NATE COLTON vs. TONY GAMBLE
Nick Stuart: Well, that was certainly something from our Universal Champion, but we’ve got some more action for all the PRIMEates out there. Tony Gamble is looking to bounce back from last week’s tough loss to FLAMBERGE, but he’s got a roadblock ahead of him, Richard.
Richard Parker: Roadblock? Nate Colton is about as thick as the average roadblock you find on I-70 east of Indianapolis and half as smart.
Nick Stuart: I’m guessing you aren’t accepting any invites to any Colton Family cookouts anytime soon.
Richard Parker: Of course not. Indiana? Their idea of cuisine is putting ranch dressing on a boiled hot dog and washing it down with supermarket-brand Faygo. No thanks.
Nick Stuart: I think you’re confusing the Coltons with the Insane Clown Posse.
Richard Parker: No, because the Juggalos would at least spring for name-brand Faygo.
“You think I’m funny? Funny how?”
The striating riff of “Better Than You” echoes throughout the Grand Garden Arena as a dour looking Tony Gamble marches from behind the curtain. Highlights of his Hall of Fame career play on the PRIMEview behind him while he sneers at fans as he passes by. He takes his time circling the ring before coldly stepping through the ropes to await his opponent.
Nick Stuart: Gamble looks a bit more sour than usual.
Richard Parker: Well, you’d be too if some mook in Witless Protection blindsided you and caused you grievous harm.
Nick Stuart: Witless Protection. Stay up all night thinking that one up?
Richard Parker: Eh, I got to bed around two, two-thirty.
“Better than You” dies down as it is replaced by “Tryin’” by the Eagles. A loud cheer erupts from the crowd as Nate Colton, clad in his blue satin family jacket, twirls out from the back, arms outstretched. He jogs to the ring, slapping the hands of all the fans along the aisles, taking time to get every child with a hand reaching out.
Richard Parker: This cornfed hick should be in handcuffs for what he did to the FLAMBORGHINI two weeks ago.
Nick Stuart: While I don’t condone property damage, Richard, I mean, FLAMBERGE did start it, kinda.
Richard Parker: You and I must have been watching different feeds on the monitor. It was an egregious assault. EGREGIOUS.
Nick Stuart: Well, however you saw things, what we’re going to see tonight is the eldest Colton son getting a chance to play a game of proverbial HORSE with FLAMBO. Last week, the Strasbourg Superstar beat Gamble. Can Colton answer with a win of his own?
Richard Parker: Look at you, disrespecting a HALL OF FAMER like that by marginalizing him as a trinket to be passed back and forth between two young wrestlers. I oughta text him and say you’re laughing at him.
Nick Stuart: You wouldn’t do that to me. But anyway, let’s get down to Vince Howard in the ring for the intros.
Vince Howard: Our next match is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit. In the corner to my left, weighing in at 187 pounds from right here in Las Vegas, Nevada, he is the Permascar Superstar… Tony… GAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEE!
Gamble raises his arms in mock adulation to the boos of the crowd.
Nick Stuart: Gamble having a hard time raising that right arm.
Richard Parker: Mortimer Kalisthenics should be suspended and fined for his disgusting behavior.
Vince Howard: And in the corner to my right, weighing in at 255 pounds and hailing from Evansville, Indiana. He is Nate… COLTONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!
The crowd cheers.
Nick Stuart: Barlow calls for the bell, and this highly anticipated match will finally get underway. And Gamble has stepped right up to Colton despite giving up nearly 70 pounds and seven inches.
Richard Parker: I keep telling you, Gamble has heart. No one listens to me. NO ONE.
Nick Stuart: We listen to you, Rich, just most of the time, people disagree, but Colton is not backing down here either… and he extends his hand!?!
Richard Parker: Something smells fishy here.
Nick Stuart: I had the cedar plank salmon at Guy’s before the show, sorry.
Richard Parker: Ooh, how was it?
Nick Stuart: I’ll tell you later. Because Gamble just accepted Colton’s hand!
Colton goes to release but Gamble, but The Grin keeps the grip locked, looking to hit Colton in the side of his neck, but Colton dodges.
Nick Stuart: Uh oh, big mistake there. I think Nate’s mad.
Richard Parker: Might as well disqualify him now then, prevent the retaliation.
Gamble, throws both his hands up and mouths “my bad.”
Nick Stuart: Gamble regretting his attempt at a sneak attack there?
Richard Parker: Sneak attack, schmeak attack, he’s just leveraging the situation.
Nick Stuart: Well, he’s clearly at a leverage disadvantage here in this collar-and-elbow tie-up, and Colton has him in a side headlock. Gamble able to break out and push Colton off the ropes, shoulder block sends the Grin to the mat though.
Richard Parker: Blatant disrespect shown to the Hall of Famer here.
