NOVA vs. SONNY SILVER
Nick Stuart: Our next match tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is one that is sure to earn its place in the annals of Colossus history! The Risen Star NOVA! The former Chairman of PRIME SONNY SILVER! Two men who had a hand in making this monumental what it is over the years of PRIME’s storied history will be going head to head in the blue and white squared circle once again!
Richard Parker: I absolutely cannot wait, partner! Madison Square Garden is going to become a mini warzone! I hope the arena managers renewed their insurance!
Nick Stuart: There’s more at stake in this match than simple bragging rights. Sonny Silver returned to PRIME specifically to put the Starchild on notice, accusing him of not living up to his Hall of Famer status!
Richard Parker: Them’s fightin’ words here in PRIME.
Nick Stuart: Well, if Silver can back up his claims tonight, Nova will be forced to enlist in his wrestling school! Likewise, should Nova best his longtime friendly rival, Silver will become his personal assistant! So even though they may be friends outside the ring, there’s plenty of reason for both of these men to give it their all, in a match I’m sure we’re all sure to enjoy!
Richard Parker: Don’t underestimate Nova’s hatred for school, Nick. I’d wager he’d sooner go back to prison than that place!
Max Cavalera and Sean Lennon’s famous collab “Son Song” hits the PA. The lights dim. Spotlights of stunning SILVER glide across the stage. The curtain rips aside, and SONNY SILVER steps out onto the stage to a divided but nevertheless raucous crowd.
The former Universal Champion and bonafide Surly S.O.B. has the smile of an arrogant bastard as he strides out to the head of the ramp and takes in the booming crowd reaction.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Seattle, Washington, and weighing in at two-hundred and thirty pounds… the former Universal Champion… the Hall of Famer… the Chairman of PRIME…
SSSOOOOOONNNNNNYYYYYY SSSIIIIIILLLVVVEEEEEERRR!!!
Timed to the music, a wall of white fountain pyros appears behind the PRIME legend, posing at the head of the ramp. Moments later, he strides down the ramp with a confident smirk on his face, disparaging ringside PRIMEmates hanging on the barricade as he makes his way down the aisle.
Nick Stuart: There have been few figures as polarizing as “Mr. Sonshine” himself! Even being a PRIME Hall of Famer, these people can’t help but want to hate him!
Richard Parker: He is definitely not without his detractors, but none can deny that he’s got a list of credentials as long as your arm!
The lights cut out in the arena, and a stormy sky appears on the video screen.
As thunder booms over the speakers and lightning lights up the darkened clouds on-screen, George Clinton’s voice can be heard speaking in soft, reverberating tones.
“Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time…for y’all have knocked her up. I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe; but I was not offended, for I knew I had to rise above it all…or drown in my own shit.”
The stormy sky fades, replaced by a field of stars. One of the stars shoots across the screen, and as the field of stars comes together to form the word “NOVA”…
…only rather than Eddie Hazel’s familiar arpeggiating dirge coming through the PA, the fans of PRIME are treated to gentle acoustic guitar of Peter, Paul, and Mary.
Nick Stuart: …oh boy, what’s this?
The curtain parts aside, and NOVA steps into Madison Square Garden. Only he’s not the first thing people notice.
Rather, it’s the giant inflatable dragon he’s mounted upon.
“Puff, the magic dragon, lived by the sea
“And frolicked in the autumn mist, in a land called Honah Lee
“Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff
“And brought him strings, and sealing wax, and other fancy stuff”
A lit joint hangs from the mouth of the Risen Star as he rides out, fists pumped in the air, looking ready to party. Or wrestle, I guess. Or more than likely both. Expectedly, the capacity crowd is losing its collective shit.
Vince Howard: And the opponent, weighing in at two-hundred and forty pounds… the former Universal Champion… the Hall of Famer… the Risen Star…
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
“Oh, Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
“And frolicked in the autumn mist, in a land called Honah Lee
“Puff, the magic dragon, lived by the sea
“And frolicked in the autumn mist, in a land called Honah Lee”
Nick Stuart: Well… from what we learned earlier this week, there was something of a proposition bet that Nova would come out on the back of Puff the Magic Dragon… and tonight, the Risen Star has not disappointed!
Richard Parker: Certainly hasn’t disappointed me, cause I put money down on that bet! WOO-HOO!
Sonny is beside himself with bewilderment as Puff glides down the rampway, Nova puffing away on the giant dragon’s back while throwing horns up above his head. At ringside, rather than risk a Thanksgiving balloon disaster, the contested Hall of Famer puts out his joint in the back of Puff’s head to poke a hole into him and begin a slow deflation process.
