INTENSE TITLE BARBED WIRE ROPES: MAX KAEL vs. PAXTON RAY
Nick Stuart: Our main event tonight features two competitors who are NO strangers to bloodying their opponents, themselves, or a camera or three in order to win. And to make the stakes even higher? The vacant Intense Championship is on the line!
Richard Parker: Someone’s gonna die. I just hope it isn’t Max. You know. AGAIN. That’d be a real PR nightmare.
Nick Stuart: Yeesh, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. It’s no secret that Maximillian Wilhelm Kael has been involved in some of the most brutal matches ever seen in professional wrestling, but this is the first time we get to see this side of The Unquestionable One work his bloody magic inside a PRIME ring.
Richard Parker: Let’s not forget that Paxton Ray is no stranger to the art of hardcore wrestling, either. Just look at his match against The Anglo Luchador at UltraViolence, and nearly a year ago when he tangled with Hall of Famer Nova at Culture Shock 2023. A match where he went IN the defending Intense Champion and walked out STILL Intense Champion. That’s not even counting his past exploits in bare-knuckle brawling!
Nick Stuart: Suffice to say, the PRIME Faithful should understand just how–
Richard Parker: –insane?!
Nick Stuart: Well, yeah. And–
Richard Parker: – totally bonkers these guys are when put into a match this violent in nature?
Nick Stuart: You said it, partner. This could be one for the ages, gents, and lets hope Grandma, the kids, and Uncle Pete and his pacemaker are put to bed right now, because this one’s about to get underway!
The lights in the KeyBank Center flicker for a moment before they shut off completely with a loud..
“Underground” by Tom Waits and John Powell comes crashing over the booing crowd. Loud horns bellow angrily, smothering the crowd’s reaction with loud, abrasive sounding music. The Kaelsalvanian flag, whose three distinct colors are red, green and black, flutters proudly on the PRIME*View. The Herald marches out onto the stage wearing his garish Renaissance gear. As per usual he has a massive Max Kael banner which he waves proudly in the air.
Nick Stuart: Well, this is always, uh, interesting. A Max Kael entrance, that is.
Richard Parker: Shut it, Nick. Max Kael entrances are an experience, and every time you open your mouth you’re ruining mine!
The heavy, thrumming beat of the music is soon joined by the harsh, unyielding voice of Tom Waits.
“Rattle big black bones in the danger zones.”
A shopping cart of weapons is shoved out onto the stage. It nearly runs over the Herald who scampers out of the way at the last moment.
“There’s a rumblin’ groan down below.”
The shopping cart is followed by the Unquestionable One himself, Maximilian Kael! He is dressed appropriately for a barbed wire ropes match. Instead of normal wrestling gear he is wearing black jeans tucked into a pair of shit kicker boots. He has a tactical vest over a black shirt with his arms fully wrapped in bandages.
“There’s a big dark town, it’s a place I’ve found.”
Max pulls a large, God of War style battle ax from the shopping cart that has been wrapped in barbed wire. The crowd gasps and then cheers for the pure insanity of it. It doesn’t stop there as Max produces lighter fluid from the cart! People start going crazy and the match hasn’t even started yet!
“There’s a World going on underground!”
He pours lighter fluid on the ax then ignites it much to the roaring, bloodthirsty joy of the crowd! Max starts waving the ax around as fireworks start exploding out of it! The Lord of Kaelsalvania looks just as surprised as anyone else as the ax launches itself from his hand and explodes harmlessly some twenty feet up in the air. Is it part of the show? Is it a botch-a-mania clip?
Max and the Herald stare up at the place where the flaming ax had exploded for a few moments. They then share a look, shrugging before they continue with the entrance.
The Herald: STANDING at SIX FOOT FOUR INCHES.. Weighing EIGHTEEN AND A HALF underfed orphans! The Lord of Kaelsalvania, the Prime Minister of Maxopotamia, Future Intense Champion, the
SEVE-..EIGHTH Canon Max of PRIME, the Unquestionable Kael, the Second of His Name, LONG MAY HE MAIM! He is UNQUESTIONABLY Maximillian Wilhelm KAEL!