Nick Stuart: Well, Gamble wouldn’t take it as such. As much of a firestarter as he can be, he’s not the kind who wants anyone’s charity.
Gamble rises to his feet and dusts himself off.
Nick Stuart: Back in the collar-and-elbow, and Colton has him in the headlock again but NO! Gamble stomps on his foot! Colton hopping on one foot and OOF! Gamble with the rabbit punch, sending the youngster to the mat.
Richard Parker: That should teach him to destroy property.
Nick Stuart: Not sure Gamble’s the best one to teach him there, but he’s gonna give him a lesson in pain here with that seated armbar. Not sure how much leverage he can get with the damage Mort gave him to his right arm.
Richard Parker: All the more reason to have this match thrown out. Grossly unfair to Gamble here. GROSSLY.
Nick Stuart: Fair or not, Gamble can’t get enough leverage and Colton gets to the ropes. But Gamble up right away and stomping on him!
Ashley Barlow starts admonishing The Grin, who throws his hands up as Colton squirms on the campus.
Richard Parker: Timo Bolamba gets suspended for one show, and the refs start to feel themselves.
Nick Stuart: Well, Gamble didn’t break clean, and he’s back over laying the boots to Colton before he can get to his feet. The youngster rolls on his back and Gamble on him…
Nick Stuart: Ooh, Colton kicks out. Gamble RELENTLESS though, raining blows down on Colton. Drags him to his feet, kick to the gut and…
Richard Parker: Memphis Death Certificate!
Nick Stuart: Easy there, tiger, I’d put that at a four out of ten on the Jeff Garvin Scale. Gamble goes for another cover…
Nick Stuart: Colton kicks out again. Gamble really wearing out the youngster here and doing it using his pitbull-like tenacity.
Richard Parker: I mean, that’s how he became a Hall of Famer at that size. And no one respected him because he’s Italian.
Gamble rises to his feet and drags Colton over to the corner.
Nick Stuart: All due respect, Rich, but it was probably for all the cheating and palling around with Devin Shakur. Gamble has Colton against the corner. OOF! Knee to the breadbasket, and another, and a third one. Whip out of the corner, ooh! But Gamble is holding his right shoulder!
Richard Parker: Excuse me, I’m going to call the FBI and get Mortimer Kilkenny arrested and charged with treason.
Colton reverses the whip and puts Gamble in the corner.
Nick Stuart: The tables have turned! Colton putting Gamble up on the top turnbuckle.
Richard Parker: Oh no…
Nick Stuart: Colton finally catches a big break and plants Gamble on the mat with the superplex! Floatover cover…
Nick Stuart: Gamble kicks out! But this crowd is back into the match! Gamble is up, but gingerly, that right shoulder is bothering him.
Richard Parker: He’s gotta be ahead on points. Stop the match, declare him the winner, get him to Dr. Fihlguud.
Nick Stuart: That’s not how any of this works, and neither is grabbing the official to get back up. But that’s what Gamble’s doing!
Richard Parker: Smart!
Nick Stuart: And it could get him DQed! WAIT! NO!
In the jostling, Gamble hits Colton with a well-placed low blow with his right out of the sightline of Barlow, whom he’s still hand-checking with his left.
Nick Stuart: Colton is doubled over, but Barlow didn’t see the actual low blow! Gamble is…
Richard Parker: SMART! Hahaha, Hall of Famer for a reason!
Gamble dusts himself off while Colton staggers around.
Nick Stuart: To be fair, Gamble is known for this kind of trickery. Colton still a little wet around the ears here. He could’ve used someone like Coach Hark or even Nathan Filmix watching the outside.
Richard Parker: Oh sure, when the goody-two-shoes is in trouble, advocate for a numbers game.
Nick Stuart: ignoring Parker Gamble going back to work landing a swift jab to Colton’s temple. Back to stomping him, and I think the lad is in trouble here.
Richard Parker: I know he is. Gamble smells blood.
Nick Stuart: And now he’s working over Colton’s back with that Boston crab. Again, I’m not sure how sure a grip he can get with that right arm banged up, but he’ll try.
Richard Parker: Gamble is a warrior!
Nick Stuart: Just as long as the CEO doesn’t have a clear line of sight to a broom closet. Colton struggling, but his lower body strength is too much. He’s in the ropes. You’d think Gamble would stick to his strikes and impact moves. He’s too shrewd a veteran to try things that don’t work.
Richard Parker: But he’s a proud veteran. Don’t doubt The Grin here.
Nick Stuart: Gamble has made a career of proving people wrong, and he’s going to work with elbow drops to Colton’s back here. I think he wants to make him submit.
Richard Parker: After the last show, Gamble knows he needs to make a statement. Like I said, he smells blood.
Nick Stuart: Gamble off the ropes, leg drop to the small of Colton’s back! And now he’s, wow, this is innovative stuff!