Nova slowly descends as the inflatable dragon slowly loses air, until he touches down to ringside. His eyes lock with Silver’s, and the two stare each other down for several long moments while the crowd cheers loudly, Peter Paul & Mary still lilting over the PA. A moment later, Nova climbs the steps and enters the ring.
Nick Stuart: I can’t believe we’re being treated to this dream match here in the ReVival Era!
Richard Parker: Whatever happens, Nick, I doubt any of us will be the same afterwards!
Nick Stuart: Referee Ashley Barlow has made her final checks… and she’s ready to begin this as she gives the cue to the timekeeper!
DING DING
Both competitors meet at the center of the ring and spend a moment standing face to face. Nova and Silver… legends of PRIME. It’s an epic visual, and one that the crowd clearly approves of as they get louder and louder.
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Nick Stuart: What a moment worth of an event like Colossus!
Richard Parker: I’ve got goosebumps, partner! And I assure you, it’s not the rash that’s causing it this time!
Sonny smirks and begins jaw-jacking the Rising Star. The camera can’t pick it up over the crowd noise, but considering the reputation of the former Chairman of PRIME, it can be surmised that he’s not complimenting his sharp and professional looking haircut.
Nova stands stoic and stone-like, taking one last puff off his joint before flicking it out of the ring and introducing his forearm into Sonny’s head.
Nick Stuart: And here we go, folks! Rights and lefts are being thrown every which way as two former champions tear into each other without mercy!
Richard Parker: For a pair of regular chums, they sure go at it when they fight!
The screaming fans reach a fever pitch as Nova makes gains in the fisticuffs, backing Sonny up into the ropes. Nova attempts to push him off and send him into motion, but Silver swiftly counters by yanking the Risen Star into a drop toe hold and floats over him to slap on a tight front facelock.
Nova, knowing Sonny and his dangerous ground game all too well, doesn’t linger on the mat, quickly working his way back to his feet. He snakes an arm into Silver’s clutch, takes his wrist, and frees himself from the hold while using the arm to wrangle Sonny into a side headlock of his own. The former Chairman knows the drill…
Nick Stuart: Nova into the headlock, but Silver’s got him by the waist… up goes the Risen Star into a Back Suplex–NO! Nova rolls through and lands on his feet! Now Nova from behind… but he walks into a snapmare from Sonny!
Richard Parker: It’s like these two can predict the other’s every move, they know each other so well!
Nick Stuart: Silver flops into the north-and-south before Nova can make a move, and shoulders are down!
One!
Two!
Nova BRIDGES off the mat!
Nova twists through and reverses Sonny into an inverted facelock. He takes ahold of Sonny’s waistband to prep him for a suplex, but the former Chairman smoothly rolls out of the hold and takes the Risen Star’s arm with him, wrapping it into a waki gatame.
The face of Nova winces deeply as Sonny cinches the armbar and tries to force him to the mat. Thinking quickly, tucks his head and rolls through to his feet and reverses the torsion on his shoulder. A quick hiptoss rolls Sonny over the hip and onto his back, and as soon as he’s on his feet, Nova goes for the bulldog.
Nick Stuart: Here comes Nova from behind… Dying Star Drop?! NO! Silver slips free and takes Nova to the mat with a chop block!
Richard Parker: Perfect execution! Sonny’s takin’ him to school in there!
Nick Stuart: Well, should he come out on top in this contest, that will most definitely be the case! Nova, favoring the knee as he gets up now… here comes Sonny from behind–NO!! Nova dips low and has Sonny up on the shoulders–BOURBON FOR BREAKFAST–
Not quite. Silver, knowing his exact predicament, instinctively reaches out and snags the top rope to pull himself off of Nova’s shoulders before scrambling down the apron to the floor.
“BOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Richard Parker: Too early for any of that nonsense…
Nick Stuart: Silver takes a powder, moments away from feeling the wrath of that Death Valley Driver! For someone who is supposedly rusty, Nova is showing tonight that he can still hang with the technical mastermind move for move!
At some point during the tussle, another lit joint found its way into Nova’s mouth. He pitches it before running himself into the ropes and streaking back across the ring…
Nick Stuart: Hang on, NOVA–
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Nick Stuart: SUICIDE DIVE THROUGH THE ROPES just absolutely LAYS OUT Silver! This battle is spilling outside of the ring now!
