PERHAPS THE LOUDEST SEGMENT ON THIS ENTIRE SHOW
It’s an Anna Daniels segment and it’s December. She’s forcing Daniels-cember into being a thing and is the Queen of Christmas. Therefore, what you are expecting to hear in the background is perhaps some sort of Christmas ditty, right? Hopefully not Last Christmas or All I Want For Christmas Is You because otherwise, a lot of you would be screwed. Fortunately for those not wanting to go to any of the Whatever-halla’s or the people who are already sick of Christmas music, you get a nice reprieve here.
Here comes the hotstepper (murderer)
I’m the lyrical gangster (murderer)
Big up di crew ina di area (murderer)
Still love you like that (murderer)
It’s a surprising sonic assault at this time of the year, to be certain. You can blame the end of Anna’s monthly Japanese excursion for this. Goro Yamashi left the world with this banger, the song has infested the more obsessive parts of the Multitudes, and now you’re stuck with it.
Anna Daniels: HAPPY DANIELS-CEMBER BLOWOUT DAY, PRIMEVERSE!!!!
Another surprising battering of your ear drums, complete with an explosion and airhorns everywhere. You wouldn’t expect the vessel’s vocal cords to produce such a masculine bombastic radio announcer voice, nor the body that houses the Multitudes twirling into frame. Given the wideness of the eyes and the shark-like grin, this is clearly a temporary manic state. One they very much plan to work in their favor.
Anna Daniels: Later on tonight, you are going to witness the ONLY match that matters in this era of PRIME. For the first and potentially only time in a PRIME ring, you will see the funeral pyre of what used to be burn under the flame of Anna Daniels versus Brandon Youngblood. And make no mistake, ladies and germs, we plan on beating the shit out of each other. BUT FIRST, THE MERCH SHILLING!
More airhorns. Holy shit. The camera drone pans across all the merchandise.
Anna Daniels: Last chance reprints of the Brandon Youngblood is a Wrestling Hipster t-shirts, the brand new NEW ERA glitch shirts…and even newer than that, for the winter, PRIME KNIT CAPS! PRIME SCARFS! PRIME UGLY SWEATERS! Made exclusively by THESE! TWO! HANDS!
Those two hands are held up to the camera before grasping the sweaters.
Anna Daniels: We also have NEW ERA variants for each of these, of course. Ranging from ultra small to SUPER DE DUPER ULTRA LARGE for the burly Russians in your life. And it’s not just for you humans either.
Enter Bucky. With sword. Clad in a NEW ERA ugly sweater like the good boi he is. Because let’s be honest, it’s not an aborted Anna arc without the dog appearing at some point. He puts the hilt down and barks a hello to everyone. He also gets all the pets and treats for this cameo. Best boi steals a scarf before rushing off to god knows where.
Anna Daniels: But that’s not all. BEHOLD!
A pull of the curtain reveals a framed, bloodied NEW ERA shirt. Gee, this looks familiar, doesn’t it?
Anna Daniels: We are proud to announce that we are auctioning off this beautiful artifact decorated with the blood of PRIME Living Legend, Dusk and PRIME Semi-Living Failure (for now), Larry Tact. Maybe we’ll get lucky and get Duckles to sign it after he tries to steal the show from us tonight.
Call us, Craig.
Anna Daniels: The highest bid will go directly to The LGBTQIA+ Community Center of Southern Nevada and the auction will last until that final bell rings at Colossus. So scrounge up your pennies for this piece of PRIME history because when it’s gone, IT’S GONE! THE DANIELS-CEMBER BLOW OUT EVENT ONLY AT THE PRIMEPORIUM!
More explosions. More airhorns. Fade to black.