HISTORY OF A MASK
It’s a dark dimly lit concrete room, most likely in the basement of the arena. Smoke billows from somewhere unseen as red neon lighting casts an eerie ambiance on the already homely face of Joe Burro. Standing behind Joe ominously is the behemoth “Mask of Malice” known as Balaam. He is chained by the neck, and holding the chain behind him is the “Harbinger of Malice” Duke Williams in a long black duster.
Richard Parker: Is this another ad for that Addams Family reboot.
Nick Stuart: Highly unlikely.
The ugly fashion designer of the underworld opens a large golden book.
Joe Burro: Now a reading from the Book of Hoyt. The Lucha mask embodies the God’s and symbolizes great justice. One of the greatest of the Godly warriors was the keeper of death and the ruler of the underworld Mictlāntēcutli, whom with his wife Mictecacihuatl, ruled all of Mictlan. To translate into English Mictlāntēcutli is known by the white skins as Lucifer, and Mictlan is Hades or Hell. For millions of years, he destroyed and buried souls while keeping an impressive wrestling career. In his possession in the pits of Mictlan were the bones of the creatures of the Fourth Sun.
Balaam lunges forward toward the camera but is pulled back aggressively by Duke Williams. Joe Burro turns the page.
Nick Stuart: What is he babbling about?
Richard Parker: Wrestling history. You need more culture.
Joe Burro: A sneaking evil rudo named Quetzalcoatl challenged Mictlāntēcutli for the bones at MictlanMania III. Despite losing the match before Mictlāntēcutli could throw the loser into a pit of death, Quetzalcoatl managed to grab the bag of bones and escape like the cowardly rudo that he was. The bones mixed with Quetzalcoatl’s blood created man and woman and populated the world as we know it now. It’s the Aztec story of Adam and Eve. Mictlāntēcutli was furious and warned that the rebirth of the creatures would create a selfish, greedy, obnoxious parasite that would consume the worlds resources. He was right.
Joe Burro: Six million years later, a creation of those very bones from the creatures of the Fourth Sun came to destroy Mictlāntēcutli and take over his kingdom. Rumors of bones from the superior Third Children of the Sun still existed. The human creature is Hoyt Williams, and it was his goal to find those bones, mix them with his blood, and create a new superior race to wipe out humanity and start over. At MictlanMania 6,002,020, “Your Personal Jesus” defeated Mictlāntēcutli ripping off his mask before cutting off his head. That mask is the very mask behind me. The Mask of Malice.
Balaam roars and raises his arms in victory.
Joe Burro: After taking over Mictlan and fitting it with metamodern advances such as Starbucks and Chick-Fil-As, the citizens of Mictlan seemed satisfied. While excavating old ruins the crypt of Cuauhtémoc, also known as “The Jaguar Warrior” and the greatest Aztec soldier in the history of its culture, was found. His bones represent a pure creature of the Third Sun, still intact, as well the mask of the jaguar still rested upon his skull. The strongest Lucha mask in all of the worlds. He whom wears the mask will be unstoppable and the definition of a warrior. He will lead the soon to be newly born creatures into battle to cleanse the world of the parasites.
The ugly top fashion designer of the underworld slams shuts the big book.
Joe Burro: That mask was found about a month ago. Hoyt has been absent planning a gala of the ghouls and gods where he would reveal the mask and mix his blood with the bones of Cuauhtémoc bringing forth Armageddon and the start of the book of Revelation to our world. However, in a cowardly act a man in a cheap mask has stolen the Jaguar mask. A man with an inferior mask snuck into the temple and snatched the Godley mask. We know it was you Anglo Luchador. You must now pay. Mask versus mask on earth in PRIME at Ultraviolence, instead of at MictlanMania 6,002,021. Be ready for your mask to be removed, and your head severed by Balaam.
Suddenly, one of the sparse lamps is knocked over, as a woman comes flying into frame tripping over a smoke machine. Joe moves out of the way, and Balaam catches the woman with his massive hands by the throat. She screams as the camera is knocked over, and the audience can only see what is happening from the ground up.
Richard Parker: What the hell errr what the Mictlan is happening here?
Nick Stuart: Is that??? It is!! That’s Aurora Jennings, the fiancée of John Kennedy Royko, Jr.! She’s very pregnant; what is she doing here?
Aurora: (screaming in fear) Please JK please I need you back please hear me. I miss you! I love you, PLEASE!!
Duke Williams: Chokeslam her! She’s not real. It’s all a mind trick by the Cheap Mask!
The monster tightens his grip around her neck and seems to be contemplating chokeslamming her. He starts to lift her.
Nick Stuart: She’s pregnant!!! My gawd no. Please don’t.
Richard Parker: Can we find out where they are and get some help. This is going to far.
The big man’s hands start to shake as Aurora weeps in fear with black tears streaking from her mascara.
Aurora: It’s a boy. I love you, John. Please hear me. HEAR ME.
His hands tremble as he suddenly releases his grip Aurora falls backwards gently and uses the wall to sink to the ground where she cowers crying. The monster towers over her with a great shadow in the red.
Duke Williams: You’re a failure Balaam. Come on. We need to tell Hoyt.
The chain is tugged roughly as Balaam is pulled away as the Malice crew exits leaving the woman cowering. The camera man has regrouped and gets a close up of the frightened woman. She begins pleading to the camera.
Aurora: Please if anyone can hear this, you need to remove that mask from John. Please this is not him. That mask is evil. Anglo Luchador do what you have to do to save John. Break him, remove the mask. Please. Please. Please!
The camera turns off.
Nick Stuart: What was that?
Richard Parker: Are we still not sure that wasn’t an ad for the Addams family reboot.
Nick Stuart: This is not the time for levity.