MORTIMER KJEDELIG vs. GREAT SCOTT
The cameras cut to inside the MGM Grand Garden Arena, showing us a house full of cheering fans, all ready for another action packed night of PRIME wrestling.
Nick Stuart: A warm welcome back to all the PRIMEates in attendance and the many more watching at home, as it looks like we’re ready to kick off the action here for Revival 7!
Richard Parker: And what a show we had two weeks ago! Some great matches, some new talent, and an impressive main event win by Julian Bathory… all ruined by the proverbial turd tossed into a fan thanks to those egg throwing idiots.
Nick Stuart: Well I’m sure not all people fee-
Richard Parker: THEY SHOULD, NICK! I was hoping our Remission would last at least a couple months, but now it looks like a matter of time until we have to hope that Brandon Youngblood can overcome Cancer one more time.
The opening riffs of “The Immigrant Song” by Karen O with Trent Reznor begins and a masked man emerges from the curtain as the lights dim and the spotlights shine on the ramp.
Vince Howard: Tonight’s opening match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, heiling from Horace, North Dakota… Standing six-feet, three inches tall and weighing in at two-hundred and forty-eight pounds… Mortimer! KJEDELIG!
Mortimer Kjedelig begins making his way down the ramp, pointing to the fans in attendance.
Richard Parker: Damn, looks like I owe you a twenty, Nick. No way I thought Vince would nail that last name on the first try.
Nick Stuart: He’s a true professional, Richard. Just like Mortimer here. Look at him marching down to the ring!
As Kjedelig walks by, he pays no attention to the fans. He’s there for a job and his gait shows it. He slides into the ring under the bottom rope, steps up to the middle turnbuckle and raises his hands in the air as the spotlight shines upon him. He hops off the turnbuckle and waits for his opponent as the music fades.
Richard Parker: I’d be focused if I was booked against an idiot with a bear for a manager, too. Who knows what to expect!
As if summoned, “Born For Greatness” by Papa Roach begins to blast over the speakers, as GREAT SCOTT emerges from behind the curtain carrying a nondescript championship belt over his shoulder. For some reason, Great Scott is over. Like really over. The crowd is going goddamned ballistic, and gets even louder as GREAT BEAR steps out behind him, rocking out to some EDM on his sweet Beats By Dre headphones.
Nick Stuart: Say what you want, Richard, but look at the reception from the fans! The energy from these two is clearly contagious!
GREAT SCOTT and GREAT BEAR make their way down to the ring, where GREAT BEAR starts doing awesome dance moves at ringside. It isn’t entirely clear if this is a real live bear, or a man in a very convincing bear costume, but the crowd is very into all of it, with nearly all of those in attendance joining the SCOTT and BEAR in their dance.
Nick Stuart: I guess they call this “The GREAT SCOTT?”
Richard Parker: GOD, who signs these people?
Nick Stuart: This was Melvin Beauregard’s hand-picked signee, Rich.
Richard Parker: You think he was drunk?
Anyway, Great Scott climbs up into the ring and goes up on all four ring posts, basking in the adulation of fans and holding up his championship belt while Mortimer watches it all while shaking his masked face in disapproval.
Vince Howard: And his opponent, accompanied by… a bear-
GREAT BEAR stops dancing instantly, snapping toward Vince and roaring. Vince clears his throat nervously.
Vince Howard: I mean, GREAT BEAR…
GREAT BEAR starts dancing again.
Vince Howard: From the Greater Metro area of Great Falls, Montana… Standing six feet and one inch tall and weighing two-hundred and seventy-six pounds… He is the World’s GREATest SCOTT… GREAT SCOTT!
Nick Stuart: Here we go, folks! These two might look like they’re polar opposites, but tonight they have the same goal; to start their PRIME careers off with a victory!
As soon as the bell rings, GREAT SCOTT’s jovial manner vanishes and is suddenly replaced with an air of intensity and focus that could rival his opponent. Mortimer wastes no time, marching toward the middle of the ring to meet SCOTT, who holds up a hand inviting Mort to a test of strength. Mortimer cocks his head to the side, like a curious dog, and slowly raises a hand of his own to accept the test. Just before their hands touch, Kjedelig pulls his hand while simultaneously stomping down on the toe of GREAT SCOTT’s right boot with the heel of his own.
Nick Stuart: Something of a cheap shot to start the match from Mortimer as it looked like he was going to accept the test of strength, doubling over GREAT SCOTT reaching for the foot.
Richard Parker: Hey let’s let the officials say what’s cheap or not, huh Nick?
Mortimer takes advantage and throws an uppercut, catching SCOTT square on the nose and sending him reeling backward, somehow still on his feet. Mort charges forward with an extended arm.
Nick Stuart: Kjedelig keeping the offense up with a clothesli- SCOTT ducks just in time!
Mortimer spins around quickly and GREAT SCOTT greets him with a pair of large arms, hooking his opponent into a grapple.
Nick Stuart: They lock up! SCOTT swiftly maneuvers himself under Mort’s right arm and now has his opponent locked up from behind – GERMAN SUPLEX by SCOTT!
Richard Parker: Talk about a cheap shot!
Nick Stuart: HOW?
Richard Parker: You wouldn’t get it.
