MORTIMER KJEDELIG vs. RIA NIGHTSHADE vs. BALAAM THE MASK OF MALICE

Nick Stuart: Well, that was something. 

Richard Parker: How is it that this place gets weirder and weirder every week? And we still have Survivor on the docket tonight.

“Tonight (We’ll Make Love Till We Die)” by SSQ replaces it along with an eye-exploding neon green strobe. The fans come to life in their appreciation for Ria Nightshade, who stops right in the middle of the aisle to look at them with the confident/indifferent stare that betrays nothing. 

Nick Stuart: Ria Nightshade is on a collision course against the Anglo Luchador, and we’re still just wondering if it will be for the Intense Championship! 

Richard Parker: All I’m wondering is where in the third row will Anglo’s head land, and what lucky fan will get to take it home? 

Nick Stuart: You can hear these fans showing Ria their appreciation, Richard! Her never-say-die attitude has earned her their respect! 

Richard Parker: You say respect, I say fear. They both get you the same seat at the table. 

At ringside, Ria stops and swings her right leg up, resting it on the apron. She waits for the anticipation to build before grabbing the middle rope and completing the split with her left, holding position long enough to allow plenty of photography. On her entrance into the ring, she stands up, regards Kjedelig with a dismissive stare, and takes position in an opposite corner.

Nick Stuart: She’s ready, partner! 

As soon as the music shifts to “Possum Kingdom” by the Toadies, the lights dim and the fans at the end of a row begin to stand up and look around, wondering if they’ll be the lucky ones tonight. 

Richard Parker: Do you see him? 

Nick Stuart: We can’t see much of anything right now, as we know the Harbinger of Malice will be leading Balaam to the ring from somewhere in the crowd.

Richard Parker: Good luck locating him in this darkness! That’s how he gets you, Nick – you never see him coming! 

Nick Stuart: There he is! 

Richard Parker: …

Balaam approaches the ring opposite the hard camera – always causing problems, of course. Malice stops at the guardrail to climb over into the ringside area– 

Nick Stuart: RIA OFF THE TOP WITH A FLYING AXEHANDLE! Elvis Nixon hurriedly calls for the bell and this one is underway!

Balaam is knocked backwards into the front row while Ria lands hard just inside the ringside area, all the while Kjedelig watches it happen. 

Richard Parker: I admire Ria’s moxie, but was it worth it to take yourself out at the same time you got first strike on Balaam? 

Indeed, Balaam is up before Ria – he didn’t have quite so far to fall after all – and moves on the offensive with a big fist to the top of her head, buckling her back to her knees! Handful of hair, and Balaam pulls Ria off her feet! 

Nick Stuart: The power of this man! Ria trying to break free but she’s fighting against herself with Balaam’s grip on her hair! 

Richard Parker: OH she got the nips she got the nips! 

Like two protruding warning signs. Ria’s target is right in front of her, grabbing Balaam with what can only be described as a two-fisted purple nurple. The entire arena seems to collectively groan as Balaam drops her, and she scrambles away as quickly as possible! Ria slides into the ring – 

Nick Stuart: Kjedelig with a stomp to her face! I think she and Balaam may have forgotten about their third opponent! Leg drop to the back of her neck! Kjedelig rolls her over with a quick cover! 

ONE…

Kickout! 

Nick Stuart: Good strategy for him to try and steal one, but Ria isn’t done yet – BALAAM PULLS MORTIMER OUT OF THE RING! 

Right hand by Balaam! Right hand by Kjedelig! 

Richard Parker: Mortimer’s got nearly a hundred pounds on Ria, and Balaam has nearly a hundred on Mortimer. Trying to go fist to fist is a bad idea no matter who you are. 

Balaam fires another fist! And another! Wild swing by Kjedelig, and the Mask of Malice hooks him in a modified side suplex on the floor! RIA WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE TO THE SIDE OF THE MASK! 

Nick Stuart: Front dropkick by Ria to the rising Mortimer’s face! She may have caught her boot on the bottom rope and hit a little hard, but she’s holding her own against these two beasts! 

Richard Parker: It’s a vicious cycle, her only real shot in this one is to take some high risks, but one misstep and it could be all over for her! 

Ria slides outside the ring behind both her dazed opponents and grabs a  chair from the timekeeper, setting it up just in front of the far ring steps while Nixon’s count reaches four. Five! Kjedelig sees her and rushes – and he’s hammered from behind by Balaam! The Mask of Malice keeps his focus on the opponent in front of him, all the while Ria slides into the ring in his blind spot and creeps up behind, exiting onto the ring apron and driving Balaam face first into the set up chair! 

Richard Parker: Is it luck, or is it skill? 

Nick Stuart: Ria Nightshade playing a dangerous game of chance, but I think this young woman will continue to play that game until it backfires! 

Kjedelig hears the count hit seven and quickly slides into the ring, followed by Ria who circles him like a shark. They lock up, and Kjedelig muscles Ria backwards into the corner. Ria puts a foot back to brace herself, and she quickly climbs backwards to the middle turnbuckle and pushes off, taking Mortimer down with a modified armdrag! 

Nick Stuart: She’s on fire, and her in-your-face attitude has her in a decided advantage! 

A rake of the face keeps Kjedelig off balance, and Ria lifts him with a backdrop suplex! The fans pop, with a “LET’S GO RI-A” chant that seems to throw her momentarily off balance.

Richard Parker: She’s never needed the PRIMEates, their support would disturb me too. 

