JONATHAN-CHRISTOPHER HALL VS. NATE COLTON
Vickie Hall: (Voice-Over) HERE PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY PIGGYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Nick Stuart: What the hell is going on!?
Suddenly, a truckload of actual pigs start running out from behind the UV logo at the top of the stage. The majority of them are on leashes so nothing gets too out of hand, as men and women dressed like farmers hold onto the end of the pig’s leashes. The farmers line the rampway up and down. Many of their clothings are typical farm wear but all of them have some garments dabbled in the color PRETTY PINK©. A few sport PRETTY PINK© strawhats, others PRETTY PINK© tie-dyed overalls, gloves, boots, etc.
As the crowd jeers, a PRETTY PINK© painted tractor rolls out from the right side of the stage where MORE piggies hop out and run around the bottom of the pay-per-view stage.
Richard Parker: I love this!
Cue “Livin’ on Love” by Alan Jackson as none other than Vickie Hall is revealed from the back of the tractor’s lift. She sports a full blown PRETTY PINK© farmers outfit, which she changed into quickly after her self-directed interview. Holding a mic in her hands, Vickie starts screaming the Alan Jackson lyrics horribly, as feedback screeches throughout the building’s PA system and many fans in attendance cover their ears.
Two young people without a thing
Say some vows and spread their wings
And settle down with just what they need
Livin’ on love
Richard Parker: What great symbolism by Vickie Hall, hats off to her! Nate IS a greedy little piggy!
Nick Stuart: How is Nate a greedy pig when he told Vickie he didn’t want to be part of the LOVE CONVOY and, therefore, did not take advantage of them!?
Richard Parker: But he DID take advantage of them! He stayed in their locker room! He is greedy and he deserves everything he’s going to receive!
She don’t care ‘bout what’s in style
She just likes the way he smiles
It takes more than marble and tile
Livin’ on love
As the crowd struggles through hearing the most painful lyrics sung in the history of live television, Jonathan-Christopher Hall emerges from the entranceway of pigs lined up and down the rampway. From the PRETTY PINK © tractor, Vickie Hall claps him on with a wicked sense of pride!
Livin’ on love, buyin’ on time
Without somebody nothing ain’t worth a dime
Just like an old fashion story book rhyme
Livin’ on love
Nick Stuart: How is this theme song going to pump anybody up!?
Richard Parker: You’d be surprised. I’m jacked right now watching!
JC Hall marches down the rampway. Sporting his typical boxer shorts in a PRETTY PINK© heart design, where Nate Colton’s face lies at the back of the shorts with an X slashed through it and #DieNateDie as the hashtag underneath.
Richard Parker: Can we get that trending on the socials?
It sounds simple, that’s what you’re thinkin’
But love can walk through fire without blinkin’
It doesn’t take much when you get enough
Livin’ on love
Nick Stuart: None of these lyrics are anything Vickie and Jonathan-Christopher have together.
Richard Parker: You don’t know that! We don’t see them behind closed doors!
JC Hall tries to show as much confidence as he possibly can while some of the little piggies piss on the rampway right by his feet. Jonathan-Christopher steps over most of it but then accidentally slips and falls in the pee at the bottom of the rampway. Vickie hasn’t even noticed, she keeps on singing!
Two old people without a thing
Children gone but still they sing
Side by side in that front porch swing
Livin’ on love
Jonathan-Christopher brushes himself off as best he can. It looks like he might vomit but then he puts a “tough guy” face on.
Nick Stuart: None of these pigs are okay with being here. They’re overwhelmed by the crowd. This is not humane!
Richard Parker: And a pegasus is?
Nick Stuart: We’re in agreement on the pegasus.
He can’t see any more
She can barely sweep the floor
Hand in hand they’ll walk through that door
Just livin’ on love
Vickie Hall has thankfully finished signing from the top of the tractor, even though the song keeps going. She hops off and sprints down to ringside as Jonathan-Christopher enters the ring and PRETTY PINK© pyros explodes from the rampway. JC Hall swings his arms around and readies for the fight of his life.
It sounds simple that’s what you’re thinkin’
But love can walk through fire without blinkin’
It doesn’t take much when you get enough
Livin’ on love
The Woman of Wonder slides into the ring and as the theme song dies down, the farmers begin walking their pigs to the back. However, Vickie still has a mic in her hand. She shoves ring announcer Vince Howard to the side and stands front and center in the middle of the squared circle.
