FIVE STAR TITLE MATCH: JONATHAN-CHRISTOPHER HALL vs. CECILIA RYAN vs. SHAWN WARSTEIN vs. HAYES HANLON vs. REZIN
Event: CULTURE SHOCK 2022
Event Date: 04/08/2022
FIVE STAR TITLE MATCH: JONATHAN-CHRISTOPHER HALL vs. CECILIA RYAN vs. SHAWN WARSTEIN vs. HAYES HANLON vs. REZIN
Our scene fades in from backstage to the announce desk with Nick Stuart and Richard Parker’s smiling faces. The camera takes a brief pan of the arena, and comes back to Nick and Richard.
Nick Stuart: What a night we’ve had so far Richard. Tapioca Puddings take a big win home over Dusk with the help of a debuting Phil Atkens, Tag Team Survivor was well… Exactly what we all thought it would be.
Richard Parker: I can’t believe that’s allowed to be aired on television.
Nick Stuart: Thank god we’re now on streaming platforms.
Richard Parker: I don’t have platforms on.
Nick Stuart: Anyway, The Anglo Luchador’s war of words with Balaam looks destined to continue, and Impulse has locked in being the number one contender for Great American Nightmare.
Richard Parker: Just incase Youngblood doesn’t kill Cancer Jiles, we have another great actual wrestler on the roster ready to take a shot.
Nick Stuart: And up next, we have the Five Star Championship bout… what a match this is set up to be. Hayes Hanlon and Cecilia Ryan, the young upstarts who met in the first round of the Almasy Invitational clash again. This time though they are joined by Shawn Warstein, Jonathan-Christopher Hall and Rezin.
Richard Parker: Which vagrant is Rezin again? I thought that was Garbage Bag Johnny in the photograph.
Nick Stuart: I hate you Richard, let’s send it over to Vince Howard for the introductions.
The foreboding blare of an air raid siren drowns out all crowd noise. The house lights gradually dim.
Ultraviolet backlighting fills up the stage. The silhouette of a man appears and walks to the center of the stage. His features aren’t visible, but the glowing cherry at the end of whatever he’s smoking clearly is.
He takes one last drag and drops it at his feet.
A trail of FIRE suddenly appears and snakes around behind him…
The flames reach the end of the trail, and almost instantaneously, five ten-foot tall letters set up across the stage become engulfed inflames.
R E Z I N
The beginning to “Apocalyptic Havoc” by Goatwhore suddenly rips through the PA. The stage becomes a visual hell of smoke, strobe lights, and flame mortars. On the PRIMEview, scenes of riots, burning buildings, and mushroom clouds plays in an endless, chaotic loop. The A-PUNK-aclypse has come to PRIME!
The figure turns to face the audience and throws his arms out into a christ-pose, revealing himself to be the Goat Bastard himself. Rezin defiantly grins in the face of the deafening jeers raining down upon him from all angles.
Then he comes charging down the ramp, cackling like a madman.
Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring, hailing from Indianapolis, Indiana, and weighing in at two-hundred and five pounds… here is “the Escape Artist”… RRREEEEEEZZZIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!
Rezin’s energetic approach to the ring is slightly dampened as the combination of his speed and the incline of the ramp cause his momentum to get away from him. He stumbles the last few steps and attempts to save the situation by sliding into the ring.
Instead, he lunges straight into the bottom rope and slingshots himself sprawling back to the ringside floor. The PRIMEates burst out laughing. The Escape Artist rolls back into his knees and scowls angrily into the crowd around him.
Completely unashamed, Rezin pops to his feet and dusts himself off. He tries a different approach this time, hopping to the apron and scaling a turnbuckle to flash twin devil’s horns over his head. After holding in place for a moment to allow for flash photography (there isn’t any), he drops to the mat below, throws out his battle vest, and gets ready to scrap
It isn’t long before “Centuries Remix” blares over the PA system The curtain gets swiped to the side as Shawn Warstein steps through, to a full chorus of boos. The hood on his hoodie is up as his face stays pointing towards the ground.
Nick Stuart: Warstein is here on a mission Richard.
Richard Parker: He better be, this match is full of great wrestlers.
As the song begins for crescendo Shawn lifts his head and pulls the hood down. The widest, most arrogant smile is on his face. It’s as if the jeers are fueling him. The louder they get, the wider his smile goes. As he walks down the ramp several fans heckle him, but with the back of his hand he waves them off and continues, sliding under the bottom rope and into the ring.
