INTENSE TITLE: THE ANGLO LUCHADOR (C) vs. TONY GAMBLE
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME NIGHT TWO SIGNS BECAUSE OH BOY I AM!
THIS IS A VERY LONG INTERMISSION. WHEN DOES THE NEXT MATCH START? AND WHERE IS EVERYONE?
SANTA SID IS MAKING A LIST, AND POWERBOMBING IT TWICE
DO YOUR PART: ADOPT TAPIOCA PUDDINGS TODAY
COOLOSSUS (sorry he paid me)
COLOSSUS IS MY FAVORITE X-MAN
CANCER JILES IS GETTING COALOSSUS IN HIS STOCKING FOR CHRISTMAS
I NEED A TICKET FOR NIGHT ONE AND A TIME MACHINE
NOBODY TELL SID ABOUT HELEN
HELEN VS. GREAT BEAR BOOK IT YOU COWARDS
HELEN VS. GREAT BEAR IN A SID ON A POLE MATCH
I AIRSHIP TAL AND KEYES
ONE OF ANNA DANIELS’S REALITIES IS PROBABLY HENRY KEYES, RIGHT?
And now, over to Nick and Richard!
Nick Stuart: Welcome everybody to Colossus Night Two! We’re getting right into the action here, and it looks like Tony Gamble is ready for battle. Let’s get it underway!
“You think I’m funny… Funny how?”
The unmistakable voice of Joe Pesci irritates the eardrums right before Metallica’s ‘Better Than You’ begins to blast through the PA System, the calling card of Tony ‘The Grin’ Gamble. He walks out at the same time the music kicks in, passing a quick arrogant glance toward the crowd before making his way toward the ring once the lyrics of the song kick in.
Richard Parker: There he is, Nick, the man who will take The Anglo Luchador’s title!
## I look at you, then you me
Hungry and thirsty are we
Holding the lion’s share
Holding the key
Holding me back ’cause I’m striving to be ##
Footage from Revolution 94 when Gamble locked The Illustrious Face Eater into his ‘Smile For Me’ submission and won the Internet Title plays.
Vince Howard: The following contest is a singles match for the Intense Title. Making his way to the ring, the challenger, from Las Vegas, Nevada. He weighs in at 187 pounds…TONY! THE GRIN! GAAAAAAAMBUUUUULLLLLLLLLL!
## Better than you
Better than you
Better than you
Better than you ##
Tony takes his time walking up the ring steps, staring into the ring for a few seconds with his left hand on the top rope, before ducking between the top and middle rope to step into the ring. Footage from Revolution 106 plays, where Gamble slams Kenjiro Ito face first into the mat with his ‘Stop Laughing At Me’ signature move.
## Lock horns, I push and I strive
Some how I feel more alive
Bury the need for it
Bury the seed
Bury me deep when there’s no will to be ##
Another clip shows, this one from the Great American Nightmare; where Tony Gamble became the Five Star Champion by pinning Chandler Tsonda.
## Better than you
Better than you
Better than you
Better than you ##
Tony stands at the far side of the ring and stares at the ramp, waiting for The Anglo Luchador.
Vince Howard: and his opponent…
The lights darken except for a spotlight that shines on the PRIMEView. Slowly, a scene from Martin Scorsese’s Goodfellas starts up, accompanied by the instrumental outro from “Layla” by Derek and the Dominoes. It’s the scene where all they found all the bodies in the wake of the Lufthansa heist, with Ray Liotta’s voiceover. The scene continues through to its natural conclusion, with the making – and whacking – of Joe Pesci’s Tommy.
TAL Voiceover: You ain’t no goodfella, Wingtips.
With that, smoke billows into the arena, and “Layla” fades into “Oye Como Va.” The PRIMEView shows not The Anglo Luchador’s normal sizzle real of sugar skulls, but of footage of him in the carnage of the deathmatch arena, both in his past and during his Intense Championship reign. A pastiche of spots featuring the Luchador giving – and receiving – punishment from a variety of foes adorns the video screens. Ria Lockhart, Anna Daniels, Dragon Matsumoto, Shoko Nabigata, Pom Shinjoku, Balaam the Mask of Malice, Larry Tact, Jacob Mephisto… all of them make appearances.
