FLAMBERGE vs. TONY GAMBLE
Inside of the MGM Grand Garden Arena, with thousands and thousands of PRIMEates in attendance are going bananas for the start of the show. The cameras pan around to show some of the signs brought to this week’s installment:
ANNA, I BOUGHT THE SHIRT AND STILL WANT TO GET KICKED IN THE HEAD HOW DO WE MAKE THIS HAPPEN?
PUT THE NOVA ACTION FIGURE BACK ON THE MARKET
BEWARE THE GLUE MAN
IS THE MINOTAUR STILL ON THE LOOSE?
IF REZIN IS PUNK ROCK, WHY DOESN’T HE NAME DROP PUNK BANDS IN HIS PROMOS?
I WANT BOOGIE TO SUPLEX ME WHILE BOOTS WATCHES
LET CALLY SAY “SHUCKS”
YOUNGBLOOD FEARS WAFFLES
REZIN FAN, EH? NAME EVERY WEED
OH YOU’RE A KING BLUEBERRY FAN? LIST ALL THE TIMES HE’S CRIED
GET KING BLUEBERRY A KLEENEX SPONSORSHIP
NEVER SEND TO KNOW FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS, IT TOLLS FOR THEE. BUY GLUE.
OH YOU’RE A TIMO BOLAMBA FAN? WHAT SEAT ARE YOU IN ON HIS JET?
FLY THE TIMO SKIES ON CRUMB AIR
WAIT, TIMO HAS A JET?
HOW MUCH WEIGHT COULD I LOSE ON THE BRANDON YOUNGBLOOD DIET?!
BUY THE GLUE YOU COWARDS!
DON’T CALL ME KIDDO, BUDDY
DON’T CALL ME BUDDY, SPORT
DON’T CALL ME SPORT, CHIEF
DON’T CALL ME CHIEF, SLICK
NED REFORM IS THE DOCTOR OF JERKONOMICS
WRESTLING IS FOREVER
GREAT SCOTT HAS FAILED HE MUST NOW DO LIKE MOSES AND TRAVEL THE DESERT FOR 40 YEARS FOR YAHWEH GOD
ROXY PHOENIX FORGOT MELVIN’S FORK AGAIN
Nick Stuart: Welcome to the ACE Network and PRIME ReVival, lucky number 13! I’m Nick Stuart, and the crabby man next to me is Richard Parker!
Richard Parker: You’d be crabby too if you were caught in the middle of rooting interests in tonight’s main event!
Nick Stuart: Broadcast journalists are supposed to be impartial, but yes, we have a huge main event tonight. Brandon Youngblood faces a legitimate THREAT to his Universal Championship in Phil Atken, but we also have the Tag Championships on the line as the Kings of Popsicles make their first defense against Solid Gold Rock ‘n Roll!
Richard Parker: I’ve already got my guyliner and leather pants ready for that match.
Nick Stuart: Gross. Anyway, let’s kick things off with our first match! The French phenom FLAMBERGE will take on a stiff test in the Hall of Famer, Tony Gamble.
Joe Pesci v/o: You think I’m funny? Funny how?
The striating opening riffs of “Better Than You” by Metallica cascade through the Grand Garden Arena as The Grin, Tony Gamble, appears at the top of the ramp, sneering at the crowd booing him vociferously. As his career highlights play in on the PRIMEview, Gamble struts to the ring, batting away hands of the fans along the aisle.
Nick Stuart: Gamble is not in a good mood this evening.
Richard Parker: Would you? The guy he came back to PRIME to shut up won’t shut up, and he has to deal with ingrates like The Anglo Luchador nipping at his heels for absolutely no reason at all.
Nick Stuart: Well, I don’t think the luchador has no reason, but I’ve never been able to convince you of anything when you get in your moods.
As Gamble hops into the ring, his entrance music fades out. After a few beats of silence, IAM chanting “I am dangerous” over a barebones beat hits the speakers as a portion of the fans cheer. FLAMBERGE steps out from Argyle wearing a zip-up hoodie in addition to his ring gear. “Dangereux” continues to play over the PA as the young Frenchman walks, head down to the ring, eschewing fans trying to reach out and touch him.
Nick Stuart: FLAMBO himself has a budding rivalry with Nate Colton unfolding.
Richard Parker: And that cornfed dunce could be getting the upper hand on the hottest young wrestler to hit the scene in a decade by joining the Glue Factory, but that cornfed Hoosier might as well have spit in Phil Atken’s face!
Nick Stuart: I don’t think Colton wants to take shortcuts. Let’s get to Vince Howard for the intros.
Vince Howard: Good evening, Las Vegas, and welcome to PRIME ReVival 13!
The crowd roars.
Vince Howard: Our opening contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit! In the corner to my left, weighing in at 187 pounds, from right here in Sin City…
Vince Howard: …he is The Grin and a member of the PRIME Hall of Fame… Toneeeeeeeeeee… GAMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!