Max instructs the Herald to take away his cart of weapons, now concerned that they all will explode. He then jogs down to the ring to make up for lost time by the exploding ax as the crowd boos the future lack of exploding weapons.
He carefully enters the ring doing his best to avoid the barbed wire ropes. He throws both of his arms into the air once he enters the ring, mean mugging the TV camera as the failure of the exploding ax is quickly brushed away by his abrasive ego.
“They say it’s good to start a story with a tragedy.”
“Fistfight” by The Ballroom Thieves pumps through Buffalo as Paxton Ray walks out under the PRIMEView. Paxton shakes his head with disgust as the fans boo him mercilessly. As if on cue, Chet Fleetwood, who had been walking behind our former Intense Champion, holds up a microphone, shouting.
Chet Fleetwood: CUT THE MUSIC!
‘Fistfight’ fades away quickly as the fans boo Chet Fleetwood, who walks out with the same big book with the name ‘FLEETWOOD’ on it that he had with him at Colossus.
Chet Fleetwood: I’ll take that, thank you very much. Now I’m sure you all noticed that ratings and buy rates for Colossus spiked for the two minutes and thirty six seconds that I had the microphone, so sit down Vince. You’re lucky I don’t try to take your job.
Nick Stuart: Really?
Richard Parker: I don’t think Chet has been watching PRIME very long. Or, at least, doesn’t get the ACE Network. Vince is an institution!
Chet Fleetwood: Ooooh I like that. Keep chanting suckwads. Anyway…INTRODUUUUUCING… from Lafayette, Louisiana…weighing in at a studly, masculine, 255 lbs! They call him the Murder Gator, but I just call him my ticket to fame…
Nick Stuart: I’m surprised he’s admitting it.
Richard Parker: I’m not.
Chet Fleetwood: Though you’re not worthy to receive him, I give to you… THE BAYOUUUUUUUUUU BUTCHER… PAXTOOOOOOOOOON RAAAAAAAY!
Paxton shakes his head at Chet’s over-the-top insults but continues toward the barbed-wire ring anyway. Staring and studying the barbed-wire ropes, Paxton nods his head as if to say “Let’s fucking do this.”.
Sliding under the bottom rope, narrowly escaping some barbs, Paxton gets into the ring, staring down Unquestionably Max.
Elvis Nixon looks at both competitors, and without further ado, he signals for the bell.
Nick Stuart: Here we go!
Richard Parker: Hell yeah! Been looking forward to this one since I saw the bookings go out!
Once the bell sounds, Paxton goes right for Max, who falls back a bit. Drawing Paxton into the corner, The Unquestionable quickly goes behind Paxton, hoping to get the former Intense Champion to hurt himself amongst the barbed-wire. He stops himself from sledgehammering down onto the turnbuckle and barbed-wire, though, and simply turns around.
Nick Stuart: Max trying to get Paxton to damage himself with all that barbed-wire is actually a pretty sound strategy. I just don’t know if Pax will fall for it.
Richard Parker: Yeah, I don’t think he will. Despite this type of match seemingly being in favor of The Kaelstrom, this IS Paxton Ray’s wheelhouse.
Max is right there with a kick to the mid-section. He follows it up with a dropkick to the chin that sends spit (or maybe a tooth?) flying into the front row. With Pax reeling in the corner, Max spins and connects with a harsh roaring elbow right to the chin!
Then he connects with another!
Nick Stuart: Max driving those Roaring Hellbows into Ray’s face, as quick and ferocious as possible!
Richard Parker: The Quick and Ferocious. Sounds like a wish-ordered version of Fast and the Furious.
Pax finally drops to the bottom turnbuckle, the barbed-wire scraping his back like a cheese grater. Backing up across the ring so that he is in the opposite corner, Max skips in the air to pick up momentum from an inert state. Full speed ahead he goes for a running knee strike, but the Bayou Butcher moves out of the way!
