Event: ULTRAVIOLENCE 2022
Event Date: 09/23/2022
Suddenly, “Everybody Wants Some” by Van Halen hits and everyone in the ring looks towards the entrance confused. The crowd, also confused, stands on their feet and looks to the entrance, as well. Two large men walk out from the back. One is eating a hoagie and the other has a russet potato in his hand. The two big men look out into the crowd and try to pump them up.
Richard Parker: Who in the hell is this?!
Nick Stuart: I have no idea, but I did receive word that we signed a brand new tag team earlier this week! Maybe this is them!
The potato guy takes a big bite out of the raw potato and tosses the rest into the crowd. Hoagie man has a microphone in his hand and begins to raise it to his mouth, the music fading.
Hoagie Man: Oh yeah! Hello, PRIMEates! My name is Sterling Hayes but all my buddies call me ‘Meat’! And this here is my potato-loving friend Brian Chevis, who affectionately goes by ‘Tater’! French fries, mashed potatoes, tots, hash browns… any potato variety that exists this man is a connoisseur! And that is exactly why we are out here. Those guys out there have introduced a new food into the wrestling world and, from what we can deduce, it is inedible and gawd-awful!
Meat hands the microphone over to Tater.
Tater: Let me give you a little edu-cay-shun about Lunch Time!
Richard Parker: Lunch Time? What the blue hell kind of name is that?!
Nick Stuart: Sounds fun. I’m listening AND hungry.
Tater: The two of us were once great burger joint chefs in Sioux City, Iowa. Then we decided to start wrestling, which lasted a LITTLE while, and when we were dropped from our contracts in another company we decided to go back to cheffin! So we consider ourselves EXPERTS on the culinary arts! So that food right there? It’s CRAP!
He hands the microphone over to Meat.
Meat: So if any of you want to taste some real magic in your mouth, come on outside after the show to the ‘Lunch Time is All the Time’ food truck! We’ve got cheesesteaks, loaded potatoes, and more!
Tater takes the microphone.
Tater: And once we win all of you over with our magic, we are coming to rule the Tag Team division here in PRIME!
Meat leans over to the microphone.
Tater drops the microphone and “Everybody Wants Some” plays again as the two foodies make their way back to the locker room. People continue to look confused as we move on.