NATE AIN’T SO GREAT AFTER ALL!!!!
The pay-per-view rolls backstage as Vickie Hall commandeers a video camera so she can obviously make some pre-match comments. She stands in front of a rather stoic Jonathan-Christopher Hall. Well, at least Jonathan-Christopher’s trying to be stoic. At times his eyes wander around the room, looking unsure of himself. This only lasts for a second or two, though and then his eyeballs jet right back out in front of him and he straightens his chest. Vickie, meanwhile, could seriously use camera training because her hand is shakier than an old lady with Parkinson’s.
Vickie Hall: HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO WORLD! I’m Vickie Hall and behind me is my number one ride-or-die MAIN MAN, Jonathan-Christopher Hall!
Vickie takes a quick glance behind her but it’s clear she’s only doing it for show. Otherwise, she might get a read on JC’s body language and realize he’s trying to project toughness when he isn’t really feeling it.
Vickie Hall: Nate, Nate, Nate…
With each call of his name, Vickie’s smile starts to frown.
Vickie Hall: You greedy little piggy! Nothing was good enough for you and now you’re OUT ON YOUR BUM! You deserve everything coming your way tonight! You broke our hearts!! You digged into our chests and you TUGGGGGGGEEEEEEDDDD our beating little tiny fluffy hearts out! You stomped on them!
Nick Stuart: Fluffy hearts? Hearts are not fluffy.
Richard Parker: Do you have a medical license?
Nick Stuart: (Not buying into Parker’s comment) Also, isn’t it “dug into our chests?” Vickie’s grammatical structure is painful.
Vickie Hall: We offered you a heaven! Away from judgment and ridicule! But no no no, it wasn’t good enough for you, Mr. Nate. You selfish brat!!! So you suffered two weeks ago at the hands of Jonathan-Christopher and Tristan-Crispin and now you will really suffer. My man is on the BIGGEST ROLE OF HIS FUCKING LIFE, Nate. You are on the downswing! Where is the Five Star Title? Any moron could’ve beaten Cecilworth!
Nick Stuart: Ummm… okay? I’d like to see Jonathan-Christopher try. Wouldn’t last a minute.
Vickie takes a moment to close her eyes and sway side to side while holding the camera. She’s in a deep, wonderful dream! Likely picturing all the hurt her ALP is going to unload in just a moment.
Her eyes open. She is born anew!
Vickie Hall: Jonathan-Christopher doesn’t need a VIOLENT stipulation to pull off the victory. He ONLY needs his honey bunch of oats!
Vickie Hall: Then the real work comes. The message is sent and EVVVVVVRRRYYYYone on the street knows! The Almasy Tournament… where we will FINISH THE JOURNEY!!!!! Ahahahahaha!!!
Vickie snaps back and stares at Jonathan-Christopher, almost like she’s demanding him to laugh along with her.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: (Much more forced) Finish the Journey, baby! Ha, ha, ha!
Vickie is pleased. She snaps around to the camera while Jonathan-Christopher lowers his head and tries some self-talk to pump himself up.
Vickie Hall: Nate The Great, NEWS FLASH! After tonight… you ain’t So Great!
Richard Parker: BOOM! Oh man, BOOM!
Nick Stuart: This is awful.
Vickie Hall places the camera on what looks to be a nearby table. She walks over to Jonathan-Christopher and spanks him hard on the ass.
Vickie Hall: Baby, let’s go!
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: I love you, baby. Let’s do it!
Vickie steers her man into the gorilla curtain and UltraViolence cuts to ringside.