JUST A TEASE
We open the twelfth edition of ReVival with a shot of the backstage area of the MGM Grand Garden Arena; more specifically, the loading zone area. The garage doors are lifted and there are people milling about, talking, and making important (very important) things happen. One guy is carrying a mannequin that looks like he has a pp, but we are not talking about that right now.
We are talking about other things.
Like the baby blue Audi R8 that’s driving up the ramp into the loading zone area and passing the people in the vicinity. As the car whips around a corner, it stops on a dime, in front of a man wearing a pair of black slacks that match a black vest that sits on top of a white linen shirt. The man stands there, with a smile on his face, as he walks around to the driver side door and opens it. A man then exits the car.
That man is none other than Dusk.
Cue average (read: massive) pop from the fans in attendance.
The Lost Soul stands next to Jimmy (let’s be real, Jimmy is about five and a half feet tall, Dusk is quite large in comparison) and pats Jimmy on the back. Dusk stands there wearing a pair of dark blue jeans with a PRIME t-shirt, which is tucked in. What does it say on that t-shirt?
This receives another pop from the fans, as they’re a sucker for merchandise that truly is amazing.
Dusk: Jimmy, good to see you! You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you, how long have you been working here?
Jimmy the Valet: I’ve been working here for about five minutes sir. I received a call from Mr. Melvin Beauregard, my boss, and he told me to come out here and valet your car.
Dusk: Oh, I see. And what do you normally do?
Jimmy the Valet: I don’t know, Mr. Dusk. I do whatever he tells me to do.
Dusk gives Jimmy a sideways look and leans in, whispering to Jimmy.
Dusk: And… what exactly does Melvin do?
Jimmy simply shrugs his shoulders.
Dusk: That sounds about right. And people get on me because I tell him to book me in matches and to not worry about the runtime when I’m out there in the middle of the ring. How am I supposed to know what he does if you don’t even know what he does?
Jimmy slowly nods his head.
Jimmy the Valet: Sure, Mr. Dusk. Whatever you say, Mr. Dusk.
Dusk slowly nods his head along with Jimmy.
Dusk: That’s good to hear, because Jimmy, my man, this place is wild. I mean, just about anything can happen here. Like Time Lords.
Jimmy the Valet: Yes, Mr. Dusk. I saw Miss Anna earlier and I’m very happy she didn’t punt me.
Dusk: Just make sure you buy her t-shirt, got it?
Jimmy the Valet: Always, Mr. Dusk. Miss Anna scares me.
Dusk: She scares all of us. [beat] And we’ve got a mannequin that steals… genitals.
Jimmy the Valet: Oh yes, I remember that Mr. Dusk. That made me laugh. First he has no pp, then he does. How does he do that?
Dusk opens his mouth and then shuts it. He realizes he has no good answer for this.
Dusk: We’ve got a man who wears a mask that apparently controls him—
Jimmy the Valet: Oh yes, Mr. Balaam scares me. Not as much as Mr. Cancer. You should see the things he does to his dressing room each week.
Dusk looks at Jimmy with a peculiar look on his face.
Dusk: Each week? But we’re only here every other week.
Jimmy the Valet: I don’t know, Mr. Dusk. I just always see him around. I think he lives here or something.
Dusk: Good to know, good to know. Jimmy, you seem to know a lot of what goes on around here. Would that be correct?
Jimmy simply nods his head.
Dusk: Good, glad to hear that. There is a particular person that I think I should see. About my height, sometimes has really curly hair, likes to look at people until they spontaneously combust, hates ketchup on her hot dogs—
Jimmy the Valet: Oh, you mean Ms. Lindsay! I sometimes call her Mom.
Dusk pauses for a moment, looking at Jimmy as if something doesn’t add up, but decides to not go down that particular path of conversation. At least, not today.
Dusk: Yes, yes. LT. What would you say that her mood is like today?
Jimmy the Valet: Well, you know, she didn’t seem to be very happy when I saw her. She kept cursing, my mother told me cursing is bad, but I like PRIME so I don’t care about the cussing. Though I have to say, everyone here is quite creative with their cursing. There was one time, I heard The Anglo Luchador call everyone a—
Dusk holds up his hand to stop Jimmy.
Dusk: It’s okay, I don’t need to know what he called everyone. So you would say she is in a bad mood?
Jimmy the Valet: Maybe? You know, I think if you went and saw her, she would instantly improve. Everyone likes you, Mr. Dusk. Except for Mr. Atken. But he likes glue, so I’m not sure if that counts.
