INTENSE TITLE: BARBED WIRE ROPES MATCH
RIA NIGHTSHADE VS. THE ANGLO LUCHADOR VS. MORTIMER KJEDELIG VS. ANNA DANIELS
Event: GREAT AMERICAN NIGHTMARE 2022
Event Date: 07/01/2022
INTENSE TITLE: BARBED WIRE ROPES MATCH
RIA NIGHTSHADE VS. THE ANGLO LUCHADOR VS. MORTIMER KJEDELIG VS. ANNA DANIELS
Nick Stuart: Up next is our Intense Title match… what an encounter we have for you. The ring crew have taken off the ropes and wrapped the ring in barbed wire.
Richard Parker: This is going to be awesome! Blood is going to be everywhere!
Nick Stuart: I didn’t know you were into death matches.
Richard Parker: As long as I’m not in them.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with no time limit. It is a barbed wire rope match for the Intense Championship. The only way to win this match is to pin or submit your opponent inside of the squared circle. AAAAAAAND our FIIIIIRST competitor coming down the aisle is MOOOOOOOOOOOOORTIMER Kjedelig!
The opening riffs of “The Immigrant Song” by Karen O with Trent Reznor begins and the masked man emerges from the curtain as the lights dim and the spotlights shine on the ramp. Mortimer Kjedelig begins making his way down the ramp, pointing to the fans in attendance. As he walks by, he pays no attention to the fans, he’s there to a job and his gait shows it. He slides into the currently open ring, steps up to the middle turnbuckle and raises his hands in the air as the spotlight shines upon him. He hops off the turnbuckle and readies himself for the match as the music fades.
Vince Howard: And the first of his opponents… from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAA NIIIIIIGHTSHAAAAAAAADE!
The MGM Grand goes black before being bathed in neon green lighting as the synthesized drum beats of “Tonight (Well Make Love Till We Die” by SSQ fill the arena. After about 40 seconds, guitars and vocals join the drums.
In darkness you will find me
I dance among the dead
But very soon I’ll need to hunt the scent of blood instead
Rising from your earthbed
It thickens in the air
A smell both sweet and rancid, I know that you are near
As the chorus begins, Ria Nightshade finally saunters out from backstage. As she stands near the entranceway, she drinks in the crowd while wearing her usual smirk. She confidently strides down to ringside, stopping at the apron. She swings her right leg up, her heel resting on the apron. She turns her head back towards the crowd, giving a wink before swinging her left leg up onto the apron.
She stays in the split for a second before sliding into the ring. Ria then sits up on her knees before bouncing up to her feet. She picks a random corner, sashaying over that way. Once there, she leans back against the turnbuckles in a seductive pose, waiting for her next opponent.
Vince Howard: From Mount Perdition on the planet Gallifrey… AAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAA DAAAAAAAAANIELS!
Lights go out.
At this point, you’re probably expecting “A Darkness In My Soul” to come through the speakers, right?
Instead there is a drumroll with just the undercurrent of guitar. The drums build for just a bit. Then a spotlight on the top of the ramp shines through the faintest shade of smoke the smoke machine can puff out. It shows Anna Daniels sitting on a steel chair, feet propped on a random crate, sipping on a bottle of Asahi Super Dry to the mocking starting “na-na’s” of Nico Vega’s “Million Years.” She isn’t looking at the ring, looking at the crowd instead.
A common man is a common cold
You know I’m bigger than a body and I’m sweeter than gold
I got swords for hands, detective eyes
You never known something quite like the back of my thighs
You’re low, baby, low, so own your shit
Cause you done fucked up and you’re scared of it
You better learn from a man who’s afraid to dance
With a witch like me, and a wicked trance, ’cause…
The chorus does hit as she pops to her feet. She slips off her robe/cape and headpiece/crown, placing both on the chair.
