Nathan Filmix vs. Bobby Dean vs. Shawn Warstein vs. Darin Zion
When we return to the ring, three of the four competitors for the next match are already inside. The fourth, “Beautiful” Bobby Dean, is just finishing up dismounting a palanquin that had been carried by four large men dressed as turkey legs. Safe to say that at least one of them has strained something.
Vince Howard: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a Five! Star! Scramble!
Nick Stuart: This is our third scramble match tonight…
Richard Parker: As opposed to the half-dozen or so scrambles Bobby Dean had this morning.
Nick Stuart: …and the winner will go on to vie for the Five Star Championship at Culture Shock!
Vince Howard: Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, and weighing in tonight at two-hundred twenty-five pounds… DARIN ZION!
Nick Stuart: Darin Zion’s one of the competitors who helped usher in this new era of PRIME on our first ever ReVival, and now he’s got a chance to earn himself a spot in that Five Star title match.
Vince Howard: Next, fighting out of the Kabal Proving Grounds and weighing in two-hundred and twenty pounds… NATHAN FILMIX!
Nick Stuart: You know, Richard, I think Filmix’s no-nonsense approach to the sport puts him in a great spot going into this match. With so much happening around you, the ability to focus in a match like this is key.
Richard Parker: I want to argue that logic, I really do, and am kind of annoyed it makes so much sense.
Vince Howard: Hailing from Chicago, Illinois and weighing in tonight at two-hundred and thirty-four pounds… SHAWN WARSTEIN!
Nick Stuart: Chicago represented with two men in this match tonight, which is no surprise given its history as a wrestling town.
Richard Parker: As opposed to the eight-hundred people on the roster from Boston, all here because the alternative is living in Boston.
Vince Howard: Finally, from Houston, Texas and weighing in at three-hundred and sixty-nine pounds… “BEAUTIFUL” BOBBY DEAN!
Bobby Dean is not yet in the ring. The ring steps are as Everest, and he is without a sherpa.
Nick Stuart: The opening bell has sounded, and this one is underway! I can’t help but feel like head referee Timo Bolamba is going to have his hands full with this one. Some very colorful personalities in this match.
Richard Parker: Fat is not a color, Nick.
There is a brief moment at the sound of the bell where all four competitors take an opportunity to size-up their prospects, before the fighting begins.
Punching and kicking happens. Maybe a few chops. Throw in an elbow or two for flavor. Stir it up nice, and you’ve got a stew goin’.
A striking exchange breaks out between Shawn Warstein and Darin Zion. In an adjacent corner, Nathan Filmix lands a series of kicks to Dean’s midsection; the marker-drawn “BUNDT” tattoo from earlier in the week serving as a makeshift bullseye. The kicks smudge some of the letters, already slicked with sweat.
Richard Parker: Hey, Nick, I know that used to say ‘bundt’, but what does it look like to you know?
Nick Stuart: Buff?
Richard Parker: Well that’s just a lie.
Bobby swats away an incoming strike and catches Filmix in a big bear hug. The big man holds tight, as if he’s clutching the last package of Nathan’s Hot Dogs and not a Nathan Filmix. He rams Filmix back into the corner, driving the air out of him.
As this is happening, Darin Zion connects with a series of European uppercuts to Shawn Warstein, staggering him back. Warstein rebounds and ducks under a clothesline, grabbing wrist control in the process. He turns behind Zion and uses his leverage to spin the man into a ripcord lariat.
Nick Stuart: Bobby Dean pressing his advantage, as he crunches down on to Nathan Filmix with that seated senton!
Richard Parker: That’s not the only thing he’s pressing. Filmix just got himself squished.
Nick Stuart: Dean using his size to try for an early cover. Could it be over this early?!
A snap suplex by Darin Zion sends Shawn Warstein careening into Bobby Dean, knocking him out of position and breaking up the cover.
A stunned Bobby gets back to his feet, and is met with a jumping knee to the jaw that floors him once again. With Dean now on his back, Warstein pounces. He dives on top of the bigger man, getting into a full mount and raining down blows.
Head referee Bolamba moves between the encounter on the mat and the one on the ring ropes where Darin Zion has managed to trap both of Nathan Filmix’ arms with his legs, binding him into the tarantula.
Nick Stuart: We’ve got two situations in the ring right now that might normally call for a referee’s attention, but because of the nature of this match the rules are relaxed – we can’t disqualify anyone – and our head referee finds himself in a bit of a pickle.
Like a mechanical bull Bobby bucks his hips up, freeing himself from Warstein’s clubbing blows. He rolls out of the ring to recover.
Nick Stuart: Bobby Dean to the outside looking to catch his breath.
Richard Parker: Let’s hope he doesn’t have to chase it very far.
Nick Stuart: Shawn Warstein breaking up that tarantula hold, and a DDT takes Darin Zion down to the mat! Warstein moving in… OH! and he doesn’t get there in time, as Nathan Filmix connects with a full nelson slam. This could be it!
