MERCY KILLING

Backstage, in front of a large PRIME banner, stands Simon Tiller. The eager young interviewer smiles warmly into the camera as he adjusts his glasses.

Simon Tiller: Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time… a man who is set to face off with Hayes Hanlon coming up shortly… Ned Reform!

The boos begin to echo throughout the arena as Ned Reform steps into frame. He’s dressed in a singlet and looks ready for competition. He also matches Tiller’s smile – although his is decidedly less friendly and infinitely more punchable. 

Simon Tiller: Mr. Reform, I…

Ned Reform suddenly reaches up and covers Tiller’s mic. With the mic covered, we can’t hear what Reform says to Tiller… but while The Good Doctor maintains a smile, it appears to be somewhat forced and you get the sense his actual tone isn’t very pleasant. Tiller looks a bit taken aback, but Reform removes his hand from the mic and gestures for him to continue.

Simon Tiller: Uh… uh, that is… Doctor Ned Reform.

Reform barks out a laugh and slaps Tiller on the back in a friendly (but forceful) way.

Ned Reform: That’s right, Mr. Tiller. It is I! And no need for you to overwork your fragile brain cells, my dear lad… I will be asking and answering my own questions tonight, yes?

Tiller’s brow furrows at that. A few uncomfortable seconds hang in the air. Reform reaches out for the mic. Again, a few uncomfortable seconds until Tiller reluctantly hands it over.

Ned Reform: Good boy. Run along now, kiddo. I’m sure there’s electronic games to be played or Tiks to be Tokked or whatever it is you little scamps do.

Simon Tiller: You’re not even that much older than…

Ned Reform’s tone turns sharp.

Ned Reform: Go. Now.

Sensing Reform’s underlying aggression, Tiller moves out of frame. Reform turns back to look directly into the camera, smirking.

Ned Reform: Ladies and gentlemen. Forgive me for taking up precious air space on this fine television program. I assure you that I will be brief and you can get back to the absolute mindless drivel and circus that is the rest of the PRIME roster. But I felt it necessary… that is, I felt compelled… to address the incident from two weeks ago. This shook the wrestling world to its very core, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t even bother to address the controversy. Please… please watch the footage.

We cut away from Reform to get a quick replay of two weeks ago when Alex Steel threw him into his own podium. Back to Ned, who now looks half sad, half disgusted.

Ned Reform: Difficult to watch, I know. But one perseveres, children. And so I am. Alex Steel’s brutal, unprovoked, and frankly savage assault on my person has only sharpened my resolve. And while tonight, Mr. Hayes Hanlon will face the full brunt of my anger, I also want to take this opportunity to address Ms. Steel: you, my Kangaroo-loving compadre, are out. Of. Control.

Reform sneers.

Ned Reform: You’re an animal. An unhinged brute not fit for civilized company. And while it will no doubt take the completely inept PRIME leadership weeks… months… even years to realize this, eventually you will be exposed. And I warn you thus: Dr. Ned Reform is on a crusade to have you cast out onto the street like the rabid dog that you are. And Dr. Ned Reform can crusade like no other.

The Sage on the Stage points directly into the camera.

Ned Reform: You need to be put down. And mercy killings, my dear Alex, are my specialty.

One last punchable grin before we fade elsewhere.