Gamble kneels down on Colton’s back and presses hard while pulling on Colton’s left ankle with his good arm.
Nick Stuart: That’s one way to minimize the damage done to his right side.
Richard Parker: And I don’t care how much weight you have on a guy. Feeling him with those sharp knees on the small of your back? I think Nate’s gonna have an express visit to the chiropractor after this.
Nick Stuart: You know chiropractors are quacks, right, Rich?
Richard Parker: They are not! I go to mine every week, and my joints only creak slightly.
Nick Stuart: Uh-huh. Gamble up, and he’s dragging Colton to his feet… abdominal stretch! This normally isn’t in The Permascar Superstar’s repertory, but he’s finding ways to make up for his size disadvantage and his injury!
Richard Parker: Smart, especially with that leverage!
Gamble grabs onto the top rope with his right arm.
Nick Stuart: Uh, that’s not exactly legal.
Richard Parker: It is if Barlow doesn’t see it!
Just then, Barlow notices it and starts working the five-count. Gamble releases at four and throws his hands up innocently in the air.
Nick Stuart: Again, I don’t agree with his tactics, but this is nothing new from The Grin. Colton had to have expected this, and if not, it’s his rookie nature that’s going to cost him.
Richard Parker: Look, his loser family eats, sleeps, and breathes wrestling. If he didn’t do his homework, that just means dad is a lousy teacher.
Nick Stuart: Jake Colton watches every episode. Anyway, his oldest son is just doubled over. His abs gotta feel like hot cross buns right now.
Richard Parker: Leave the snappy quips to me, alright?
Nick Stuart: Gamble doesn’t even need to kick him in the gut to get the DDT. Cover…
Nick Stuart: And Colton kicks out at 2.9999! We’re getting into deep waters here. Remember, Nate spent all that time in Survivor. Relatively speaking on the big stage? He’s SUPER unseasoned.
Richard Parker: And Gamble is about to show the world.
Nick Stuart: He’s about to make Colton Stop Laughing AT… NO! Colton sensed it and hip-tosses him forward! The kid’s got fight yet!
Richard Parker: I hope he has a random drug test after the match! He shouldn’t have had the core strength to pull that move off!
Nick Stuart: Gamble comes in hot with a punch, but Colton blocks it and LANDS ONE OF HIS OWN! Gamble again, NO! Colton with another punch! The Grin is dazed, but he’s got a lariat in him… NO! COLTON DUCKS IT! EXPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
The crowd erupts as Colton fires to his feet, pumping both his fists.
Richard Parker: What a disgusting display of showboating! I hope it costs him!
Nick Stuart: Colton’s got Gamble sized up, scoop and a SHOULDERBREAKER! On the bad shoulder too! Gamble is reeling and COLTON LOCKS IN THE DRAGON SLEEPER! HOOKS ARE IN! IS THIS MATCH OVER?
Richard Parker: Bite him! Gouge the eyes! Do something!
Nick Stuart: Oh no! The same recklessness that threw him out of the ring against Balaam at Great American Nightmare strikes again! He’s rolled into the ropes! Gamble is inching to his feet, and Colton could have his biggest win in PRIME yet in his sights.
Colton lays in wait for Gamble.
Nick Stuart: Could it be time… yes, Colton Clu…. NO! Nate can’t get him over, he’s holding his gut! Gamble worked him over too good!
Richard Parker: I told you never count out The Grin!
Nick Stuart: Colton dazed and Gamble HITS ANOTHER DDT! And he’s climbing the top rope?
Richard Parker: If he can’t get a good grip on the submission holds, then go another route!
Nick Stuart: Gamble takes flight, MOONSAULT… NO! NO WATER IN THE POOL! Both men are up and dazed and Colton locks in the namesake clutch! But can he get him over…
Colton thrusts forward, bouncing Gamble off the ropes in front of him, giving him enough momentum for…
Nick Stuart: WHAT AN INGENIUS MOVE BY THE ROOKIE! ROPE ASSISTED COLTON CLUTCH SUPLEX!
Richard Parker: NO! THAT’S CHEATING! DISQUALIFY HIM, ASH! DO YOUR GODDAMN JOB!
Nick Stuart: COLTON COVERS!
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: Here is your winner, Nate… COLTONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
The crowd erupts! Colton rolls over holding his belly, while Gamble instinctively clutches his right shoulder.
Nick Stuart: Oh man, I think we not only witnessed the best match of Colton’s young career so far, but Tony Gamble might have shaken all the ring rust off there. He was so close to winning, even after suffering those injuries from earlier tonight.
Richard Parker: I am forever going to have an asterisk by this result for SEVERAL reasons.
Nick Stuart: Good thing you’re not the PRIME archivist. Anyway, we gotta pay the bills. PRIME ReVival 14 will be back after these messages!