MUSHIGIHARA vs. DOOZER
Nick Stuart: Coming up with have a match between Dangerous Mix’s Mushigihara and the eGG Bandit’s Fred Mayhew.
Richard Parker: Who?
Nick Stuart: You may know him as the wrestler formerly known as Doozer.
Richard Parker: So he’s not Doozer?
Nick Stuart: No, he’s Fred Mayhew.
Richard Parker: Wasn’t he the actor in Best in Show?
Nick Stuart: No, that’s Fred Willard.
Richard Parker: Oh, so he’s the actor who plays Chewbacca.
Nick Stuart: No, that’s Peter Mayhew.
Richard Parker: Either way it sounds like an old white guy who died in the past few years.
Suddenly the intro to “I’m Shipping Up to Boston” by The Dropkick Murphys starts, and the fans cheer because it’s a banger of an anthem.
Richard Parker: Well this is better than that rap song, at least.
The cheers change to boos as the eGG Bandits emerge, with the former Doozer in front. He raises his arm as he makes his way to the ring. Bobby Dean is…I dunno, eating a sandwich. It probably has salami on it. And jelly beans? Who knows. Paint your own mind picture here.
Nick Stuart: The Old Bull is looking for his first singles win in PRIME, and it’d be nice for him to put the Bandits on the winning side of things. They’ve had a tough time the past few months.
Mayhew and Bobby Dean enter the ring and pose as the fans give their reaction, which isn’t exactly positive.
Richard Parker: So now we have the guy who changed his name for some reason against the guy who decided to talk for some reason. Cool.
“YOOOOOOOOOO~”
The MGM Grand’s house lights rapidly dim as what sounds like some kind of chant begins to fill the air. Before long, Bear McCreary’s take on the Blue Öyster Cult classic “Godzilla” pounds from the speakers, along with more chanting.
GO-JI-RA! MO-SU-RA!
SO-RE, SO-RE, SO-RE, SO-RE,
GO! GO! GO! GOJIRA!
(GODZILLA! MOTHRA!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
GO! GO! GO! GODZILLA!)
Storming from the curtain comes one-half of the Dangerous Mix, the mighty Mushigihara. Arms raised and face roaring for battle, the Kaiju welcomes the cheers of the crowd, a faint smirk crossing his face.
Nick Stuart: The crowd loves the big man, Richard!
Richard Parker: I wonder if his own teammate does, Nick, since he isn’t here tonight.
With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound
He pulls the spinning high-tension wires down
Helpless people on a subway train
Scream bug-eyed as he looks in on them
The mammoth tags a few hands along the way, nodding with excitement while not breaking his focus on Doozer, who stands in the middle of the ring.
“OSU!”
“OSU!”
“OSU!”
“OSU!”
The Kaiju clearly hears the chants of his signature war cry, but simply pushes on, reaching ringside before spreading his arms in a challenging manner towards the eGG Bandit.
He picks up a bus and he throws it back down
As he wades through the buildings to the center of town
Nick Stuart: Mushigihara in his first singles match in PRIME. You have to wonder if he’s feeling any nerves.
Richard Parker: If he is, he isn’t showing it.
The Kaiju walks towards the ringsteps, as he looks back and hears a throng of chanting fans.
“OSU!”
“OSU!”
“OSU!”
“OSU!”
Mushi looks back towards them and surveys the crowd, before turning on his heels and making his way up and into the ring…
…before he looks back and smiles.
Ohhhhh, no! They say he’s got to go,
Go, go, Godzilla!
He turns back towards the loyal front-row fans, gesturing with his arms for them to gather up to the rail, which they do.
Ohhhhhh, no! There goes Tokyo,
Go, go, Godzilla!
The camera closes in on him just in time to pick up the last bits of his brief speech.
Mushigihara: …gonna do it as loud as you can on three, OK?
Muffled answers to the affirmative can be heard, as Mushi leads the count.
One.
Two.
Three.
Mushigihara: (accompanied by like forty fans) OSU!!!
Richard Parker: Pandering. Got to love it.
The Kaiju climbs into the ring for real, backed by those fans doing the chant again.
“OSU!”
“OSU!”
“OSU!”
“OSU!”
Mushigihara makes his way to his corner and leans back on the turnbuckles, surveying his opponent and waiting for the perfect moment to open up the match.
Nick Stuart: All right, here we go. Both men are in the ring, and Jimmy Turnbull calls for the bell.
DING DING
The two big men waste no time, going right into a tieup. Mushigihara gets the advantage, then moves around for a rear waistlock. He lifts Mayhew up, then back down onto the canvas onto Mayhew’s stomach.
Nick Stuart: Both men roughly the same size, Mushi with about 20 pounds on D…Fred Mayhew. But the Dangerous Mix member has that functional strength from his background that I think gives him the advantage here.
Richard Parker: Freddy is crafty, though, so the big man needs to watch out for that.
Nick Stuart: Freddy, huh.
Richard Parker: I’m adaptable!
While they are on the mat, Mushigihara rolls, keeping the grip on Fred’s waist. For a brief moment Mushi’s shoulders are on the match, and Jimmy drops for the count, but they keep rolling and Mushi lifts him up as he stands, looking for another suplex. This time Mayhew rocks Mushi with an elbow, then hits him with a standing clothesline that pushes Mushi back, but doesn’t cause him to fall. Mayhew looks back for a second, then jogs to the ring ropes on the other side, then hits Mushi with a second clothesline. Mushi staggers again, but doesn’t fall.
Nick Stuart: Mushi almost toppling over…
Fred Mayhew grunts, then one more time launches himself against the ropes. When he comes back, he tries to hit a crossbody…
RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Richard Parker: Uh oh!