Dusk stifles a laugh.
Dusk: Jimmy, LT and I… we don’t exactly play nice with one another. It’s a whole thing… and a Cozen. Definitely a Cozen involved. Very confusing, but we don’t talk about that, now do we, Jimmy? No, we don’t talk about that because we had it erased from the libraries. So if LT is in a bad mood, I don’t think I should go see her about this issue I have.
Jimmy the Valet: Is it hemmaroids? Because Mr. Rezin has a giant tub of cream in his locker room that he applies to his—
Dusk raises his hand again.
Dusk: No, Jimmy, no. We’re not going there.
Jimmy the Valet: Good idea, Mr. Dusk, because that was disgusting. What is your issue anyways? Maybe Mr. Jimmy can help!
Dusk: Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?
Jimmy the Valet: No, I mean my Uncle Jimmy. He owns a law practice in Albuquerque, he’s very good at getting people out of trouble.
Dusk is starting to regret his conversation with Jimmy.
Dusk: Yeah, I think I’m good.
Jimmy the Valet: Can you at least tell me about your issue?
Dusk thinks about it and shrugs his shoulders.
Dusk: You see, I came out last week looking to retire—
Jimmy the Valet: Oh yeah, that was sad Mr. Dusk. My mother cried for hours.
Dusk: Thanks, Jimmy. Anyways, Larry the Cable Guy decided to come out and interrupt my retirement. Look, I get it. Larry has done jack shit in his time here and he’s a little sensitive about that. Instead of looking himself in the mirror, he decides to make a name for himself at my expense. That part, that’s not cool. Wouldn’t you agree, Jimmy?
Jimmy the Valet: Oh yes, Mr. Dusk. Very not cool. There is nothing cool about Mr. Larry Tact.
Dusk: Exactly. Now, he wants to come around and threaten me, tell me he’s going to make things worse for me. That’s all fun and stuff. I wouldn’t mind attacking him backstage with a baseball bat. Dragging him through the parking lot. Reminding him of his place around here. Except, I’ve turned a new leaf. No more of that, I’m trying to do things the right way. He wants to make a name for himself? No problem, I’ll even help him out and make him famous.
Dusk holds up his hand as he’s miming the marquee on the front of the arena.
Dusk: UltraViolence 2022. Dusk vs. Larry Tact. Dusk’s final match. Larry Tact’s latest embarrassment.
Jimmy the Valet: Ooh, I like that Mr. Dusk. What do you need from Ms. Troy though?
Dusk: Well, I’ve learned she makes matches around here. I guess I always knew that, but you know, we don’t exactly get along. But, I figured she would sign this match and let it be my last match. Don’t you think?
Jimmy the Valet: Ooh, I do Mr. Dusk, I do. Go and tell her! I can’t wait to see what happens!
Dusk nods his head, his confidence restored.
Dusk: Then that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to march right over to her office and get this thing squared away. Thanks for your help, Jimmy.
Jimmy the Valet: No problem, Mr. Dusk.
Dusk begins to walk away from the car and towards a giant sign that reads LINDSAY TROY’S OFFICE, THIS WAY. DO NOT KNOCK. As he is walking though, he realizes someone is half-a-step behind him. He looks and sees Jimmy following him.
Dusk: Jimmy, what are you doing? Aren’t you going to park my car?
Jimmy the Valet: Oh, later Mr. Dusk! I want to see what happens with Ms. Troy and you.
Dusk slowly nods his head and continues to walk.
Dusk: So, Jimmy. What’s your last name?
Jimmy the Valet: Oh, it’s Jimmy Bona—
Before he can finish getting his last name out of his mouth, seventeen of Wade Elliot’s finest security guards tackle Jimmy and haul him out of sight. Dusk looks around, confused, before he shrugs his shoulders and continues his walk down the long, long hallway. He’s pretty positive this was a trick, but eventually he reaches a door that clearly says Lindsay Troy.
He goes to knock and pauses before his hand touches the door. He takes a long, deep breath as he stands there before shaking his head, thinking better of this idea. The longer he stays away from LT, the better for everyone.
He then sighs and begins to walk away from Troy’s door. As he is halfway down the hall, the door slowly cracks open.
We then see the back of Dusk’s shirt.
It reads: BUY THE SHIRT, YOU FUCKING COWARDS.
Now hit the intro.