The Muse walks down to the ring without a care in the world. Her face is a blank slate, showing little on emotion except a small smirk at the equally small “BUY THE SHIRTS” chant that has just started up. There’s looks all over the place. One to a sign holder, another to the commentary desk, and a very brief one to Pom Shinjoku as they lock eyes for a moment. Finishing up her bottle of lager and setting the empty bottle on the floor, Anna rolls under the bottom rope. Only now looking at everyone inside the ring.
Even now, she isn’t bothered by this. This is the New Era in her element.
Vince Howard: And lastly, from PHILAAAAADELPHIA, Pennsylvania, THE AAAAAAAAANGLO LUCHAAAAAAAAAADOR!
The lights in the arena go down. Red lights strobe gently at the entrance after a warning for those for whom flashing lights affect, and red-masked faces appear on the PRIMEview. “Oye Como Va” plays over the loudspeakers, but it is not the familiar original version by Santana. This one is grimier, harder, a metal cover by the band Los Los.
Nick Stuart: I don’t think The Anglo Luchador is playing around, Rich.
Richard Parker: He shouldn’t even be here for what he did to Larry Tact at ReVival 10! He should be fined, suspended, and handed over to Hoyt for flogging!
The Anglo Luchador steps out from the back, wearing a Ria Nightshade PRIME licensed shirt with the sleeves and sides cut out. He carries with him a baseball bat crudely entwined with barbed wire, eyes laser-focused on the ring. He stalks down the ramp paying attention to no one as the red masks slowly melt off the faces on the PRIMEview, leaving behind skulls. The fans do not know what to think. Families with small children are aghast. Meatheads who love gore are losing their ever-loving shit right now. The Son of the Shogun stops short of the ring apron.
Nick Stuart: Ria Nightshade for sure knows what she signed up for here, but did Anna Daniels and Mortimer Kjedelig?
Richard Parker: I just hope the Nevada Board of Corrections and the Department of Justice are watching this. Easy evidence. Open and shut for whatever case is going to come out of this. My Hoyt!
He slowly climbs up onto the apron, holds the bat with his left hand halfway up the barrel, and then drags the barbed wire across his right forearm, drawing blood. He puts his arm to his mouth and suctions. Then, pointing his head towards the rafters, he sprays his own blood in a fine mist from his mouth.
Nick Stuart: …
Richard Parker: I take back every bad thing I’ve ever said about this man. Not because I like him. Because I’m afraid.
As the blood drips from his forearm, he enters the ring and goes over to a corner, awaiting the bludgeoning that is to come.
Nick Stuart: And here we go… our four competitors in the center of the ring.
Richard Parker: And just like we thought!
The Anglo Luchador and Ria Nightshade immediately beeline towards each other and start throwing right hands, fast and furiously. Mort and Anna Daniels are immediately in the same predicament. Ria and TAL fall to the mat, rolling and punching while Mort and Anna stay standing. The Multitudes fires off a right hand to Mortimer’s masked face, and he fires back with an eye rake that sends Anna Daniels stumbling. Mort tries to shove Anna Daniels backwards into the barbed wire but she steps out of the way, and Mort backs away from the north side of the ring’s ropes.
Nick Stuart: That barbwire is already factoring into the equation.
Richard Parker: No shit Nick, it’s barbed wire. These competitors have been factoring in since they found out.
Nightshade comes out on top in the exchange on the ground with the Anglo Luchador on the south side of the ring. The two have rolled near the ropes, and Ria grabs a headlock and tries to drag Anglo towards the ropes. He struggles, and manages to slip his masked head out of the hold, Ria tries to get to her feet but Anglo slams his knee into her midsection causing her to double over. TAL grabs Ria around the midsection and sends another knee flying into her midsection.
Nick Stuart: Vicious knees from The Anglo Luchador into Nightshade’s midsection!
Richard Parker: Oh! Look at Mort and Anna!