Finally, the luchador emerges from the back, belt strapped around his waist, his destroyed “Fighting for Jonathan” shirt wrapped around his forehead as a sweatband, no shirt on. His mask and tights are colored red and black this evening instead of the standard green and purple. Written on his chest in red, unclear whether it’s blood or paint, is a single word, “nopampa,” the Nahuatl word meaning “for me.” He slowly walks the shorter-than-normal path, slapping hands with everyone he can before getting to the ring to meet his destiny for the evening.
Vince Howard: …weighing in at 211 lbs. and hailing from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He is the reigning and defending Intense Champion, the Anglo… LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCHADORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
He hops onto the apron in one bound and stares daggers into Tony Gamble’s eyes.
Nick Stuart: A lot of animosity between these two men, and there’s nothing better to solve it than an Intense Rules match.
Richard Parker: Note the confidence in Tony Gamble, coming out here without the GAS, knowing he can take down The Anglo Luchador on his own.
Nick Stuart: We’ll see about that. Head referee Timo Bolamba calls for the bell, and here we WOAH!
DING DING
RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Nick Stuart: The Anglo Luchador not wasting any time! He tackles Gamble and is laying into him with right hands!
Richard Parker: Stop! Tony wasn’t ready!
Nevertheless, Tom is tired of it all. Tired of the attacks, of the verbal sparring, of Tony Gamble’s face,and so he starts his assault there, continuing to punch him in the face. Bolamba grabs at TAL’s arm halfheartedly, but he knows that this isn’t a DQ match and thus doesn’t really have much to control here.
Eventually TAL tires of the beating and gets off of Gamble, only pausing for a moment before sliding out of the ring.
Nick Stuart: Looks like the intensity is starting early!
Richard Parker: Gamble must have gotten under her skin over these last few weeks.
TAL lifts the apron up and looks around, then grabs a chair.
Richard Parker: A shame there was no sword under there.
Nick Stuart: You know that TAL is not allowed to have a sword.
Sliding the chair in the ring, TAL slides in after it but Gamble is quick to lunge for the chair. TAL, though, steps on his hand before he can get to it, then steps down with all of his force as Gamble screams. TAL picks up the chair, then sends a shot into Gamble’s back.
Nick Stuart: TAL is already ready to do max damage to Tony Gamble, and it’s no surprise given their history over the past few weeks.
Richard Parker: TAL is just angry at whoever attacked him and is taking it out on Gamble.
Nick Stuart: You can’t possibly believe that.
Richard Parker: That’s the beauty of being a snarky commentator, Nick: I don’t have to believe it.
TAL goes for another swing of the chair, but Gamble rolls away and rolls out of the ring. The fans boo as Gamble collects himself on the outside. The camera is tight on Gamble to catch his head shaking and muttering some words about The Anglo Luchador.
But you see, this is a tactic that the wrestling industry uses frequently. They act like they’re just interested in getting an up-close shot of Gamble’s face to see his emotions, but what they’re really doing is setting up a surprise shot when they suddenly zoom out and pan over. And what are they zooming out and panning over to?
Why, to The Anglo Luchador running towards the ropes and using the chair as a projectile, flinging it directly into The Grin’s face.
RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Gamble flops backwards, his hands immediately going towards his face, as The Anglo Luchador raises his hands like he just threw a game winning touchdown pass.
Nick Stuart: Look at Jalen Hurts there!
Richard Parker: Who is that? Is he here in New York?
Nick Stuart: No, it’s just…Jalen Hurts plays quarterback for the Eagles.
Richard Parker: Okay…
Nick Stuart: And The Anglo Luchador is a fan of the Eagles, being from Philadelphia.
Richard Parker: Right…
Nick Stuart: So when he just threw that chair into Tony’s face, it was like a quarterback making a throw, and I decided to compare him favorably to his favorite team’s quarterback.
Richard Parker: Thanks for explaining. One follow up question: when did the NFL start using chairs instead of footballs?
Nick Stuart: Ugh. Moving on.
Gamble still is on the ground, rolling around in pain. Anglo decides to join him on the outside, sliding out and walking over to The Grin. He lifts him up, then sends him into the ringpost with an Irish whip. Gamble bounces off, causing a satisfying thunk sound, before falling again.
Nick Stuart: The champion is in firm control here, and I think he’s interested in inflicting some more pain!
