FIVE STAR TITLE: REZIN (C) vs. GREAT SCOTT
“Born for Greatness” plays over the sound system here in the Grand, but after recent events we see a changed man making his way out, a new look and attitude as GREAT SCOTT taunts fans on his way toward the ring. GREAT BEAR, for his part, is still seemingly rocking out to the music playing through his sweet Beats by Dre headphones, but the crowd is none too pleased with LARGE DADDY SCOTT, who couldn’t care less about their opinions as he rocks a championship belt that we probably shouldn’t mention further.
SCOTT and his BEAR (and presumably his glare, for that matter) arrive at ringside, continuing to taunt the booing fans with a flex of his arms as he enters the ring ready for this match.
The lights slowly dim to black, theater-style. After a moment, solid RED fills the PRIMEView, leaving the MGM Grand Garden Arena awash in crimson light. Music comes through the PA.
It’s the theme to Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange.
Nick Stuart: Oh boy, what’s this now?
Richard Parker: Looks like someone really ran with the whole “UltraViolence” thing.
From the red, we fade to the image of the Five Star Champion REZIN.
Bound within a straight jacket. Clamps holding his eyelids open.
He’s strapped into a chair at the front of a theater. Far in the back, several faceless scientists and business-types sit silently in the shadows, while a projector.
Rezin: …oh no… NO… NO-NO-NO! Please, turn it off! Turn it OFF!
Rezin’s POV: Projected on the screen are clips from High Octane Wrestling’s recent broadcast of CHAOS 009.
Rezin: STOP! PLEASE! I BEG YOU! TURN IT OFF!! It’s HORRIBLE!! This is MADNESS!! This is TORTURE!! It’s a SIN! A SIN! A SIN, I TELL YOU!
Scott Stevens tongues a Bible and babbles incoherently about GAWD ‘n’ TEXUS. Rezin thrashes violently from within his straightjacket.
Rezin: CHRIST ON A POLE, THIS IS LIKE THE MOST BORING SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN!! HOW DOES THIS EVEN PASS AS WRESTLING?!
Jace Parker Davidson appears on the screen and cuts a long, ambling promo that covers mostly nothing while still somehow being heavy on self-adulation. Rezin is frothin uncontrollably from the mouth.
Rezin: WHO the–WHAT the–GAAHH, NOTHING MAKES SENSE!! WHY DOES THE OWNER LOOK LIKE SANTA CLAUS?!
Finally, GREAT SCOTT stands triumphant in the ring with the HOTv Title hoisted over his head after a successful defense. Rezin continues to desperately jerk and fight against his restraints like a man ready to gnaw his own leg off if it meant getting away from watching this.
Rezin: AARRGH I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE!! SOMEBUDDY SCOOP OUT MY EYES WITH MELON BALLERS!! TILLINGHAST SAVE ME!!
As if saying the magic word…
The bulb in the projector suddenly bursts. Everything goes black. In the dark, the sound of bindings being broken can be heard. We get one more visual on the PRIMEView: an empty straightjacket being discarded onto the floor…
Richard Parker: Oh no, he’s LOOSE!
Ministry’s cover of “Search and Destroy” begins to riff over the PA, cueing a loud cheer from the capacity crowd of PRIMEates. When the lights come on, the live cam is zoomed in tight on the face of the Escape Artist, now freed and presently here in the arena, grinning murderously back at us from beneath the brim of a bowler hat.
WELL I’M A STREET-WALKIN’ CHEETAH WITH A HEART FULL OF NAPALM!
WELL I’M THE RUNAWAY SON OF THE NUCLEAR A-BOMB!
The crowd packed within the MGM Grand Garden arena roars deafeningly around him. The view slowly and methodically pulls back with meticulous, deliberate pacing. The dramatically slow zoom eventually pulls back far enough to reveal the couch he’s sitting on, the symmetrical arrangement of suggestively posed Grim Reaper mannequins, and the scores of cheering fans lined up against the rampway barricades juxtaposed with the stillness of the scene.
Its stage exactly like the opening shot to Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange.
I AM THE WORLD’S FORGOTTEN BOY!
THE ONE WHO SEARCHES AND DESTROYS!
Rezin keeps staring straight ahead, never breaking eye contact with the camera, feet propped up on a crab-walking Angel of Death, Five Star Championship draped over his shoulder, Rocko Daymon’s cane leaning nearby, massive spliff burning in his hand. He’s in a world of his own, despite the very real one around him screaming his name.