Richard Parker: The perfect place for these two to do some damage!
Nova rises to his feet and takes a moment to stare into the crowd and bask in the deafening roar. Something calls to him. Instinctively, his hand grasps the ring curtain…
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
…and the Risen Star throws it aside to dig under the ring.
Richard Parker: HERE we go!
Nick Stuart: Nova could be rustling up some trouble here as he searches beneath the ring! What madness is going to ensue here? Tables? Chairs?
Nova emerges with two brown leathery things suddenly wrapped around his hands. He pumps his fists into the air to show them off to the wildly popping PRIME faithful.
Nick Stuart: Boxing gloves?!
Richard Parker: Not just any gloves, Nick! THE gloves won by Ali fifty years ago in The Fight of the Century, in this very building we’re sitting in!
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Nova climbs back into the ring. Presiding official Ashley Barlow is perhaps too dumbstruck by the fact that he’s wearing the gloves worn by “The Greatest” to tell him to get rid of them. Is this grounds for disqualification? Are these illegal objects? I mean, technically, they’re made with protection in mind.
Nick Stuart: …and they were just stowed away under the ring?
Richard Parker: Crazy, huh? I bet there’s all sorts of Madison Square Garden memorabilia just lying around here! Pretty sure I spotted one of Bob Hope’s golf clubs from the 1968 USO show while I was in the john earlier!
Sonny is only now getting to his feet, spotting the Rising Star with gloves on his hands, calling him back into the squared circle. Not one to be left out, Silver pulls up the apron and searches for something of his own.
Nick Stuart: And now Silver has a set of gloves!
Richard Parker: Those belonged to Smokin’ Joe!
Nick Stuart: Well, I think we’re about to have our own Fight of the Century here tonight! Sonny Silver is climbing back into the ring, and Nova already has his fists up, ready to box! Two wrestling legends, up and changing vocations halfway through a match!
Richard Parker: Stranger things have happened, partner!
Nova dances. Sonny jukes. Nova feints. Sonny ducks. Nova shifts hands. Sonny covers his face. And then they just start hauling off on each other in the sloppiest boxing match anyone has seen.
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Richard Parker: Well, maybe not the Fight of the Century, but
Perhaps taking more punishment than their faces in this exchange are the gloves themselves, having deteriorated from fifty years of aging. Scraps of leather and padding fly through the air and littler the ring with every pawing strike.
Nick Stuart: I don’t believe it! They just destroyed priceless sports memorabilia!
Richard Parker: Oh, I’d say they were hardly priceless. Those gloves were maybe worth ten, fifteen grand apiece.
Nick Stuart: Wait, how would you know that?
With nothing left on their hands but scraps and laces, Nova and Silver wobble around the ring on rubber legs. In a stupor, the Risen Star throws a wild haymaker, but Sonny’s muscle memory kicks in as he counters with a back body drop to send him over the ropes.
With the ring to himself, the former Chairman of PRIME takes a moment to regain his bearings. Nova, waking up on the ringside floor, uses the opportunity to crawl under the ring apron yet again.
Nick Stuart: Now Nova is going BACK under the ring! Things are really getting off the rails here! What is this he has now…?
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Richard Parker: Oh wow… that’s Mark Messier’s hockey puck from his game-winning goal in the ‘94 Stanley Cup Finals!
Nick Stuart: …what the heck is THAT doing down there?! I am so confused!
Richard Parker: Maybe you just need to turn your brain off and enjoy yourself, Nick!
Nova rolls back into the ring and pops to his feet. Sonny advances, but halts in his tracks when the Starchild holds up the puck. Somehow, another lit joint is in Nova’s mouth. He flicks it away before dropping the puck and slap-shotting with the edge of his boot.
THWOCK!
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Nick Stuart: GOOD GOD, RIGHT IN THE THROAT!
Silver’s hands go to his neck and his mouth goes agape as he suddenly finds his windpipe not working like it should. He looks around in desperation, and the first thing he sees is the hockey puck that hit him. Angrily, he kicks it back…
THWOCK!
“BOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Richard Parker: LORD, NO!! NOT IN THE JEWELS!
Nova’s face fills with agony as his hands grab onto his groin region. Both legends collapse, blue in the face and struggling to breathe. Madison Square Garden thunders with cheering PRIMEates.
Ashley Barlow goes to remove the foreign object… but is shocked to see it fall to pieces the minute she touches it.
Richard Parker: YES! Wait, I mean… OH NO! That puck was easily worth five-thousand dollars!
