Nick Stuart: I believe this match has been thrown out!
An announcement would have been made on the no contest but the masked attacker continues to pummel King Blueberry with a fury of shots. Reina Raspberry slides into the ring, in an attempt to make the save but as she does she hears the crowd screaming. She looks over-
She’s absolutely annihilated by a second man wearing all black with a leather coat and ski mask. The two reasonably muscular men place a fury of boots to Raspberry and Blueberry alongside a chorus of boos.
Referee Timo Bolamba attempts to put a stop to things but he’s pushed down by the second masked man and kicked out of the ring. The time keeper rings the bell but it’s no use, these two individuals are on a mission! Even Hayes Hanlon tries to collect himself but the masked men make quick work of him, hitting Hayes with a double powerbomb and then discarding him to the floor below.
Nick Stuart: We need security out here!
STOMP STOMP STOMPSTOMPSTOMP, it’s a reckless attack as the two men now mount their main targets, The King of Popsicles, hammering lefts and rights with a vengeful rage and zero intention of stopping. The Tag Team Champions are trying to cover up, break free and/or defend themselves. Reina Raspberry knees her attacker in the family jewels and King Blueberry finally has an angle. After placing both arms across his face, he lunges them forward and strikes his attacker square in the nose.
The man shouts; he falls back. This allows Blueberry to escape! KBB looks to his left and sees his partner trying to break free as well. The Boston native takes a run at the second attacker and dropkicks him in the side of the head! The crowd cheers!
It looks like the tables have turned until a THIRD man dressed in black, with the exact same clothing and ski mask hops over the rail and slides into the ring. Reina Raspberry remains on all fours. She sees the third man enter and tries to warn King Blueberry.
But it’s too late.
The third man did not come alone.
Nick Stuart: Is that a steering wheel!?
The play-by-player announcer isn’t wrong. The third man levels King Blueberry on the side of the temple with a steering wheel.
Reina Raspberry can’t defend herself.
She’s cracked on the top of her head with the same wheel.
The two men who were pushed off the champions have now collected themselves. All three attackers stand in the middle of the ring to a chorus of boos. The man with the steering wheel and the second attacker turn to the first, who seems to be nursing his nose from KBB’s earlier blow.
The main man nods.
And all three of them begin stomping the living hell out of the PRIME Champs.
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING
It’s no use. More boos, more stomps. Security runs down to ringside but the third attacker, the one with the steering wheel runs towards the ropes and swings, keeping security at bay. The steering wheel man digs into his jeans and pulls out a crowbar with a rusty nail on top of it. He tosses it to the second man. The second man looks over to security and tells them if they take another step, he’ll use the crowbar and drive the rusty nail into Reina Raspberry’s eye socket, putting her in the hospital and definitely placing her on the injured list.
There’s another stir in the crowd.
Nick Stuart: MORE of them!?
The camera tries to catch the kerfuffle… someone is walking through the crowd and making their way to ringside but this person isn’t tall enough for the camera to find them just yet.
The initial attacker screams at the other two men inside the ring. They once again proceed to mangle and rip apart the champions. The man with the steering wheel takes a few steps back to collapse in the corner. He starts obnoxiously hitting the middle of the steering wheel.
Masked Attacker #3: HONK! HONK! HHHHHHOOOOONNNNNNKKKKKKKKK!!
Finally, there are eyes on the other person making their way to ringside. This individual is short, petite…
And dressed in pink.
From head to toe, just like the others. But this attacker is female and wears a pink bridal dress along with a pink ski mask so her face can’t be seen.
She arrives at the guardrail and daintily steps over it. She looks at security and slides into the ring. She meets eyes with attacker number two… and he stops his beating on Reina Raspberry. She looks over at attacker three.
He just keeps honking the horn.
Attacker #3: HOONNNKKKKK MOTHAFUCKAAAAAAA!!! HONK HONK HONK!!!
And then she looks at the first man. He not only stops his attack, he stands upright and motionless. Seemingly captivated.
The woman in pink slides out of the ring. She pulls back the ring apron and slides in a giant gasoline container. Then she slides in another. Another. Security is kept at bay by the second man, saying he won’t use the crowbar as long as they stay where they are.
The woman in pink enters the ring again. She takes out a face cloth from her pocket.
Nick Stuart: What the hell is going on!?
While the announcers have mainly stayed on radio silence, they start piecing things together.