Nick Stuart: Mushigihara caught Mayhew!
After a few moments of pausing and posturing, Mushi tosses Mayhew over in a fallaway slam. Mayhew skids against the canvas, trying to pop himself up but the momentum carries him into the corner. Slowly pulling himself up by the ropes, Mayhew shoots an angry look at Mushi’s way. The God-Beast merely smiles.
Nick Stuart: The Boston Bruiser is over 270 pounds, and Mushigihara just tossed him like a rag doll!
Richard Parker: Looks like he’s not going to take it sitting down!
Indeed, Mayhew is on his feet and rushes at Mushi, hitting him with a right fist. Mayhew connects another, and then three more, and again the big man from Japan staggers backwards. Fred leans the big man against the ropes, then tries to Irish whip him to the other side. Mushi plants his feet and reverses it, then lays Mayhew out with a clothesline as the fans cheer.
Nick Stuart: Impressive start from Mushigihara!
Richard Parker: New names are nice and all, but the former Doozer is going to need to pull out the stops if he wants to turn the tide here.
Mushigihara lifts Fred Mayhew up and immediately slams him down in a body slam, then drops for the cover.
ONE!
TW…
Nick Stuart: Fred Mayhew with the kickout! He’s struggling to keep his composure here! He is yelling at Jimmy Turnbull about something as he gets to his feet!
Richard Parker: You better pay attention to your opponent, Freddy!
While Mushi approaches Fred from behind, the former Doozer kicks his leg up, hitting directly between the big man’s legs. Jimmy Turnbull sees Mushi bend over, but doesn’t see how. Nevertheless, he is suspicious, and begins pointing at Fred, who holds his hands up innocently. Lip readers can make out that Fred is saying “He probably tripped over his own feet.”
Fred turns around, grabs Mushi’s head, and smashes it against his knee. Mushi pops up, holding his face, and is blasted with a power clothesline that finally levels the big man. The fans boo as the Old Bull stands up, arms wide.
Nick Stuart: He may go by a new name but this is the same Bandit the fans know and loathe.
Richard Parker: Me too! Boo! Boo!
Fred bends down and lifts Mushi to his feet, quickly taking him over in a fireman’s carry and locking in a ground wrist lock. Then he stands up and stomps on the wrist. Jimmy Turnbull starts to lecture Fred, but Fred starts yelling back, subtly positioning himself so that Jimmy looks in the opposite direction of Mushigihara. I wonder why that matters.
Nick Stuart: Oh come on!
As Mushigihara tries to get to his feet, Bobby Dean jumps up on the apron and smashes him with a forearm. Fred “The Dooze” Mayhew sees this and moves Jimmy Turnbull aside, then approaches Mushi and hits him with a belly to belly suplex and goes for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
Nick Stuart: Mushigihara kicks out, but Fred has taken complete control with the help of his Bandit buddy.
Richard Parker: I said he needed to pull out all the stops and he listened. Hey, Fred, if you’re still listening, punch Jiles in the mouth for me!
He does not punch Cancer, but he does drop to his knees and begin punching Mushi in the face. A cut opens on Mushi’s forehead, and the blood begins to smear on his face as The Dooze continues to assault him. Finally, Fred stands up and poses, getting another chorus of boos. This allows time for Mushigihara to feel his face and see the blood. And that makes the big man see red.
Nick Stuart: Uh oh. Mushigihara looks angry!
Richard Parker: They call Mayhew The Old Bull but big man looks like a bull right now!
In a burst of speed not expected for someone so big, Mushigihara lunges forward and grabs Fred, then hits him with a backdrop suplex. Mayhew scrambles to his feet only to be leveled by a big boot. Once more Mayhew pops up, but Mushi picks him up and holds him over his head.
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Nick Stuart: Gorilla press! He’s lifting that man off the ground like he’s a sack of potatoes!
Richard Parker: Is that how you bring groceries in the house?
Mushi begins to pump Fred up and down over and over again, and even though the man is a speaker now, the fans still shout his trademark word over and over again.
O-SU! O-SU! O-SU! O-SU!
He finishes it with a slam, then drops to his knees for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
Fred Mayhew gets the shoulder off the mat, then rolls over. He tries to find an escape, but Mushi grabs him by his shorts and pulls him to his feet. He Irish whips him into the corner, then follows him with an avalanche splash, causing The Old Bull to crumple in the corner. Bobby Dean looks up from the sandwich he was consuming to look very concerned. The two Bandits lock eyes, and Mayhew smiles, then starts to moan, clutching his knee.
Not seeing this exchange, Mushigihara holds his arms out, causing another “O-SU” chant to ring out.
Nick Stuart: Mushigihara looks in full control…wait, what’s happening here?
What’s happening is Fred Mayhew is clutching his knee, pulling Jimmy Turnbull down so he can tell him about his pain. Mushigihara looks at the scene with contempt, but doesn’t see Bobby Dean sneak up behind him…
WHAMMMM!!!
Nick Stuart: No! Deaner Wiener!
Richard Parker: That name…
Nick Stuart: Regardless of what it’s called, Bobby Dean just flattened Mushigihara with it! What a slimy tactic by the eGG Bandits! And look, now Mayhew is “feeling out his leg”! Disgusting.
Fred Mayhew gingerly walks over to the groggy Mushigihara, lifts him to his feet, and hits his double underhook DDT.
Nick Stuart: The Abuser! And now the perfectly fine Fred Mayhew drops for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Richard Parker: “Perfectly Fine” Fred Mayhew. Sounds like we have a new nickname for Old Bull.
Nick Stuart: But it’s not perfectly fine! Mushigihara was fully in control, and then the eGG Bandits turned this into a handicap match! New name, same old tactics!