VInce Howard: Introducing first, hailing from CHICAGO, Illinois! Shawn WARSTEIN!
Casting a sneer to the ring announcer Warstein continues towards the far corner and climbs up sitting on the top turnbuckle.
Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring, hailing from CHIIIICCCCAAAAGGGGOOO! SHAAAAAAAWN WAAAAAAARSTEIN!
“Legacy” by Daphne Willis plays over the speakers, and Cecilia Ryan steps out onto the stage, her eyes fixed on the ring. She doesn’t pay any attention to the fans as she walks down the ramp to ringside. She rolls into the ring under the bottom rope, then climbs a turnbuckle and looks out into the crowd, arms down and a slight smirk on her face.
Vince Howard: Making her way to the ring… fighting out of TAAAAMPA! CECIIIIILIA RYAN!
“Black Hole,” by We Came as Romans.
White flashbulbs flicker along with the music’s growing beat. The PRIME*View soars into the cosmos, passing planets and nebulas, picking up speed and shaking as it approaches a massive black hole. A wall of white bulbs ignite in the entryway as the song’s intro crescendos, the silhouette of Hayes Hanlon lifts both arms to the ceiling, fingers reaching to the ceiling against the light. They dim as the music quiets, and Hayes walks out to the edge of the ramp, soaking in the spectacle and cheers of the crowd. The music builds again, and Hayes reaches his arms to the sky once more with the chorus.
“I FALL INTO A BLACK HOLE IN MY HEAD!”
Vince Howard: And last, from West Linn, Oregon, standing six feet, three inches tall and weighing in at 251 pounds…Event Horizon…HAYES! HANLOONNNN!!
He immediately starts a quick and steady march down the ramp, another bright flash of white filling the arena. The Event Horizon slides into the ring and moves toward the far turnbuckle, stepping onto the first ropes and turning to face the center of the ring.
“I’M FIGHTING THE GRAAVITY, IT’S PULLING THE WORST PART OUT OF ME!
He leans back over the post with his arms outstretched, eyes closed with his chest aimed at the ceiling, the crescendo following the chorus blasting through the arena among the flashbulbs. As Hayes enters the ring he gives Cecilia Ryan a wink and Ashley Barlow calls for the bell.
The match starts off quickly with Hayes Hanlon and Cecilia Ryan pairing off, while Jonathan-Christopher Hall and Shawn Warstein pair up on their side. Rezin stands back in the corner and smiles watching Hayes Hanlon and Cecilia Ryan unloading into each other with right hands.
Nick Stuart: And here we go.
Richard Parker: Is it okay to say I don’t hate this strategy of laying in wait by Rezin?
Nick Stuart: Really?
Richard Parker: He’s like a fungus, he’s growing on me.
Shawn Warstein runs in at the exhausted Jonathan-Christopher Hall and begins throwing knife edge chops into JCH’s chest. Hall falls backwards under the onslaught, and Warstein takes advantage, kicking Hall in the stomach and dropping him to the canvas with a DDT. Vickie begins smacking the apron for JCH to get up, but Warstein locks eyes with a new competitor and scrambles across the ring at the relaxing Rezin.
Nick Stuart: Vickie Hall looks to be upset here, and on the other side of the ring we have Cecilia Ryan and Hayes Hanlon trading blows!
Richard Parker: Cecilia Ryan only throws BOMBS Nick!
Cecilia Ryan and Hayes continue to trade blows, but the smaller Ryan finally catches a right hand with her forearm, Hayes reverses into an arm wrench and throws Ryan into the ropes. Ryan comes running back as the larger Hayes goes for a big clothesline, but Ryan ducks under and keeps running hitting the far ropes. Hanlon ducks for an overhead throw but Ryan drives a low dropkick into Hayes’ knee. Hayes crumples to his knees, and the younger Ryan comes in again with a brutal knee strike to Hanlon. Ryan goes for a quick cover, and Ashley Barlow slides in.
Hanlon kicks out, tossing Cecilia Ryan almost entirely across the ring and into a very surprised Jonathan-Christopher Hall. A stunned JCH rolls Cecilia Ryan up with a roll up and Ashley Barlow jumps across the ring.