Vickie Hall: This match is for ONE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!
Nick Stuart: God, this is deafening! Painful!
Vickie Hall: Introducing first, my honey bunches of oats… the man who is going to PUT THE FINAL NAIL IN THE NATE ISN’T GREAT COFFIN… JONATHAN-CHRISTOPHER HAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!
Vickie stops and robotically moves to face the rampway.
Vickie Hall: (In monotone) And his opponent, Nate The Not So Great Greedy Little Piggy Colton.
Vickie drops the mic, gives her man another smack on the ass and rolls out of the ring.
Nick Stuart: Thank God that ended. I thought this place was going to riot.
Richard Parker: It was a truly enrapturing moment of wonderment, beauty, compassion, just like Vickie and Jonathan-Christopher, it was magnificent.
Nick Stuart: Is that tie Pretty Pink ©?
Richard Parker: No, but you don’t have to pronounce the word copyright when you say it.
Nick Stuart: Yeah, the last thing I need is Vickie’s legal team around me.
By the grace of all things holy, Vince Howard has acquired the microphone, and the large amount of pigs have been moved off somewhere.
Nick Stuart: Poor Wade.
Richard Parker: PUT HIM TO WORK LT! SHOW HIM WHO THE BOSS IS!
Vince Howard saves us from another potentially insensitive Richard Parker rant.
Vince Howard: And his opponent…
With those words, the PRIMEView springs to life. The screen goes entirely white, but after a few seconds, three words in blue appear:
They are accompanied by a lot of noise from the crowd. Still plenty of boos, but a lot more cheers than in recent weeks.
The words on the screen fade away, replaced by a logo. It’s a letter C in the shape of a diamond, with a smaller N inside. The logo is framed by the name.
A classic rock riff signals the beginning of “Tryin’” by the Eagles, and the cheers from the Chicago faithful get louder. Not enough to drown out the negative reactions, but we’ll take it. The guy needs all the positive energy he can get.
Nick Stuart: Looks like the crowd is turning around on Colton. I think it’s helped that he’s been trying to apologize for his recent actions.
Richard Parker: I think they just want to see him get put through another window.
Nick Stuart: Hoyt Williams won’t like that.
Richard Parker: Obviously not one of his windows! Each one is a priceless masterpiece!
Moments later, Nate Colton emerges from the curtain. He holds his arms up high, showing off the PRIME T-shirt he’s been wearing to the ring lately–the personalized blue satin jacket still conspicuous by its absence. Maybe he feels like he needs to earn the right to wear it again.
On the other hand, maybe he forgot it at home.
Still, he seems in much better spirits than we’ve seen him in a long time, making an effort to point out cheering fans and hyping them up, while still approaching the ring at a steady pace. The smile on his face seems to falter every so often, but he’s making the effort. Good for him.
Nick Stuart: After a promising rookie year in PRIME, Nate Colton’s had a rough go of things–especially lately. His loss to Farthington, a tainted win against Cancer Jiles, the presence–honestly, the existence of Savannah Scandal, and then the beating he took in Detroit at the hands of Love Convoy…after all that, it’s good to see him start to turn the corner.
Richard Parker: Speak for yourself. I hope they spike his head through the ring tonight.
Nick Stuart: Richard, how can you say that after he gave us those nice gift baskets yesterday? There was a travel mug, specialty coffee, mixed nuts, chocolates…
Richard Parker: Yeah, you know what there wasn’t? A single goddamn chocolate-covered cherry! Everyone knows those are my favorite!
Nate climbs the steps and ducks through the ropes, taking a spot in the center of the ring. As Vince Howard does his thing, Colton raises his arms, appealing to the crowd.
Vince Howard: From Evansville, Indiana! Standing 6’4” inches tall and weighing 244 pounds! He is…The Next Diamond! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE COOOOOOOOOOOLTON!
He heads directly to his corner and removes his shirt, showing off his gear–white trunks that reach his upper thigh with a blue stripe down the side, white boots with blue trim, white MMA gloves, and blue elbow and knee pads. He tosses the shirt into the corner and waits there for the referee’s instructions.
Richard Parker: BOO! EFF THAT GUY!
