LARRY TACT VS. EDDIE CROSS VS. MIKE MCGEE
We’re taken into the MGM Grand Garden Arena proper to tens of thousands of screaming PRIMEates holding a boatload of signs…
MIKE MCGEE DRIVES 55 IN THE PASSING LANE
I DISCORDED AND DROVE ALL THE WAY HERE
BEAUTIFUL FRENCH MADE GLUE
I WAS YEETED BY IVAN STANISLAV AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS TOO SMALL 5XL NEW ERA SHIRT!!
PLEASE HIRE NASA TO RETRIEVE CORAL AVALON FROM SPACE, IVAN YEETED HIM TOO HARD
WARMCOLD: IT EASES THE NECKTORAL ACHES
LET REZIN HAVE A FLAMETHROWER
DO A FLIP, GREAT BEAR
“POSSESSION IS 9/10THs OF THE LAW” – YOUNGBLOOD PROBABLY
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT LET REZIN HAVE A FLAMETHROWER
SCG FOR ROTY YOU COWARDS
DEAR DR. REFORM
DO YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE LUPUS?
EDDIE CROSS IS A NEWB
HE PROBABLY COULDN’T EVEN SPEEDRUN MARIO BROS
I ALWAYS THOUGHT CANCER JILES HAD SMALL DICK ENERGY
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS SMALL DUSK ENERGY
WHAT ABOUT SMALL DUCK ENERGY
DAVE GIBSON SHOPS AT BURKES OUTLET
With that, we kick it over to Nick and Richard.
Nick Stuart: We’re jumping into the action right away to kick off this nineteenth installment of ReVival! Triple threat action is on the docket as the veteran Larry Tact gives the formal PRIME welcome to newcomers in “N1GHTCRAW1ER” Eddie Cross and Mr. Middle Management, Mike McGee!
Richard Parker: Larry, Lumbergh, and Lag… OH MY! The McGee guy is mildly interesting, and Timo’s kid is sure to deliver, but Larry Tact has been looking to turn the corner for a while, and I don’t expect he’ll give either of these two an easy time in there.
Nick Stuart: It will be interesting to see how it plays out. Let’s go to Vince, standing ready in the ring!
Smiling proudly into the camera, Vince Howard raises the mic to address the masses.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen… WELCOME to REVIVAL NINETEEN!!
Vince Howard: This is our opening event!
Match Start in 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…
– Eliminate Other Players –
“ISIS (ADHD)” by Joyner Lucas ft. Logic begins, and the arena lights focus on the entry.
One time for them prayin’ on my downfall (Yeah)
Two times for the homies in the chow hall (Whoa)
Three times for them hoes on the internet
Shittin’ on me when they really should get out more
Four times for the days I would hold back (Woo!)
Five times for the bitches who ain’t called back (Yeah)
Six times for the kids like me who got ADHD just to (Brap, brap, brap)
As Joyner Lucas rhymes Eddie “N1ghtCraw1er” Cross steps out of the back followed shortly by Dave Gibson. He adjusts his custom gaming glasses before walking down the ramp focused on the ring. He pauses at the ring steps, taking off his backpack, unzipping the main compartment, and placing it in the corner of the ring. He waits for the transition between Joyner and Logic’s verse before psyching himself up. Vince Howard is waiting.
Vince Howard: The following triple threat contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Detroit, Michigan by way of Orlando, Florida, standing six feet four inches and weighing in at two-hundred and twenty-five pounds… EDDIE “N1GHTCRAW1ER” CROSS!!!
Eddie tosses his glasses to Dave, runs up the ring steps, wipes his feet on the apron, and enters the ring as Logic spits his hook.
Me and Joyner need a couple hearses (Woo!)
Double homicide, kill the beat and the verses
Everybody livin’ on the surface
But we came from the underground, yeah, we deserve it
Eddie rolls his neck and prepares for the match.
“Bright Future in Sales” by Fountains of Wayne plays and the PRIMEView shows a lot of different spreadsheets with formulas and TPS forms.
