MORTIMER KJEDELIG vs. KENNY FREEMAN
The opening riffs of “You’re Nobody Til Somebody Loves You” by Dean Martin begins and the masked man emerges from the curtain as the lights dim and the spotlights shine on the ramp.
Nick Stuart: And we’re ready for another good match here as Mortimer Kjedelig faces off against Kenny Freeman, fresh off of his win at ReVival 12 against Buster Gloves.
Mortimer Kjedelig begins making his way down the ramp, pointing to the fans in attendance. As he walks by, he pays no attention to the fans, he’s there to a job and his gait shows it. He slides into the ring under the bottom rope, steps up to the middle turnbuckle and raises his hands in the air as the spotlight shines upon him. He hops off the turnbuckle and readies himself for the match as the music fades.
Richard Parker: He looks more confident than he has in a while. Getting a win will do that for you.
Nick Stuart: He’ll be facing someone looking for his first singles win in PRIME, Kenny Freeman.
Richard Parker: First singles win? How about first any win?
“Let Me Entertain You” plays over the sound system to a fairly mixed reaction from a crowd unfamiliar with the arriving Randall Schwartz and Kenny Freeman, who make their way to the ring regardless.
Richard Parker: Well that was quick.
Nick Stuart: Looks like Kenny is ready to go, and so is Mortimer. Jimmy Turnbull calls for the bell.
DING DING!
Mortimer circles Kenny Freeman, holding his hand out.
Nick Stuart: Kjedelig with the nearly 100 pound advantage on Kenny Freeman.
Richard Parker: Are we sure about it this time?
Nick Stuart: What do you mean?
Richard Parker: Last time we had a situation like this, the guy gained one hundred pounds right after the match. It was really weird.
Nick Stuart: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Kenny gets a little closer and holds his hand up, linking with Mortimer in a test of strength that quickly ends as Mortimer kicks Kenny in the stomach to a chorus of boos.
Richard Parker: Oh come on. Is kicking someone a dirty move now?
Nick Stuart: Violating a strength contest with a boot to the stomach isn’t dirty, but it’s certainly uncouth.
Richard Parker: Uncouth? Like what goes in my martinis?
Nick Stuart: No, that’s vermouth.
Mortimer starts to pound on the back of Freeman, dropping the smaller man to his knees. Mortimer then bounces off the ropes and hits Freeman on the side of his head with a running knee. He stops to look down at Kenny dismissively, then bounces off the ropes again and comes down with an elbow drop to Kenny’s back. Before Kenny can recover, Mortimer is on him with a side headlock.
Nick Stuart: Kjedelig off to a hot start tonight, and Kenny Freeman is in pain here.
Kenny slaps at Kjedelig’s head, but can’t gain purchase. Mortimer continues to wrench on the hold, then rolls Freeman over for a quick cover.
ONE!
Nick Stuart: Quick kickout from Freeman.
Kjedelig lifts Freeman to his feet, then backs to the ropes and charges in for a clothesline, leveling the smaller man. Kjedelig smirks as Freeman tries to get back to his feet, and then Mort comes in with a second clothesline.
Richard Parker: Looks like Mortimer Krotchitch is playing with his opponent!
Nick Stuart: What was that name?
Richard Parker: I said Krawcyzk.
Nick Stuart: Weird, but okay.
Mortimer comes in for a third clothesline, but this time Kenny ducks. Mortimer bounces back and goes for another, but Kenny ducks again. Finally, Kenny lands a picture perfect dropkick on Mortimer, sending him to the mat.
Nick Stuart: Kenny Freeman has one of the prettiest dropkicks in the business.
Richard Parker: Really? That one there?
Kenny waits for Mortimer to get to his feet, then hits another dropkick.
Nick Stuart: And another!
Richard Parker: I mean…it’s a dropkick. It’s fine. But…the prettiest? In the business?
Nick Stuart: I think you’re nit-picking, Richard.
Richard Parker: Picking nits is saying you missed a comma here or there in an email. You just said that Kenny Freeman, that guy right there, has one of the most aesthetically pleasing dropkicks in the entire wrestling business, which spans thousands and thousands of federations. Do you realize how wild you sound?