Nick Stuart: Richard, I have to tell you something. I got to the show before you yesterday and…I switched our baskets. Yours had the better coffee in it…and yes, it had chocolate covered cherries. I…ate them already.
Can you hear someone’s jaw drop? If you can, you’re hearing it right now from Richard.
Richard Parker: You monster.
Nick Stuart: Welp, you know. Back to our jobs. Calling wrestling matches. Looks like one is even under way!
Richard Parker: monster.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall and Nate Colton take their time. Colton slowly circles towards JCH, and JCH keeps moving the opposite direction. Colton is keeping one eye on Vickie Hall at all times, making it a point to never turn his back towards her. The second time Colton has to switch directions to accomplish this, JCH pounces.
Nick Stuart: JCH with the first move.
Richard Parker: Obviously, because he’s not a coward like Nate Colton.
The Forever Man comes in on Colton looking for a knee to the midsection. Colton manages to block the knee with his hands and shoves JCH backwards. Colton strikes back with a vicious right hand. The punch sends JCH backwards and he rubs his cheek. Vickie is on the outside cheering JCH on, so Hall commits to an exchange.
Nick Stuart: Might not be the most sound of advice.
Richard Parker: Passion does strange things.
Hall fires off a right hand of his own, but Colton fires back and again staggers Hall, but this time he lunges forward looking for a collar and elbow tie-up. Colton meets him head on and immediately begins driving JCH backwards. Hall slips behind Colton with a hammerlock, Colton is taken aback and goes for a quick reversal. Hall manages to shove Colton forward, and maintains the position by really yanking upwards on the hammerlock.
Nick Stuart: Good wrestling right here from Jonathan-Christopher Hall.
Richard Parker: Of course it’s good wrestling, Nick. He’s a professional wrestler. He gets paid for this, it’s his job. He’s good at it.
Colton drops down to his knees and grabs Hall by the back of the head, he yanks him over the top with a one armed snapmare. JCH lands and Colton is quick to attempt a headlock. Hall manages to get his arms between Colton’s arms, and grabs Colton by the head, bringing him over the top with a snapmare of his own.
Richard Parker: See, I told you. Good wrestler.
Nick Stuart: Nate Colton has more experience in his pinky toe than Jonathan-Christopher Hall has in his entire body.
Richard Parker: Well that’s not where you store experience in the body anyway, Nick.
Before we try to truly understand the last comment, there is wrestling going on in the ring. JCH goes for the post-snapmare headlock, but Colton also knows his way out of a headlock, and is quick to get to his feet. He shoves JCH into the ropes, JCH comes back as Colton leaps into the air for a drop kick. JCH simply shoves Colton away, letting him crash to the canvas. Colton is quickly back to his feet and Hall comes off the ropes for a cross body.
Richard Parker: Oh… that’s not good.
Colton snatches JCH out of the air. He stands and holds JCH for a minute, Colton shifts Hall up to a fireman’s carry position, and then shoves him off his shoulders to the ground. JCH takes the opportunity to roll to the outside and regroup. Vickie rushes around the ring and over to JCH. The Hall’s regroup on the outside, Turnbull begins to count but JCH waves him off as he climbs back up the stairs. Colton lets Hall back into the ring, and the two men begin another slow dance.
Nick Stuart: How does JCH win a wrestling match between the two…
Richard Parker: ….
Colton lunges in for the collar and elbow tie-up this time, JCH manages to duck under into waist control. He gets himself behind Colton and tries to yank him over the top for a german suplex but Colton has already gone to work on JCH’s grip, and JCH stumbles backwards. Colton turns around and takes a swipe with a right hand, but Hall once again ducks underneath. This time he grabs him and manages to spin him over with a quick german suplex.
Richard Parker: What a suplex from Jonathan-Christopher Hall. The man is an incredible athlete.
Nick Stuart: Suplex looked good, can’t even argue.
Colton is back to his feet in a hurry, Hall is waiting and comes in looking for the kneelift to the midsection. The Next Diamond manages to catch the knee for a second time and this time steps forward while tripping Jonathan-Christopher Hall down to the canvas. Colton pushes Hall’s legs out of the way and drops an elbow down across Hall’s chest.
Nick Stuart: Good counter to the knee again by Colton. Richard, your other employer doesn’t look thrilled out here.