Nick Stuart: Hats off to the props department for setting all… this up.
Richard Parker: Yeah, but all these mannequins and no El Hijo del Super Cool Guy? Somebody dropped the ball.
After a beat, Rezin finally rises up, plucks up the cane, and descends a few paces down the rampway. He pauses for a moment longer to study the World’s Greatest SCOTT standing ready in the ring, furiously glaring back.
HONEY GOTTA HELP ME PLEASE!
SOMEBODY GOTTA SAVE MY SOUL!
BABY DETONATE FOR ME!
Resting the cane over his shoulder, he ambles over to one of the robed statues situated on a pedestal and leaning precariously over. After he presses a button, milk begins to pour out from the place where milk is made into a waiting glass held in his hand. Only the milk is BLACK.
Richard Parker: Ugh… someone better check the date on those Grim Reapers. I think they’re expired.
As soon as the glass is filled, Rezin toasts the challenger waiting for him in the ring… and CHUGS IT!
Through the glass, we can see the ebon laiche steadily disappearing down his throat, sending trails of dark liquid running down the sides of his beard. In seconds, it runs empty.
LOOK OUT HONEY CAUSE I’M USIN’ TECHNOLOGY!
AND I AIN’T GOT NO TIME TO MAKE NO APOLOGY!
His eyes seem to grow wider. As does his grin. Finally filled up on Moloko Plus, he’s ready for a bit of the old ULTRAVIOLENCE!
SOUL RADIATION IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!
LOVE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIREFIGHT!
The empty glass goes over his shoulder and shatters on the stage. The bowler hat goes into the crowd. The spliff goes into his mouth. Horns go into the air. And then…
A massive (and for once, well-timed) mushroom cloud pyro explodes on the stage, inciting yet another roar from the crowd. Indulging in the love from the fans he fought hard to win, over, Rezin tucks the cane under his arm and continues down the rampway to–
Unexpectedly, then the mannequin falls onto his head, apparently shaken loose on its pedestal by the pyro. He loses his balance and trips over another.
Then another falls over. And another.
Grim Reapers are suddenly toppling, breaking apart, being crashed into left and right. The entire meticulous display is collapsing around the Goat Bastard as he begins tumbling the rest of the way down the incline.
Nick Stuart: Oh boy, here we go…
HONEY GOTTA STRIKE ME BLIND!
SOMEBODY GOTTA SAVE MY SOUL!
BABY PENETRATE MY MIND!
Soon, a black and white cascade of mannequin limbs careens down the rampway, with the Five Star Champion unwittingly caught up in the avalanche. He finally ends up in a pile of arms, legs, torsos, heads, and black shrouds at ringside.
Richard Parker: Five bucks, Nick! Pay up!
Nick Stuart: Ugh…
Rezin scrambles up from the clutter of mannequin parts, pulling a stray hand out of his pants for good measure. For a moment, he looks positively peeved. Yet another grand Pay Per View entrance… ruined. Then he shrugs and laughs it off. Whaddya gonna do, right?
AND I’M THE WORLD’S FORGOTTEN BOY!
THE ONE WHO’S SEARCHIN’, SEARCHIN’ TO DESTROY!
Readjusting the belt on his shoulder, he hops up to the apron and scales the ropes. At his literal and metaphorical HIGHEST point, he holds the Five Star Championship over his head, basking in the adulatation and flash photography.
Nick Stuart: Few would have expected the lowly Goat Bastard would ascend to such heights when he first arrived in PRIME, but against all odds, “The Escape Artist” Rezin has climbed the ranks and established himself as Five Star Champion to be remembered!
Richard Parker: Let this be a lesson, boys and girls: if you CHEAT, then people will eventually like you!
Nick Stuart: I think it’s a bit more nuanced than that, partner…
Rezin REZINSAULTS his way from the top rope into the ring and immediately comes nose to nose with GREAT SCOTT. Champion and challenger’s incessant trash talk is almost loud enough to be heard over the thundering audience, but the official quickly separates them and sends them to their corners.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a sixty-minute time limit! And it is for… THE FIVE STAR CHAMPIONSHIP OF PRIME!
The crowd roasts its approval as the stakes sink in for this long-awaited rematch.