Indeed, Anglo bends over to pick up the chair and walks towards the slowly rising Gamble. Well, parts of him are rising slowly. But his leg going towards Anglo’s crotch? That’s going pretty quickly.
Richard Parker: Nard shot!
The Anglo Luchador buckles as Gamble grabs the chair that Tom dropped and crushes it into his skull. Not pausing to gloat, The Grin lifts Anglo up and tosses him onto the announcer’s table.
Richard Parker: No, no, no. It’s the first match of the night. I wore short shorts. I do not want my legs being exposed all night long.
Nick Stuart: I’m looking at you right now, you’re wearing slacks.
Richard Parker: You should be focusing on the match! Here comes Tony!
Tony Gamble comes towards the table, but Anglo quickly kicks up, pushing him back. Anglo scoots off the table, then blasts Gamble with a clothesline. Gamble gets up quickly but Anglo ducks under his arms and grabs him from behind, taking him over in a beautiful dragon suplex.
Nick Stuart: The Anglo Luchador getting back the momentum against the man he calls Wingtips.
Richard Parker: Can we talk about that for a second? Because that has been bothering the hell out of me.
Nick Stuart: What has?
Richard Parker: Wingtips! What is that nickname? Why is that nickname? How is that nickname?
The Anglo Luchador lifts Gamble up, then throws him into the barricade, causing Gamble to slump against it.
Nick Stuart: Well, they’re sh…
Richard Parker: Yes, Nick, I know they’re shoes. But why is that a nickname for Tony? Is it because he’s short? Because I don’t really think of wingtip shoes as platform shoes or anything like that. In fact, I don’t see anything about the shoes that correspond to the common Tony Gamble insult points.
Nick Stuart: What do you mean?
The Anglo Luchador approaches Gamble and starts to lay into him with shoulder charges against the barricade. We can’t see it because it isn’t on camera, but Richard just put on reading glasses and a mortarboard.
Richard Parker: If you are going to take a shot at Tony Gamble, there are three things you typically focus on. One, his height. Two, the scar on his face making him look like he’s always smiling. Three, the fact that he has clear mafia ties. So let’s analyze those three when considering the wingtip shoes.
Nick Stuart: Let’s analyze the match instead. Gamble trying to push Anglo off, but he’s unsuccessful, and Anglo just hit him with a big right cross.
Richard Parker: Fine, you focus on the match, I’ll handle this. We just established that wingtips do not help with your height. Nor do they have much if anything to do with scars on your face.
Gamble is still slumped, his head down. The Anglo Luchador looks behind him, then takes a few steps back. He then starts running at Gamble to tackle him through the barricade. The only problem there is Gamble moves, leaving The Paladin of PRIME to crash through the barricade alone.
Nick Stuart: My God!
Richard Parker: I know, it’s insane! Anyway, that leaves the mafia. And maybe mafia members wear wingtip shoes on occasion. But is it a part of their fashion identity? When I think of mob guys I think of suits or wifebeaters. Not necessarily their footwear. Did I miss the three episode arc in the Sopranos where Paulie and Silvio went on a quest for the perfect wingtip shoes?
Gamble crawls towards the ring while TAL lies on top of the fallen barricade. He digs under the apron, then gets to his knees slowly, holding his prize.
Nick Stuart: Oh no, Gamble has a hammer!
Richard Parker: See, I remember that episode of Sopranos.
As security tries to keep fans from getting too close to the wrestlers, The Anglo Luchador gets to his knees only to be blasted by the hammer. He falls into some chairs in the front row, and Gamble follows him.
Nick Stuart: They’re fighting into the stands!
The struggle to keep fans away is even harder for security at this point, as Gamble lifts up a groggy Luchador. Blood trickles down from the hammer shot, and Gamble goes for another, hitting him on the shoulder as TAL got his arms up. Again the Luchador slumps as Gamble swings again wildly, almost hitting one of the guards. The security guard instinctively swipes at Gamble’s hand, causing the hammer to fly back towards ringside. Gamble is incensed, turning around to scream at the security guard.
Meanwhile, The Anglo Luchador is trying to find his footing, using one hand to wipe away the blood and the other to find something to grab onto to pull himself up. As he does, he sees a little boy standing near him. The boy is holding out something to him. It takes Tom – and Nick – a few moments to realize what it is.
Nick Stuart: Is that…a plastic sword?
Richard Parker: Doesn’t that kid read the rules?