Nick Stuart: How do you know all these dollar amounts to these random historic objects?
Silver crawls for the ropes. Determined not to let him get away, Nova crawls after him. Sonny reaches the ring edge first and drops out to the floor. Nova falls out after him. Both men stuff themselves beneath the ring apron.
Nick Stuart: I dread to think of what’s next…
Sonny emerges first, wielding none other than…
Richard Parker: John Lennon’s microphone from his final performance in 1974!
Nick Stuart: HOW–?!
Nova comes out next, brandishing what else but…
Richard Parker: Pope Francis’s Fleshlight from his visit in 2015!
Nick Stuart: …WHY?!
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Silver and Nova spend a beat looking questionably at the orifice at the end of the Risen Star’s choice of sword-hilt. Then their eyes lock, and they lunge back into the fray, filling the arena with the clashing sounds of foam and rubber.
To their credit, the PRIME Hall of Famers are much better swordsmen than they are boxers. They fence back and forth at ringside in an elaborate dance of slashes and thrusts and parries that carries around the ring, up steps, and onto the apron.
They continue exchanging strikes, precariously perched on the edge of the ring as if they were fighting over a bottomless pit. Nova hops a microphone nearly slashing at his calf. Silver narrowly ducks a labia swinging for his ear.
Richard Parker: Hell yeah, now THIS is swashbuckling! Eat your heart out, Errol Flynn!
Nick Stuart: How is any of this legal right now?!
An impeccably great question, one that is as of right now shared by the official who looks between the carnage in the ring and the timekeeper. Barlow’s clearly wondering if he should give the signal now and just call this a no contest…
…but she’s also no idiot. Given the otherwordly demand to see a match between legends like fucking NOVA and fucking SONNY fucking SILVER, throwing this one out is liable to get him hung, drawn, and quartered by the New York PRIME faithful.
Then… SOMETHING… happens…
“prm tht sht… prm tht shit… prm tht sht…”
A murmur grows deep within the sea of New York faithful. Three words, chanted in sequences, growing ever louder with each repetition.
Nick Stuart: Oh God in Heaven… are those people saying what I think they’re saying?
Richard Parker: Uhhhh, NO, partner! Clearly those people are saying “Dime That Brit!” It’s a very popular saying in New York, so I hear!
Barlow holds a finger up to her ear as a transmission from the team backstage comes through. Simultaneously, Nick gets something of his own.
Nick Stuart: Uhhh, ladies and gentlemen, I’m being informed that management is sanctioning this contest from here on out as a No Disqualifications Match, and anything goes from here on out!
Richard Parker: YES! YYYEEESSS!! OH THANK YOU, JESUS!
Nick Stuart: …um, you appear to be oddly overjoyed by this turn of events.
Richard Parker: You’re all clear, boys! Now let’s blow this thing and go home!
Nick Stuart: What?!
Nova and Silver continue fencing, unaware of such developments, and presumably also uninterested. Then, both competitors stumble across the idea of going for a middle thrust at the exact same time, and…
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Nick Stuart: JOHN LENNON’S MICROPHONE JUST GOT STUCK IN POPE FRANCIS’S FLESHLIGHT!! MY GOD, DID I JUST SAY THOSE WORDS ALOUD?!
Richard Parker: I’ll tell you one thing, partner! Something is being conceived here tonight!
Nick Stuart: This is INSANITY!
With the weapons unequivocally stuck together, Nova grips the handle of the fleshlight and disarms Silver by pulling the mic from his hand. But rather than yield, Sonny pitches out to the ringside floor yet again in search of another equalizer.
He has to move fast, because the Risen Star is in hot pursuit. Sonny reaches under the ring without looking and procures the first thing his hand finds: a nondescript glass vial full of clear liquid. Nova touches the floor and runs at him. Without a second to think, Silver throws the vial into his face.
CRACK!
Richard Parker: Uh oh…
Nick Stuart: Good Lord, what was that now?
Nova briefly recoils as shards of glass litter his face and liquid gets into his eyes… and he then straightens up completely. His pupils become noticeably dilated.
Richard Parker: That was the vial of LSD that Phish took from their 1995 New Year’s Eve concert!
Nick Stuart: …okay, seriously, what is THAT doing under a wrestling ring?!
It finally dawns on Sonny what has just happened. He’s seen the acid face on Nova before, and he knows exactly what it means.
It means he’s fucked.
Somehow, another lit joint has found its way into Nova’s mouth. He tosses it aside, before charging down the former Chairman of PRIME.