Vickie is pounding the canvas at Jonathan-Christopher Hall. Not so much as cheering him on, as she’s literally smashing the canvas and shrieking at him. Colton jumps up to his feet quickly and brings a woozy JCH up with him. The two men lock up again, and this time Colton takes JCH’s back, Hall tries to escape, but Colton lifts Hall up off of his feet, twists him, and smashes him against his own knee with a pendulum backbreaker. Hall looks like he’s been hooked to a TAL dog collar, while holding his back. Hall grimaces and tries to get back to his feet but Colton is already on top of him again.
Nick Stuart: Nate Colton is inevitable.
Richard Parker: Kid almost looks like Youngblood Jr. in there.
He shoves JCH forward into the ropes, Hall comes back across the ring, Colton ducks down for a back body drop but Hall manages to plant him in the chest with a stiff kick to the sternum. Colton clutches at his chest and looks up as Hall grabs him to flip him over with a snap suplex. Colton is quick to reverse the position though, and yanks both him and Hall around to the side and sends Hall crashing to the canvas with a swinging neckbreaker. Colton hooks both of Hall’s legs and Turnbull slides in for the cover.
Nick Stuart: And a kick out by Hall. Feel like I’m going to be saying that a few times tonight.
Richard Parker: You watch, Hall’s going to take Nate Colton to the limit tonight.
Colton is back up to his feet in a hurry, and drags Hall up to his feet with him again. Hall smashes Colton with a shot to the ribs, then another that causes Colton to let go of the back of Hall’s head. Hall grabs Colton in a front facelock and tries to snap backwards for a DDT, but Colton wraps his arms around Hall as tight as he can, and holds him just a foot or so off of the ground. Hall is shocked as Colton yanks Hall up to a standing position. He dumps JCH to the side, and floats over, crashing into JCH’s chest, while JCH crashes into the mat.
Nick Stuart: OUCH!
Richard Parker: Yeah, that hurt.
Colton doesn’t stop there though, and he is back up to his feet quickly. He pulls Hall up, who is still gasping for air, and sends him over the top with a Colton Clutch Suplex. How sudden the move happened, Turnbull has to sprint his way around and into position. Vickie Hall sees her moment and grabs Turnbull by the foot.
Nick Stuart: COLTON CLUTCH SUPLEX— WHAT IS VICKIE HALL DOING!
Richard Parker: Whatever it takes Nick, whatever it fucking takes.
Turnbull becomes airborne, and crashes to the canvas jaw first. Nate Colton looks around shocked, and Vickie Hall yanks an unconscious Turnbull out of the ring, and once again poor Jimmy takes the fall right on his face. This time from the apron to the outside. Vickie Hall begins frantically waving her arm in a windmill motion at the Argyle position. Jimmy Turnbull slowly begins to stir, and Vickie drives a heeled foot directly into his face. Tristan-Crispin and Zion come storming from the back as Nate Colton backs his way into the corner. On the far side of the ring, Jonathan-Christopher slowly begins to drag himself to the ropes.
Richard Parker: HA! Look at Colton, trapped just like Jared Sykes!
Nick Stuart: And Zion in the ring, straight at Nate Colton.
Zion dives at Colton with a flurry of right hands, as Tristin-Crispin rushes in behind him. Colton is throwing right hands at Zion as hard and as fast as he can, but Tristin is all over him with kicks to the ribs that send Nate stumbling backwards into the corner. Vickie Hall gives Turnbull another kick to the head before she slides into the ring herself and begins directing traffic. Colton slumps in the corner as Zion and TCG turn away with their arms stretched out and smiling.
Richard Parker: They just did what everyone in the back WANTED to do but couldn’t do themselves. YOU BOO THEM YOU BOO US ALL!
Nick Stuart: I don’t think anyone wanted to fight Nate Colton three on one.
Richard Parker: You didn’t hear what I heard…
Nick Stuart: Give it a break, Richard. The Love Convoy just absolutely made a mockery of this entire match.
Vickie smirks and raises Zion and TCG’s arms and smiles at the crowd.
Vickie and Zion turn toward Jonathan-Christopher Hall and help him up to his feet. TCG goes over to give a few more boots to the ribs to Nate Colton, but firsts leans down to give him a nice, warm, loving, fantastic embrace. A nuzzle.