Boos rain down upon The Grin, who simply rolls his eyes at the utter disrespect shown by the PRIMEates.
Vince Howard: And to my right, weighing in at 94 kilos and hailing from Strasbourg, France, he is the Phenom…. FLAM-BER-GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
A mixed reaction rises from the crowd at the introduction of the cocksure rookie.
Vince Howard: Your referee for this match is Ashley Barlow.
Nick Stuart: You can cut the tension with a knife here. Had it not been for his proving ground against Cancer Jiles at ReVival 10, this would be the stiffest test for FLAMBO to date.
Richard Parker: Well, even though he couldn’t do us all a favor and flush that egg down the toilet, I’m confident in saying FLAMBO could be the future of this company. Matches against Hall of Famers like Gamble prove that.
Commentary grows silent as FLAMBO steps right up to Gamble’s grill. The white noise of the crowd gives way to a small but loudly vocal contingent breaking into a “FLAMBO’S GONNA KILL YOU” chant, which causes The Grin to flare his left nostril up with an indignant look in his eye.
Nick Stuart: I think the crowd is starting to get to Gamble, Rich. Neither wrestler is universally liked, but FLAMBO has gotten a small but dedicated following the last few months.
Richard Parker: Usually, these heathens have no taste, but at least some people in this crowd recognize up and coming talent when they see it.
Ashley Barlow calls for the bell…
DING DING DING
Nick Stuart: FLAMBERGE with the STRONG tie-up to begin, I think he caught Gamble off guard here as The Grin stumbles back a little, but not for long.
Richard Parker: Oof!
Parker is reacting to FLAMBO transitioning from the collar-and-elbow into a hip-plant judo throw that sends Gamble skidding across the mat.
Nick Stuart: And the rookie with a little hop to his step here, seems like he’s found even MORE confidence, something he’s not lacking in the least.
Richard Parker: If you were as good and as young as FLAMBERGE, you’d be cocky too.
Nick Stuart: Be that as it may, Gamble is back to his feet and FLAMBO again goes in for tie-up, but the Grin slips behind him… RABBIT PUNCH!
Richard Parker: Oooh, rook’s gonna be peeing blood tonight.
Nick Stuart: Gross. Gamble gets to work with a rear headlock, but FLAMBERGE pushes out. He’s going for another judo throw, but Gamble is ready! Spinebuster! He’s really working the rookie’s back early in this match.
Richard Parker: Just preparing the kid for a lifetime of backaches and sciatica. Gamble is a real gentleman, you know.
Nick Stuart: There are several in the locker room who disagree with that, but I digress.
FLAMBO rolls over onto his stomach, but Gamble catches him with some stomps to the back while Parker and Stuart color the scene.
Nick Stuart: FLAMBO in trouble here, youthful exuberance tempered by the veteran’s experience. Now Gamble’s got a Boston crab locked in.
Richard Parker: Oof, kid, I got the number of a good chiropractor I can give you for after this match.
Nick Stuart: That’s quack medicine, and you know it.
Richard Parker: Please, humans practice chiropractic medicine, not ducks.
Nick Stuart: Ignoring Parker FLAMBO finally belly-crawls to the ropes, but Gamble is not breaking! C’mon Barlow, get in there!
Barlow exhausts her five-count, but Gamble avoids disqualification by letting go right at five and throwing his hands in the air.
Nick Stuart: Pitiful display from The Grin there.
Richard Parker: Look, he’s just showing the kid how it’s done. Rules are made to be bent. If FLAMBO is going to succeed here, he’s gotta know these things.
FLAMBO rises to his feet during this stretch in commentary, and Gamble grabs him, whipping him off the ropes.
Nick Stuart: Gamble looks to throw a lariat, but FLAMBO ducks and stops DEAD IN HIS TRACKS! What agility from the youngster and ANOTHER judo throw! This time from the shoulder mount, with a sweet karate pose afterwards!
Richard Parker: See? Gamble was toughening him up!
Nick Stuart: Sure, Rich, sure. Gamble not getting to his feet, but instead rolling to the outside. FLAMBO follows, not sure about this, Gamble might be baiting him.
Richard Parker: Might be? Nick, were you born yesterday?
Nick Stuart: Well, whatever it is, it didn’t work! Gamble tried to whip him in the ropes, but FLAMBO blocks him… BRUCE LEE PUNCH TO THE FACE! Complete with the martial arts pose! We’re seeing a much more animated side to the young Frenchman tonight.
Richard Parker: I heard he went clubbing with The Kraken earlier in the week. Top secret information relayed to me by my Parker sources.
Nick Stuart: Harry Keyes, close associate of our CEO Lindsay Troy? Wow, that might explain a few things. Glad to see the kid’s not hungover either.
During this stretch in the commentary, FLAMBERGE is giving Gamble the work, bouncing his head off the apron, punching him with flourish, and whipping him into the guard barrier.