Nick Stuart: Nova coming in with a diving boWHOOAAAAGAAAAWWDD–WHATTHEHELLWHUZZAT?! Sonny Silver just got laid out by a… by a… a SHOOTING STAR BACK ELBOW STRIKE!?
Richard Parker: I didn’t even think that was physically possible!
Nick Stuart: Silver has no idea what just hit him, as he flounders back to his feet… wait, Nova on the apron–HOLY GOD, THAT’S A SEVEN-HUNDRED AND TWENTY DEGREE DRAGONRANA!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH NOVA RIGHT NOW!?
Richard Parker: He’s clearly transcended to a new state of professional wrestling existence, Nick!
The fans are on their feet, screaming ecstatically as Nova does a few cartwheels at ringside just for the hell of it. It doesn’t take long before he sticks his head under the ring yet again…
Richard Parker: It’s CHER’S DIAMOND-THONG FROM THE BELIEVE TOUR IN 1999!! That this is valued at TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Nick doesn’t say anything. The absurdity of the action has put him into a comatose state.
Nova, meanwhile, wraps the undergarments once belonging to the Queen of Comebacks around the neck of Sonny Silver and coils him straight into the No Value on the ringside floor. The Risen Star immediately kips up to his feet like a man who has magically de-aged twenty years in the course of a single night.
Of course, he’s not finished. Nova goes back under the ring and pulls out a tupperware bowl…
Richard Parker: My stars, it’s FRANK SINATRA’S SPAGHETTI FROM THE NIGHT HE SLEPT IN A HOLDING CELL FOR DRUNK AND DISORDERLY!
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
If you listen close enough you can almost hear the sound of Nick Stuart’s mind collapsing in on itself.
Of course the lid off of the fifty-something-year-old pasta comes off. Of course it comes down over the head of the staggering Sonny Silver. Of course Nova follows it up with the Novacaine, sending Sonny sprawling out of control across the ringside floor.
Richard Parker: This is PHENOMENAL! If I’ve been keeping track correctly, they should be WELL over a hundred thousand in property damage!
Nick Stuart suddenly blinks awake. He’s now putting two and two together.
Nick Stuart: Wait a minute… a hundred thousand in property damage? Does this have to do with that proposition bet announced earlier this week?
Richard Parker: Uhhh…
Nick Stuart: I thought that was a joke! And then there was that report about Madison Square Garden memorabilia being vandalized… as in, STOLEN.
Richard Parker: Hmmm…
Nick Stuart: All of which somehow magically appears under the wrestling ring. Richard, is there something you’re not telling me here?
Richard Parker: Uhhh, I mean, Sonny mighta tipped me to putting some money down. Said ‘the odds were heavily in our favor’.
Nick Stuart: Rich…
Richard Parker: Hey, judge me all you want! As of tonight, I’m RICH, BEE-YITCH!
Meanwhile, Nova has taken a seat on the ring apron, puffing away on another joint that has somehow materialized in his mouth. Seriously, where does he keep getting those?
While the thousands of PRIMEates filling the storied Madison Square Garden roar at a volume that shakes the arena, the Risen Star is a picture of serenity. A warrior surveying the battlefield at his feet.
He looks silently over the chaos at ringside. The old spaghetti. The shredded boxing gloves. The pulverized hockey puck. The imitation diamonds that clearly do NOT believe in life after love, given the places they’ve been.
Then something catches his eye: the copulating Lennon microphone and the Pope’s fleshlight, discarded through the chaos from earlier. He pulls the priceless piece of music history out from the most sacred of holy relics belonging to the Catholic Church, and taps it a couple times to see if it’s coming through.
BOP BOP
Well shit, what do you know?
Commentary maintains radio silence, letting the much-deserved PRIME Hall of Famer soak up the moment as he raises the mic and clears his throat.
Nova: It’s nine o’clock… on a Saturday…
Nova hops off the apron, rubbing the feeling back into his sore neck as he strides over to where Sonny Silver is lying propped up against the barricade.
Nova: The regular crowd shuffles in…
Nova drops in next to him and rests his arm on his friend’s shoulder.
Nova: There’s an old man, sittin’ next to me…
Silver smiles endearingly. Then Nova winks devilishly.
Nova: Makin’ love to his tonic and gin!
Dread crosses Sonny’s face as Nova suddenly yanks him back to his feet by the head and sends him careening across ringside. Inside the mind of every fan in the crowd, a familiar harmonica melody plays.