Vince Howard: Coming next to the ring, hailing from Maplewood, New Jersey, and weighing in at two-hundred and five pounds… the ONLY human resources manager in professional wrestling, MIKE MCGEE!!!
McGee walks to the ring in a “business casual” singlet – double hooked and made to look like a collared shirt and slacks. He sneers at fans and gives out warnings to anyone who speaks out of turn. The PRIME faithful regard Mr. Middle Management with a blend of bemusement and befuddlement.
“Pieces of Man” by Drown plays over the arena speakers as the lights cut out. Royal blue lights flicker on the stage while golden spotlights scan the crowd. They settle on centerstage where Larry Tact stands. He opens his arms and puffs out his chest, soaking in the crowd’s reaction before bellowing and making his way down the ramp, the spotlight following him.
Vince Howard: And introducing the final competitor, fighting out of Manhattan, New York, and weighing in at two-hundred and sixty pounds… here is, LARRY TACT!!!
As he walks, Larry critiques some fans at ringside with petty insults before arriving to the ring, glaring at his opposition. He pulls himself up using the ropes and walks slowly along the apron before wiping his boots and entering the ring. He stretches using the ropes before bouncing from side-to-side.
Nick Stuart: Tact looks focused tonight. Cross as well, as his trainer Dave Gibson gives him some last minute pointers.
Richard Parker: Meanwhile, Mike McGee is offering the ref pointers on how to call the match…
Nick Stuart: He’s not in the ring for more than five minutes, and he’s already lecturing people on their work. Thankfully, Ashley Barlow doesn’t look interested in hearing what he has to say, instead just eager to get this one started as she cues for the bell!
The competitors begin encircling the center of the ring, each man warily looking between opponents to see who is willing to make the first move. A moment later, the trio act simultaneously, with Cross and Tact going into a collar-and-elbow, and McGee backing off into the corner.
Nick Stuart: And here we go, with the veteran Larry Tact and the debuting Eddie Cross pairing off into the collar and elbow! Mike McGee, on the other hand, appears reluctant to jump into the action.
Richard Parker: It’s a rather efficient use of his stamina, Nick, wouldn’t you say?
Nick Stuart: I suppose, only in that he lets the other competitors do all the work. Larry and Eddie are working against one another now… and here’s the veteran Tact wrapping up the waist and taking Cross to the mat!
Tact moves toward the arm to follow up, but Eddie dauntlessly hooks him by the ankle and pulls him down to his level with a quick trip! With Larry on all fours, Cross presses his advantage by jumping onto his exposed back and wrapping his arms around his head.
Nick Stuart: Eddie Cross going for the sleeper… but Tact snapmares to counter out of it, rolling N1GHTCRAW1ER back to the mat! And there’s a chinlock to go with it!
Richard Parker: The kid thought he could gank him, but the ring general Larry Tact knows every trick in the book!
Nick Stuart: Well let’s see what strategy the “general” utilizes to deal with pro wrestling’s only human resources manager, as Mike McGee moves in to finally get himself involved in the action!
McGee shakes his head and tsk-tsks Tact’s form on the chinlock, but nevertheless lands a few stiff kicks to Eddie’s exposed chest. Larry gives Mr. Middle Management a reproachful look in reaction to the criticism, but nevertheless wrenches back on the head of Cross while burying a knee into his back.
Nick Stuart: Tact and McGee seem to find themselves on the same page here, double-teaming Eddie Cross, while Dave Gibson looks on in concern!
Richard Parker: A brilliant tactic, if you think about it. Cooperation benefits productivity in the workplace, and the wrestling ring is no different.
Nick Stuart: Now McGee with another stiff kick–NO! Cross catches him by the foot… and pulls him right into Tact!
Cross rolls free and tends to his neck and ribs while McGee and Tact tumble into a pile. They quickly push themselves to their feet, Larry fuming while Mike tries to give his best apology. Tact doesn’t buy it, lighting up the master of middle management with furious rights and lefts before stuffing him down and hoisting him off the mat by the waist.
