Optimus Bruv
Earlier Today….
We’re greeted by the large fangs and long hair of a golden lion as the scene fades into view. Clearly a statue, he’s surrounded by sparking porcelain in all directions. The camera zooms out slowly and we finally make out the rest of the display with the words: “Welcome to the MGM Grand.”
We spin to see everything in the room, including the hotel check-in, the entrance to the casino, as well as many staircases and elevators that guide you to every inch of the elaborate resort. The view comes to rest on the double doors of the lobby and the glass wall adjoined to it. They slide open and in walk a pair of gentlemen who are clearly on a mission.
The shorter one has cropped black hair and chinstrap beard. His super tight t-shirt reads “Die Hardest,” his aviators would arouse suspicion of gimmick infringement from a certain group of eGG Boys.
The taller one has his hair slicked back into a top knot and wears an equally super tight t-shirt that reads “Live Fast Die Old” whilst literally holding a cheesecake and eating it.
Both of the men walk up to the concierge desk and set their bags on the counter.
Mikey Unlikely: Hello there… Heather! How are you doing?
Heather: Hello! Welcome to the MGM Gr…
Mikey Unlikely: That’s great! As you already know, I’m Mikey Unlikely…
He stands back so she can see him in all his glory. Recognition doesn’t cross her face right away and instantly Mikey is perturbed.
Mikey Unlikely: And this is my associate, Jesse Fredricks Kendrix!
Kendrix: Nice to meet me.
Jesse offers Heather a piece of his cake. Being the professional that she is though, Heather politely declines. However, Kendrix insists she take a piece otherwise he would be very upset.
Heather: Well, just a tiny piece.
However, she’s left immediately disappointed and annoyed as JFK retracts the cake from her grasp…the fiendish yet childish plan all along. Mikey looks on in awe at his bestest bruv in the whole world.
Mikey Unlikely: She fell for it…that’s the 10th person today!
Kendrix: You know what this calls for…
An air of anticipation hits the casino as the lights dim and people walk around in the background in slow motion, time has indeed stood still for a glorious moment of epic proportions. THERE IT IS!
The Hollywood Bruvs: GLUEFIST!!!!
The casino returns to real time as Heather looks around unsure as to what just happened.
Mikey Unlikely: Now Heather, we come to you with a very important ask. We need some help. You see, JFK and I just got to town. Just got off the plane, and we’re looking to speak with the person in charge.
Heather: I can certainly ring one of our managers, are you looking for help with booking some rooms, or some exclusive gambling? Maybe a convention or event planning? We also offer spa service and a wide array of pools, open all day!
Mikey Unlikely: We’re actually looking to talk to the boss of PRIME! Can you get us that person?
Heather: I’m sorry, PRIME? The wrestling show that takes place here?
JFK winks and nods in approval.
Mikey Unlikely: That’s right! We’re two of the biggest, most totally famous wrestlers ever. Everyone knows us. Even you!
Heather: Well I certainly do now…
Mikey Unlikely: Exactly! Everyone! So what we need is for the bosses to get down here right now, because we need to have a word. Actually two words…
JFK nods at Mikey this time and winks.
Kendrix: Listen Yeah, toots?! You’re looking at two manly men who don’t do their business by email or over the phone. Pffft. We like to do things face to face. So why don’t you get the PRIME management down here, stat…and if you’re lucky, JFK will take you for dinner this evening at your most exquisite casino strippees.
The Bruvs raise their eyebrows at such a glamorous offer.
Heather: Sir, firstly, I don’t actually know what a strippees is.
Kendrix immediately holds his hand to his chest in shock, he begins to stumble back, as if about to faint, that is until a concerned Mikey holds him up and re-steadies himself.
Heather. Secondly, PRIME doesn’t have it’s office in the MGM. You need to contact that company, not this one.
Having regained his balance, Jesse’s shock is replaced by anger as he slams his fists down against the reception desk.
Kendrix: You mean to tell us that there are no strippees here and that our employers don’t live in the casino?!! What kind of concierge are you anyway? It’s your job to meet our expectations, no matter how ridiculous they are!
Jesse is pulled back and calmed down by Unlikely who in turn throws that Hollywood smile Heather’s way…it’s time to go to charm town the only way Mikey knows how.
Mikey Unlikely: Heather, I’m going to need you to listen to the words coming from my mouth right now.
He starts clapping to every word.
Mikey Unlikely: WE. NEED. TO. SPEAK. WITH. PRIME. CAN. YOU. DO. THAT?
By now the annoyed Heather is rolling her eyes at the pair.
Heather: Sir, I can take a message and get it to them the next time they are here but the fastest way to communicate would be to…
We’ll never know what she was going to say next.
Mikey Unlikely: PERFECT! Now we’re talking! OK jot this down….
Heather readies her pad and pen, she looks up at Unlikely as he ponders the perfect words to say.
Mikey Unlikely: Ok you ready? Cool…. “DEAR PRIME”
JFK cuts him off with a hand on his chest.
Kendrix: Bruv, shouldn’t we address it to “Whom it may concern?” Since we’re not sure who it is?
The light goes off in Mikey’s head.
Mikey Unlikely: OK Heather…. Let’s start over. “DEAR PRIME! To Whom it may concern!”
Kendrix: NAILED IT!
Mikey Unlikely: “UPON FURTHER CONSIDERATION…. WE QUIT!….SIGNED THE HOLLYWOOD BRUVS!”
Kendrix: You really have a way with words, you ever think of writing a book?
Mikey Unlikely: Someday Bruv, someday! Anyway, let’s hit the Bellagio!
The pair grab their bags and cackle loudly. They head out of the same doors they came from. Heather, confused as ever, just sighs and puts the note in her outbound mailbox and gets back to work.