On the northside of the ring, Mort sends a right hand into Anna Daniel’s face. She responds with a low kick to the inside of his leg that momentarily hobles the larger man. Anna Daniels fires off a right and then a kick to Mort’s side. Mortimer manages to catch it but Daniels smashes him across the head with an enziguri. Mortimer wobbles back towards the ropes for a second, but falls forward onto his face instead.
Nick Stuart: That was close.
Richard Parker: Nobody’s bled yet.
Nick Stuart: It’s been like three minutes! Plus TAL was bleeding before we started.
Meanwhile on the southside of the ring, Anglo has started trying to push Nightshade backwards into the barbwire, but Nightshade manages to use her foot to push off the ropes and sending TAL stumbling back to the middle of the ring. Nightshade gives TAL a taste of his own medicine and slams him in the stomach with a running knee lift. She then grabs him in a front face lock and sends him careening to the mat with a DDT.
Anna Daniels drags Mortimer over to the barbed wire, but the big man manages to get to his feet on the way and plants his feet. Frustrated, Anna transitions from holding the back of his mask to a Muay Thai clinch and drives a knee into Mortimer’s face. Mortimer’s legs wobble, and Daniels fires off another knee into his face. Mortimer spits out a mixture of his own phlegm and blood on the canvas, and charges Daniels pushing her back towards the ropes.
Richard Parker: Oh yeah, just start bleeding without the barbed wire…
Nick Stuart: Richard I don’t think that’s a choice.
Anna veers slightly connecting with the turnbuckle. Mortimer drives a shoulder into her midsection once, then twice. Anna uses her arms to cover her midsection and make an escape but Mortimer has her cornered. In the middle of the ring, Ria kicks him in the midsection and starts dragging him to the barbed wire. TAL tries to get up, but Ria plants a knee firmly in his back, and smashes his face off of the canvas.
Nick Stuart: Ria Nightshade really giving Anglo Luchador the what for!
Richard Parker: He made her! That glorious campaign for this match made Ria Nightshade.
Nick Stuart: I beg to differ.
Anna Daniels finally falls to the ground from the onslaught Mortimer has put her through, Mort backs off to the center of the ring and comes running into the corner looking for a kick, but Daniels moves and Mortimer’s leg goes through the ropes. The NEW ERA of PRIME gets to her feet to see Mortimer carefully trying to remove his leg from the barbed wire.
Richard Parker: Get Mort out of there! Someone get him unstuck!
Nick Stuart: I don’t think that’s how this match works.
Anna sweeps his planted leg out from under him, finally causing more than just the fabric of his clothing to connect with the barbed wire. Mortimer roars in pain while Anna Daniels takes a moment to recover. Ria has managed to drag TAL most of the way to the barbwire and is trying to run his face across the ropes, TAL is pressing against the mat, but his grip keeps slipping. He realizes he can’t generate enough leverage and grabs the barbed wire.
Nick Stuart: What a decision by Anglo Luchador!
Richard Parker: BRAVERY NICK! THAT’S BRAVERY!
Nick Stuart: Or self preservation.
TAL gets himself to a standing position using the ropes but Nightshade kicks him in the midsection. The elderly luchador fights through the pain and manages to stomp at Ria’s foot as hard as he can. The shock of the move gives TAL an opening and he pulls his hands off the ropes and grabs Nightshade by the hair and whips her into the barbed wire. Anna notices things going south for Ria Nightshade and comes across the ring and hammers home a right hand across The Anglo Luchador’s face. The unexpected shock stuns TAL, and Anna Daniels hits him with a perfect dropkick, sending him into the barbed wire.
Richard Parker: No! You’re supposed to be fighting Morty! This isn’t some type of team up!
Nick Stuart: There aren’t any rules Richard, anything goes, including teaming up.
The old crafty veteran manages to keep his arms off of the wire and reaches out and pulls Anna Daniels into the wire with him. Ria struggles and manages to rip her midsection out of the barbed wire and starts unloading with right hands on The Anglo Luchador. In the meantime, Mortimer has carefully freed his legs from the barbed wire and comes running into the scene on the ropes like a bull in a china shop. He connects with a clothesline to the back of Ria’s head, his body thumping into The Anglo Luchador, and his other arm clotheslining Anna Daniels and stopping her attempt to free herself from the barbed wire.
