Event: ReVival 13
Event Date: 08/12/2022
Paxton Ray is angry.
I mean, yeah, we know. He’s always angry. But he looks particularly angry as he walks down the hallway. After a few steps he begins talking, and we find out why.
Paxton Ray: Get mad, Pax. Get hyped. First singles match. Get mad.
He growls and slaps himself in the face as he continues walking.
Paxton Ray: No Jon. No Shway. Just you and GREAT SCOTT. Get mad.
As he turns the corner, he plows into someone, and a cacophony of sound erupts as multiple objects clatter to the ground. Paxton helps lift the person up to find that it is the man known as Backstage Attendant Mark, the person charged with keeping King Blueberry’s chaos to a minimum.
Paxton Ray: Ya all right?
Mark looks down at the smoke machines, some of which are shattered, and sighs.
Mark: Yeah. I guess.
Paxton bends down to help, but Mark lifts a hand.
Mark: It’s okay. I got it.
Paxton Ray: Okay. Sorry, uh…
Paxton Ray: ‘S right. Mark. Later.
The camera follows Paxton as he walks away, murmuring, as Mark continues to pick up the pieces. Paxton continues his mantra.
Paxton Ray: Get mad. Get mad.
Suddenly he stops and thinks.
Paxton Ray: Mark. I hate that name.
He continues walking, his voice getting lower.
Paxton Ray: Get mad.
Suddenly, as he nears his locker room, he sees someone slip out of the door and round the corner. He quickens his pace.
Paxton Ray: Was that…
He walks past the locker room and looks around the corner.
Paxton Ray: …Dooze.
He briefly considers following him, but after a moment he turns and walks towards the locker room.
Paxton Ray: What did that asshole do…?
He puts his hand on the door handle, then breathes in slowly. Exhaling, he slowly opens the door and looks around. He eventually finds a small box sitting on Shweta’s desk. Approaching it slowly, he sees a note.
Paxton Ray: “To Paxton, with love.” What the…
Slowly, like Indiana Jones about to replace an artifact, Paxton reaches for the box and lifts it. He flinches, then relaxes when nothing happens. After a moment, he brings the box out of the office.
Paxton Ray: Get mad.
He looks down the hallway, then his eyes light up. After a few moments Melvin Beauregard enters the frame, and Paxton pounces.
Paxton Ray: Hey. My man. My friend.
Melvin Beauregard: Oh hi. Hello…friend.
Paxton Ray: Got a suspicious package. Don’t think it’s a bomb or nothin’, but I figured I should let the authorities handle it. You’re the authorities, right?
Melvin smiles and adjusts his collar.
Melvin Beauregard: I do like to think so, yes. Let’s see here.
He takes the box from Paxton and sets it on a nearby table, whistling as he does so. He begins to trace his fingers alongside the box.
Paxton Ray: Ya seem happy.
Melvin Beauregard: Life is good, Mr. Ray. Life is…
Suddenly, the lid of the box springs open. Funny word, springs. Because springs are also what’s in the box. And why are the springs there?
Why, to eject 14 eggs in the direction of whatever poor fool happened to open the box. I’m sure the bandits were hoping it was Paxton Ray, but they will have to settle for yolk and shell to cover Melvin Beauregard instead. They may be happy to know that a small amount of yellow yolk splattered on Ray’s Doc Martens.
Melvin Beauregard: …Good.
Paxton looks from the sticky person in front of him to his bespeckled shoes, then to the box. He clenches his fists and turns in the other direction.
Paxton Ray: Okay. Mad now.
He starts to walk away.
Paxton Ray: I’m gonna go kill somebody. Thanks for the assist, Wade.
Melvin looks at his yellow hands, then looks at the retreating Ray.
Melvin Beauregard: …Wade?