Nick Stuart: BIG Gutwrench Suplex by Larry Tact! So much for “cooperation benefiting productivity”, or however you put it! It’s every man for himself, as Tact covers the chest of Mike McGee for the pin!
TW–CROSS quickly breaks it up!
Richard Parker: Kid knows how to deal with campers, thanks to instincts sharpened from years of P-V-P!
At ringside, Gibson supportively pounds the mat, urging on E.C. who stays on the rising Tact with continuous forearm strikes to the back of the head to leave him reeling. Larry attempts to end the onslaught by pulling Cross into a grapple, but the N1GHTCRAW1ER instead drops to his knees and rolls him back to the ring with a smooth fireman’s carry.
Nick Stuart: Quick counter by E.C.! Tact back up… but immediately gets taken down again with a Side Russian Legsweep!
Richard Parker: HEH! PWNED!
Nick Stuart: Did you just say “poned”?
Richard Parker: No, PWNED! Like OWNED! Like he just OWNED him! Habla “L33T Speak”, Nick?
Nick Stuart: I have no idea what you’re talking about, but in terms of this match, I’ll agree that Mike McGee had a definite impact off that move.
Cross plots an armbar, but the veteran’s ring awareness kicks in as he scrambles a few inches in the other direction and quickly snags the ropes. E.C. sneers as he keeps the hold locked in, forcing official Ashley Barlow to step in to begin a count.
“One! Two! Three! Four…”
Nick Stuart: Cross is refusing to break even after the count of four, and now Ashley Barlow has to pull him off and give the young second-generation athlete an earful on respecting her authority between the ropes!
Richard Parker: This isn’t Blood Gulch, kid. There are RULES!
Eddie blows off the official’s attempts to chide him, prompting a disapproving shake of the head from Mike McGee, standing behind him unnoticed. When Cross bends down to go back to work on Tact, Mr. Middle Management creeps up behind him and presses him into the ropes for a bounce of momentum.
Nick Stuart: Belly-to-back suplex by Mike McGee! Eddie Cross forgot about the third man in this match, and paid the price!
Richard Parker: Probably expects him to be the least threatening in this match-up. Which is a big mistake. Take it from me, human resources are NOT to be taken lightly! PRIME’s HR department is still on my case about that comment I made on Angelica’s dress the other week!
Nick Stuart: As they should be, you lout. Back to the action, McGee quickly hooks the legs and rolls E.C. onto his shoulders!
KICKOUT! Cross stays in it!
McGee says to Barlow that if she could um, be a little more on the ball with those counts, that’d be greeeaaat. Meanwhile, Tact is working himself back off the ropes, and immediately zeroes in on Mike as he rises back up to his feet.
Nick Stuart: Tact back up, going for the Big Boot–but NO! McGee narrowly ducks, and snags ahold of the other leg to trip Larry to the mat! McGee now looking for an Ankle Lock… NO!!
Richard Parker: That boot found its mark after all!
The only human resources manager in professional wrestling sprawls awkwardly off the impact of Tact’s grounded kick to the face, stumbling over the recovering Eddie Cross and falling into him. Cross shoves McGee aside as he scrambles to his feet, but Tact is upon him already, doubling him over with a stiff toe kick to the midsection.
Nick Stuart: SNAP POWERBOMB by Larry Tact!
Richard Parker: The fragrance you never forget!
Nick Stuart: Eddie Cross has been laid out, and now Mike McGee gets wrangled back to his feet… and LAUNCHED with The Humbling! The veteran Larry Tact is taking command of the ring!
The Uranage Suplex flings the much smaller McGee wildly across the canvas until he tumbles into a heap. With his ring awareness on display once again, Tact goes for a position facing the N1GHTCRAW1ER as he covers the chest of McGee.
Nick Stuart: Tact with the lateral press! This could be it!
THR–NO WAIT, Barlow sees the leg on the rope!
Richard Parker: Dang… that was a brilliant move by Larry, keeping his eyes on Cross lest the kid try to break up another pin. But he’s probably kicking himself now for not hooking the legs.