The sight of it seems to energize The Anglo Luchador as he gets up quickly and grabs the sword from the boy. Gamble finally is tired of his verbal sparring with the security guard, and he turns around just in time to get whacked in the body with the plastic sword. Despite it being plastic, Gamble is bowled over into the chairs.
Nick Stuart: TAL finally has a sword!
Richard Parker: It’s not a real sword!
Nick Stuart: It doesn’t matter! The Anglo Luchador has his second wind now!
TAL hits Gamble three times with the sword, causing The Perma-scar Superstar to fall back towards ringside. TAL turns around to hand the sword back to the kid, but doesn’t see him.
Richard Parker: The kid is gone! Do you think…do you think he was a ghost?
Nick Stuart: What?
Richard Parker: A ghost of Luchador past, sent to give TAL that sword!
Nick Stuart: …What?
TAL drops the sword and steps over the barricade, once again wiping blood from his face. He pushes Gamble towards the ring and rolls under the ropes, much to the delight of Timo Bolamba. Gamble trudges towards the ring too, bending down for a moment before going into the ring. The Anglo Luchador lunges, but Gamble catches him in the face with…
Nick Stuart: The hammer! Gamble somehow got the hammer again, and he just blasted Anglo! He’s going for a cover!
ONE!
TWO!
TH…
RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHI!
Nick Stuart: The Anglo Luchador kicks out of the first pinfall attempt by either man! This has certainly been Intense!
Richard Parker: Clever.
Gamble slides out of the ring and grabs the chair, then sends it back in. He uses the ringsteps to walk into the ring, then approaches The Anglo Luchador, kicking him in the ribs. He sets the chair up in the middle of the ring, then lifts Anglo to his feet.
Nick Stuart: Oh no! Gamble looking to hit Stop Laughing At Me onto that chair! That could be it for The Anglo Luchador!
But as Gamble sets him up for it, Anglo out powers Gamble and instead lifts him up for a northern lights suplex, bridging for a cover.
ONE!
TWO!
Gamble kicks out, but TAL is on his feet quickly and takes Gamble over him with snug headlock takeover. He starts to wrench in on the headlock, causing Gamble to grunt in pain. Timo, elated to have something to do, bends down to ask Gamble if this pain is enough to cause him to give up. Gamble starts sputtering things about Timo’s mother and Rhine being confined to a wheelchair, which I guess is his default way of saying no.
Nick Stuart: This match has been as intense as this rivalry, which started when Gamble returned to PRIME, helping Luchador win the Intense Title in the process. Ever since, Gamble has felt that Anglo is holding the belt for him, whereas Anglo believes that his reign has given him more than enough legitimacy as champion. And you have to think that if he can defeat Gamble tonight that will be a feather in his cap.
Richard Parker: That’s why Gamble can’t let that happen. Come on, Tony, escape!
As if he heard him, Tony slips out quickly, and before TAL can react Tony rolls over onto TAL and grabs his arms, then reaches his hand towards TAL’s mouth.
Richard Parker: There we go!
Nick Stuart: SMILE FOR ME! SMILE FOR ME! He’s got Anglo locked in and is now going for the mouth! If this is locked in we’ll have a new champion!
As Gamble goes towards his mouth, his smile widens, feeling victory approach closer and closer. His grin falters, though, as he feels something else.
The Anglo Luchador’s teeth.
Nick Stuart: He bit him! He bit Gamble’s hand! And now Anglo is able to power out! Both men to their feet, Gamble taking a swipe at Luchador, but he ducks! And here we go!
TAL ducks under Gamble’s legs, lifting him up and grabbing the arms as he falls back…
CRUNCH!!
…directly onto the steel chair.
Nick Stuart: JAPANESE OCEAN CYCLONE SUPLEX! ONTO THE CHAIR! THE COVER IS IN!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Vince Howard: The winner of this match, and STILLLL INTENSE CHAMPIONNNNN…THE ANGLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUUUUUUUUUUUUCHAAADOOOOOOOOOOOORRR!
The Anglo Luchador falls to the ground as Timo gathers the belt, bringing it to its proper owner, the man who has held it for this entire ReVival run. Gamble lays motionless as TAL lifts the title, slumping into the corner as he does so.
Nick Stuart: It was a hard fought battle, and Gamble definitely gave him a challenge, but The Anglo Luchador is still the champion!