Richard Parker: Did the ropes just creak?
Nick Stuart: That’s a lot of human being tied up in barbed wire…
Richard Parker: OH SHIT! NO MORTY!
Mortimer backs up and runs at the now trapped grouping, Ria Nightshade and The Anglo Luchador are intertwined, body and barbed wire, while Anna Daniels is directly beside TAL. Mort gets close and leaps, delivering a huge cross body to all three.
Richard Parker: HOLY SHIT!
Nick Stuart: Holy shit.
The barbed wire ropes on the east side of the ring snap, sending all four competitors spilling down to the arena floor, a tangle of barbed wire and bodies. Mortimer starts to pull himself free from the barbed wire very carefully while the rest of the competitors lay resting and bleeding on the floor.
Nick Stuart: The barbed wire ropes on the side of the ring farthest from us have snapped.
Richard Parker: No shit Nick, no shit. Jesus, I get wanting to turn them into pin cushions…
Nick Stuart: I’m still in shock.
Mortimer is the first to his feet as the rest begin to rise. Just as Ria Nightshade peels herself free from TAL she encounters a boot to the stomach. Ria fights back, dropping to her knees on the barbed wire and smashing Mortimer with a low blow. Mortimer hunches over and walks gingerly over to the apron and leans against it. Ria pulls herself up, blood and puncture wounds across her clavicle. She turns towards Mortimer and lays a kick into his midsection, then grabs him by the arm and whips him as hard as she can into the steel steps.
Nick Stuart: What an Irish whip from Ria Nightshade.
Richard Parker: Cheating! SHE CHEATED!
Nick Stuart: There’s no rules Richard.
The Anglo Luchador and Anna Daniels finally get to their feet, TAL is dazed from taking the brunt of the cross body, and having Ria land on him while on the floor. Blood is streaming down his back. Anna grabs him by the mask and slams him face first into the barricade. The old luchador tries to fire back by slamming her head into the barricade but Daniels grabs ahold of TAL’s fingers and snaps it backwards.
Richard Parker: Oh no… not finger stuff I hate finger stuff.
Nick Stuart: Creative offense here from Anna Daniels!
TAL shakes his bleeding hand furiously as Anna grabs his arm and irish whips him into the barricade, away from Mortimer, Ria, and the barbed wire floor. Ria grabs Mort’s face and drives the back of his skull into the steps again, before pulling him to his feet. She grabs the much larger man, and tries to slam him onto the barbed wire with a uranage. Mortimer manages to stretch his back leg out so he can’t be tripped and pushes Ria Nightshade away from him.
Richard Parker: Thank God.
Nick Stuart: That could have been bad for both competitors.
Richard Parker: I don’t know if Ria really cares.
Mortimer tries to catch his breath but Nightshade is right back at him, raking her nails down his back. Mortimer yelps and walks away from the barbed wire holding his back. Ria is right behind him and drives his face into the padded concrete with a running bull dog. On the other side of the ring Anna Daniels grabs TAL and tries to irish whip him into the steel stairs, but TAL stops himself in his tracks, turns around and ripcords Anna Daniels into a big right cross. Anna sprawls out on the concrete floor as TAL reaches under the ring and pulls out a table.
Richard Parker: HAH!
Nick Stuart: The violence in this match keeps escalating.
Richard Parker: I’m just glad we got rid of the KFC kitchen under there.
Ria Nightshade looks across the ring and sees The Anglo Luchador setting up the table, she takes off sprinting around the far side. TAL sets the table up on the arena floor and begins grabbing the barbed wire off the ground, he turns around and places it on the table but gets caught with a diving forearm. TAL is floored, but manages to roll to one knee. Ria is up in an instant and grabs the old Luchador by the face and pulls him towards the barbed wire ropes.