Nick Stuart: That’s really uncomfortable.
Richard Parker: Yeah, no, nobody said that guy wasn’t a little weird. But his head is in the right place, and that is what’s important.
TCG smiles as he backs away. He rushes forward looking to kick Nate Colton’s head off, but Nate Colton rolls out of the way.
Richard Parker: Oh no, he’s going to fight back. Whatever shall the other three people in the ring do.
Nate Colton gets to his feet, and stumbles the length of the ropes as TCG is in hot pursuit. Nate makes it to the corner and spins around, sitting on the middle turnbuckle. TCG comes in but Nate Colton lights him up with a left jab. TCG is stunned.
Richard Parker: Okay, someone turn around. Someone turn THE FUCK AROUND!
Nick Stuart: Looks like they heard you.
Zion spins around almost on command and storms the corner, but Colton fires off a jab that catches Zion in the nose. Zion steps back shocked, and blinking. TCG comes in, and Colton fires off another jab to TCG, then one to Zion, then one to TCG.
Vickie Hall hears the roar and turns around while Jonathan-Christopher finally steps out of the corner just in time to see Nate Colton grab Zion’s head and TCG’s head. He pauses, then yanks the two men further apart, before smashing them together. Zion and TCG stumble backwards out of the ring.
Nick Stuart: Double noggin knocker.
Richard Parker: You sound like an old man.
Nick Stuart: It’s a scientific term, Richard.
TCG and Zion both roll out of the ring as Vickie and Jonathan-Christopher storm in. JCH swings a right hand that connects, but Colton fires back with a howitzer. Vickie is flailing both her arms at Colton and Nate tries to push her hands away, but Vickie pushes through the arms, and is scratching and clawing at Nate Colton. Jonathan-Christopher comes in again, and Nate Colton does the only thing a man can do in this situation.
Richard Parker: NO!
Nick Stuart: YES!
The next ‘double noggin knocker’ involved Vickie Hall and Jonathan-Christopher and Soldier Field explodes in cheers.
Richard Parker: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Nick Stuart: A double Double Noggin’ Knocker!
Richard Parker: HOW COULD HE! HOW COULD HE DO THAT!
Nick Stuart: Pretty easily it looked like Richard. You just grab them both by the back of the skull, and ram them together as hard as you can.
Richard Parker: HE HIT VICKIE!
Nick Stuart: Nate Colton didn’t hit anyone Richard, he was just trying to help them kiss.
Richard Parker: If you haven’t noticed, I don’t think they need any relationship advice or help from Nate Colton.
Vickie Hall stumbles backwards, and falls out of the ring between the bottom and middle rope all the way to the floor. Jonathan-Christopher stumbles his way back to the center of the ring, rubbing his skull. Nate Colton is gasping for air in the corner, he looks up and sees the dazed Jonathan-Christopher and explodes out of the corner with a lariat that turns Jonathan-Christopher inside-out, upside-down, and round-and-round. Nate Colton drops to his knees and collapses face forward into the mat.
Nick Stuart: What a huge lariat from Nate Colton! But I don’t think he can capitalize.
Richard Parker: Oh, now Turnbull shows back up. Where was HE when Vickie Hall was attacked by the monster Nate Colton.
Nick Stuart: Oh, I guess we’re both monsters now, huh?
Richard Parker: Same level of dirt.
Turnbull staggers into the ring and looks around at the chaos. Jonathan-Christopher is slowly pulling his way across the ring, while Nate Colton is doing the same thing. Turnbull surveys the area as Colton and JCH pull themselves up to their feet. The two men stumble to the center of the ring and begin firing. A right hand from JCH, but Colton fires back with a right hand of his own that staggers Hall. JCH fires back again with another right hand. Zion and TCG are the first of the Convoy to their feet on the outside, and they stumble their way around to Vickie Hall’s side of the ring. Zion’s face is shocked as he kneels down beside Vickie. Tristin-Crispin has his hands on his head with a look of total anguish across it.
Nick Stuart: Oh look, they finally found Vickie.
Richard Parker: monster.
Colton fires back with another right hand that staggers JCH. JCH can’t keep up with the larger Colton’s strikes and this time after a right hand, he cuts Colton’s right off with a kick to the stomach.
