KENNADE STARR VS. LOGAN JAMES
“Always” by Saliva plays and green lights emanate through the arena. Logan James walks out from behind the back and plays to the fans a bit before heading toward the ring.
Vince Howard: Weighing in at 250 lbs from Livermore Maine, LOOOOGAN JAMES!
Nick Stuart: Logan James is up against it today with that monolithic Mr. Bubbles to contend with.
Richard Parker: I hope he wore his brown pants.
The crowd slowly erupts in cheers. LJ slowly walks out and looks around. He makes his way down the entrance ramp with a look of uncertainty. As he enters the ring, the progressive cheers turn his uncertain frown into a delightful smile.
“Caramelldansen” by the Caramella Girls pops over the PA system. Kennade Starr bounces out from the backstage area. She does a little spin before doing a kitty cat paw with her hands. Mr. Bubbles, her “butler”, stalks out behind her.
Richard Parker: Well, I guess we get to see if she starts a win streak on this show.
Nick Stuart: You mean Mr. Bubbles, right?
Richard Parker: Look, I don’t understand the kid, but I am willing to give them a chance.
Vince Howard: On her way to the ring… From “Your favorite stream”… Weighing in at “None of your business”…. KENNADE STAAAAAAAARR!
She rides the momentum of the crowd and takes her place at the side of the ring while Mr. Bubbles steps inside.
Logan James hears the signal of the bell and immediately goes to work, charging toward Mr. Bubbles. The monolithic foe takes a clubbing forearm, and then another, stumbling back before setting his feet and grabbing Logan by the forehead and throwing him end over end across the ring.
At ringside, Kennade Starr mimics the motions and mimes for the giant to follow up by stalking James across the mat. When he gets there, the pint sized Starr raises an elbow and brings it down hard, and Mr. Bubbles drives the blow into James’ shoulders. The camera catches a glimpse of Kennade’s phone screen as it blasts with emoji’s and glitter.
Nick Stuart: Early on it is all Kennade Starr and her “butler”, Mr. Bubbles.
Richard Parker: Is it just me or is she pretending to pilot one of those Gundam things that is all the rage with the kids today?
Nick Stuart: Gundams haven’t been a thing in twenty years, partner.
Richard Parker: Really? I thought they were still making those shows. I mean, people said we weren’t a thing in 2023 too, but look at us now!
In the ring, Logan James is trying to compose himself and having a tough go of it. Mr. Bubbles stomps on his fingers which causes James to scream and Starr to laugh as she dances around as if she is controlling the monstrous Bubbles.
Kennade grasps at the air and the golem-man reaches down to goozle Logan James, but he pulls a savvy move, using an angle to shield referee Ashley Barlow from seeing him take a desperation shot to the big man’s plums.
Nick Stuart: That will stop anyone in their tracks, including Mr. Bubbles!
Richard Parker: How come when a wrestler that is a bad guy does that we boo, but when a good guy does it we cheer? Seems like a double standard.
Nick Stuart: Motivation?
Richard Parker: Isn’t it cheating both ways? Morality is a dual edged blade.
Nick Stuart: You’re lecturing me about morality?
Richard Parker: I’m just sayin’.
Bubbles stumbles backwards and Logan is quick to pounce, laying in a series of punches that stagger the big man. Kennade seems to be more interested in whatever is going on in her feed at the moment and is distracted enough to let the older wrestler seize the momentum.
Bubbles stumbles into the corner and Logan James runs forward, delivering a powerful clothesline strike followed up with several shoulder strikes to the midsection. As Mr. Bubbles shakes the cobwebs loose, Logan looks to press the attack and sets him up for a suplex.
Nick Stuart: Logan James is not a small man, but he might be biting off a bit much trying to power up the much bigger competitor.
Richard Parker: What are you talking about? Kennade is the size of a 5th grader.
Nick Stuart: Oh come on, don’t start with this ruse.
Richard realizes that he has hit on something to dig into Nick about and does, in fact, continue his ruse.
Richard Parker: You cannot see that talented young lady right now in a predicament?
Nick Stuart: She is standing in front of us right now playing Dumb Ways to Die.
Richard Parker: No, that’s what is happening in the ring. A person of Logan James’ size should not be matched up against that innocent child.
Nick Stuart: What is wrong with you?
Logan tries to lift the behemoth, but the big man is not ready to go yet and reverses the move into a suplex of his own. KStarr matches the movements on the outside of the ring and before long, Logan James is on the mat flat with an imposing Mr. Bubbles looming over him.
