We are backstage with GREAT SCOTT, who is toweling off an uncomfortable amount of sweat after his in-ring debut in tonight’s opening match. Like, it’s just fucking coming off of him, man. It’s hard to say exactly how much water GREAT SCOTT drinks, but if he is sweating this much, this dude is for SURE peeing clear.
In the background, GREAT BEAR stands around, swaying to some EDM music that he is listening to in his sweet Beats by Dre headphones. The “UHN TISS” can be heard faintly in the background, as he sways and vibes to his tunes. THE GREAT ONE looks into the camera and smiles.
GREAT SCOTT: HI EVERYONE, IT’S ME YOUR FRIEND GREAT SCOTT. TONIGHT I CAME BACK TO WRESTLING AND HAD A GREAT MATCH WITH MAFIA MORTIMER AND ALL IN ALL I AM VERY HAPPY WITH MY DEBUT I THOUGHT IT WENT GREAT. MAYBE IT COULD HAVE BEEN GREATER BUT YOU KNOW ME I’M GREAT SCOTT AND I LIKE TO FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES.
He gives two big thumbs up to accentuate his point about the power of positivity.
GREAT SCOTT: SO ANYWHERE HERE IS A POSITIVE I AM GOING TO BE THE NEXT IMPULSE CHAMPION AND IF I WANT TO BE THE IMPULSE CHAMPION I OBVIOUSLY HAVE TO FIGHT A GUY NAMED PETE THAT IS JUST COMMON SENSE. WELL LUCKY ME IT TURNS OUT THERE IS A GUY NAMED PETE IN PRIMETIME WRESTLING AND THAT IS GOOD LUCK FOR ME GREAT SCOTT BECAUSE I TOO AM ALL PRIMELEET.
He gestures something vague toward the camera, in order to split up his dialogue into digestible portions.
GREAT SCOTT: PETE WHEALDON YOU ARE A JERK. I SEE ON THE WEBSITE THAT YOU ARE A BAD GUY AND THAT IS NOT GREAT YOU SHOULD BE A GOOD GUY BECAUSE BEING GOOD IS A GREAT THING TO DO. YOUR SPECIAL MOVES ALL HAVE CURSES IN THE NAME AND THAT IS A BAD INFLUENCE ON THE YOUTH. PLUS THEY ARE JUST A KICK AND A SPINNY PUNCH AND THAT SEEMS PRETTY LAME NONE OF YOUR SPECIAL MOVES ARE AS COOL AS THE SCOTTACANRANA OR EVEN THE SCOTTAGREE WHICH IS LIKE MY FOURTH COOLEST MOVE.
He counts some other moves on his hands, wondering if he should bring up the GREAT SCOTT STUNNER or that cool thing where GREAT BEAR puts a jabroni on his shoulders and then he does a Doomsday Device. You can’t tell he’s thinking about those things because this is live television, but he is.
GREAT SCOTT: PETE I CHALLENGE YOU TO A MATCH AT THE NEXT PRIMETIME WRESTLING PAY PER VIEW AND WHEN I KICK YOU RIGHT IN THE TITS I MEAN RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR TITS LINDSAY AND MELVIN WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BE LIKE “HEY THAT GUY SCOTT IS PRETTY GREAT AND HE IS VERY CHAMPIONY” AND THEY WILL FOR SURE GIVE ME THE BELT. YOU CANNOT BEAT ME PETER BECAUSE I HAVE SPECIAL MOVES WITHOUT CURSES AND ALSO I HAVE A LIVE BEAR NAMED GREAT BEAR. I THINK MAYBE YOU DON’T KNOW HOW SCARY IT IS TO FIGHT WITH A BEAR STANDING REALLY CLOSE TO YOU BUT PLEASE TRUST ME IT IS VERY SCARY IF HE ISN’T YOUR FRIEND. GREAT BEAR ISN’T YOUR FRIEND. HE IS MY FRIEND. AND I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR TITS.
He quietly mouths the words “kick your tits” again, for menacing effect.
GREAT SCOTT: PLEASE LET ME KNOW ON THE WEBSITE OR BY TWITTER OR YOU CAN EVEN TEXT ME AN ANSWER BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW IF I WILL HAVE A MATCH AT THE PAY PER VIEW OR IF I SHOULD MAKE OTHER PLANS THAT DAY MAYBE TO HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS. HAVE A GREAT SHOW EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR YOU PETE WHEALDON BECAUSE YOU ARE MY ENEMY NOW.
He smiles and waves goodbye to the camera, as the show goes on.