FLAMBERGE vs. GARBAGE BAG JOHNNY
Nick Stuart: We’ve reached our penultimate match-up of the evening, folks! FLAMBERGE, the young up-and-comer from the French-Belgian border, is set to take on the veteran Garbage Bag Johnny!
Richard Parker: Could we have asked for an odder couple than these two?
“Dangereaux” by IAM blasts through the speakers. We see a few shots of the crowd vibing along with the French rap stylings of the music with bags of chips in hand as others cheer. FLAMBERGE, cool as the other side of the pillow, strides to the ring with a healthy dose of confidence and swagger.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Strasbourg, France, and weighing in at two-hundred and six pounds, please welcome… FLAMBERGE!
The music switches over to Garbage Bag Johnny’s own tune, “Garbage Bag Johnny Will Win Zero 2 Hero”, as the man himself steps through the curtain. He looks absolutely astonished, as if he were expecting to walk into an entirely different part of the arena, but is instead met with a spotlight and a capacity crowd of cheering fans.
Vince Howard: And the opponent, hailing from Chicago, Illinois and weighing in at two-hundred and thirty-five pounds, here is… GARBAGE – BAG – JOOOHNNNYYY!!
GBJ slides into the ring and nearly goes to blows with Elvis Nixon, but backs down when he realizes the official is just trying to check him. In his corner across the ring, FLAMBERGE rolls his eyes.
Nick Stuart: FLAMBERGE is coming into this off of a resounding victory over Darin Zion at Great American Nightmare. The real question though, is how will Garbage Bag Johnny fare without Nova in his corner?
Richard Parker: Let’s just hope he doesn’t accidentally try to make a tag halfway through the match!
Johnny and FLAMBO meet in the middle of the ring and entangle themselves into a collar-and-elbow tie-up. The young Frenchman comes out on top, criss-crossing Johnny’s arms, pivoting sharply, and sending him rolling over his shoulder and hitting the mat with a thump! He follows up with piston-like rights and lefts that leave GBJ covering up, until he slips under the ropes and escapes the ring for a breather.
Nick Stuart: This match has only just begun, and already, FLAMBERGE has Garbage Bag Johnny on the run!
Richard Parker: The kid’s all pepped up on those Flamin’ Hot Doritos. Hang on a sec, where the hell is Johnny going…?
Under the ring, to be specific. Elvis leans through the ropes to check on him, but GBJ nevertheless disappears under the apron. The PRIMEates roar with laughter! But on the face of FLAMBERGE, an annoyed sneer forms. He turns around and waits for Johnny to come out the side…
Sure enough, GBJ reappears from under the other side of the ring, in his mind pulling a bit of the ol’ sleight of hand. He doesn’t realize that in the ring, FLAMBO is pointedly staring him down. Shaking off a brief wave of disorientation as he gets to his feet, he slips back in under the ropes… but instead of finding an opponent with his back turned, he’s shocked to find FLAMBERGE right there, in his face!
Johnny balks in bewilderment, just as the Frenchman snags him by the arm and beard and yanks him across the leg and down onto his back, quickly transitioning to a juji-gatame!
Nick Stuart: GBJ’s attempts at teleportation send him right back into the waiting hands of FLAMBERGE, who now has him bound into that cross armbreaker!
Richard Parker: What was that, even? Does he even have any idea where he is right now?
Nick Stuart: Apparently so, as he finds the near bottom rope with his leg! Elvis Nixon orders FLAMBERGE to break the hold!
FLAMBO waits until the full count of four to break the hold. GBJ immediately pulls in his aching arm, but the Frenchman doesn’t let him rub it for long, as he quickly gets back to his feet. GBJ finds himself soon being peppered with low Muay Thai kicks that herd him to the center of the ring.
FLAMBERGE winds back for a hard hook kick aimed at Johnny’s head, but a lightbulb suddenly comes on in the head of GBJ. His hands reflexively shoot up and catch the young Frenchman by the foot, surprising himself more than the kicker! A sweep later, and FLAMBO finds himself on his back, with his feet in Johnny’s clutches!