Richard Parker: Looks like they’re going for the Esperanto commentary team’s table!
Nick Stuart: …wait a sec… PRIME doesn’t broadcast in Esperanto?!
No, they do not. Which is why Nova easily discards the tuxedo-clad mannequins behind the “table” aside and throws off the black velvet sheet, revealing it’s true form.
Richard Parker: It’s BILLY JOEL’S GRAND PIANO FROM HIS RECORD SIXTY-FIFTH MADISON SQUARE GARDEN PERFORMANCE IN 2015!!
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Nick Stuart: …OH COME ON!! HOW WAS THERE A GRAND PIANO HIDDEN AT RINGSIDE THIS WHOLE TIME?!
Nova grabs Silver by the hair and pounds his face repeatedly into the keys, sending sour notes into the air. He continues to croon into the microphone.
Nova: HE SAYS, SONNY, CAN YA PLAY ME A MEMORY? I’M NOT REALLY SURE HOW IT GOES!
Sonny gets thrown into the piano and Nova brings the lid crashing down across his back, splintering the wood to pieces.
Nova: BUT IT’S SAD AND IT’S SWEET AND I KNEW IT COMPLETE WHEN I WORE A YOUNGER MAN’S CLOTHES!
Nova pulls Sonny out for a moment to set the lid down before rolling his friend on top of the piano, and climbing up there with him.
Nova: LAAA LA-LAAA DEE-DEE-DAAA!! LA-LAAA DEE-DEE-DAAA DA-DAAA!!
Nova pulls Silver up onto his shoulders.
The Starchild pitches the mic one way, flicks his joint in other, and…
KRRBBLLUUNNGGKK!!
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Nick Stuart: BOURBON FOR BREAKFAST THROUGH A FREAKING GRAND PIANO!!
Richard Parker: CHA-CHING!!
There is devastation at ringside. Broken wood, spools of snapped piano wire, and shattered ivory lie spread out across a ringside floor that’s already been littered with the tattered remains of Madison Square Garden’s most cherished keepsakes.
On top of the mess are two blood-spattered certified PRIME legends, barely alive but still kicking for the love of the battle.
All through Madison Square Garden, the PRIMEates sing…
“SING US A SONG, YOU’RE THE PIANO MAN!
“SING US A SONG TONIGHT!
“WELL WE’RE ALL IN THE MOOD FOR A MELODY!
“AND YOU’VE GOT US FEELIN’ ALRIGHT!”
As if raised from the dead, Nova sits right up.
“RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!”
His eyes are dead and unfocused. But something deep inside is telling him that there’s still a job to do. One hand finds the ankle of Sonny Silver, and thus begins the laborious task of dragging his felled opponent back to the ring.
Official Ashley Barlow hops out of the ring to assist Nova in getting Silver back into the ring. Whatever gets this acid trip trainwreck of a match over with at this point.
The Risen Star rolls Sonny back onto the mat and nudges him away from the ropes, before crawling back in himself. With what strength he has left, he flops face-first into Silver’s chest.
Nick Stuart: Barlow with the count!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
DING DING DING
Nova rolls off of Sonny’s chest. Both men lie on their backs, breathing heavily. Over the PA, Peter Paul & Mary begins to play yet again.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, by pinfall…
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
By this point, the PRIME faithful, having found their musical groove, are singing along to the music.
“Oh, Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
“And frolicked in the autumn mist, in a land called Honah Lee
“Puff, the magic dragon, lived by the sea
“And frolicked in the autumn mist, in a land called Honah Lee”
Nick Stuart: Folks… history was destroyed here tonight… but history was also made! If there were any lingering doubts to the Risen Star Nova belonging in the PRIME Hall of Fame, I can confidently say they were dashed here tonight! What a wild, unprecedented battle we just witnessed!
Richard Parker: Bout lost you back there, buddy!
Nick Stuart: I’m a changed man, I can tell you that…
Richard Parker: I’m changed, too! Pretty sure Nova, Sonny, and I all just entered a new tax bracket tonight!
Nick Stuart: Nova avoids a semester in Sonny’s school of hard knocks… and it looks like the former Chairman will now be bound to the whims of the Risen Star! Sonny is no saint, but the humanitarian in me pities that poor man’s sanity from here on out!
By now, the victor has recovered, and pulls the defeated off the mat. With Silver’s arm slung across his neck, Nova leads his friendly rival out of the ring and back up the rampway to a standing ovation of people singing along to Peter Paul & Mary.