. something.
Aurora Jennings: I’m sorry, I tried to explain the lameness. Truly sorry.
Angelica Brooks: Back to you guys for ring introductions.
Nick Stuart: That’s going to be stuck in my head all night.
Richard Parker: This guy is bringing back boring wrestling styles from the 70’s and bad sketch comedy from the 2000’s. Boy Royko is real innovator. Cutting edge. Maybe next week he’ll show us his pet rock and Royko branded beanie baby.
Nick Stuart: He’s new, young, and trying. Frankly I love his passion and spirit.
Off to ringside we go!