Scoop and a whip into the corner, Ria follows through with a springboard back elbow that catches Kjedelig right in the face! Another whip across the ring, but Mortimer manages to plant his feet and reverse – RIA IS CAUGHT AROUND THE NECK BY BALAAM! 

Richard Parker: Protect the moobs this time! 

Nick Stuart: Balaam holding Ria at a full arm’s length, he learned from last time, and Mortimer tries to take advantage – BALAAM CATCHES HIM AS WELL! DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! 

Kjedelig hits the mat hard, but Ria practically bounces a foot in the air with the force of impact, and Balaam stays on top of her, lifting her high in the air and freefall dropping her face first onto the mat below! The Mask of Malice turns his attention back towards Mortimer, and he reaches for the rookie, who suddenly springs to life and catches Balaam off guard, lifting him in a reverse atomic drop, followed by a quick snap suplex! 

Nick Stuart: Quick reflexes by Mortimer, and he’s gotten himself a bit of a breather out of it! 

Richard Parker: Mortimer has been taking the brunt of it for most of this match so far, he hasn’t really had a chance to gather himself and plan a strategy. Well, here you go, home slice. Let’s see whatcha got. 

Balaam already has a hand on the middle rope to pull himself up, and Kjedelig shows a decent amount of ring awareness by turning and driving a boot into Ria’s midsection, stopping her recovery before it can truly get underway. He returns to Balaam and clubs him with a pair of fierce forearms between the shoulder blades once, twice, three times in total, and whips the Mask of Malice into the opposite rope! Hard clothesline takes— 

Nick Stuart: Balaam staggers back a step but he doesn’t go down! 

Richard Parker: That shows the power of believing in HOYT! 

The two big men stare each other down in the middle of the ring, BALAAM SWINGS WIDE! Kjedelig ducks his head back and fires a fist upward, catching him right on the chin! Another shot to the face, and he quick scoop slams Balaam and covers! 

ONE…

TWO…

Ria Nightshade with an elbow to the back of the head! 

Nick Stuart: She’s got all guts and no fear, I’ll give her that! Ria hooks Mortimer by the head and pulls him forward, we’ve seen this before – DDT – MORTIMER LIFTS HER UP! 

Richard Parker: Now it’s a battle of attrition. She’s squeezing him around the neck and he’s squeezing her around the abdomen. Who runs out of air first? 

In fact, Ria’s face is turning red while Mortimer’s legs begin to buckle, with the fans shouting their support for their favorite to hold on the longest. Behind Kjedelig, Balaam rises to his feet and bares his fist – TRIOXIN FROM RIA! Balaam takes that mist right in the face and Kjedelig spins around to defend himself! Both of Ria’s boots bounce off Balaam’s mask in a display of accidental teamwork, and Kjedelig finally feels the effects of her choke hold, staggering backwards! 

Nick Stuart: Ria dropped face first on the top turnbuckle! Mortimer gasps for air as the holds are broken, but the athlete in the biggest trouble right now I think is still Balaam, as he can’t see! 

Richard Parker: I don’t think they have what it takes to pin him, but Ria could pin Mortimer or vice versa and Balaam wouldn’t be able to see where they are to break it up, and not winning is the same as losing. 

Ria with a low blow, but Kjedelig blocks it by crushing her fist between his thighs, and he drops both fists onto the top of her head! Scoop – SMALL PACKAGE REVERSAL BY RIA! 

ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT! 

Nick Stuart: Ria doesn’t follow through, that was possibly a reflex move on her part. Balaam moves in, and he wraps that massive hand around her face this time! 

Richard Parker: Does that mask actually protect him from the mist? Either way, better safe than sorry on the second lift. 

Balaam hoists Ria up and runs her back – first into the corner! 

Richard Parker: Crucified!

And he turns to drop her to the mat! 

Richard Parker: And buried! 

Nick Stuart: MORTIMER WITH A DROP TOE HOLD! 

Before Balaam can actively drop Ria for the second part of Crucified and Buried, Mortimer Kjedelig rolls towards them and hooks his ankles, thus hitting even more of an impact on Ria than she initially would have received. He grabs Balaam from behind and hoists him up in a release German suplex, sending him across the ring! 

Richard Parker: Seriously, how is Ria moving? 

Nick Stuart: A combination of stubbornness and contempt? 

On one unsteady knee, Ria takes a deep breath and forces herself to her feet, She turns her head slightly to gauge where Kjedelig is at, and she fires backwards with a hard swooping clothesline. 

Nick Stuart: MORTIMER CATCHES HER! BUST OUT! BUST OUT! He covers! 

ONE…

TWO…

THREE!

BALAAM BREAKS UP THE PIN! 

The Mask of Malice rolls Mortimer Kjedelig over and fires three… four… five fast and hard fists right into his face to soften him up, and he pulls the rookie up! 

Richard Parker: MORTIMER GOES STRAIGHT TO HELL! 

Nick Stuart: Balaam kicks him out of the ring and hooks both of Ria’s legs! 

ONE…

TWO…

THREE!

Nick Stuart: Mortimer Kjedelig gets back to the ring a hair of a second too late, as Elvis Nixon raises Balaam’s hand in victory. 

Richard Patrick: He put up a good fight, but luck wasn’t on his side tonight. And Ria? Holy crap can she come back from a two on one beatdown. 

Nick Stuart: Absolutely, Richard! Balaam gets his hand raised tonight but all three of these athletes showed us why they’re such an important part of PRIME’s resurgence! 

Richard Patrick: Sure, sure. But it’s the Mask of Malice that gets to reap the benefits! 

Nick Stuart: We’ll be right back after these words!