Max’s knee connects with the barbed-wire, immediately ripping open the knees in the pair of jeans he’s dressed in for the brutal affair.
Nick Stuart: Well, Paxton’s back looks like raw hamburger meat now…
Richard Parker: …and Max looks like he’s auditioning for a 90s grunge band.
Paxton looks extremely pissed off, feeling the brutal stinging sensation coming from his back. Grabbing Max by the underside of his chin, Paxton rips his shirt apart and delivers a scintillating open palm slap to the chest of Unquestionably Kael that reverberates throughout the Keybank Arena. Before Max can fall to his knees, Paxton wags his finger and brings him straight up to his feet again.
The next smack echoes even LOUDER as the PRIME Faithful cry out with a squeamishly reactive “OOOOOH!”
Nick Stuart: Lord have MERCY!
Paxton reaches back one more time and delivers an even harder slap to Max’s chest.
Richard Parker: GOD! I think all of Buffalo heard that shot!
Max goes down to his knees from the impact of the open-palm smacks, clutching his chest. Paxton gives no respite, though, and grabs Max by his neck with both hands and choke lifts him to his feet. Grabbing the back of his head, he takes Max and chucks him haphazardly straight into the barbed-wire, cutting him up severely!
Nick Stuart: Yikes! What a bad landing for Maximilian.
Max lands awkwardly with his right leg becoming trapped between the top and middle ropes, causing him to dangle against the barbed wire. Paxton seizes the opportunity to lay the stomps into Max’s mid-section, each kick brimming with malice. Finally, after several well-placed kicks, Max’s leg becomes free and he falls to the mat.
Richard Parker: We knew this one wouldn’t be pretty, but DAMN!
Paxton takes the back of his head and smothers his face into the barbed wire, slicing under his scalp and ripping his lip apart. With his head mired in the barbed wire, Pax backs up a few feet before plunging forward, smashing the back of his head with the sole of his boot, exacerbating the brutality left behind from the barbed wire.
Nick Stuart: This is ALREADY getting hard to watch.
Richard Parker: Oh look, Paxton’s not done!
Pax backs up once again, and goes to drive his foot into the back of Max’s head again. The Lord of Kaelsylvania pulls himself off of the barbed wire, though, causing the Murdergator to fully extend his leg across it, while trapping his other leg beneath the bottom rope, effectively crotching himself!
Max pulls Pax away from the ropes into position for a back suplex, but spins The Lafayette Bruiser into a Blue Thunder Bomb!
Nixon is right there for the count!
Nick Stuart: That was an impressive sequence there by Kael. Paxton could be in trouble here!
THR- Ray kicks out!
Richard Parker: Pax got stunned there! Look at all the blood on the mat from his back and the cuts in his legs!
Max is back to his feet, bleeding pretty much everywhere as well. The cut under his scalp seems to have worsened, creating the good ole crimson mask.
Nick Stuart: These guys are going to need a blood transfusion after this one!
Richard Parker: Well, they’re not getting it from me. I’m Type O… something?
Nick Stuart: How helpful.
Taking a moment, Max finally starts bringing Paxton to his feet, but Paxton turns the tables and lifts Pleasant up into the air as if he’s going for the pop-up european uppercut, Lafayette Lullaby. But on the landing, Paxton simply pushes down on Max’s back, causing him to land abdomen first across the top rope’s barbed wire!
Nick Stuart: WHAT A DISGUSTING LANDING!
Richard Parker: Look at him now! Pax is relentless!
Grabbing him by the legs, Paxton starts dragging Max across the barbed wire top rope. Parts of the barbed wire become unraveled as Kael is dragged across the rope from post to post. One of the pieces has even entangled itself in his hair, with the end of it ripping at his brow.
The camera pans to people in the audience becoming squeamish at the brutal sight, switching back and forth between what’s happening live in front of them and replays on the PRIMEView.
Nick Stuart: Ugh. I’m going to need a shower after this one. Yeesh.
Richard Parker: You and me BOTH.
