MILLS, MORTIMER, MATTRESSES, AND MCFLYS
Event: ReVival 9
Event Date: 06/03/2022
MILLS, MORTIMER, MATTRESSES, AND MCFLYS
The scene cuts to the backstage area where the interviewing vet Matt Mills stands next to the masked wrestling rookie, Mortimer Kjedelig. Mortimer sports a black and PRIME blue tracksuit, the zipper is only pulled up halfway revealing a blue t-shirt with what appears to be a graphic of the upperhalf of a dark haired man who appears to be wearing a trenchcoat and appears to be holding what can only be described as a “boom box” over his head.
Matt Mills: Matt Mills here with Mortimer Kjedelig. Mortimer, you’ve had two matches and came away with two losses. How do you feel—-
Mortimer Kjedelig: Hold up there, Geraldo. Who says I lost those matches? I should be undefeated if Anna Daniels didn’t travel back in time and ensured that GREAT SCOTT and FLAMBERGE beat me!
Matt Mills: Are you seriously suggesting—-
Mortimer Kjedelig: I ain’t suggestin’ nothin’. I’m straight up tellin’ you that’s what happened. She’s preventin’ my success with her time travel superpowers.
Matt Mills: Why? Why would Anna Daniels cost you your matches here in PRIME?
Mortimer Kjedelig: I dunno, maybe she’s a psycho. Maybe she’s goin’ through the PMS. Maybe she’s got one of them Vitamin C deficiencies. Or maybe she just doesn’t like the cut of my jig. Who friggin’ knows? I could hyper-theorize her reasonin’s all night. Whatever it is, she’s got this vendetta against me for some reason and it’s messed up..
Matt Mills: From everything we have seen from Anna Daniels, that seems implausible.
Mortimer Kjedelig: And time travel ain’t? You know what I’ve seen, pal? I’ve seen someone talk a whole lotta crap about how changin’ the past can destroy the world. How does anyone know that? The only way anyone would know for sure is if someone changed somethin’ and the world ended. If that happened, then we’d all be fuckin’ dead, am I right?
Matt Mills: I was never very good with quantum physics.
Mortimer Kjedelig: And what about Marty McFly, huh?
Matt Mills: What?
Mortimer Kjedelig: Marty McFly goes back to 1955, he hangs out, writes a letter and then comes back to 1985 where Doc Brown is alive, his father writes a book, his brother no longer works in the fast food industry, and he has a kick ass truck. All of that does not happen if he does not directly or indirectly alterate a couple of minor details in the past. His life is fuckin’ aces when he gets back!
Matt Mills: That is just a movie.
Mortimer Kjedelig: So was “Titanic!” So was “Pearl Harbor!” The point that I am tryin’ to make here is that I wanna change a tiny, eensy weensy thing in my past, somethin’ that could potentially, in a particular point of view when lookin’ at it with a certain milieu, save lives. Does she not wanna save lives? Or is she some kinda sadist that gets off on the misery of others? Is she gettin’ her kicks knowin’ how shitty my life is?
Matt Mills: Perhaps you could shed some light on what, in fact, it is that you want her to change in your past?
Mortimer Kjedelig: I cannot disclose those particulars due to a certain circumstance of which, I cannot divulge. But let’s say hypotheoretically speaking, a young man had an opportunity to do somethin’ he only dreamed about, but certain events developed where money became a problem, he needed some extra cash. Well, “wanted” some extra cash. Serenpiditously, his cousin, Mikey, needs help with a thing, this young guy does this thing which gets him paid. Then another thing develops and this young man, on the night that opportunity was gonna become a reality, gets convinced by his cousin to help him out again, one thing leads to another, and this young man, Cousin Mikey, and a couple other mooks get pinched and do time. And to this day, that young man still hasn’t seen “She’s All That”.
Matt Mills: Odd. So, I’m not sure exactly what you were saying there, but if I am to understand this, you want Anna to prevent those actions from taking place and she has declined. Can you blame her? She probably gets thousands of requests like that!
Mortimer Kjedelig: Who gives a fuck about other people?! She made this personal between us. This is my fuckin’ life we’re talkin’ about here. How could it not be? I tried to hire her, gave her chocolates, and she basically kicked me in the balls and left me for dead. Whatever her reasons, don’t mean dick. I take her refusal as a sign of disrespect. If we have to go to the mattresses over this, so be it….but, I promise you this, if it comes to it, I will come out on top.
Matt Mills: Well, strong words—-
Mortimer Kjedelig: You know I don’t mean “sex” when I say “go to the mattresses,” right?
Matt Mills: Yes, I am familiar with the phrase.
Mortimer Kjedelig: It means “go to war.”
Matt Mills: Yes, I know that.
Mortimer Kjedelig: I don’t know what you know and don’t know. Don’t get all condensatin’ and such.
Matt Mills: I don’t think I was.
Mortimer Kjedelig: A little bit. I’m startin’ to get an Anna Daniels vibe from you. I don’t like it.
Matt Mills: In any case, we are out of time because I hear we have some words from PRIME’s Tag Team Survivor competitors!
The scene cuts from an always professional and even keeled Matt Mills and a clearly annoyed and miffed masked Mortimer to a scene that is sure to include strategy, blindsides, hidden immunity idols, idol nullifiers, a Medallion of Power, and an hourglass twist.