Vince Howard: INTRODUCING THE CHALLENGER! Accompanied by GREAT BEAR, he stands at six-foot-one, and weighed in tonight at two-hundred seventy-six pounds! From the Greater Metro Area of Great Falls, Montana, this is… GREAT! SCOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTT!!!
The crowd jeers the turncoat, but GREAT SCOTT just sneers at them.
Vince Howard: And his opponent! Standing five-foot-ten, weighing in this evening at two-hundred-five pounds! He is the CURRENT! REIGING! AND DEFENDING! FIVE STAR CHAMPION OF PRIME! rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrREZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!
The PRIME faithful are abuzz as the Five Star Champion and his opponent stand nose-to-nose, staring each other dead in the eye.
Nick Stuart: The last time these two men faced each other in the ring, Great Scott was the fan-favorite and Rezin was the unruly rulebreaker. This time though, Rezin is the one wearing the white hat, while Scott has turned his back on the fans!
Richard Parker: Well Nicky, that just means Great Scott’s realized he doesn’t need this crowd anymore and has developed that killer’s edge to win!
Nick Stuart: It was at ReVival 12 that these two last met, and it was at ReVival 12 that Rezin defended his Five Star title AND scored the first blow to Great Scott’s undefeated record in PRIME! Will the champion retain again, or is the new GREAT SCOTT bound to raise the Five Star Title tonight?
The wrestlers don’t move an inch as the buzz from the crowd only intensifies. After a long staredown, GREAT SCOTT makes the first move with a wild haymaker, which Rezin manages to duck, running to the ropes and rebounding with a Cloven Hoof Kick that knocks his challenger between the ropes and onto the floor!
Nick Stuart: Rezin seems to see an opportunity, as he bounces off the ropes again, and-
Rezin darts between the ropes, and NAILS GREAT SCOTT with a picture-perfect bullet tope, and sends Scott ROLLING on the floor and up the entrance aisle! Rezin scrambles to his feet, and throws his hands up while the crowd roars its approval!
Richard Parker: Playing to the crowd’s a new thing for Rezin, you think that could be his downfall?
The Five Star Champion manages to get a grip on his scrambling challenger, pulling him back to his feet and landing a few kicks to the ribs along the way, before CHUCKING him back under the ropes and back into the ring!
Nick Stuart: I don’t know, but for now it looks like he’s got a head full of steam! Rezin lining up a few more of those martial arts-influenced kicks to Scott’s chest and ribs, which will surely frustrate that power-based offense of Scott’s!
Rezin keeps up on the offensive, pulling Scott up by his hair, before lighting him up with a series of forearms to the face, and whipping him across the ring…
Only to eat a hard clothesline from GREAT SCOTT! The challenger follows up with a HARD elbowdrop to Rezin’s chest, before covering for the pin!
Richard Parker: Great strategy by GREAT SCOTT, Nicky, fluster the champ by forcing him to move and exert himself!
Richard says this as Rezin kicks out before Ashley Barlow even gets to the mat to count, but it is clear that GREAT SCOTT is not even close to finished, as he FORCEFULLY yanks Rezin back up to a standing position, before hooking Rezin up and raising him up HIGH in a vertical suplex position!
Richard Parker: CLASSIC way to use that God-given strength to your advantage right there, forcing all the blood to rush down from the champ’s head! Not that Rezin has much of a brain for that blood to go to, but still.
GREAT SCOTT DROPS to the mat, leaving Rezin a stumbling mess prone on the mat! GREAT SCOTT gets back to work and pulls Rezin back up, ramming him head-first into the nearby turnbuckle and sending him reeling with a leap backwards and a flop in the center of the ring!
Nick Stuart: GREAT SCOTT seeing a key opening here! He locks the Five Star Champion’s head and arms for the SCOTAGREE…
Rezin, however, has other plans, as he drops to his own knees with enough force to break the challenger’s grip on his arms, and hastily crawl between Scott’s legs, before rising up and running the ropes. GREAT SCOTT bends over, looking between his legs just in time to eat a low dropkick between the legs and to the face, which sends SCOTT’s head back up and down with the rest of him! Rezin sits up, nodding with a huge grin ear-to-ear, before going back to the offensive, stomping on the ribs of GREAT SCOTT.
