FAVORITISM
The earth shattering, excitement rousing, show opener comes to a close. The place, Arena Mexico, is going absolutely bananas. The excitement for PWA 2 is through the roof. So much so astronauts in outer space can see the flares the fans are setting off in riotous anticipation of what is to come.
And…
…cut to Mr. Bulge himself.
The former High Octane World Champion. The former High Octane LSD Champion. The former FIVE TIME HIGH OCTANE TAG TEAM CHAMPION OF THE WORLD.
REPRESENTING PRIME.
AGAINST HIS WILL.
The Greek GOD of COOL. The righteous, dignified, and eggceptional eggsecutioner of the eGG Bandits.
El Maestro.
Cancer fucking Jiles.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Cancer Jiles: Hola, Mexico. Hola, PWA. Hola, Deontay Wilder. Hola, Papá.
A snicker.
Cancer Jiles: I figured I’d be nice and put everyone’s anxiety to rest by getting us kicked off. I mean, I know HOW you like to worry so go on and take a breath.
A pause.
So all can breathe.
Cancer Jiles: There ya go. Rest easy. The company man is going to come through. The show will be a success. Start counting the money. I am here, and not only that, what I plan to do later on here tonight will ensure the success of many more PWA’s to come.
Another snicker. Not from Jiles, but from someone offscreen. Well, from someone trying to be off screen but failing miserably at it.
Small room.
The COOLYMPIAN continues.
Cancer Jiles: As to what that plan is, and who it involves– I am going to walk across the wings of High Octane’s newest Glasgow Smile. I’m going to embarrass him so badly, so intentionally, that after tonight he’ll never want to leave his little birdcage again.
A pause.
For posterity.
Cancer Jiles: Not for PRIME, but for High Octane.
A nervous, confused, scared fart echoes from off screen. Lucky for ALL in the room the hidden man’s triple fart attack doesn’t smell.
Cancer Jiles: Yes, Conor the Clown will be thankful for what he’s got when I am finished with him. Frankly, I’m going to send him home without the white makeup and that alone is worth 97 Fruitopias.
A haughty, it’s for the kids dammit, thumbs up.
Cancer Jiles: And yes, that’s because his face is going to be yellow from my mist. In turn, IN TURN, High Octane Wrestling will be thankful to me, and in the end that’s all I ever really wanted.
A wink.
Not that you would know, because of the T-Shades.
Cancer Jiles: So, they will get their boy back, closer to becoming a man than ever before. Granted me might not be able to wrestle for a little while, but still. And I will finally get to say to them, to Papa, don’t worry about it. No big deal. Send me another crumb. I know you got quite a few over there.
A last snicker.
Cancer Jiles: It’s COOL.
Cut to the ring.