Turning so that he positions Max’s legs on top of both of Paxton’s shoulders, the latter pulls down on the former’s legs for an Alabama Slammer! The barbed wire that had been caught on Max’s shirt, ripped apart the rest of it as he slammed into the hard part of the ring on his upper back/lower neck region.
Paxton doesn’t bother going for a cover, though. Instead, he pulls Max’s arms up into a full-nelson. Pushing him forward, Paxton makes sure that Max’s mouth touches the barbed wire as he sits down, camel clutch style. Paxton wrenches back with the full-nelson clutch, as Max’s tongue is being sliced up by the barbed wire!
Nick Stuart: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!
Richard Parker: I can’t… watch this… Mother of GOD!!
“YOU SICK FUCK!”
“YOU SICK FUCK!”
“YOU SICK FUCK!”
“YOU SICK FUCK!”
It’s music to Pax’s ears as he implores rather loudly for Nixon to ask him if he gives up.
Max refuses, pulling his tongue back from the barbed wire like the kid on the frozen pole in A Christmas Story. Continuing to wrench back, Paxton releases the pressure just enough to try and reposition himself, but that’s all the window Max needs to slip through it and slides back, through Paxton’s legs.
Nick Stuart: Max got out of it!
Richard Parker: I can’t believe we ACTUALLY saw a submission attempt in this match!
Bleeding from the mouth– and profusely from his head, still–Kael tries everything to keep Paxton away at this point. Max even begs off for a half-second before thinking better of it and going for the low blow… but Paxton squeezes his legs together and stops Kael’s arm from meathooking him. Signaling for the end, Paxton crosses his own neck with his thumb in a slashing motion. The Murdergator goes for the Lafayette Lullaby, but on the way down, Kael jams his thumb into Paxton’s eye!
Nick Stuart: MAX JAMMED THAT THUMB RIGHT IN HIS LEFT EYE!
Richard Parker: Talk about a tale of twisted irony!
Paxton is dazed, and while holding his damaged eye, The Mirikael Worker connects with successive Shibata-style headbutts to The Murdergator! At this point, it looks like the bridge of Murdergator’s nose has been severely broken as it bends in an unnatural and violent way!
Nick Stuart: Ugh, I swear I heard the snap of Paxton’s cartilage after those headbutts!
Richard Parker: Yeah that was- DREAMWEAVER!
Just after smashing Paxton with those headbutts, Max circles around him and delivers a standing lariat to the back of the Bayou Butcher’s head!
Nick Stuart: This one’s over! That Dreamweaver might’ve knocked him out!
Kael rolls Ray over and covers him with a lateral press. The blood pours down his face and onto Paxton’s body as he sticks his tongue out, intense with a carnal rage.
NO! NO! PAXTON KICKED OUT! PAXTON KICKED OUT!
Nick Stuart: How the hell did he kick out of that?!
Richard Parker: I don’t think he got the full extension of his arm, or maybe the blood loss has weakened him at this point, and thus the full impact of his patented Northern Lariat clothesline! It was more like a Dazeweaver!
Kael, upset that he didn’t get the three-count, gets into Nixon’s face, who reiterates in no uncertain terms that he did NOT get the three!
Nick Stuart: Maximilian is taking his eye off the ball here! Never do that in a match against someone as dangerous as Paxton Ray!
Richard Parker: I agree. But, he didn’t get all of it! Pax is STILL rocked from it, too!
Max tries to go for another Dreamweaver, but Paxton falls to the one knee, sending Kael flying into the barbed wire ropes! The momentum of the lariat sends Kael down and rolling into the bottom barbed-wire rope, catching his neck on the rough wire and barbs before falling to the outside!
Nick Stuart: That was a HUGE misstep for Max Kael! Paxton Ray is still dazed, but he has a great opportunity here to recover from the half-powered Dreamweaver!
Richard Parker: Jesus Christ!! He could’ve cut his jugular from the force in which his neck hit that rope!
Slow to get to his feet, Max, uses the edge of the ring apron to hold himself up. Paxton, meanwhile, stands back up after being on one knee and sees exactly where his opponent has gone. Looking back at the barbed-wire ropes, then where Max is spotted… he shrugs.