Cecilia Ryan kicks out quickly and storms to her feet, very angry at Jonathan-Christopher Hall. Cecilia Ryan and Jonathan-Christopher Hall both jump up to their feet. Hall kicks Ryan in the stomach, but neither have much time to react as Hayes Hanlon comes across the ring and clothesline’s everyone to the outside.
Nick Stuart: WHAT A CLOTHESLINE FROM HANLON!
Richard Parker: Cecilia Ryan isn’t going to be happy about this.
Inside the ring, Warstein and Rezin square off. Right hands from Rezin and Warstein begin to fly. Rezin takes the worst of it as Warstein gets the upper hand. Warstein keeps Rezin in the corner, Warstein leans back and starts smashing Rezin with knife edge chops.
Warstein runs to the far corner, and comes back across the ring and hammers Rezin in the corner with a running knee lift. Rezin stumbles out of the corner like a beaten man and falls face first in the middle of the ring. Warstein covers and Ashley Barlow comess running.
Nick Stuart: What a knee lift from Shawn Warstein there.
Richard Parker: Almost decapitated Rezin!
Nick Stuart: I didn’t think that was going to be enough to put Rezin away.
Richard Parker: Warstein should know better than that!
Warstein switches from his pin attempt, into a mount position. He postures up and begins raining down elbows at Rezin’s face. Rezin tries to cover up, but Warstein is relentless. Rezin finally stops moving and Warstein goes for the cover again.
Richard Parker: He was actually playing possum… that’s amazing…
Nick Stuart: I don’t think that’s ever worked in the entire history of wrestling.
Rezin kicks out and scrambles his way to the ropes. Outside Hanlon, JCH, and Ryan are all getting to their feet. Jonathan-Christopher Hall tries to get away from Cecilia Ryan but she sends another thunderous shot across one half of the ALP’s face. Hayes breaks up the twosome with a right hand of his own that sends Cecilia Ryan stumbling into the rail. Hayes is focused and marches towards Ryan and doesn’t see Jonathan-Christopher Hall’s dropkick coming. Hayes stumbles into the railing and Cecilia Ryan.
Richard Parker: HAYES IS ABOUT TO BE IN A BAD WAY!
Nick Stuart: Cecilia Ryan with a huge kick right to the face of Hanlon!
Hanlon takes the boot to the mouth and reels backwards into the waiting arms of Jonathan-Christopher Hall, who suplexes Hanlon to the concrete floor. Hayes sits up holding his back and manages to lean himself up against the guard rail. Cecilia Ryan sprints in and hammers Hanlon with another low dropkick, this time to the back of the head. Before Cecilia can finish turning around, JCH grabs her around the waist and tosses her over his head with a German suplex on the outside.
Nick Stuart: On the concrete floor!
JCH is back to his feet and blows a kiss to Vickie Hall. Vickie catches it and smiles back at Jonathan-Christopher.
GET A ROOM! GET A ROOM!
JCH points to Vickie and slams Cecilia Ryan with a leg drop. Sadly, the ALP’s distraction goes on for too long, and Hayes Hanlon is back in the fray. He picks up Jonathan-Christopher from his seated position and tries to hit him with a German suplex. Jonathan-Christopher squirms out of his grasp and manages to reverse position on Hayes and drop him to the floor with a swinging neckbreaker.
Richard Parker: He was just trying to love his wife.
Nick Stuart: When’s the last time you loved your wife?
Richard Parker: Shut up Nick. LOOK INSIDE THE RING!
Inside the ring, Rezin comes off the ropes, Warstein ducks down for a back body drop but Rezin kicks him square in the mouth. Warstein looks up and immediately gets a thumb to the eye from Rezin. Warstein stumbles backwards as Rezin hits the ropes again. Warstein comes forward and throws a clothesline at Rezin, who manages to catch it. Rezin spins Warstein’s arm, and flips over, smashing him to the canvas with an Asai DDT. Hanlon comes into the ring from outside
Nick Stuart: INTO THE VOID ON SHAWN WARSTEIN!
Richard Parker: This crazy bastard might actually win.
Nick Stuart: Just because I told you we were on streaming services doesn’t mean you can say things like that.
Richard Parker: BUT HE IS ONE! It’s scientific at that point.
