MAR vs. ROB WILLIAMS vs. SEÁN O’NEILL
From our intro video, we transition to the inside of the Bridgestone Arena. The camera pans throughout the crowd, highlighting the following signs:
DO ALL VENDING MACHINES CONTAIN WRESTLERS??
PAXTON RAY TRIED TO APOLOGIZE TO ME IN THE PARKING LOT
I HAVEN’T BEEN THIS EXCITED FOR A FRANCO-RUSSO BATTLE LIKE THIS SINCE 1812
I’M HERE TO GET MORE SHOTS OF LINDSAY TROY FOR WIKIFEET 5 STARS GORGEOUS FEET
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS BEEN APOLOGIZED TO BY PAXTON RAY, KNOW THAT YOU’RE NOT ALONE
WHEN DO TICKETS TO CORGI SHOCK GO ON SALE
THIS IS THE LAST TIME FOR REV TO MAKE A TOP 40 UNDER 40 LIST
I KNOW ONE LIST CHANDLER TSONDA WONT BE ON
EVERYONE GET ON THE BUS WE’RE GOIN’ TO FUCKIN’ DOLLYWOOD
ITS BEEN 0 DAYS SINCE SHIPS HAVE BEEN BURNED!!!
SIGN OF THE TIMES: IT IS NOW 10:23 PM
WAIT, YOU MEAN PRIME’S ANNOUNCERS DON’T MAKE WEIRD, HORNY COMMENTS ABOUT THE WOMEN IN THE COMPANY?
Nick Stuart: Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of ReVival, coming to you from the Bridgestone Arena of Nashville Tennessee!
Richard Parker: I love the Michelin company. It has my favorite foods and tires, all under one umbrella.
Nick Stuart: But…
Richard Parker: Did you know that Michelin star restaurants and Michelin tires are related?
Nick Stuart: What does that have to do with…
Richard Parker: As it turns out in 1888, the Michelin brothers André and Édouard founded the company.
Nick Stuart: Oh would you look at that, it’s time for wrestling!
The lights dim on cue to the opening chords of “Ain’t Nice”. Halfway through the chorus “The Legend” Rob Williams berserker walks out from behind the curtain.
He drops his shoulders low and softens his hips, looking in the camera as he glides by on his way into the ring. Rob sometimes stops to acknowledge fans – how stupid they look, how awful they dress, and how trashy their signs are.
Vince Howard: Introducing first, from parts unknown, THE LEGEND… ROOOOOB WILLIAMS!
Once Rob reaches the ring he slides in, going to his corner and pulling on the ropes while leaning to stretch. As he waits for his opponent he jumps up and down lightly to keep his heart rate up.
Richard Parker: Well that was rude.
Nick Stuart: Just let it go, man.
Richard Parker: Pfft. Fine.
“Crushed” by Parkway Drive plays and out saunters the enigma known as Mar.
He gestures to the fans, and slowly paces his way to the ring.
Vince Howard: And his first opponent, also from parts unknown, THE WILD BU, MAAAAAAAR!
Nick Stuart: What do you suppose a “Wild Bu” is anyhow, Richard?
Richard Parker: Let’s consult the oracle of Google.
Richard punches a result up on his suspiciously “jittery” branded smartphone.
Richard Parker: It says here: Wild: A floral muguet combination that empowers you to stay Wild!
The vibrant color of the packaging is stimulating and uplifting, while the visuals demonstrate a festive and lively self expression!
Faithful to its spirit of confidence, B.U. range empowers every girl with the sense of freedom and multiplicity according to her mood and desires, embraces the enthusiasm for life and offers the adequate energy boost and all vividness needed.
The unconventional packaging in combination with the vivid colors and impressive designs make B.U. irresistible! This youthful and trendy image blends harmoniously with the light and fresh fragrances which entitles B.U. as the choice of every modern girl.
Country of origin: France, available at Walmart.
Nick Stuart: Huh. I guess that answers that, then.
Mar slaps a few hands before he makes it to the ringside. He paces the ring, not losing sight of his opponent before he slips under the ropes and readies himself for action.
