JONATHAN-CHRISTOPHER HALL vs. ROCKY DE LEON

The lights dim and “Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard” by Streetlight Manifesto begins blaring as green lasers flash around PetCo Park. 

The mama pajama rolled out of bed

And she ran to the police station

When the papa found out he began to shout

And he started the investigation

Vince Howard: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL… making his way to the ring first… weighing in at 215lbs… he is… THE LION OF LAREDO… ROOOOOOOCKY DEEE LEEEEEOOOOOON!

Nick Stewart: Looks like Mr. Nice Guy is on vacation!

Richard Parker: Oof. Rocky looks pissed. Safe to say that he’s still reeling from the loss to Mort.

Nick Stuart: I agree. It might’ve been what he needed for this match, though! I’d hate to be Jonathan-Christopher Hall right now!

Richard Parker: JCH lost too, dummy! Did you forget that mauling he received by Ivan at ReVival 30?! I’d say both guys have equal claim to being fired up for this match.  

Rocky comes out from the back in his full costume. With a look of ill-intent poking out through his mask, he flaps his arms on the ramp and lets out a mighty SKREE~! The crowd SKREE~!’s back. Rocky SKREE~!’s again, this time sounding like an angry pterodactyl about to descend upon his prey.

Nick Stuart: Even his SKREE~!’s have a certain malice behind them. This is gonna be GOOD.

“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith hits the speakers and the fans immediately react as Jonathan-Christopher Hall emerges at the top of the ramp. Vickie Hall is in front of him, raising her arms, smiling, portraying the essence of confidence.

Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring next, accompanied by Vickie Hall, he is a member of the Love Convoy…from Folsom, Louisiana and weighing in at 220 pounds…JONATHAN! CHRIIISTOPHERRRRRR! HAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!

Her husband, in a stark contrast to his match at ReVival 30, looks to be brimming with confidence. He smiles as he follows her towards the ring, happily ignoring the taunts from the San Diegans. They both reach the ring and Hall quickly rolls under the ropes, jumping up to his feet as Vickie Hall looks at her husband lovingly.

Nick Stuart: Well Jonathan-Christopher Hall looks like he’s got a bit more confidence tonight than he did the last time he stepped through those ropes!

Richard Parker: If you were about to be annihilated by a seven-foot two, four-hundred pound Russian monster you wouldn’t look too confident either. JC’s got this, though. His confidence is unmistakable!

As soon as Jonathan-Christopher Hall and Rocky De Leon make it to their respective corners, referee Ashley Barlow asks if both competitors are ready. Then, as they both nod their heads, Barlow calls for the bell!

DING DING

Rocky bursts out of the gate, utilizing his great agility to evade Hall’s initial attempt at a quick double-leg takedown. Rocky’s fluid movement in evading the double-leg takedown brings a smile to his face, despite showing a sense of bitterness during his entrance. Motioning that he is “ready”, Rocky gets inside Hall’s head a bit as he smiles.

Nick Stuart: Ooh! Rocky playing some early mind games in this thing! 

Richard Parker: What a moron. Jonathan-Christopher Hall is The Alpha Male Love Boat and if the Lion isn’t careful, he’s going to drown under the hull.

Nick Stuart: Wow, you’ve really been practicing that one, haven’t you?

Richard Parker: So what. You’re not my Mom. 

JCH and Rocky then begin circling each other around the ring before locking up in the center. Hall starts with an arm wringer, but Rocky reverses it into an arm wringer of his own. Hall slaps his own shoulder and counters the arm-wringer into a go-behind hammerlock. Rocky, looking for a way out, cradles JCH’s head. Jumping off of the mat, it looks like Rocky’s going to get slammed by Hall, but the Lion of Loredo turns it into a snapmare that throws the Forever Man against the turnbuckles!

Looking slightly less confident than he did upon entering the ring after that exchange, Hall tries to shake it off as Vickie claps and yells for her husband. Rocky, looking as focused as ever, leans in on JCH before whipping into the opposite ropes. Hall off the recoil, Rocky jumps up and uses both legs to flip his opponent onto the mat with a hurricanrana! Rocky has both legs hooked and Barlow is right there!

ONE!

TWO!

JCH kicks out just as Vickie screams at him to get up!

Nick Stuart: Rocky with a really nice looking Pterricanrana!

Richard Parker: Jesus Christ. It’s a hurricanrana. These dinosaur references are really getting old.

Nick Stuart: Tell that to the merchandising team. I hear Rocky’s shirts are a surefire sell-out every event!

Richard Parker: Well, you won’t find me buying one!

Hall, looking further perplexed that he can’t seem to gain an advantage, shakes his head. Vickie, meanwhile, slams the apron, trying to get something going for her man. With the incentive of Vickie going all-in with her cheerleading, JCH goes for a soft reset by circling Rocky again. Rocky takes the bait and both men go in for a collar-and-elbow tie-up. JCH knees Rocky in the gut, doubling him over. Grabbing his head, Hall snaps down with a vicious DDT! Not wanting to waste a moment, Hall goes for a cover. Barlow counts!

