HORSE APPLES
You know, we aren’t sure exactly why Abe’s here again tonight. His match was yesterday, dammit! But yet, there he goes just walking down the hall backstage at the Petco Arena in his casual wear, not a care to be had.
Abe Lipschitz: Tonight just feels like one of those nights where nothing at all possible can go wrong! Time to get my rizz on, because I’m feelin’ lucky! Where’s Lindz’s offi…uh.
Never turn the blind corner, Scenery Boy. You should know better than that by now! What were you thinking?
Wade Elliott: Well, if ain’t just the kid I’m lookin’ for!
The presence of the Bama Bruiser in and of itself is generally an 8 on the intimidation scale. When you’re someone who’s been pining after his significant other since the day he set foot in PRIME? It’s a 10.
Not even the fact that Wade is holding a rope attached to the reins of a pony makes it less than that.
Abe Lipschitz: Butter Pecan? What are you doing here?
Wade gives Abe a glare as he pats the horse on the snout.
Wade Elliott: You two’ve met, huh?
In a panic, Abe does what he does the worst. He lies.
Abe Lipschitz: Oh, no! I’ve just heard a lot about him from my identical twin, Rudy Lipschitz. Looks just like me, except I wouldn’t be caught dead in a pool without a swim cap. Or a pool that wasn’t mine.
Wade Elliott: Rudy Lipschitz, huh?
Elliott takes a step toward Abe. Again, doesn’t sound that threatening, but considering he was standing about half a step away? A little.
Wade Elliott: Well, why don’t you deliver Rudy a little message fer me? Spent a lot’ve of time cleanin’ up horse apples this week. Not t’mention havin’ to get out on the Cub Cadet to cut over some yard art he left.
Abe tries to take a step backward to put some distance between them. Only he can’t, as he backs right into Butter Pecan.
Wade Elliott: Hedge was nice, though.
Abe Lipschitz: Got it. Happy to relay that to him. Take care, Mr. E!
Lipschitz attempts to walk in the other direction, but the other direction is blocked off by the wall that’s been there the entire time. He then tries to squeeze through the very tiny sliver of space between the pony and the man made of stone. No such luck.
Wade Elliott: Just one more thing, Abe.
Wade balls up his fist…
Abe Lipschitz: Oh no…
…around the rope, just before slipping it into Abe’s hands. Who is now covering his face in a defensive position.
Wade Elliott: Have Rudy take ‘im back where he belongs.
With that, Abe lets his guard down, breathing a sigh of relief. Exactly what Elliott wanted him to do.
SMAK!
A big ol’ kiss on Abe’s cheek from out of nowhere is the goodbye delivered from the Blue Collar Brawler. He grins and walks out of view, leaving Abe and Butter Pecan to try and interpret what just happened.