The opening chords of Chevelle‘s “Comfortable Liar” ring out, signaling the imminent arrival of Seán O’Neill. After a few seconds, O’Neill emerges on the entrance way and takes a second to scan the crowd, he makes no effort to hide the look of disdain showing on his face, before starting for the ring.
Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring, from Belfast, Northern Ireland… weighing in at two hundred and thirty-one pounds… SUURREEAALLL SEAN O’NEILLLLLL!
Nick Stuart: Seán O’Neill looks like he’s ready to go!
Richard Parker: I have to admit I’m pretty excited for this influx of new talent.
Nick Stuart: Really?
Richard Parker: Well think about it, none of these guys are eGG bandits.
Nick Stuart: Fair point.
As usual, the announcement is met with a chorus of jeers from the crowd. Ignoring the reception, O’Neill vaults over the top-rope to enter the ring. Moving into the middle of the ring he looks up to the rafters of the arena whilst spreading his arms straight out to each side.
As he lowers his head, O’Neill smirks at some private joke before moving into the corner where he stretches out on the ring-ropes and rolls his shoulders and wrists, as he gets ready to lock up.
Nick Stuart: Here we are for an exciting bout, this time between three newcomers to PRIME.
Richard Parker: I remember when I was a newcomer to PRIME.
Nick Stuart: I’m a little shocked that you remember the stone ages, pal.
Richard Parker: Hah Hah.
The match is underway with Mar taking the initiative and locking up with O’Neill. As they jostle for position, Rob Williams seems content to let them tussle and leans into a corner. O’Neill seems to get the better of the exchange and transitions into an Irish whip into the ropes followed by a shoulder slam that drops Mar to the mat.
The enigmatic Mar shakes his head from the impact as O’Neill presses the advantage and slides into a rear headlock. Rob Williams spreads his arms out on the ropes as Elvis Nixon circles and claps his hands together, telling Rob to get active. Williams, waves a hand in the air dismissively as Nixon rolls his eyes and focuses on the action.
Nick Stuart: Rob Williams isn’t winning any favors with the ref team in this match, Richard.
Richard Parker: What is Elvis Nixon expecting? There is no rule that says you have to engage your enemy. What Rob Williams is doing is using match strategy and conserving his energy. That’s just smart, if you ask me.
Nick Stuart: Maybe so, but if he keeps it up I think the fans are going to let him have it.
Richard Parker: Let em’. It’s not like any of them have the guts to get in there!
O’Neill lays a forearm into Mar’s shoulders and draws a grimace from his opponent. The Irishman is quick to bring his opponent to his feet and lay in a series of rights and lefts that staggers Mar.
Rob Williams still seems content to let things play out between his two opponents and before long, O’Neill runs and bounds off the ropes, dropping Mar with a clothesline. The Irishman is quick to make a pin, and that seems to get Williams attention as he rushes out of the corner and lays boots into the back of his opponent before Nixon can start counting.
Nick Stuart: Signs of life from Williams, hopefully he plans to get into this match now.
Richard Parker: I still say go with your strategy!
Williams and O’Neill begin to battle back and forth, trading blows that ends with Rob Williams ducking a right hand, slipping behind, and German suplexing Seán O’Neill. Mar sees an opportunity and scrambles for a pin, with Elvis Nixon dropping to the mat.
Williams pulls Mar off O’Neill and throws him into the ropes, one running powerslam later, Rob Williams is pinning Mar, and Elvis Nixon makes a count.
This time it’s Seán O’Neill breaking up the pin with a falling ax handle smash to William’s shoulders. He follows by picking up Rob by the wrist and controlling him into position with a sick twisting motion. He follows by kicking Williams in the gut and hooking a Fisherman’s suplex, landing and bridging a pin.
Mar dives into the pair and breaks up the pin. The crows buzzes a bit as all three men lay on the mat or are on their haunches looking at one another as Elvis Nixon stands over them with eagle eyes.
Nick Stuart: Good to see everyone made it to the party.
Richard Parker: Yeah, but what did I tell you? Now Rob Williams is laying flat on his back and mere minutes ago, he was fine and spry in the corner. You have to have a strategy to win these things!