Nick Stuart: Tony Gamble maybe wishing he’d not taught FLAMBO that lesson you said he did, Rich.
Richard Parker: I’m enjoying this, an athletic competition between two of the best in the company. No gatekeepers like Knox or Dusk mucking about making this about them.
Nick Stuart: Interesting way to look at this. FLAMBO dumps The Grin into the ring and follows. Gamble up, and FLAMBERGE winding up a big roundhouse… NO! Gamble catches his leg!
Richard Parker: Hall of Fame move by the vet there! He’s seen a few kicks like that from the old days.
Gamble turns to Barlow while holding FLAMBERGE’s heel close to his head and says something to her, keeping her distracted from full view while he kicks the Frenchman in his outstretched groin.
Nick Stuart: Was that a sporting move, Rich? C’mon.
Richard Parker: Have you seen some of the stuff people you prop up as sportsmen pull off? It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.
Nick Stuart: Uh-huh, Rich. FLAMBO crumples to the mat and Gamble back to work with the boots.
Richard Parker: Those boots have seen a lot of work over the years in and out of the ring.
Nick Stuart: Are you saying he commits violence as a Wal-Mart greeter?
Richard Parker: I know rich guys like you aren’t in touch with the proles, but it can be a madhouse in there.
Nick Stuart: Uh-huh. Gamble grabs FLAMBO to his feet, and now he’s mocking the kid with his own boxing jabs and footwork!
Richard Parker: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, baby.
Nick Stuart: FLAMBO crumples to the canvas, and Gamble makes the first cover of the match…
Nick Stuart: The rookie kicks out with authority. I don’t think he likes being mocked, Rich.
Richard Parker: Well, at little advice for the kid, maybe don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
Nick Stuart: Sure, Rich. Gamble dragging FLAMBO over to the corner and climbing the ropes. I think we might see… YES! Moonsault from the Hall of Famer, into another cover…
Nick Stuart: Ooh, so close. FLAMBO looks like he’s nearing the end of his rope.
Richard Parker: Nothing wrong with learning some lessons from the upper crust. At least Gamble is respectable unlike that no-good Cancer.
Nick Stuart: You might be the only person who has that specific opinion comparing those two guys. Anyway, Gamble looks like he wants to end this. Setting up for the Stop Laughing At Me… No! FLAMBO blocks it and just SHOVES Gamble to the ground! This might be the opening he needs to get back into this match!
Richard Parker: Yeah kid! Use those lessons!
Nick Stuart: Gamble back up in short order, but FLAMBO grabs both his arms! HEADBUTTS! Oh man!
Richard Parker: That’s using your noggin!
Nick Stuart: Gamble is DAZED AND CONFUSED right now! He stumbles forward and walks RIGHT into a textbook komi goshi throw! AND FLAMBERGE IMMEDIATELY follows it up with a Mario stomp to Gamble’s gut!
Richard Parker: What flair! What panache! What… ganache?
Nick Stuart: Rich, you tried. FLAMBO shoots the half and hooks the leg…
Nick Stuart: NO! Still life left in The Grin! FLAMBO shoots to his feet and is just STALKING Gamble now!
Richard Parker: Signature victory incoming?
Nick Stuart: He’s winding up his arms… BELL CLAP… NO! Gamble rolls out of the way of the Bell Clap! Harry Keyes rubbing off on the kid, but he couldn’t hit the move! Gamble up… BACK RAKE! Spins FLAMBO around… DDT!
Richard Parker: A valiant fight for the youngster, but I think this is the beginning of the end here.
Nick Stuart: The Grin brings the rook to his feet… STOP LAUGHING AT ME! This isn’t good. Gamble about to make FLAMBO Smile for… NO! FLAMBERGE ROLLS OUT OF THE ATTEMPT TO LOCK THE ARMS! Gamble is FLUSTERED!
Richard Parker: The kid’s got heart, I’ll give him that!
Nick Stuart: FLAMBERGE laying in wait like a jaguar, sizing up a dazed Gamble… BELL CLAP! BELL CLAP! He hit it this time! Gamble staggering around the ring like a guy who’d been partying with Harry Keyes all night… MARIE ANTOINETTE! MARIE ANTOINETTE! Right in the middle of the ring! FLAMBO has him!
Gamble furiously taps out.
DING DING DING!
Vince Howard: Your winner as a result of submission, FLAM-BER-GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Nick Stuart: Wow, what a match and a win for the French sensation!
Richard Parker: My only complaint is that he didn’t do it to Cancer Jiles. Tony Gamble deserves better treatment!
Nick Stuart: “Deserves” is a loaded term in wrestling. Gamble will go back to the drawing board, but there’s nothing to be ashamed of here. What a hard-fought match! What a way to open tonight’s telecast. And now, I understand we’re about to hear from Anna Daniels! Let’s throw it to where she is!