Nick Stuart: Ria with a big save, and Anna Daniels gets a moment to recover.
Richard Parker: Not if my boy Mort has anything to say about it.
Stumbling around the corner comes Mortimer, but Anna Daniels has made it to her feet. She fires off a right hand to the large mask man, and follows it up with a front kick to the top of the thigh. Mort’s knee buckles and Anna smashes him in the face with a knee. Mort turns around holding his already busted mouth but Anna hooks both of his arms and slams him to the arena floor with a Tiger Suplex. Meanwhile TAL elbows Ria in the stomach and grabs her face pulling it towards the barbed wire.
Richard Parker: Get her!
Nick Stuart: This is sick.
He pushes her face towards the ropes, but Anna Daniels comes back and slams TAL across the side of the head with a forearm. Anna grabs the Anglo Luchador by the back of the head and slams his face off of the ring apron. TAL ricochets back up, and Ria slams his head off the mat a second time. Ria grabs TAL’s face and runs it across the barbed wire ropes causing part of his mask to tear and reveal his forehead.
Nick Stuart: Big gash opening up on TAL’s forehead here.
Richard Parker: The ringside area might as well be a moat.
Anna, seeing Ria has everything in hand, turns around and gets smashed with a clothesline by Mort. TAL manages to gouge Ria in the eye with his thumb and stumbles off for safety holding his head. TAL makes it back over to the barbed wire free side of the ring, grabs his bat and rolls in. Ria is hot on his tail. Anna and Mortimer are trading wobbly right hands, and finally Mort kicks her in the stomach and hits her with a DDT.
Nick Stuart: Ria Nightshade and Anglo Luchador are having a show down in the middle of the ring!
Richard Parker: Anna Daniels and this NEW ERA thing might be DOA after Mort’s done slamming her head off the concrete!
The Anglo Luchador kicks Ria in the stomach and he raises his bat into the air to a mixed reaction from the crowd as Ria is barely able to stand in front of him.
Nick Stuart: He can’t be thinking…
Richard Parker: After the brutality we’ve seen in this match, I’d be surprised if he didn’t try to do batting practice on that poor woman’s eye socket.
Nick Stuart: And with Pom Shinjoku in the front row! He can’t be.
The Son of the Shogun takes the bat and calls his shot. He winds up, but at the last second stops his swing. Instead, he heaves the bat behind him in a Jose Bautista-worthy flip as if he just won the World Series. The crowd, which had cheered every gory action in this match from all four competitors at this point, rises in unison to cheer the Luchador’s decision. On the outside Mortimer pulls Anna Daniels to her feet, but she manages to fend him off with a kick to the stomach and drives him head first into the barricade.
Nick Stuart: I don’t believe it! The Anglo Luchador has a heart after all!
Richard Parker: But he has no brain! He could have had this match won!
Nick Stuart: To quote Anthony Mackie from that Disney Plus series everyone hated about my partner here, “he’s out of line, but he’s right.” But I think I’m glad his heart won over his brain here.
Anna Daniels runs and goes to knee Kjedelig in the face but Mort slumps over and Daniels’ knee crashes into the barricade. The old luchador grabs Ria by her waist and lifts her perpendicularly to the canvas. After a 450-degree turn, he drops her on her neck at a sharp angle.
Nick Stuart: KARELIN DRIVER! KARELIN DRIVER! THAT’S HIS OLD FINISHER! HE’S GOT THE INTENSE CHAMPIONSHIP WON!
Elvis Nixon drops to the canvas on the inside of the ring. On the outside of the ring Anna Daniels tries to run into the ring but Mortimer lunges and tackles her to the ground. The two scramble around on the floor until the larger man gets the upper hand.
Nick Stuart: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? RIA NIGHTSHADE KICKS OUT AT ONE! SHE TOOK THE ANGLO LUCHADOR’S HEAVIEST SHOT AND KICKED OUT AT ONE!