Nick Stuart: Quick reversal by Johnny, now going for a Figure Four, I… think?
Richard Parker: Looks like he forgot how to set the legs…
Confusion is on the face of GBJ as he looks between the legs of FLAMBERGE like they were assembly instructions written in a foreign language. He ultimately decides on just jumping through the goalposts and double stomping the Frenchman’s chest! He follows up with a standing moonsault that hits the exposed FLAMBO as he’s clutching his ribs, and hooks the legs!
Nick Stuart: FLAMBERGE gets the shoulders up after the pin attempt
Richard Parker: So much for the flawless victory tonight. You think his old man is gonna let him hear about it?
Nick Stuart: Well if he does, I know it will probably have to wait until tomorrow, because from what I’m told, FLAMBERGE’s manager Henri Lavigne has been banned from tonight’s event! Neither he nor Darby are here tonight!
Richard Parker: Kid is finally striking out on his own, huh? I can respect that.
GBJ and FLAMBO are scrambling to their feet! A high kick from the Frenchman nearly connects with Johnny’s face, but he ducks and slips behind! A German suplex attempt gets reversed into a harai-goshi throw across the body that yet again puts Johnny to the mat!
A quick knee drop to the face follows, and FLAMBERGE drapes himself across GBJ’s head, wrapping it up into a North South choke! Johnny’s legs kick furiously as he attempts to free himself!
Nick Stuart: FLAMBERGE going for the choke submission attempt once more!
Richard Parker: Kid is a walking judo encyclopedia, and here Johnny can’t even figure out a Figure Four!
FLAMBO clenches the choke, but Johnny’s reflexes click when he finally finds his footing and manages to power himself over. Again, much to his own surprise, he inexplicably finds himself on top with an inverted face lock, which he quickly transitions into a Reverse DDT! He falls over FLAMBERGE’s chest to make a pin!
Nick Stuart: Garbage Bag Johnny is wanting the quick win, but FLAMBERGE is showing some poise and resilience!
Richard Parker: He’s trynna get out of that ring before FLAMBO judos him into a pretzel! Crap, now I’m hungry…
Both men dash up to their feet and immediately go into another lock-up. Thinking quickly, FLAMBERGE sticks a foot into Johnny’s chest and rolls backward with a tomoe-nage throw that flips GBJ onto his back! As soon as he sits up, GBJ receives a swift soccer kick to his neck and head that leaves his world spinning.
FLAMBO is buzzing with fury and energy, circling GBJ and beckoning him back onto his feet. Slowly, Johnny rises up on wobbling legs. An inside spinning thrust kick to the abdomen doubles him over. An axe kick directly to the back of the head drops him to his hands and knees. FLAMBERGE pounces onto his upper half and traps him with the body scissor, digging his arm deep into the throat!
Nick Stuart: MARIE ANTOINETTE!! FLAMBERGE has it locked in!
Richard Parker: That’s gotta be it! Johnny’s lights are goin’ out!
It only takes a few moments for Johnny’s body to go completely limp! Nixon acts immediately, cueing for the bell and calling for the FRENCHMAN to release the choke.
DING DING DING
FLAMBERGE bursts to his feet and slaps his chest in triumph as “Dangereux” by IAM resumes over the PA. Nixon holds up his arm as he points into the camera and winks, sending a clear message to anyone who might be watching at home.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match, by submission… FLAAAMBEEERRRGGGE!!!
Nick Stuart: A decisive victory tonight for the young Frenchman! FLAMBERGE has to be feeling good about his performance tonight! We can see his talents and conviction develop with every week, and now it’s led him to a win over a tenured veteran in Garbage Bag Johnny!
Richard Parker: Tenured, or intoxicated, Nick? Johnny was looking kinda lost out there. I can’t tell if something bad fell into his stash, or if he’s truly rudderless without Nova there.
Nick Stuart: Whatever it was, FLAMBERGE took advantage of it, and continues to build momentum on his climb through the PRIME ranks! We have our main event still to come, ladies and gentlemen! But first, here’s a word from our sponsors!