Richard Parker: Look at this phony Rezin! He acts like he’s turned over a new leaf, but he’s still roughhousing like nothing’s changed! Complete fraud!
As Richard goes on his tirade, Rezin drops the leg across GREAT SCOTT’s throat, before covering over for a quick pin.
GREAT SCOTT manages to kickout, but Rezin is not discouraged, as he charges up the turnbuckle and awaits his challenger to get to his feet!
Nick Stuart: Could this be the REZINRANA?!
Scott manages to rise to his feet and shamble his way towards Rezin, who takes the leap off the turnbuckle!
Richard Parker: GREAT SCOUTING, GREAT SCOTT!
Rezin flipped off the corner for an attempt at the Rezinrana, but Scott was able to catch him in mid-air, and PLANT him to the mat with the Great Scott Bomb! GREAT SCOTT makes the cover as Ashley Barlow rushes in to count!
Rezin gets a shoulder up!
Nick Stuart: We almost had a NEW Five Star Champion!
GREAT SCOTT soaks in the boos, as he gets to his feet and IMMEDIATELY drops another elbow, before dragging Rezin back up and dropping him down with a thunderous scoop slam! He taunts the crowd again, and keeps on soaking in the jeers.
Richard Parker: You gotta hand it to Scott, he has shown a RUTHLESS side to him since his first match with Rezin at ReVival 12, and it has helped him get back to this point!
Nick Stuart: Yeah, and I’m sure Melvin Beauregard’s decree was just for show.
As Rezin starts to stir, GREAT SCOTT gets back to work, driving the champion down with a release German suplex!
Richard Parker: No bridge, all impact, baby!
Rezin is once again loopy, landing on his feet after the impact of that throw made him bounce! He leans on the ropes and tries to catch his bearings, but GREAT SCOTT rushes forth and clotheslines him over the top rope and out of the ring!
Richard Parker: And the champ gets dumped out like yesterday’s garbage!
Nick Stuart: But GREAT SCOTT needs to beat him in the ring to win the title!
GREAT SCOTT rolls out of the ring, as Ashley Barlow starts the count!
GREAT SCOTT laughs with mirth, as he shoves the Five Star Champion into the apron, and rams his shoulder into the champ’s ribs a few times!
Scott peels Rezin away, only to ram his face right onto the edge of the ring!
He does it again, this time right into the nearest ring post, sending the champ flying into the guardrail.
The challenger whips Rezin HARD into the apron, before rolling him back under the ropes and following suit!
Richard Parker: You’re right about being in the ring to win the belt, but ain’t nothin’ wrong with doing a little extra damage on the outside!
GREAT SCOTT mean-mugs the crowd once again, as he pulls Rezin back to his feet and whips him into the corner…
Nick Stuart: REZINSAULT!
Rezin managed to run up the turnbuckle and surprise the challenger with a Rezinsault, body-block style! The Five Star Champion is on his second wind, and he is AMPED.
As GREAT SCOTT gets to his feet, he is immediately greeted by a cross body for the cover!
No, GREAT SCOTT kicks out!
Nick Stuart: The champ is making a comeback!
Rezin is pumped, and bounces off the ropes again, nailing GREAT SCOTT with a classic Kitchen Sink this time, before bounding off again and catching the challenger with a Chaos Driver leaping flip neckbreaker!
Richard Parker: I don’t like the way this is going for Scott, Nicky!
Rezin slowly gets up, slapping the mat to rally the crowd, and as GREAT SCOTT rises, the champ lines up for another…
Nick Stuart: CLOVEN HOOF!
Richard Parker: Not quite, Nicky!
GREAT SCOTT catches Rezin, and haphazardly CHUCKS him into the corner, before hoisting him onto the top rope and signaling for the SCOTTACANRANA!
Nick Stuart: This could be it!
GREAT SCOTT climbs up, and takes the champion down…
Nick Stuart: NO!
…but Rezin manages to hang onto SCOTT as he comes down, and takes him down with a sunset flip! Ashley Barlow rushes to count, and GREAT SCOTT is flailing his legs!
DING DING DING!
Vince Howard: Here is your winner… and STILL! FIVE STAR CHAMPION OF PRIME! rrrrrrrrREZIN!
Rezin slides out of the ring and snatches the Five Star Title from the timekeeper. He leans back against the barricade, exhausted, and holds it high into the air as UltraViolence goes to commercial.