LOOK NO FURTHER
The show comes back to life inside the famed eGG Den. There, Bobby Dean and Cancer Jiles are conversing about the goings on about ReVival and Robert’s up and coming matchup against Brandon Crumblood.
Bobby is already profusely sweating in his gear and robe, and Jiles of course looks like he normally does.
Bobby Dean: I can’t believe that guy called you a cromb earlier. I didn’t know what to do.
Cancer Jiles: Fucking newbies and their dreams. Good thing for me, I do.
The COOLYMPIAN fashions a paper airplane out of the golden ticket he plucked from thin air during a prior segment, and sends it soaring towards the trash can.
It is worth noting that the newest Bandit, Coral Avalon, is nowhere to be seen.
Cancer Jiles: But that can wait till next week. Tonight, it’s all about YOU, and knocking Crumblood out of the tournament for the Bandits.
The Honaleean grits his teeth like he was gnawing on a chicken bone.
Cancer Jiles: Remember to work the arm, and if you get a chance to stuff him you stuff him. No hesitation. Also, it’s not Timo out there so we won’t have to worry about getting screwed over by the refs.
Bobby Dean: Got it. Eat the arm. Stuff him and don’t look back.
The Maestro nods, Bob continues.
Bobby Dean: Say, you’ve lost to him twice before, you don’t think he’s still upset about losing to Ivan, do you? It’s been a month now, he should be calmed down, right?
Although Bob’s question is sincere, King COOL doesn’t view it that way.
Cancer Jiles: I’m sure he’s calmer than I am.
Suddenly, an authoritative knock is heard rapping on the door which causes both Bandits to freeze.
Lindsay Troy: I know you’re in there, Pizmo; the Dipshit Alert went off on my watch a half-hour ago. Open the door so I can fire you with some dignity.
The two Bandits snap their fingers in disgust. Luckily for them, Lady Troy’s next knock jars the door open, and neither of them have to stand up to open it for her.
Such a gentlemanly door.
Lindsay Troy: So where is he? Don’t say who. Don’t show me a piece of cardboard. Don’t pull out an old action figure from the ReVolution era or tSC. Produce Coral Avalon, right now, or get out. If you hurry, you can still catch Fall Fest at the Lincoln Park Zoo and share some sad pizza with Leecifer.
The Beaute from Honalee shrivels behind his multiple chins.
Cancer Jiles: Your hair looks great tonight, Mom. So good in fact, that if ever there were a night to get fired, well it would be tonight.
The Queen of the Ring sharpens her index finger to jab it firmly into Jiles’ chest. Right before it connects, and the hammer meets gavel…
Cancer Jiles: Wouldn’t you agree, Coral?
There is no response.
There is no need for one.
Lady Troy, Queen of PRIME, and the shell shocked expression on her face tell all that needs to be told.
Cancer Jiles: I know. Doesn’t our boy look great in Electric Blue?
Cut to commercial.