IT’S A BRILLIANT STRATEGY, THOUGH
The scene cuts to the atrium of the Capital One Arena where none other than Vickie Hall is seen standing on top of a soap box (literally, it’s a large Ivory Soap box, likely used for shipment purposes), megaphone in hand.
There’s a small crowd gathered around but most of this is due to the fact the fans are in their seats or roaming the concourse. However, if you ask Vickie, she would say it’s because the atrium in this arena isn’t very big to begin with.
On the right of Vickie, standing directly beside the soap box is Jonathan-Christopher Hall and to her left is Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy.
Vickie leans her entire face into the megaphone and speaks way too loudly.
Vickie Hall: HELLO WORLD!
The audio feedback is deafening to everyone other than her. Even Jonathan-Christopher looks like he wants to double over in the pain shooting through his eardrums. Luckily for those in attendance, Vickie calms down. A little bit, anyway.
Vickie Hall: I can’t believe someone like MY MAN who was a Pay-Per-View Champion two weeks ago was told he isn’t allowed to have an in-ring segment!
Vickie scoffs and sours her face. It takes a lot of consoling from Jonathan-Christopher for her to show any signs of wanting to continue.
Nick Stuart: Not everyone can get ring time, Vickie. Revival runs on a time limit, there’s only so much we can do each show.
Richard Parker: I can’t believe a Pay-Per-View Champion isn’t given a bigger moment to shine!
Nick Stuart: A Pay-Per-View Champion? What, exactly, did Jonathan-Christopher win? …Other than needing his entire group of friends to help him pull off the victory versus Rocky.
Finally, Vickie looks like she can speak again.
Then lets loose.
Vickie Hall: So I have THREE announcements!
Nick Stuart: We’re going to be here all night, aren’t we?
Vickie Hall: First: we are going to take over the front entrances of every single arena from here on! It’s time the LOVE CONVOY pushes itself as far as possible! We need our mission statement out there!
Vickie looks down at her Amazing Life Partner and then over to his cousin.
Vickie Hall: Gentlemen, if you will…
Jonathan-Christopher immediately races over to a storage bin in the corner of the hall. Once Tristan-Crispin arrives, the two pull out what looks to be a blow-up hot tub. The Nuzzle Lord finds an outlet, plugs in the cord and watches as the hot tub expands in front of their eyes.
Vickie laughs maniacally as the air pumped into the rubber structure echoes throughout the atrium.
…But her voice is still loud enough, amplified through the megaphone, that everyone can unfortunately hear her much too clearly.
Vickie Hall: I will REFUSE to leave the atrium of any PRIME complex until MY demands have been met!
Vickie rubs her hands together.
Vickie Hall: I want Jonathan-Christopher and myself to be identified as the major players in PRIME! Posterchildren for the company. WE ARE A BOX OFFICE DRAW AND DAMMIT IT’S TIME WE STARTED TO BE TREATED AS SUCH!
Jonathan-Christopher races back over beside the soap box and wraps his arms around Vickie’s waist.
Vickie Hall: Yes, my adorable little pra-porch-stick [Vickie’s attempt at saying praporshchik]. You are on the ascent!
Pretty Pink© takes a moment to scan the crowd.
Vickie Hall: Now, as for my second announcement…
Nick Stuart: Oh great.
Richard Parker: Quiet! We’re only 33% of the way through!
Vickie Hall: Recently on the social medias I made an announcement regarding the LOVE CONVOY attempt at expansion…
Nick Stuart: Dear god who in their right mind would join-
Richard Parker: When are applications due!?
Nick Stuart: There’s no way you enjoy them. I know you’re just patronizing me.
Once again, Vickie scans the atrium. It’s even more empty now than it was at the start of this segment.
Vickie Hall: We were looking to expand our ranks by many. Since I made the initial statement, we’ve had an overwhelming amount of interest!
Nick Stuart: I somehow doubt this.
Richard Parker: I need the application website!
Vickie Hall: However, I have decided we are going to limit our application process…
Lowering of head, narrowing of eyes, changing of tone.
Vickie Hall: To one lucky individual.
Vickie leans over to Jonathan-Christopher with a shit eating grin.
Vickie Hall: [off-megaphone] It’s a brilliant strategy, though.
Someone in the crowd ends up hearing Vickie’s comment.
Fan: You mean scam!
Vickie stops cold and hard in her tracks. FULL STOP. Almost robotically, her head turns from Jonathan-Christopher and immediately narrows into the exact spot, on the specific person, who said that comment.
Vickie is helped off the soap box by her man. She uses her peripherals to weave her way through the select few people before finding the person who said the comment, never taking her eyes off him. Vickie puts the megaphone to her face and even though she speaks normally, the sound obviously knocks the fan over in pain.
Vickie Hall: What did you say?
By now, Jonathan-Christopher and Tristan-Crispin stand behind Vickie. Neither of them look happy… well, as unhappy as a guy who likes to nuzzle himself and the other who has no backbone.
The fan stands upright. He looks a little rattled, mainly from Vickie.
Fan: Nothing. It was nothing.
Vickie nods and turns back to where she came from.
Vickie Hall: I would hope so.
Back on her soap box, Vickie acts like the last thirty seconds didn’t happen.
Vickie Hall: So ONE lucky PRIMATE is going to join the LOVE CONVOY before Soldier Field and UltraViolence. Tristan-Crispin has decided to take a break from the wrestling scene and will serve me, Vickie, in shaping my wonderful Amazing Life Partner to be the next World Champion!
Nick Stuart: Dream on.
Vickie Hall: In Gladhappy’s place we will find the BEST suited person for the position!
Vickie pauses. It looks like she’s done.
Until she isn’t.
Vickie Hall: AND MY FINAL POINT!
She screams so loudly into the microphone the feedback is extremely deafening. It clears out the rest of the fans who were standing there.
The Woman of Wonder suddenly looks pissed off. More than when the fan interrupted. Almost more than ever before.
She snaps her fingers. Tristan-Crispin instantly hands over a sheet of paper. Vickie looks the page over and scoffs before she flips it around.
It’s a mugshot of Nate Colton.
With one hand on the megaphone and one on the picture, Vickie goes back to address the crickets.
Vickie Hall: Nate Colton is TERRIBLE! He had the audacity to rub his victory in Jonathan-Christopher’s face after Nate won and my honey bunch of oats LOST!
Nick Stuart: I’m pretty sure they interacted after Nate Colton’s match but before Jonathan-Christopher’s. There’s no way Nate could “rub something in”.
Richard Parker: And how do you know this?
Vickie Hall: Nate Colton is a man who interrupted my last megaphone announcement, too. He said ‘THANKS’ when my ALP gave him a LOVE CONVOY pamphlet. It was a sarcastic ‘thanks’ and we do not enjoy sarcasm around here. The last thing I, Vickie Hall, ever wants to be… … … is passive aggressive!
She stops in an attempt to calm her emotions.
Vickie Hall: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Now that it’s out of her system, Vickie turns to Jonathan-Christopher with a wink. Then it’s a final address to the two or three fans left in the atrium.
Vickie Hall: Make no mistake whatsoever, Nate Colton is going to pay for disrespecting me. He’s dating a trashbag belly dancing floozie. Anybody who would be interested in him needs significant mental health counseling. But MOST IMPORTANTLY…
Drawn out pause for additional emphasis.
Vickie Hall: Nate and his side hustle ain’t welcome in the LOVE CONVOY. They cannot and will not sit with us!
Vickie hops off her soap box and brings her attention to TCG and JCH.
Vickie Hall: Let’s get water in that hot tub. I need a cool, refreshing dip.
Revival goes elsewhere.