Nick Stuart: Warstein gets the shoulder up in time!
Outside the ring Bobby Dean is going to each side of the ring and lifting the apron.
Nick Stuart: Bobby Dean fishing around under the ring. He’s clearly looking for something, Richard.
Richard Parker: Probably his next snack. I think the crew keeps a cooler under there for when they’re setting-up and tearing-down the ring.
The cameras capture a moment of pure elation on Dean’s face as he reaches under the ring and slides out a table. It’s your standard, garden-variety pressboard table, but what makes this one special is that it appears to have been prepared with a bucket of fried chicken, a bowl of mashed potatoes (complete with gravy), and a half dozen biscuits.
Nick Stuart: Did I really just see that?
Richard Parker: Who put a KFC kitchen under the ring?!
While Dean sets about feasting, the action inside the ring continues. In the center of the ring, Nathan Filmix has snuck behind Shawn Warstein, trapping one arm behind his back and trying to lock in a crossface chickenwing. Warstein struggles, fighting against the attempts by Filmix to take him to the mat.
Nick Stuart: Filmix using that technical acumen to exert his will!
Richard Parker: …what?
Nick Stuart: INCOMING!
Darin Zion launches himself from the top buckle, crashing into both men with a missile dropkick. The force of the blow sends Warstein toppling through the ropes and to the arena floor, where he collides with Bobby Dean’s personal picnic table and scatters its contents on the floor. Bobby drops to his knees, his arms outstretched.
Bobby Dean: NOOOOOOoooooooo…!
The big Texan grabs a piece of chicken (relatively clean-looking, at least) and storms towards the ring.
Nick Stuart: Bobby Dean looks like a man on a mission as he heads back into the ring.
Dean very gingerly steps towards Filmix as the Kabal fighter lands shot after shot on Zion in the corner. Holding his chicken firmly between his teeth, Bobby Dean raises both hands like a bear, and prepares to deliver that most devastating wrestling hold: the back rake. The problem is that because the chicken grease has made his hands slippery, it’s less a rake and more a very awkward massage.
Nick Stuart: Wow.
Richard Parker: So that…?
Nick Stuart: Yup.
Richard Parker: Promise we’ll never talk about it?
Nick Stuart: It’s a deal.
Filmix pauses his attack on Zion and turns before slapping the chicken out of Bobby’s mouth.
Nick Stuart: Filmix picks the leg, and a dragon screw leg whip is going to really take away Bobby Dean’s mobility, Richard!
Richard Parker: But he can’t stop there, he’s got to press this while he’s got the big man down.
Nick Stuart: Filmix working the knee. He’s got that lower leg compromised. We could be seeing the makings of an ankle lock, or maybe that single leg crab: two moves we know he’s got at his disposal!
Richard Parker: And this is just giving both Zion and Warstein time to recover.
Bobby braces with both of his legs, fending off Filmix’ assault and using his mass to shove the smaller man through the ropes to the outside.
Nick Stuart: Bobby Dean with physics on his side sends Nathan Filmix to the arena floor, and Beautiful Bobby is headed out after him!
Outside the ring, Dean has Filmix trapped in the corner where the ringside guardrails meet. He pivots, positioning himself so that Filmix is facing his back. Then, Dean grabs both guardrails and drives his Pixar dump truck ass into Filmix’ core, forcing the wind out of him. He then spots a young fan holding a PRIME ice cream bar sitting near the front row, and lumbers his way over to try and convince the youngster to cough it up.
Inside the ring, Zion hooks Warstein for a suplex, but the move is blocked.
Nick Stuart: Darin Zion looking like he’s trying for a vertical suplex, perhaps, but Warstein manages to block. Knee to the midsection… EGO TRIP!! Darin Zion is down!
Richard Parker: Friendly reminder that the concussion protocols here in PRIME are top-notch! And by that I mean, yes, we have doctors, and they know what heads are.
Nick Stuart: Warstein rolling away, and giving himself some space. It looks like he’s giving himself some running room…
Richard Parker: Bobby, take notes! See? If you put one leg in front of the other and go real fast…
And run is exactly what Shawn Warstein does. Seizing the opportunity, he charges across the ring, building his speed as he closes the distance on a groggy Darin Zion.
Nick Stuart: KING’S CROWN! Shawn Warstein delivered that running knee and damn tear took Darin Zion’s head off!! He makes the cover!
Timo Bolamba makes the count.
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: The winner of this match… SHAWN WARSTEIN!
Nick Stuart: Ladies and gentlemen, Shawn Warstein entered the ring against three other men and came out on top, and with that win he punches his ticket to Culture Shock and an opportunity at the Five Star Championship!
Richard Parker: It’s a big win for sure, Nick. And anyone tonight who earns a spot in that title match has shown they belong.
Nick Stuart: I couldn’t have said it better myself, Richard.
Richard Parker: You really couldn’t.