Tact grunts with frustration, but stays in control as he delivers a pair of sharp elbows to keep the human resources manager stunned on the mat. Across the ring, Eddie is slowly getting up with the help of the ropes and the encouragement of Dave Gibson. Larry rises back up to his feet, seeing his opportunity to make a move.
Nick Stuart: Tact turning his focus back onto Cross before the rookie athlete can regain his bearings!
Richard Parker: Veteran move there! If he can continue to dominate both opponents from here on out, eventually one will break and give him the pinfall he needs!
Nick Stuart: Cross coming off the ropes… but Tact scoops him onto his shoulders into the Torture Rack! Looking for the TACTILIZER–NO! Wait! What happened?!
Richard Parker: E.C. got a little handsy with Larry’s face and pew-pew’d one of his eyes, I think!
Cross falls off of Tact’s shoulders as Larry, temporarily blinded, grabs at his face in agony. He doubles over and grabs a hold of the middle rope, staring at a fixed point on the mat while blinking, desperately trying to get his vision back. E.C. scrambles to his feet and is about to pounce, when he suddenly finds himself levitating off the mat…
Nick Stuart: MCGEE from BEHIND with a German Suplex… rolls through… ANOTHER German… rolls through… MAKE THAT THREE!
Richard Parker: Why do one when you can do three? That’s how middle management achieves maximum productivity output, Nick! This will look great on his performance review!
Mike McGee ignores the cover when he notices Tact’s position, and immediately sees a window of opportunity opening up before him…
Richard Parker: Uh oh… I feel Larry Tact is about to be moved downstairs into storage B!
Nick Stuart: McGee back on his feet now, taking a bounce off the ropes… sunset flip into OPEN ENROLLMENT–NOOOOPE!!
Richard Parker: Assets LIQUIDATED!
Larry Tact heaves his back at the last possible moment, launching the only human resources manager in professional wrestling out of the 21 Suplex and over the ropes, splattering face first onto the ringside floor!
Nick Stuart: The veteran had that one scouted!
Richard Parker: And perfect timing, as he now has the ring alone with–
Nick Stuart: EDDIE CROSS with the OHKO Spinning Back Elbow blindsides Larry Tact outta NOWHERE! That found its mark perfectly, and Tact is OUT!
Tact hits the canvas like a mighty oak being felled to the earth, and E.C. is upon him immediately. After interlocking the legs, the N1GHTCRAW1ER reaches down and tucks Larry’s head into a dragon sleeper before rolling back.
Nick Stuart: G-G!! Cross has the Surfboard Dragon Sleeper locked in!
Richard Parker: Oh man, he DID gank him after all!
Nick Stuart: Tact has nowhere to go, and with McGee outside the ring, no one to save him!
If the back elbow didn’t put Tact out, then a few moments held inverted in the choke hold finishes the job as his arm goes limp. Barlow doesn’t wait around as she waves for the bell.
DING DING DING
“ISIS (ADHD)” by Joyner Lucas ft. Logic hits the PA. McGee comes into the ring a second too late as Cross releases the hold and gets back to his feet to have his arm raised in victory.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, by submission… “N1GHTCRAW1ER” EEEDDIIIEEE CROOOOOOSSSSSS!!!
Nick Stuart: A victorious debut tonight for the son of our own Timo Bolamba, as Eddie Cross showed poise and focus in that ring to pick up the win!
Richard Parker: Mike doesn’t look too pleased.
Mr. Middle Management is again disappointed with the official’s performance, droning on in the official’s ear about how she should have waited for a tap Barlow ignores him to tend to Tact. E.C. is joined in the ring by Gibson, who approvingly claps his student on the back.
Nick Stuart: No disagreement here with the official’s call; Tact looked legitimately unconscious after that elbow shot, and she had no other choice.
Richard Parker: Maybe, but a guy of Tact’s experience has held out against worse. Even if it was the Play of the Game, Cross got in a lucky shot.
Nick Stuart: In any case, let’s get on with the show, as we head to the back to hear words from the NEW Five Star Champion of PRIME… FLAMBERGE!