Richard Parker: Oh my Hoyt. I don’t think she can be denied tonight, Nick.
TAL gets to his feet and is wobbling as Ria drags herself to her feet. The two square off and two big right hands and TAL is falling backwards to the turnbuckles. Ria grabs the old man by the arm and sends him flying into the barbed wire closest to Anna Daniels and Mortimer. Mortimer is pulling Anna Daniels up to her feet by her hair. He grabs The Time Lord and lifts her up for a power slam. Anna fires off right hand after right hand and finally The Muse slides off his shoulders and lands on her feet. Ria runs at The Son of the Shogun and rips him off the barbed wire with a picture perfect cutter.
Richard Parker: NOOOOOOOO!
Nick Stuart: Huge jumping cutter by Ria Nightshade! She calls it Toxic Shock Syndrome!
Mortimer and Daniels are back to trading strikes on the outside. Mortimer manages to come back after an eye rake and kick Anna Daniels in the stomach, he lifts her up for a power bomb. Ria Nightshade sees it out of the corner of her eye and instead of pinning TAL goes flying over the barbed wire ropes. She’s a second too late as Anna Daniels is smashed through the barbed wire covered table with a power bomb.
Richard Parker: YEEEEEEEEEEES! SHE CAN’T TURN BACK TIME NOW!
Ria lands and shoves Mortimer, he hits the barricade, but Ria crashes into the carnage of the barbed wire table. Ria tries to pull herself up, but Mortimer runs over and slams her down on the barbed wire with his arm-trap neck breaker.
Richard Parker: HAH! HE GOT HER TOO!
Nick Stuart: The Bust Out has Nightshade covered in barbed wire.
Mortimer stumbles through the carnage towards the ring and rolls in on the open side. He looks down at a still unconscious TAL and smiles. A man comes through the crowd with a chair wrapped in barbed wire, and slides into the open end of the ring right behind Mortimer.
Richard Parker: GET THAT FAN OUT OF HERE!
Nick Stuart: That doesn’t look like a fan Richard…
The man slides into the ring, directly behind Mortimer Kjedelig. The man taps Mortimer on the shoulder, he turns around directly into a chair shot right to the top of the head. Mortimer hits the ground like a sack of bricks. The man smashes him in the head with the chair again, and then smashes him in the ribs with it.
Richard Parker: NO! NO! NO!
Nick Stuart: NO! THAT CAN’T BE!
Richard Parker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tony ‘The Grin’ Gamble turns around, trademark smirk across his face.
Nick Stuart: TONY GAMBLE IS HERE FOLKS! THE PRIME HALL OF FAMER HAS JUST FLOORED MORTIMER KJEDELIG!
Richard Parker: I need another pair of pants. I just shit myself.
Gamble yanks the barbed wire off the chair and drops to the ground on top of Mortimer. He locks in the Smile For Me using the barbed wire across Mortimer Kjedelig’s mouth. Mort is unresponsive as Gamble yanks back on the hold extremely hard before slamming Mortimer’s head off the canvas. He lets go of the hold and starts to exit the ring but The Enemigos come down and surround Gamble who puts his hands up in the air. The Anglo Luchador looks up glassy eyed and sees Mortimer unconscious on the ground. He crawls over leaving a blood smear across the canvas.
Nick Stuart: This can’t end like this.
Richard Parker: OH YES IT CAN! THE FIX IS IN! JUST LIKE WHEN KENNEDY BECAME PRESIDENT!
Ria Nightshade and Anna Daniels try to rip the barbed wire off of themselves frantically as Elvis Nixon slides over for his first cover of the night.
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: The winner of this match, and the NEEEEEEEEEW INTENSE CHAMPION! THE AAAAAAAAANGLO LUCHAAAAAAAADOR!
Nick Stuart: Mortimer just got robbed.
Richard Parker: Who cares, the right guy won!
