GREAT MINDS
It’s 6AM. It’s a beautiful day outside. We’d say that birds are singing and flowers are blooming, but it’s Cleveland so we know that’s just untrue information. On days like these, you wouldn’t expect someone to show up for work at their professional wrestling arena so early that it defies reason.
Unfortunately, reason is out for breakfast. Please come back at a later time if you need reason.
A rental car has the pick of the litter in terms of a solid parking spot, and chooses the closest one to the arena without being in the handicapped zone. Coral Avalon gets out of the car, and pulls his duffel bag out with him. Nervously, he takes a look around to make sure there’s no one whose name is very similar to Carcer Giles before he locks his doors.
No sooner is his rental car safe, secured, and locked does he turn around and hear a word of complaint from a person who seems to have apparated into existence just off-camera.
Cancer Jiles: MotherFUCKER.
Coral winces. It’s the very man he arrived painfully early just to avoid.
Coral Avalon: What? No horse?
Cancer Jiles: I just stepped in gum.
Jiles, who is acting as if he has yet to see Coral, finally looks up and flinches.
It’s a big forehead.
Cancer Jiles: Oh! Shit. I didn’t even see you there! It was like my life flashed before my eyes. Give me a moment, would you. That was close. You’ve got to stop sneaking up on me like that.
The former Universal Champion catches his breath and takes a second to relax now that he’s survived yet another impromptu life or death encounter with Coral’s forehead.
Meanwhile Coral remains unamused.
Cancer Jiles: So? What can I do for you? I could have sworn I told you that we’ll review your application and then get back to you.
Coral tries to answer, but Cancer just steamrolls right on by him.
Cancer Jiles: I do appreciate the gesture, though. It’s cute. Trying to impress your potential boss by beating him to work.
A cricket hops on by.
Coral Avalon: …I feel like I say this a lot when I’m around you, but you’ve got to be kidding me. How? Why? Since when did you show up for work this early? I thought you hated this place!
He means PRIME, not Cleveland. A disdain for Cleveland is really more of a resting state.
Cancer Jiles: I don’t know if you’ve heard but people are calling me the hardest working man in PRIME these days. Can’t let them down. I am a company man.
The Crownless King looks around as if he’s being pranked.
Coral Avalon: What people? Name one.
Cancer Jiles: Elo.
Coral Avalon: Who is Elo? Another Bandit in training?
A smile comes across Cancer’s clean shaven face.
Cancer Jiles: Good question. Some might call him the paper trail. Others might claim he’s PRIME’s fax machine. Either way, he says I’m PRIME’s working class hero therefore I am.
Coral Avalon: Sure thing. Hopefully I get to meet him one day.
The COOLYPIAN snickers, and then mutters under his breath while also being loud enough for the passengers on a nearby subway car to hear.
Cancer Jiles: scroll down and say hello then.
Coral Avalon: What was that? You want me to withdraw my application?
Cancer Jiles: I didn’t say anything. Now be a good sport and grab my bag for me. It’s the yolk colored Eggland’s Best duffel with the shell proof side pockets. Just like yours. I want to hurry up and get the good locker room before those Glue crumbs take it.
Coral stares at Jiles for a long moment.
Coral Avalon: You do realize I’m not your errand boy, right? I haven’t carried bags for anyone since, like, 2002. Well, other than my wife.
Cancer Jiles: Fine. I’ll do it then. Coral. Here I thought you were trying to brown nose so I was being a nice guy, but no. I’ll carry it like I’m some crumb Night One act.
A heavy scoff.
Coral remains unencumbered.
Cancer Jiles: I’ll tell you this though, you better hope that when we get in there Cecil isn’t sitting in MY ice bath reading the Fancy Lad Times. If so, automatically de-nied.
The Maestro puts an emphatic stamp on the air around him, just like he would on Coral’s application if he were to cause him to miss out on the good locker room.
Coral Avalon: Fingers crossed, but never in my life have I been more looking forward to seeing Cecilworth Farthington than I am and ever will be than I am right now.
A whimper from the King of COOL.
Cancer Jiles: I’m putting that in your file.
Whether either of them realize it, both Cancer and Coral wind up traversing the parking lot while casually cracking each other’s eggs. They reach the talent entrance to the arena, and in his most sarcastic of tones and mannerisms, Coral reaches out and opens the door for Jiles.
Coral Avalon: After you, boss.
Cancer Jiles: That’s more like it.
We then cut to the…
You would think ringside. Because this is the cold open and we always go to a match. Except, people thought they were cute and wanted another cool open.
So we cut from…