ONE (1) MANNEQUIN WAS HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS SEGMENT
Back from commercial, and the camera pans into an area backstage at the Grand Garden Arena. The Anglo Luchador appears on screen, seated on a big production chest, wearing a brand new Fighting for Jonathan t-shirt along with khaki shorts, sneakers, the Intense Championship strapped ‘round his waist, and his lucha mask. To his left (the viewers’ right), there is a mannequin’s head impaled on a pike. Worry not, friends, the mannequin head does not belong to El Hijo del Super Cool Guy, who is resting safely somewhere in this great land of ours.
TAL: Hey guys, it’s me again, Richard Parker’s favorite wrestler, the Intense Champion, the slayer of Balaam, and the face of PRIME in the Phoenix Wrestling Alliance, The Anglo Luchador.
He bunny hops off the chest and stretches slightly to shake the inertia out of his system.
TAL: You might be wondering how I did a few nights ago, in case you were on a business trip or are recovering from Hurricane Ian down in Florida, or you went on a vision quest into the desert high on peyote. All of them are valid reasons, but I told the world I was going to come back with a head on a pike, and well…
He splays his arm to his left and presents his effigy of a conquest like the world’s homeliest Vanna White.
TAL: Now, because the laws of man still apply here in wrestling, I can’t say I literally killed and brought back the man’s head, but an effigy will do, mainly because I did what I said I was going to do. He put up enough of a fight for me to call him by his real name, Jace Parker Davidson, so, allow me to address the man.
The luchador smirks.
TAL: Bart Harley Jarvis, like I said, I don’t give a crap if you learned a lesson when I went into your home turf, took a pound of your flesh, and pinned you on your flagship show with my finisher, without any help, with maybe a dozen people in the arena even wanting me to win. I doubt you will because you seem like the kind of guy who keeps rolling along in a bubble where wins are owed to you and losses are flukes. My only request to you is that since you don’t have the moral authority to demand that GREAT SCOTT wins as a condition of keeping him supplied with his fix? You give him all the Liquid STRONKUMMS he wants, and you do it without a squeak, lest you want me to come back there and give you a swirly.
The Intense Champion tries the ol’ “two for flinching” step-to at the camera.
TAL: The lesson was always meant for anyone else with two or more brain cells they could rub together, be it in your own locker room or at SHOOT Project, Sanctioned Violence Organization, or Missouri Valley Wrestling. If anyone thinks they can call the thunder down, you had better have your lightning rods in good repair. I told you all that PRIME Wrestling was the benchmark, and I was her vanguard. Words mean jack and shit in this business without actions, but luckily for all of you, I walk the walk too. Again, this was a warning shot across the bow of the entire PWA. You think you’re a King of Everything? Think again. Not only is the PWA PRIME’s personal playground, I am the gamesmaster. We don’t mess around. Now, onto more current affairs…
The luchador clears his throat.
TAL: …I have claimed the Mask of Malice back from Hoyt Williams, kept the Intense Championship, and gone off to distant lands to tilt at a man with an IQ lower than a windmill. What is next for The Anglo Luchador? Well, I’ve seen the runsheet for tonight’s show. I have some business I need to attend to coming up in, oh, a few minutes now. What kind of business? Well, I don’t want to blow up any spots before they happen. Just know that it has a lot to do with the name on the front of my shirt, but those roots have a much longer creep than recent events. I’m a fighting Champion, after all. I am not waiting for people to come to me. I have scores to settle, and I’m going out to collect. You don’t like it? Don’t cross me then. Until then, well, take a long look at the head on the pike. It might be made of plastic, but believe me, what it symbolizes isn’t good for the next person who wants to make an enemy of the PRIME Intense Champion.
The luchador walks off as the camera pans in on the mannequin head, which has “Bart Harley Jarvis” written on the forehead in red Sharpie.