Nova vs. Cyrus O’Haire vs. Rezin
Nick Stuart: And coming up now is another of our Five Star Scrambles, where the winner will vie for the Five Star Championship at Culture Shock!
Richard Parker: Wow, the Five Star Scramble leads to the Five Star Championship. How interesting!
Nick Stuart: Well…
Richard Parker: Aww, I’m just messing, buddy. It’ll be a fun match, especially with the PUNK ROCK GOD coming.
On queue, brutal thrash metal rips through the arena as a wall of smoke coalesces around the entry-way. On the PRIMEview, footage flashes between images of atomic mushroom clouds, scenes of civil unrest, vehicular collisions, and in-ring highlights. Suddenly, “The Escape Artist” REZIN comes whirling out from the haze and comes to a stops at the head of the ramp, grinning maniacally as he scans the jeering crowd. After a beat, he makes his way down the ramp, devilishly toying with the fans lined up at the barricade and getting radioactive levels of heat. When he reaches the ring, he slides in, pops to his feet, locks his arms between the ropes, and leans back to suspend himself in the air in an inverted cross pose for a few moments before lowering himself back to the canvas and going to his corner.
Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring, from Indianapolis, Indiana, weighing in at 205 pounds…REEEEEEEEZIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!
Nick Stuart: Rezin looks primed and ready for this opportunity.
“Blue Monday” by Orgy blares on the PA as O’Haire marches out with a dead serious tone. He ignores the fans within the MGM Grand, focusing all his attention on the empty squared circle in front of him. His body barely moves, his feet simply take him down the rampway and to the edge of the ring. He slides under the bottom rope and pushes himself to his feet, looking at Rezin before unleashing a roar with a fist in the air.
Vince Howard: Entering second, from Cedar Rapids, Iowa…weighing in at 265 pounds…CYRUUUUUSSSS OOOOOO’HAAAAAAAAAIRE!
Nick Stuart: All three men in this match made it through the first round of the Almasy Tournament before losing to a member of the tournament’s final four. All performances to be proud of, Richard.
Richard Parker: I guess if you like consolation prizes, good for them.
Vince Howard: And entering third!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
“Maggot Brain” by Funkadelic rips through the MGM Grand and everyone immediately rises to their feet. From the back emerges the Risen Star, the Starchild, Nova. He makes his way down the ramp, his eyes focused intensely on his opponents before he slides in under the bottom rope and makes his way to his corner.
Vince Howard: Hailing from Parts Unknown, weighing in at two-hundred-and-forty-pounds and standing at six feet and three inches tall, he is a former PRIME Universal Champion…NOVA!
Nick Stuart: Of the three men it’s clear that the fans are attached to the Hall of Famer.
Richard Parker: It didn’t help him against Cancer Jiles and there’s no telling if it will help him here.
DING DING
Nick Stuart: And here we go!
Richard Parker: And there goes Rezin!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
As soon as the bell rings, Rezin rolls out of the ring and starts to walk ringside, giving both opponents the universal sign for “whatever.” Nova and O’Haire look from him to each other, then move in and lock up.
Nick Stuart: O’Haire with the early advantage, twisting Nova into a hammerlock and guiding him towards the corner. And — oh, roughly shoves him chest first into the turnbuckle clubs him on the back of the head!
Richard Parker: O’Haire with such the raw power advantage over Nova, he should work on him while Rezin is distracted outside.
Nick Stuart: Distracted? He’s not doing anything but watching!
Richard Stuart: You have to admit it’s smart!
Rezin is leaning against the barricade, watching the action. O’Haire attempts a back suplex on Nova, but Nova flips and lands on his feet!
Nick Stuart: O’Haire too slow to turn around…dropkick to the chest! O’Haire stumbles but doesn’t fall…now Nova comes with a cross body!
Richard Parker: Ha! Nice try!
Nick Stuart: Cyrus catches him!
O’Haire holds him against his chest, posing for the crowd with a smile on his face. Meanwhile, Nova wriggles free, swinging his arms enough so that he flops to the ground. He pops back up and hits O’Haire with a slap across the chest!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
While O’Haire stumbles back from the chop, Nova tries for another cross body and this time hits it, knocking the big man to the ground. Then he leaps up…
THUMP
Nick Stuart: Body splash! He goes for the cover!
ONE
TW-
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Richard Parker: Now THAT is punk rock!
Nick Stuart: Rezin, quick as a flash, slid under the ring and hit Nova with a baseball slide to the face! He rolls Nova out of the way and goes for his own cover!