ONE!

Rocky kicks out at one and Vickie is PISSED!!

Nick Stuart: That was quite the DDT Hall hit Rocky with. Can’t believe Rocky managed to kick out at one!

Richard Parker: Given how thick Rocky’s head is, I’m not surprised.

Realizing that he is going to need far more than a single DDT to put Rocky away, Hall doubles down on the DDT by setting Rocky up for a second one. Rocky elbows JCH in the gut, escaping the second DDT, but as soon as Rocky goes for the ropes, Hall brings Rocky down to the mat by grabbing his mask and pulling! 

Nick Stuart:

Richard Parker:

 

Knowing that he cannot outmatch Rocky De Leon’s athleticism, Hall resorts to more flagrant cheating. JCH gets down onto the mat and chokes Rocky right in front of the ref! The crowd boos this immediately as Hall releases the choke on the count of four and a half. Hall drags Rocky to the side of the ring where Vickie is standing, gets down beside Rocky again and begins choking him again, as soon as he does, he throws his feet up onto the bottom rope where Vickie holds them for added effect. The crowd boos vehemently, expressing their disdain for Hall’s egregious tactics.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Richard Parker: Hahahaha! I LOVE. IT.

Nick Stuart: This just goes to show how desperate the Timid Tiger is to win this thing. Can’t say I agree with it, but I understand the pressure of needing to win a match on a PPV. Especially with the level of talent here in PRIME.

 

Vickie lets go at three so Barlow doesn’t see her helping her husband, and Jonathan-Christopher releases at four to avoid the disqualification. The damage is done, though, as Rocky chokes and sputters on the mat, beating his boot on the mat in obvious pain from his affected throat. Despite Hall’s desperation though, Rocky refuses to succumb to JCH and Vickie’s machinations. Displaying unwavering determination, Rocky kips up from the mat and unleashes a barrage of hard, stiff shots to Hall’s head!

Nick Stuart: Rocky’s rallying back and JC looks rocked!

With Hall reeling, The Lion rallies with an indomitable spirit. Ignoring the pain of his throat, he musters the strength and resolve to deliver an uppercut right to Captain Love Shack’s button! Hall drops and Rocky immediately begins tying up his opponent’s legs with a sharpshooter. With a resounding roar, the fans scream for Hall to tap!

TAP! TAP! TAP!

Richard Parker: You gotta be kidding me. No way does Rocky beat JCH here with the-

Nick Stuart: Pterrishooter! That’s right! I’m naming it right here and now!

Richard Parker: Sometimes I hate you. With every fiber of my being.

The irony of the situation remains; Rocky De Leon has the Pterrishooter locked in right in front of Vickie Hall! Rocky SKREE~!’s at Vickie. Vickie screams back about as loud as a woman could. Barlow keeps checking on Hall, who holds his hand out as if he’s about to tap. JCH holds on, though, and starts pushing himself up from the mat. Having enough strength in his upper body, he breaks the Pterrishooter, causing Rocky to go forward into the ropes.

With Barlow checking on Hall, this gives Vickie the opportunity to reach into her top and pull out a set of brass knuckles!

Nick Stuart: Oh my God! Ashley! Turn around!

Richard Parker: This is FANTASTIC!! Hahaha!!

CRRRRRRRACK!

 

Rocky, seeing it coming, is one-second too late as Vickie nails him across the face with the brass knuckles, sending him crumpling to the mat!

Hall, not even realizing what just happened, starts to turn around. Realizing Rocky is out, Vickie screams at Hall to make the cover. JCH drags Rocky away from the ropes and makes the lateral cover!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE- NO!! Barlow’s hand nearly comes down for the three before Rocky kicks out emphatically!

Rocky looks pissed.

JCH begins begging off as Rocky looks out at the PRIME Faithful. Having enough of JCH’s begging, Rocky lays some stomps down on Hall, much to the chagrin of Vickie. Guiding Hall back up to his feet, Rocky lays in some serious knife-edge chops that echo throughout PetCo Park arena! Grabbing JCH by his wrist, Rocky whips Hall into the opposite turnbuckle so hard that he hits them chest first! As Hall staggers backward, The Lion jumps up and nails a dropkick to the back of JCH’s head!

Nick Stuart: Rocky has ALL the momentum right now! Even after the illegal knucks from Vickie!

Richard Parker: As much as I hate to admit it, Rocky showed a lot of fighting spirit there. Vickie has a HELL of a right hook!     

With Hall on the mat, he rolls over, holding the back of his neck. Rocky leaps over the top rope and runs up to the top rope with great agility. Measuring up The Love Break Boy (LBB©), Rocky SKREE~!’s to the masses, leaps, and NAILS a high angle senton bomb!

Nick Stuart: THE DIVING DINO!

Richard Parker: Ugh. He might have him.

Hooking a deep cover by holding both legs, the crowd counts along with Barlow!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE- NO!! JONATHAN-CHRISTOPHER HALL KICKED OUT!!