Nick Stuart: Fine, it’s ugly, is that what you want me to say?
Richard Parker: Well that’s just harsh Nick. I just want to remind our viewers that the views of Nick Stuart do not reflect the views of PRIME and the Ace Network.
Nick Stuart: Ugh. Moving on.
Mortimer is slower to respond this time, and it gives Freeman the opportunity to pick him up and throw him against the ropes. Freeman follows him to the other side and clotheslines him over the ropes. Mortimer lands on his feet and walks off, checking his jaw. Kenny looks down, then looks to the crowd, then runs against the far ropes.
Nick Stuart: Freeman’s gonna fly!
He flips over the ropes in a plancha that takes down the larger man, and the crowd cheers as Freeman jumps back up on the apron and pumps his fist.
Nick Stuart: And after a quick start from Mortimer Kjedelig, Freeman has taken over the momentum!
Richard Parker: Randall Schwartz loving it as he schmoozes with the ringside attendees, trying to sell his food processor or whatever.
In fact, it does look like Schwartz is doing just that. He is holding out a card to a fan, who looks somewhat skeptical.
Freeman rolls under the ring ropes and the ref begins the ten count as Mortimer struggles to recover.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Mortimer gets to his knees and shakes off the cobwebs.
FOUR!
FIVE!
Kjedelig finally gets to his feet and slides under before six. Kenny is waiting with boots to his head, then he lifts him up for a quick suplex.
Nick Stuart: Impressive strength from Freeman to lift the larger man up, and now a cover!
ONE!
TWO!
Kjedelig kicks out, but is still groggy. Kenny looks around, then starts to clap. He hits the ropes, then does a dance.
Richard Parker: What the hell is that?
Nick Stuart: Let me check my notes. It’s the…Bernie dance. More importantly, it’s the setup to his move called Follow the Freeman. Here comes the leg drop!
Richard Parker: Ha!
He misses as Mortimer rolls out of the way and grabs him.
Nick Stuart: Kjedelig was playing possum! He grabs Kenny’s arm…Bust Out! And he goes for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
Freeman kicks out, but Kjedelig is on him, stomping at his arms and back. He hits a standing elbow drop, and then another, and then another. Then he lifts Freeman up and throws him into the ropes.
Nick Stuart: Freeman coming back…Kjedelig catches him and plants him with a huge powerslam!
Richard Parker: It’s over. Freeman was having a bit of fun, but it’s time for the North Dakota Nerd Destroyer to finish this!
Nick Stuart: North Dakota…Nerd…Destroyer?
Richard Parker: Yeah, it’s his nickname.
Nick Stuart: And who gave him that nickname? Was it you?
Richard Parker: Yeah. You got a problem with it?
Nick Stuart: About a thousand, yes.
Mortimer doesn’t go for the cover. He just continues to stomp at Freeman’s body. He makes the cut throat motion and lifts Freeman up. He goes for the Double Arm DDT, but Freeman pushes him away and hits him with punches, then goes for a wild haymaker. Kjedelig ducks under and waits for him to spin himself all the way around, then plants him with a DDT. Then he points to the top rope.
Richard Parker: This is risky…
Kjedelig climbs the ropes, looks out over the crowd, then leaps to deliver an elbow drop…to no one.
Nick Stuart: Freeman rolls out of the way! He’s on top of Kjedelig now, trying to lock in the Freeman Special! Mortimer is fighting!
Richard Parker: He’s close to the ropes, he just needs to reach them!
Before Freeman can fully lock in the hold, Kjedelig grabs the ropes and pulls himself towards them. Jimmy Turnbull rushes in to grab Freeman and force him off Kjedelig, and it’s at that time that Mortimer strikes.
He pops up, shoves Turnbull, and rushes into Freeman, grabbing both arms and plunging to the ground.
Nick Stuart: Double Arm DDT! Turnbull drops for the count!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Vince Howard: The winner of this match…MORTIMER…KJEEEEDEEELIIIIIIIIG!
Nick Stuart: And that ends it! Kjedelig wins a hard fought match by both men.
Richard Parker: That’s two in a row for the North Dakota Nerd Destroyer!
Nick Stuart: Please don’t keep using that nickname. Folks, we’ll be back after a brief commercial break!