ONE
Richard Parker: Whoa!
Nick Stuart: Cyrus O’Haire just launched Rezin in the air after a one count! Now all three men getting to their feet, and Rezin goes after Nova! He hits him with a chop, then a side kick and sends him stumbling!
Nova backs away to the corner as Rezin continues to attack with strikes. After hitting Nova with another vicious chop in the corner, Rezin repositions Nova, grabs his head and steps onto the second rope.
Nick Stuart: Rezin looking for the Tornado DDT here…but no! Nova hits him with a punch to the gut, and another! Now Nova lifts up…and Rezin goes flying!
Richard Parker: Into the waiting arms of Cyrus O’Haire, no!
WHAMMM!
Nick Stuart: Perfectly executed powerbomb! O’Haire for the cover!
ONE
TWO
Nick Stuart: And Nova with the breakup. That honestly looked like a tag team maneuver, Richard.
Richard Parker: Yeah but Cyrus would never work with someone so…old.
Nick Stuart: Cyrus O’Haire is older than Nova.
Richard Parker: But he looks younger, which is important!
As Rezin dusts off the cobwebs, Cyrus O’Haire and Nova grapple again. Nova slips around O’Haire and grabs his waist, then lifts O’Haire over his head for a German suplex. Whipping his way to his feet, he tries another German but O’Haire counters with an elbow to the face! He grabs Nova and lifts him up.
Nick Stuart: O’Haire looking for a delayed brainbuster here.
Richard Parker: He should be looking for Rezin’s feet!
Nick Stuart: Wow! Missile Dropkick from The Escape Artist! And all men are down!
The crowd give an appreciative cheer for the quick back and forth action between the three competitors. Rezin is first on his feet and hits an elbow drop on Nova before going for the pin.
ONE
TWO
Nick Stuart: And Nova with the kickout. Cyrus getting to his feet now.
Richard Parker: But Rezin is ready for him!
Rezin grabs Cyrus’s head and runs, hitting a one handed bulldog. He then looks over at both downed opponents, then at the corner. He climbs up the turnbuckle.
Nick Stuart: He’s looking for the Rezinsault!
Richard Parker: Nobody home!
Nova rolls out of the way, causing Rezin to adjust and land on his feet. He closes in on Nova, who ducks under the arms and grabs him…
Nick Stuart: In-NOVA-tor! Nova might have the win here!
ONE
TWO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cyrus O’Haire breaks up the pin with an elbow drop to Nova’s neck. Grabbing him, he lifts him up and this time connects with the delayed brainbuster. He drops for the lazy cover.
ONE
TWO
TH-NO!
Nick Stuart: Nova with the kickout! Such resiliency on display!
Cyrus O’Haire lifts Nova to his feet as Rezin rolls out of the ring to recover from Nova’s attack. O’Haire hits Nova with stiff chop, then follows it up with two punches to the jaw. Nova is reeling and he moves towards the ropes. Cyrus grabs him, then sends him flying with an Irish whip. The strength of the throw has Nova running back in high speed straight into a lariat from O’Haire!
Richard Parker: You don’t want to get hit with one of those, trust me!
Nick Stuart: When have you ever been hit with a lariat?
Richard Parker: What? I’m just saying trust me!
Nick Stuart: Oh I see.
Nova crawls towards Cyrus’s feet, trying to recover.
Richard Parker: Because I’m a trustworthy individual.
Nick Stuart: I’ll take your word for it.
Richard Parker: See?
Cyrus poses over Nova as he tries to get to his feet, then shoves Nova’s head between his legs.
Nick Stuart: He’s going for the Injection!
He lifts Nova up but Nova slips out! Cyrus turns around to get a boot to the midsection, then he hits the NO-VALUE! O’Haire crumples on the mat, and Nova grabs him and gets him on his shoulders.
Nick Stuart: He’s looking for Bourbon for Breakfast! NO!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Richard Parker: Here comes Rezin, haha!
Nick Stuart: Rezin with the back scratch on Nova, who drops Cyrus in pain! Rezin tosses Nova out and then grabs Cyrus from behind…
WHAMMMMMMMMM!
Nick Stuart: Cyrus O’Haire has gone INTO THE VOID! Rezin covers!
ONE
TWO
Nova slides under the ring to break up the cover…
THREE!
DING DING DING
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Nick Stuart: Rezin stole one from Nova! Nova had Cyrus ready for the Bourbon for Breakfast and The Escape Artist slipped in and…and escaped with the victory!
Richard Parker: Your poetry is on point tonight, partner.