The “butler” drops to his hands and knees and begins to choke Logan, a slight hint of pleasure possibly forming on the corners of his mouth, though it is impossible to see through the mask he is wearing. He becomes more ferocious as the smaller man chokes and gasps for air, flailing his legs.
Referee Barlow begins a count.
Finally Mr. Bubbles relents as Ashley scolds the large man and instructs him to listen to her commands. Logan gets to his feet slowly and as he does, Mr. Bubbles walks forward, practically through the referee to get to his opponent. James is waiting though, and runs forward, delivering a double ax handle smash.
He teeters Mr. Bubbles and bounces off the ropes to bring another ax handle smash which causes the big man to exaggeratedly windmill his arms. Logan nods his head and goes for another smash, this time the big man tumbles and slams to the mat with a percussive thunder.
Nick Stuart: It appears that the goliath can be taken to the mat and Logan James is on the offensive!
Richard Parker: Mhm.
Nick Stuart: Are you surfing on your phone instead of watching the match?
Richard Parker: I am researching, Nick.
Nick Stuart: Researching for the match right? Maybe a finisher, or some sort of history on the competitors or something?
Richard Parker: No, I am looking at Gundam history and you are wrong! They are still making Gundam movies and shows. Did you know…
Nick Stuart: Oh boy…
Richard Parker: That apparently building scale model replicas of Gundams is extremely popular?
Nick Stuart: No. I have a life, speaking of which, shouldn’t we be focused on the match?
Richard Parker: I’m just saying that earlier when I said that Kennade was piloting Mr Bubbles like a Gundam and you told me they weren’t a thing, it turns out you were wrong and they are a thing. That’s all I am saying.
Nick shakes his head.
Nick Stuart: Are you done?
Alongside the ring, Kennade is trying to will her butler to action, but LJ is pressing the attack with a series of mounted strikes. The smaller man lifts his hulking opponent and whips him into the ropes then meets him with a big boot!
Mr. Bubbles drops to the mat and LJ goes for the pin. Ashley Barlow slides in for the cover with impeccable timing.
Sensing that danger is imminent, KStarr puts looks away from preening into the phone and fishes a VR headset from her pack. She spins in a circle and holds her fingers in an anime pose with her left hand on her hips and her feet spread. As if lights and glitter bombs explode all around her, she puts on the VR headset and turns to the ring, where Mr. Bubbles is slowly getting to his feet.
LJ tries to go for the momentum attack again, hunkering down and setting himself up for a big shoulder tackle, but is interrupted as a fan throws a KStarr plushy into his open hands. He catches it and looks out into the crowd to see where it came from. As James jawjacks and points at the plushy in protest to Ashely Barlow, both KStarr and Bubbles reach out, goozling Logan and lifting him high in the air. Then Mr Bubbles sends LJ crashing to the mat with a thunderous choke slam. James flexes his back and holds it in pain while Kennade stomps on the ground at the same time as Bubbles does in the ring.
Nick Stuart: And just like that, Kennade Starr and her butler are back in charge of the match.
Richard Parker: Whatever she is doing with that headset seems to be paying off. It reminds me of The Matrix. Do you think she is old enough to know about that?
Nick Stuart: She is old enough to know how to control that goliath and win matches. That is what I see based on her first match and possibly this one as well, the way it is going.
LJ groans and slowly gets to his feet. He is grabbed by the titanic butler and whipped into the ropes with authority. Kennade winds up her arm as Mr. Bubbles does and mimics his every movement as he knocks LJ almost clean out of his boots and end over end with a STARRSHINE lariat.
Nick Stuart: That was a sickening way Logan James landed on the mat. Human limbs aren’t meant to contort like that!
Richard Parker: That has to be the end of it, right? There is such a thing as overkill, and as someone who plays video games, you would think she knows that.
Mr. Bubbles does not appear to acknowledge the move, he simply looks down at the fallen James. Kennade laughs gleefully and poses for the stream before playing to the crowd and showing she is ready to make a pin.
KStarr goes for the pin identically as Mr. Bubbles, kneeling down and placing his hands on Logan James’ chest and waiting for Ashley Barlow to slide in for the count, which she does with precision.
DING DING DING
Nick Stuart: Another win for Kennade Starr, and she is making a name for herself early. Though I think we shouldnt discount Logan James, who looked awfully strong during this match!
Richard Parker: Maybe so, but the 1, 2, 3 goes to the kid and her Iron Giant.
Nick Stuart: Right! Up next we have a commercial and the show rolls on!