SCOTT snaps up to his feet and grabs Mortimer by the shoulder with one hand and the waist with the other, helping his opponent to his feet. Mortimer throws an elbow into SCOTT’s midsection on the way up. SCOTT doubles over, but uses his own momentum throwing out his arms to push his opponent back.
Nick Stuart: Smart move by GREAT SCOTT right there, giving himself a moment to catch his breath.
Richard Parker: Well it wasn’t the dumbest thing I’ve seen him do tonight.
SCOTT and Mortimer both take a step toward each other and SCOTT throws a quick right hand.
Nick Stuart: Mortimer blocks the attempted punch, and-
Richard Parker: Now that’s a shot heard around the world, Nicky boy! Man that had to have hurt!
GREAT SCOTT shakes the sting off his face and throws another right, but Mortimer catches it just like the last.
Richard Parker: Oh, man! I could almost feel that one! Look at SCOTT’S face, Nick!
Nick Stuart: Yeah that’s almost purple it’s so red. And look at this now! Mortimer, following up the second slap with an ode to Dikembe Mutombo, wagging his finger at his opponent while slowly shaking his head.
GREAT SCOTT lowers his hand from his blushed cheek and snarls at his masked opponent. Nick Stuart frantically shifts through some papers on the table in front of him.
Nick Stuart: Looks like we’re getting our first look at the, uh… ANGRY GLARE?
Richard Parker: The what?!
Nick Stuart: It’s listed as a move, alright? Just doing my job over here, Dick.
Richard Parker: Hey! Subtle ribbing is MY thing!
Nick Stuart: That’s what she said.
Richard Parker: Never again.
Back to the action, after what felt like an eternity of a weird staring contest between a Masked man and the GREAT SCOWL, SCOTT finally pulls the trigger and throws one last right hand.
Nick Stuart: Mortimer with another block! Here comes the- GREAT SCOTT, he was ready for it this time! SCOTT quickly wraps both of his opponent’s arms, and delivers a swift lifted knee to Mortimer’s midsection!
GREAT SCOTT releases his opponent’s arms, allowing Mortimer to double over, holding his gut in pain. SCOTT grabs his head and tucks it under his arm.
Nick Stuart: Snap suplex!
GREAT SCOTT jumps to his feet while Mortimer rolls on the mat. He raises his arms up, scanning the crowd with a smile, then flexes for them showing off his impressive biceps. In one continuous motion, he brings his arms back down and points over to GREAT BEAR, who’s outside the ring, doing that dance they do. GREAT BEAR breaks from the dance and starts raising the roof. The crowd, getting into it, start to chant:
GREAT BEAR! GREAT BEAR! GREAT BEAR!
Suddenly GREAT BEAR stops raising the roof, waving his hands and shaking his head “No.” He then points back to GREAT SCOTT with one paw, giving a… thumbs(?)up with the other. The crowd catches on and adjust their chant.
GREAT SCOTT! GREAT SCOTT! GREAT SCOTT!
Richard Parker: I hate every second of this.
While BEAR and SCOTT celebrate mid-match, Mortimer has returned to his feet and charges his opponent.
Nick Stuart: Oh this doesn’t look goo- WHOA! GREAT SCOTT showing impressive awareness, just dodged away from Mortimer’s attack from behind! He spins – OOOHHHHH, I guess it didn’t matter much as Mortimer just laid SCOTT out flat with a powerful clothesline.
Mortimer grabs SCOTT by his long, black hair and lifts him up. He grabs SCOTT by the back of the neck with one hand, and his arm with the other, standing by his side.
Nick Stuart: Mortimer, holding onto his opponent, starts to charge toward the corner…
Richard Parker: OH MAN! Morty just threw GREAT SCOTT shoulder first right between the second and third turnbuckle, sending him crashing into the ring post!
Nick Stuart: SCOTT falls to the side, slumped over the second rope. Mortimer grabs him by the back of the neck again, and points toward the opposite corner. He grabs the other arm once again and goes running…
Richard Parker: Same shoulder, Nicky boy. GREAT SCOTT’s not looking so GREAT right now, huh?
Mortimer grabs SCOTT by the back of the neck for a third time. GREAT BEAR lets out a deafening roar, momentarily distracting Mortimer before he points back toward the other corner again.
Nick Stuart: Mortimer takes off, dragging SCOTT along… SCOTT tucks his head forward and somersaults, bringing his opponent flipping forward with him! How in the world did he manage that?!
SCOTT rolls right back onto his feet, and in one motion grabs Mortimer, picking him up, turning and setting him on the top turnbuckle. GREAT SCOTT scales the turnbuckles after.
Richard Parker: I’ve never…
Nick Stuart: This isn’t looking good for Mortimer!
SCOTT jumps, grabbing Mortimer’s head between his legs and flips backward.
Nick Stuart: THE SCOTTACANRANA!
GREAT SCOTT rolls over for the pin.
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: Your winner… GREAT! SCOTT!!!
Nick Stuart: What a contest to start off the night! A very competitive matchup from two very different PRIME personalities, but ultimately GREAT SCOTT is the one coming out of it with the perfect record to build from.
Richard Parker: Should’ve been DQ’d when the bear roared at Mortimer. That clearly had an influence.
Nick Stuart: Oh, come on, do you really think that, Richard?
Richard Parker: Does a bear shit in the woods?
Nick Stuart: I don’t know, want to ask him?
Richard Parker: I hate you.