MESSAGE TO THE MASS(ES)
Tony Gamble: I know what you’re thinking… Wow, it’s really him.
We open on a close up of Tony ‘The Grin’ Gamble, he is standing in front of a door and has the ever present cocky smirk upon his face as he speaks.
Tony Gamble: It is, it’s me… The man with so much stroke, Michael Phelps calls and asks me for tips. I’m kind of a big deal, and for good reason.
Obviously showered and changed since his match earlier tonight, the Permascar Superstar is wearing a black shirt with the words “Purch My Merch, Scaredy Cats!” in hot pink puffy paint lettering; obviously home made.
Tony Gamble: I single handedly won the Intense title without even being officially on the roster. Then I carried Petey to the best match in his career and boosted his confidence enough that he thought he could fight Cancer.
Gamble tries his best to stifle a laugh, but he fails miserably and damn near doubles over in laughter. He manages to compose himself enough to continue. There is a bit of murmuring heard off camera.
Tony Gamble: Let’s just say, I did the math and that guy isn’t getting a ribbon anytime soon. D minus for effort though.
Tony Gamble: But tonight… Tonight I stepped into the ring with the future of this company and while it is bright, I really felt like it was a sixty watt compared to my one hundred. Not his fault of course, I just naturally outshine anyone I step into the ring with… It’s a gift and a curse that I need to live with.
He pauses for a second, as if contemplating the meaning of life. Then again, he might just have gas.
Tony Gamble: I want to thank you all personally for coming out tonight. I know that it is because of you fine people that slave away at a minimum wage job to scrape together just enough money to buy a ticket to come worship the ground I walk on, praying for an opportunity such as this to give you a brief moment to maybe brush your hand against my clothing and give your life meaning; that wakes me up in the morning and makes me say hey, they’re damn lucky to have me back.
That was definitely a mouthful, and he clearly looks slightly out of breath after that marathon of a sentence. But Tony is a fighter, and he fights for the people. More importantly the five people we find lined up across from him as he speaks.
Kid in crowd: I just need to pee.
Except that kid, screw that kid.
Tony Gamble: As do most of my opponents when they find out they’re facing me, you should feel proud to be mentioned amongst such great names as Morty Kay and Larry Tact. Although I thought I noticed his Depends sticking out from under his singlet so I’m not entirely sure that’s on me.
We are unfortunately unable to pinpoint who the next voice that speaks out from the small crowd waiting in line to use the restroom belongs to, so we’re just going to call him number 2… Because… Well…
#2: I need to do more than pee.
Tony Gamble: Bunch of ungrateful Luchies in the crowd. Well, you all can forget about any autographs, you don’t even deserve the spittle that comes out of my mouth when I speak!
Tony storms off in a huff, while the crowd quickly migrates into the door Tony was standing in front of.