Richard Parker: Kid is getting smarter.
On the outside Zion begins to yell at TCG, and points to a Pretty Pink © handbag lying on the ground. TCG scrambles over to it, and runs it over to Zion. Inside the ring, Jonathan-Christopher grabs Nate Colton and flips him over with a snap suplex. Jonathan-Christopher rolls through to a side headlock.
Nick Stuart: Getting better in the ring too. Might be good without all this garbage going on around him.
Richard Parker: You mean his WIFE, Nick? You’re a homewrecker.
Nick Stuart: I’m going to ask to never call another Love Convoy match with you in my next contract.
Zion hands Vickie the handbag, Vickie’s blonde hair obscures everything that Zion and TCG don’t by huddling around her. Jonathan-Christopher cranks the side headlock and bridges himself backwards, pinning Colton’s shoulders to the canvas. Turnbull slides in and slaps the mat.
Nick Stuart: Colton with a shoulder up!
Richard Parker: Looked like a slow count to me.
Colton rolls to his stomach, Jonathan-Christopher tries to stay with him, but Colton is able to get his feet under him and bring both men up to their feet. JCH has a look of concern on his face as Colton begins to push Jonathan-Christopher forward. JCH sees the writing on the wall and instead takes to the ropes. Colton drops to the mat as Hall comes off the ropes. Hall jumps him and heads to the far ropes as Colton presses himself up to his feet. JCH comes back and Nate Colton leaps into the air, thousands of flashbulbs go off simultaneously as Colton connects with a picture perfect drop kick.
Nick Stuart: Outstanding drop kick.
Richard Parker: Is this 1983?
Colton gets his bearings, shaking his head back and forth to knock the cobwebs loose. He gets to his feet and grabs JCH by the head and yanks him up as well. He sends JCH crashing into the turnbuckle, and follows JCH in with a clothesline to the back. He sits JCH up onto the top rope and climbs his way up to the middle buckle. JCH is forced up to a standing position, and weakly throws a few right hands down at Colton. Colton steps through them up to the top rope. He throws JCH’s arm over his shoulder, Hall tries to block Colton’s Superplex attempt by sticking his foot between his legs, but Colton lands a right hand to the midsection that crumples JCH. Colton checks behind him one more time, and then brings JCH, up, over, and down to the canvas.
Nick Stuart: SUPERPLEX!
Richard Parker: C’MON GUYS! LET’S GET BACK IN THE GAME! HE NEEDS HELP!
The two crash to the canvas, the impact causes Zion and TCG to look up from the face down Vickie Hall. Nate Colton crawls his way over and lays himself across JCH and hooking a leg.
Richard Parker: KICK OUT!
Nick Stuart: You got your wish, Richard.
JCH throws his shoulder into the air and Nate Colton lets go of JCH’s leg and tries to collect himself. Hall rolls himself over onto his side as Colton rests up against him.
Richard Parker: Colton is wasting a lot of time here! Someone’s gotta make him pay!
As if on command, Zion springs into action and hops up onto the apron. Turnbull turns towards him and immediately ejects him. Zion is shouting and yelling, he marches to the turnbuckle and begins pointing to the tag rope and making motions with it. TCG comes into the ring with the PRETTY PINK© perfume, Colton shoots up immediately and shoves the spray away from his face as TCG sprays it into the air. Colton shoves TCG away from him just as Turnbull turns away from Zion and sprints across the ring also ejecting TCG. Jonathan-Christopher in the meantime comes up behind Colton and rolls him up in the center of the ring.
Richard Parker: Ye-NO!
Nick Stuart: Turnbull says two! Turnbull says two! His hand hit the mat for the third time, but he said Nate Colton got it up just in time.
Zion and TCG are horrified as Jonathan-Christopher is shouting at Turnbull. Colton is back up to his feet quickly, and grabs JCH around the waist. He lifts him up over his head and plants him with a german suplex. Colton rolls through, and keeps Hall hooked. He yanks him over for a second german suplex. Nate keeps his grip, and yanks JCH up for a third time. This time Colton slides his hands up JCH’s sides and locks in the Cobra Clutch. JCH wobbles, just as he goes over the top for the third time. He smashes into the canvas, on top of his head.
Nick Stuart: Colton Clutch! Colton Clutch!
Richard Parker: monster.