Richard Parker: No way…
The three men take hold of King Blueberry. The initial attacker flips KBB up-side-down. The third attacker takes the face cloth and drapes it over Blueberry’s mouth. The woman opens a gasoline container and begins to pour its contents over the champion’s face to the loudest boos so far.
Richard Parker: Is that chocolate!?
Nick Stuart: I don’t care what this is! This is disgusting! They’re waterboarding him!
Indeed, they are. Blueberry struggles to find a way out of the towel wrapped around his face but with his mask on, it isn’t helping. The chocolate syrup forces the towel to be stuck there. Reina Raspberry is trying to help but she’s been beaten so badly all she can do is lift an arm and then pass out herself. Security can’t enter, because the second man keeps insinuating he WILL use the crowbar.
The woman in pink opens the second gasoline container. She pours it down King Blueberry’s body and into his face. KBB gags and struggles for air, waving his hands around profusely.
Nick Stuart: THIS NEEDS TO STOP RIGHT NOW!
Richard Parker: It’s one man’s health for another. Security is forced to choose!
The woman in pink discards the entire third container across Blueberry’s face. With KBB passed out, she nods and the initial attacker tosses the fan favourite to the canvas.
Finally, the woman in pink walks right in front of the first man. Although the jeers are loud, the apron camera is able to pick up their discussion.
The Pink Bride: Baby, you okay, baby?
She rips off her mask, revealing herself to be Vickie Hall.
Nuclear heat follows.
Nick Stuart: DAMMIT! What the hell are they doing back!?
Vickie lifts her arms up and takes the ski mask off the first man.
Vickie Hall: You okay, my baby-oh-baby?
Jonathan-Christopher nods, albeit with a tear in his eyes.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: King Strawberry hurt my nose.
Vickie places her hands on his face to examine the blow.
Vickie Hall: Well I’m always willing to look past an imperfection.
The Timid Tiger’s eyes glisten.
Meanwhile, the man with the steering wheel goes back to his spot in the corner. He keeps honking the horn like an obnoxious child wanting attention from everyone. He rips off his mask.
REAL LOVE Darin Zion.
Darin Zion: HONK FOR LOVE, BOOYAKASHA!!
Pretty in Pink Vickie saunters over to the side of the ring and SCREAMS for a microphone. She’s handed one and goes to the center of the squared circle.
Vickie Hall: Hello PRIME! My name is Vickie Hall and THIS is my Amazing Life Partner, Jonathan-Christopher Hall!
Nick Stuart: We know who you are!
Vickie Hall: Over here is his best friend, Darin Zion.
Vickie Hall: And this individual in the middle…
The man with the crowbar takes off his mask. He looks similar to Jonthan-Christopher but not exactly.
Vickie Hall: Is Jonthan-Christopher’s cousin, Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy!
Nick Stuart: Seriously?
Tristan-Crispin gives himself a nice nuzzle hug.
Vicke Hall: And we are here in PRIME for our Hallmark Journey!
She kneels down, right in front of the unconscious King Blueberry.
Vickie Hall: You RUINED the beginning of my Hallmark Journey when you poured chocolate syrup on me. RUINED IT! RUINED IT!!! YOU. RUINED. IT.
With Vickie going through PTSD, it’s clear Jonathan-Christopher has to be there for her. Providing emotional support, he places a gentle hand on her back. Immediately, she’s soothed and responds by standing up and gazing into her man’s eyes before turning to the crowd.
Vickie Hall: We are writing the wrongs. We are FIXING the journey. This is no trial, we are serious. PRIME Wrestling, you’re ALL on notice!
She cackles evilly.
Vickie Hall: Because the LOVE CONVOY has arrived!
Pretty Pink tosses the microphone down. Darin Zion keeps honking like a toddler. Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy just giggles with glee. Security and EMTs are in the ring to check on the Tag Team Champions.
All the while… Jonathan-Christopher holds Vickie in her arms.
Vickie Hall: Do you love me, baby?
The Vow of Virtue nods with passion.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: Of course I love you.
The PRIME signature appears on the bottom of the broadcast feed as Jonathan-Christopher pauses and looks down at their handiwork. The crowd continues to hate everything they see. Zion honks away, Gladhappy jumps up and down like everything’s right in the world and Vicke and her ALP embrace.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: I fucking love you, baby.
She doesn’t bat an eye.
Vickie Hall: I fucking love you, too. Baby.
Oh yeah, they swear now.