Nick Stuart: No way. He is NOT going to do what I think he’s going to do here… is he?!
Richard Parker: Looks that way, Nick!
Backing into the barbed-wire ropes, he uses whatever recoil he can to run forward. Just when it seems like he’s going to go for an unconventional dive between the “ropes”, Max smashes a bag of glass across Paxton’s face that explodes on impact!
Ray rolls around for a moment, yelling out in pain as Elvis Nixon immediately drops to his knees to check on the former Intense Champion. Max, blood pouring down his face for nearly the entirety of this match, holds the twist-tied top of the ripped apart garbage bag full of broken glass with a grin that could curl toes. Paxton is still down, covering his eyes and trying to pull out glass from his face.
Kael goes underneath the ring and pulls out a massive spool of barbed-wire, in which he begins to take a “strand” of it and wrap it around his arm.
Nick Stuart: IS HE WEAPONIZING HIS OWN ARM?!
Richard Parker: I think he knows how much blood he’s lost at this point. There’s no way he can get Murdergator down without something extra put into his Dreamweaver.
Sliding under the bottom rope, Max pulls the barbed-wire tight around his arm, cutting into his own arm from the tautness of it on his flesh. At this point, Paxton is getting to his feet, still pulling chunks of glass from different areas of his face. Kael rushes in on him… but he hears it!
Listening to Kael’s steps crunching on the glass faster and faster, Paxton hunkers down, lifts Kael up into the air with frightening height and SWINGS WITH HIS ARM INTO AN UPPERCUT!
Nick Stuart: LAFAYETTE LULLABY!
Richard Parker: HE GOT HIM!
But he didn’t.
With Paxton partially blinded, his big ole swinging arm glanced Max’s face, allowing him to retreat into the turnbuckle. With Paxton realizing he missed, Max dashes forward with great speed, an arm outstretched, and SMASHES his barbed-wire arm against the neck and back of Paxton’s head. Max collapses on top of Paxton’s body, which just so happens to be flat on the mat.
Nick Stuart: MY GOD! MAX HIT PAX WITH ANOTHER DREAMWEAVER!
Richard Parker: This time he got all of it and THEN some.
Nixon slides into position…
DING DING DING
The crowd erupts, not so much for who won the match, but because we have finally crowned a brand new Intense Champion in 2024.
Vince Howard: The winner of this match… and NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW PRIME INTENSE CHAMPION, MAXIMILIAM WILHEEEEEEEEELM KAAAAAAAEL!
Max Kael raises his arms in victory for a moment, before collapsing to the mat beside Paxton. Paxton is still picking small pieces of glass from his face as he rolls to his side. Holding the back of his neck, Paxton refuses Nixon’s help and is up on his own accord. Yelling obscenities, clearly aware of what just went down, Paxton rolls under the bottom rope and to the outside.
Nick Stuart: What a MESS! Piles of glass! Pools of blood! Spools of even MORE barbed-wire! I’ve never seen anything like what we just witnessed!! What an absolute WAR both competitors just went through!!!
Richard Parker: I think it’s very interesting that Pax was on his feet before the actual winner of this match. Max Kael might’ve won the match and championship, but he hardly looks like a winner right now.
Max finally rolls over, leaving behind a face imprint of blood on the mat. Laughing maniacally, Max holds his arms up as Elvis Nixon bends down to hand the Lord of Kaelsylvania his newly won Intense Championship. Joining a group of previous title holders that consists of names like Tony Gamble, Jonathan Rhine, and the late, great Seymour Almasy, Maximilian Wilhelm Kael holds it close to his chest and closes his eyes. The above camera spins in a slow spiral on its way down, capturing a Cheshire cat grin on Max’s face. The camera zooms down from the heavens, dizzying all those who might be watching on the PRIME*View screen.
The camera inches closer and closer to our new champion’s face where it finally stops spiraling and lowering as it fixates on his closed eyes.
But then they open, blood seeping into the corners from all of his nasty cuts surrounding his forehead and face.