Hanlon manages to separate himself from JCH and Cecilia Ryan for a moment, clearly reacting to the thunderous impact of The Goat Bastard’s finisher. He dives into the ring and immediately hits Rezin with a short arm clothesline to break up his momentum. Rezin stumbles to his feet and turns towards Hanlon, Hanlon fires off a few quick right hands, but Rezin isn’t done. He fires off a kick to the inside of Hanlon’s leg, then a kick to the outside of Hanlon’s other leg. Hanlon goes to check a third attempted kick, but Rezin pivots and smashes Hanlon across the face with a spinning back elbow. Hanlon backs away holding his mouth, while Rezin hits the rope and crushes Hanlon with a spinning heel kick.
Nick Stuart: What resilience shown by Rezin!
Richard Parker: He’s going to do it Nick! I’m telling you!
On the outside, Cecilia Ryan is stalking Jonathan-Christopher Hall. JCH continues to retreat from the infuriated Ryan and realizes that he has backed away and now Cecilia is closer to Vickie than he is. Cecilia gives Vickie Hall a look that would cause any mortal man or woman to fill their tights.
CECE’S GONNA KILL YOU! CECE’S GONNA KILL YOU!
Richard Parker: I’m never saying a bad word about Cecilia Ryan in my life. Not because of her father, but because of her. Holy hell.
Vickie Hall simply shouts at Jonathan-Christopher who springs into action to protect his love interest. Hall sprints towards Ryan, but Ryan was waiting for him. Hall goes for a right hand, but Ryan manages to catch it. She twists Jonathan-Christopher’s arm causing him to squirm. With the opening she grabs a muay-thai plum. Jonathan-Christopher swings his arms trying to get out, but Cecilia smashes him in the jaw with a knee. JCH tries to move away again but Cecilia drives another knee home and JCH crumples to his knees. He tries to beg off but Ryan doesn’t care and manages to send him careening to the arena floor with a roaring elbow.
Nick Stuart: It’s a Family Affair!
Richard Parker: YES!
Inside the ring Rezin jumps up like a wild man after the spinning heel kick, and sees Cecilia Ryan hit Jonathan-Christopher Hall with a roaring elbow sending him sprawling to the floor. Knowing that Ryan could stop a pinfall attempt, Rezin takes off like a missile. He leaps to the top rope from the mat. He hits the top rope only for a second, before catapulting himself backwards with an actual perfect moonsault.
Nick Stuart: Cecilia Ryan can’t see it coming!
Richard Parker: He can do a moonsault?
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Rezin smashes into Cecilia Ryan, and both crumple to the concrete floor outside. Hayes looks up, still recovering from the spinning heel kick Rezin hit him with and sees the prone Shawn Warstein finally dragging himself to the corner. Warstein drags himself up to holding onto the middle rope, and Hanlon is on him from behind. Two quick forearm shots to the back of the head drive the legendary competitor into the second turnbuckle. Hanlon grabs Warstein around the waist and lifts him up onto the top rope. Hanlon brings himself to the second rope, and positions Warstein on his shoulders. Warstein tries to fight Hanlon off, throwing elbows to Hanlon’s head.
Nick Stuart: THE SUPER MASSIVE!
Richard Parker: Holy shit.
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Hanlon crashes down off the second turnbuckle with Warstein in the burning hammer position. Warstein’s neck and head smash off the mat, and Hanlon crawls over with a cover, hooking both legs. Ashley Barlow slides in and begins counting.
Outside the ring, Rezin has crawled to his feet and has pulled himself up with the apron.
Nick Stuart: What a move from Hanlon!
Rezin slides into the ring.
Richard Parker: BREAK IT UP!
Right after Ashley Barlow’s hand hits the mat for the three count, Rezin dives and breaks up the pinfall. Hanlon rolls to the corner and Rezin is on him, stomping a mudhole.
DING DING DING
Ashley Barlow calls for the bell and Rezin turns around looking shocked, he starts arguing with Barlow who is busy handing Hayes Hanlon the Five Star Championship.
Vince Howard: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH BY PINFALL! AND NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW FIVE STAR CHAMPION! THE EVENT HORIZON! HAAAAAYES HHAAAAAANLON!
Nick Stuart: We have a new champion here today!
Richard Parker: I guess we do, but Rezin doesn’t look too happy about it!
Rezin is still arguing with Barlow as the scene fades.