I DON’T THINK PERCENTAGES WORK THAT WAY, DUDE
The live feed goes backstage, where a smiling Simon Tillier is standing by near the Argyle position. Standing stoically beside him, tattooed arms are pensively folded across the illegible band name on his shirt, is his interview subject, Rezin.
Simon Tillier: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Simon Tillier here backstage, and with me now I have the former Universal Champion, “The Escape Artist” Rezin, moments away from action in our evening’s next contest. Rezin, many are predicting a doozy of a match. How are you feeling, going into this?
Tillier holds out the mic, but the Goat Bastard doesn’t immediately answer. His face is hidden beneath the bill of a black cap.
Rezin: …“former”, huh?
The Goat Bastard tilts his head up, revealing
Rezin: Is this now what I have to look forward to for the remainder of my PRIME career, Simon? Always bein’ referred to as the guy that used to be on top? Constantly bein’ reminded of my failure? Gotta say, that really gums up my grinder…
Simon Tillier: No offense meant, Rezin. I was just acknowledging your status as one of few who have accomplished–
Rezin cuts both hands through the air to cut him off.
Rezin: Nah-nah-nah, Simon… ya got it wrong there. See, I ain’t the kinda guy that lives offa past accomplishments. Leave the formalities of “former” to all the self-snobs, and the try-hards, and the ego-strokers… the ones that need the constant reminder. So that they can keep feelin’ relevant even after their time has passed.
He shakes his head and points to his chest.
Rezin: If I’m gonna be recognized for anything, Simon, it ain’t gonna be for something I did in the past! I’m all about what I’m doin’ NOW! And RIGHT NOW, ain’t any title in this world that can compare to continuin’ to be the most PUNK ROCK muthafugger in PRIME, and ALL of wrestling!
The junior reporter nods
Simon Tillier: Hardly one to rest on your laurels, I see. Well then, let’s focus on “right now”. Here in just a few moments, you’ll be going up against one of the most reviled and feared members of the PRIME roster, Paxton Ray. Given how dangerous the reigning Intense Champion has proven he can be in the ring, are you at all worried about your physical well-being going into this match?
Rezin lets out a gravelly chuckle. It’s meant to be dismissive, but one can still hear a tinge of nervousness in it.
Rezin: Dangerous to all the other normies in that locker room, maybe.
His bloodshot eyes, filled with latent fury, find the camera.
Rezin: But to a crazy, chaotic muthafugger like ME!? Who cut his teeth as a youngling in backyards across the Midwest, gettin’ beat with light tubes and thrown offa roofs through flamin’ tables? Who only lost the Universal Title after bein’ DROPPED through the roof of a cell? Danger is the definition of my entire career, Simon! I LIVE for danger! And I’m willin’ to bet there ain’t a DAMB thing that Paxton Ray can do to me that I ain’t survived before!
Simon Tillier: I suppose that remains to be seen, but real quick, you mentioned the drop through the cage you suffered at Culture Shock. Even after that violent fall, you surprised many by appearing in the battle royal the following night, despite whatever injuries you may have sustained. But now I have to ask, Rezin, is your body at one hundred percent right now?
Rezin scoffs.
Rezin: Where my body is doesn’t matter, Simon! What’s important RIGHT NOW is that my MIND i goin’ at FOUR HUNDRED and TWENTY percent!
Simon Tillier: I’m… not sure I follow you, but I’ll take your word for it, Rezin. In any case, sir, best of luck to you tonight.
Ready to scrap, Rezin rolls his shoulders, cranks his neck, and snorts like a draft horse before disappearing into the Argyle. Tillier finds the camera again and smiles before the sign-off.
Simon Tillier: You heard it here, ladies and gentlemen! Undaunted by defeat, the notorious “Escape Artist” is committing himself to keep his inne fire burning! We’ll see how this shapes out after the bell rings in a few minutes, but right now, let’s go elsewhere, where I’m being told something is about to unfold!