Soon enough, Mar is on his feet and lifts Williams. They engage in a collar and elbow, and as they press back and forth, Seán O’Neill stands up and reaches for the pair, also locking in a three way collar and elbow.
The three men circle around the ring jostling like a rugby scrum. Finally it is O’Neill who decides to break the action and headbutts Mar. He turns to headbutt Rob Williams, but gets a thumb in the eye for his trouble. The Surreal One stumbles back and Williams draws admonishment from Elvis Nixon, but that hardly deters him.
Rob goes to work, pushing O’Neill into the corner and laying boots into him with gusto. After a handful, Seán slumps into the corner and Williams turns his attention to Mar. “The Wild Bu” launches into a shoulder tackle, though, and lifts Rob off his feet. Mar parades around a bit before putting Rob on top of the turnbuckle and climbing up to throw punches.
Nick Stuart: Some signs of fight in Mar! He is taking this fight to the top rope!
Richard Parker: He’s setting something up here, Nick!
Mar pulls Rob Williams to stand on the top rope of the corner and prepares to Superplex him. Williams fights back though, laying fists into Mar’s side and trade footing on the ropes. As they jostle for position, Seán O’Neill is up and climbing the ropes himself!
Nick Stuart: All three are teetering precariously now!
Richard Parker: Holy Crap!
Seán grabs Rob Williams by the waist with another, infinitely more potent, German suplex while Williams lifts Mar up in a standard issue superplex. All three men fly backwards, crashing off the top rope onto the mat below with a tremendous calamity!
Nick Stuart: Wow, wow, wow! What a sequence of events!
Richard Parker: But who took the worst of it?
Nick Stuart: I think we’re going to find out soon!
Rob Williams is the first to his feet, though only just as Seán O’Neill is close to follow. They battle back and forth, each giving as well as they are getting with O’Neill seeming to get the upper hand with a series of well placed strikes that knock The Legend reeling.
The fans aren’t sure who get behind, and Mar is still down, but moving slowly on the mat. Seán O’Neill runs to get a head of steam before holding out his arm and telegraphing his next move.
Rob ducks a sloppy clothesline and turns, drop-kicking O’Neill in the back and out of the ring. The Irishman tumbles to the floor face down and is slow to move.
Meanwhile back in the ring, Rob lifts Mar to his feet and whips him into the corner hard. The Wild Bu bounces out and Williams grabs him in a waistlock and hefts Mar over into yet another German suplex.
Rob holds on and hits a second German, released this time, and Mar’s body goes limp as he is running out of fight rapidly. The Legend points at his foe and laughs to the chagrin of the fans. They boo as he casually lifts Mar to his feet and scoops him up into a vertical piledriver.
Nick Stuart: It might not be long now, folks!
Richard Parker: First Come, First Served!
Nick Stuart: That’s not what it’s called Richard!
Richard Parker: Well then you tell me what it’s called?
Nick Stuart: I… uh…
Richard Parker: That’s what it says on the screen, so that’s what I’m going with.
Nick Stuart: That’s just what it said on the application, you dingus.
Richard Parker: I dunno, I think it’s kinda catchy.
Rob hooks Mar’s leg and leaps with a tremendous crash delivering a cradle piledriver. He sits up and smiles, dusting off his shoulders and showboating before reaching for the pin but he doesn’t notice that the third man in this match is back on his feet…
Seán O’Neill dives in to attempt a pin break but is he in time? Elvis Nixon is in place and his hand swings to the mat as The Irishman leaps toward his foes…
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: The winner of this match… ROB WILLIAMS!
The victor rolls out of the ring leaving Seán O’Neill shaking his head after being just a moment too slow. Rob ignores the fans, clearly believing himself better.
Nick Stuart: Well there you have it, folks. Rob Williams is victorious and we’re off to another sensational start.
Richard Parker: I kinda like this guy.
Nick Stuart: Well, you heard it here. A ringing endorsement from our very own Richard Parker.
The scene shifts and soon the viewers are greeted by the face of… news?