Colton hooks JCH’s leg and Turnbull slides in for the cover.
Nick Stuart: NATE COLTON DID IT! HE DID IT!
Turnbull calls for the bell as Nate Colton collapses to the mat.
DING DING DING
Vicky Hall sits up on the outside of the ring at the sound of the bell. The contents of her PRETTY PINK© handbag are scattered across the ground. Nate Colton slowly gets to his feet and looks out into the crowd.
Vince Howard: And your winner by pinfall… NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLTON!
Colton covers his mouth with his hand and smiles as he looks around at the crowd.
COL-TON! COL-TON! COL-TON!
Nick Stuart: It’s a great thing to see.
Richard Parker: HE’S A TERRIBLE PERSON! HE BROUGHT THAT REPORTER BACKSTAGE! HE’S THE DEVIL!
COL-TON! COL-TON! COL-TON!
JCH begins to stir, and slowly starts making his way to his feet. Nate Colton rushes over and gives JCH a hand. Hall shoves Colton away and turns towards the downed Vickie Hall. Nate Colton reaches over and turns Hall around back to facing him. The two men are exchanging words for a moment and Nate Colton extends his hand.
Richard Parker: DON’T YOU DO IT JONATHAN! YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID!
Nick Stuart: Maybe it’s time for Jonathan-Christopher to step out of Vickie Hall’s shadow, finally, once and for all.
Richard Parker: HOMEWRECKER! MONSTER!
A shriek can be heard from the outside of the ring as Vickie Hall stands up and flips her hair back.
Nick Stuart: Oh. My. God.
Richard Parker: I TOLD YOU! LOOK!
Vickie Hall’s face is covered in a very red, very blood-like substance. And she is shrieking like a banshee. Jonathan-Christopher looks back at Nate, who is trying his hardest not to look at Vickie. He nods down to his outstretched hand. Jonathan-Christopher looks at Nate, then Vickie, then Nate, then Vickie.
Vickie Hall: LOOK WHAT HE DID TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Zion and TCG come sprinting down the ramp to flank Vickie. Jonathan-Christopher looks back at Nate, and at his outstretched hand. The two continue to converse, and Nate gestures to the outstretched hand again. JCH brings his hands together, takes one last look at Vickie Hall, and looks back at Nate Colton. He stretches out his hand as well, and Colton meets him, pulling Jonathan-Christopher in tight with a hug.
Richard Parker: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Nick Stuart: FINALLY! FINALLY THE BOY HAS COME TO HIS SENSES!
Jonathan-Christopher Hall looks Nate Colton in the eyes, keeping a hold of his hand. His smile turns into a snarl, and then he kicks Nate Colton as hard as he can directly in the testicles. Nate Colton’s face changes in slow motion, his smile slowly morphing to that ‘why’ look that can only be achieved by a man who has just been kicked squarely in his dick.
Richard Parker: YEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!! THANK HOYT!
JCH begins throwing rights and lefts at Colton as he slumps to his knees. TCG and Zion slide in under the ropes and begin kicking and stomping on Nate Colton. Vickie slides into the ring and once again starts directing traffic, having Zion and TCG stretch Colton out across the ring.
Richard Parker: YES! EXACTLY WHAT HE DESERVES! KILL THE MONSTER! KILL THE MONSTER!
Nick Stuart: AND HERE COMES THE CAVALRY! GET HER GINNY!
Adam Ellis and Ginny Van Lear come sprinting down the ramp. Ginny springs at Vickie Hall like a wild woman while Adam Ellis takes JCH’s head off with a superman punch.
Nick Stuart: Ellis and Ginny Van Lear are cleaning house!
Ellis turns around towards TCG and sprints over, but the Love Convoy gets out while the getting is good. Ellis checks on Colton and helps him up to his feet as the Love Convoy regroups on the outside. Vickie, face still covered in the crimson mask holds her hand out to JCH. JCH looks down and takes it as the group walk up the ramp. The ALP’s still hand in hand.
Nick Stuart: What a ride. What a match.
Richard Parker: Night two sucks. First Jiles wins, then Colton. This whole thing is fixed.
Finally our scene fades with Adam Ellis and Ginny Van Lear helping Nate Colton up to his feet and holding his arms in the air as the crowd cheers before we cut to our final commercial of the evening.