Richard Parker: YES!!! LOVE WILL NOT DIE, NICK!!

Rocky can’t believe he didn’t get the three-count and holds up three fingers for Ashley to see. She insists it was a very close two-count, though, and Rocky pounds the mat in frustration.

Nick Stuart: Rocky can’t take his eye off the ball here!

Rocky is up first, despite being crestfallen for the close two-count. As soon as he guides Rocky to his feet, Hall expertly sneaks in a small package attempt!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!

NO!!

Rocky kicks out and the entire arena is going wild for the Lion of Loredo!

“LET’S GO LION!”

CLAP, CLAP, CLAP-CLAP-CLAP.

“LET’S GO LION!”

CLAP, CLAP, CLAP-CLAP-CLAP.   

Nick Stuart: Wait a second… what the hell?!

Darin Zion and Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy suddenly appear at the top of the ramp to a chorus of boos as they walk down to the ring.  

Richard Parker: The entire Love Convoy is in full support! I love it!

Nick Stuart: This is a bunch of garbage. Pure and simple.

Vickie looks over at Zion and Gladhappy making their way to the ring, and she’s all but literally jumping for joy. Darin Zion stays on the side closest to the ramp while The Nuzzle Lord makes his way to the right; the side opposite of Vickie Hall.

Nick Stuart: I don’t like this. I don’t like this at ALL.

Richard Parker: You don’t have to like it. Because it’s gonna happen regardless.

Rocky and JCH get to their feet simultaneously, and it’s at this point that Hall notices the rest of The Love Convoy joining him in support. Turning to Rocky, Hall goes for a right, but the Lion counters with a right of his own! Followed by another! And another! With Hall reeling, Rocky runs a quarter of the way across the ring. He then leaps after planting his left foot on the middle rope and his right foot on the top rope. Rocky turns and launches back toward Jonathan-Christopher with a spread eagle crossbody!

Nick Stuart: FLYING SQUIRREL!

Hall ducks and Rocky lands flat on his stomach and chest with great impact.

Richard Parker: Nope! Not today! 

All of a sudden, Vickie Hall hops up onto the apron, but “slips” and “twists her ankle”. Barlow sees this and immediately goes over to her to see if she’s okay. Meanwhile, Gladhappy enters the ring and immediately HUGS Rocky De Leon…

…before lifting up underneath him for an electric chair. Carrying him toward Darin Zion, TCG releases Rocky into the electric chair drop, where Rocky’s back catches the edge of the ring apron, flipping him backwards, causing him to land on his stomach on the outside mat!

Nick Stuart: HOLY SH-

Richard Parker: SHIT! OUR NUZZLE LORD JUST HIT THE “BUILDING SOMETHING GREAT TOGETHER” ONTO THE RING APRON! ROCKY’S DEAD!!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT!

HOLY SHIT! 

As if that fall onto the edge of the apron wasn’t bad enough, Darin Zion is right there. Picking Rocky’s lifeless body up from the outside mat, Zion cradles Rocky’s head into a headlock and SPIKES him down onto the thin mat!

Richard Parker: RATINGS SPIKE!

Nick Stuart: GET THAT DAMN VICKIE OUT OF THERE!! COME ON, ASHLEY!!!

As if on cue, Zion deadlifts Rocky’s unconscious body, scoops him under the bottom rope and shoves him back inside the ring.

Suddenly, Vickie’s foot is fine and she has a smirk on her face the size of California itself.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“FUCK YOU, VICKIE!”

“FUCK YOU, VICKIE!”

“FUCK YOU, VICKIE!”

“FUCK YOU, VICKIE!”

 

Nick Stuart: Couldn’t have said it better myself, San Diego.

Richard Parker: Well, that’s gotta be the rudest chant I’ve ever heard.

As Vickie bows to the crowd, proud of her actions in helping her husband, JCH grabs Rocky de Leon in a double chicken wing. Slowly turning around, thereby turning it into an inverted double underhook facebuster, Hall drops to the mat.

Nick Stuart: He didn’t even need to do that!

Richard Parker: I mean, might as well make sure, no?

Hall hooks a leg.

Barlow is there.

The crowd is still booing. Some even throwing trash.

One.

Two.

Three.

Ashley Barlow calls for the bell!

DING DING DING

Vince Howard: The winner of this match… JONATHAN… CHRISTOPHER… HALL!

The crowd cannot believe the level of egregiousness they just witnessed. Their anger is palpable as Vickie climbs into the ring and rushes her husband, showering him with kisses. Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy and Darin Zion both climb into the ring, clapping for their Love Convoy brother, as if Jonathan-Christopher Hall just defeated Rocky De Leon all by his lonesome.

Nick Stuart: I got nothing. Rocky De Leon did NOT deserve that.

As JCH gets up, he is joined by The Nuzzle Lord, The Zionator, and finally… Mrs. Hall herself.

The Love Convoy all raise their hands in victory as we go to the backstage area.