Ria Nightshade finally rolls through the open end of the ring, a bloodied mess. Anna Daniels looks back into the ring momentarily, then stumbles her way back down the aisle.
Nick Stuart: We’re gonna cut backstage while they clean this ring up…
Richard Parker: I don’t think so Nick…
The only two left in the ring that are still conscious are The Anglo Luchador and Ria Nightshade. Both are bloodied and beaten, but neither is broken. The old luchador with the half torn mask rises to his feet and looks over at Ria.
He’s extending his hand.
Nick Stuart: After everything he’s put her through, he’s got a LOT of nerve to extend an olive branch.
Richard Parker: Even he might agree with you there, Rich, but let’s see how this plays out.
He nods as vigorously as his tired muscles allow him to while his hand is outstretched. He speaks to her, without aid of a microphone. Only those within 30 feet or so can hear him.
TAL: I’m sorry. I really am.
The Toxic Queen scowls momentarily but turns away, blushing slightly.
Nick Stuart: I don’t know what’s going on here. But I don’t think Ria is having any of it.
TAL: You don’t have to take my hand here. I understand. If you want, I will leave you alone forever. You deserve whatever it is you want. I just want to make sure you know I’m sorry.
Ria gets up and stares at the old luchador. It’s unclear whether a tear is forming in her eye or if it’s just perspiration. Her look softens for a moment before she lifts her head up.She shakes her head sadly before pushing past him to walk away.
TAL: Yeah, I deserve that. No hard feelings from me.
The old luchador turns around to collect his bat, when suddenly, every light in the Grand Garden Arena goes dark.
Nick Stuart: What is it now?
Richard Parker: I have no idea Richard.
The din of the crowd reaches fever pitch before the lights turn back on to show Balaam standing in front of The Anglo Luchador, breathing literal steam out of the nose holes in his mask. Duke Williams and Joe Burro flank him, barking orders to attack.
Nick Stuart: This is disgusting! The Anglo Luchador just fought a war against three of the best wrestlers PRIME has to offer!
Richard Parker: Justice waits not for you to rest, Nick! The Anglo Luchador will finally pay for his sins at the hands of Hoyt’s chosen executioner!
With dried blood caked on his skin and muscles aching, the old luchador strikes first, peppering Balaam’s chest with stiff-ass, chest-reddening knife-edge chops that hurt his own hand and wrist more than they do the monster’s chest. The Mask of Malice goozles the Shogun’s Son’s throat, looking to put him through the mat with a chokeslam. The old luchador is able momentarily to break free by kicking Balaam’s leg out of his leg, but before he can turn to escape, Balaam grabs him again by the back of his shoulder.
Nick Stuart: I think we’re seeing the end of The Anglo Luchador here in PR…
Stuart’s commentary is interrupted by an absolute eardrum-shattering pop from the crowd. Ria Nightshade has turned around and is sprinting back to the ring. She picks up the barbed-wire bat that The Anglo Luchador crafted and sends a Shohei Ohtani-sized home run crack to Balaam’s ribs.
Nick Stuart: She’s back! The Toxic Queen is back! Maybe there is room for forgiveness in her?
Richard Parker: No, she’s just another heathen who needs a flogging!
She winds up again to take aim at the Mask of Malice, but he shrugs off the first shot too quickly for her to get another off. Suddenly, Hoyt’s acolyte has both the Son AND Daughter of the Shogun by their throats.
Nick Stuart: Oh no. The Enemigos are distracted handling Tony Gamble! They can’t come out here to get involved!
Lift. CRASH. The Anglo Luchador and Ria Nightshade both are planted on the canvas, eyes facing the lights of the Grand Garden Arena before they go out again. After a few seconds, they return on. Balaam, Duke, and Burro are all gone. EMTs rush out of the back to get the two competitors loaded up and taken backstage for medical attention.
Nick Stuart: Okay… now we’re going… get more people out here NOW!
Richard Parker: HOYT! YES HOYT SAVES!