Pieces of Me
The scene opens to a disgruntled looking Vickie Hall, standing backstage with her arms crossed while leaning against the wall. In front of her is Jonathan-Christopher, who seems to be just as upset as he was two weeks ago, head in hands, crying about the loss on ReVival #1 to Brandon Youngblood.
Vickie Hall: Oh, Jonathan-Christopher, we have to find a way to fix this, my dear. You’re a nervous wreck!
Tears continue to flow from Jonathan-Christopher’s face. Vickie isn’t mad at him, she’s mad at PRIME. Their love journey was ruined way before it could have officially started. She moves closer to her Amazing Life Partner and takes him by the hand.
Meanwhile, as has been the theme tonight, the arrival of a forklift is heralded by the sound of a boombox. Ashlee Simpson this time.
Vickie Hall: The adoring love of my life, I am here for you. It’s okay you lost. We will prevail.
Jonathan-Christopher begins to nod. He looks directly into his spouse’s eyes.
Vickie Hall: In fact, I have an idea…
A now-driverless forklift appears behind them, its fountain-clutching and turkey-dressed tynes aimed directly at the pair. Gobbets of molten chocolate spatter onto the floor in staccato bursts, giving the device the look of a bird that is desperately trying and failing to find a bathroom. The Hall’s not seem to notice.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: [lightly sobbing] What’s the idea, baby?
Vickie shakes her head.
Vickie Hall: I am lost in your eyes right now, Jonathan-Christopher. We can talk about it another time. This moment is too romantic. Hold me…
King Blueberry dances alongside this blasphemy of construction equipment, because he is legally obligated to ghost ride the whip at least once in every major promotion he competes in.
King Blueberry: ALL THE PIECES, PIECES, PIECES OF ME!
But before anyone is errantly impaled by a renegade piece of industrial equipment the king jumps back into the driver’s seat and tosses aside the brick that had been depressing the gas pedal. He slams on the brakes, bringing this Mad Max nightmare to a screeching halt a few feet away from the Halls, whom still have not noticed.
Vickie Hall: You are DIVINE, my love!
The chocolate fountain, which has already proved itself far more rugged than originally anticipated, does not fare as well. Momentum hurts it forward beyond the grasp of the forklift, and it smashes to the ground, covering the floor in 66% Valrhona.
Vickie Hall: WHAT… THE… ABSOLUTE… F-
Vickie’s eyes bulge out but then she jumps back, realizing her and Jonathan-Christopher are covered in chocolate. She’s immediately triggered… stressed out… shaking profusely. Tears swell in her eyes now as Jonathan-Christopher tries to make sense of his surroundings. It’s his turn to be the strong one, if at all he’s able to be. Vickie borders on a meltdown, since a romantic and genuine love moment was totally ruined!
Vickie Hall: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Pretty in Pink screams as she’s interpreted her surroundings and runs off, leaving Jonathan-Christopher to look at King Blueberry in bewilderment.
Jonathan-Christopher Hall: I’m sorry, I have to go. My baby needs me.
He scurries off after her.
The blueberry boy is silent for a moment as he takes in his surroundings. With a shrug he attempts to start the forklift’s engine yet again, but after the night it’s endured it will not turn over. He mutters a curse that the cameras don’t pick up and hops out of the cab, careful to not step in fudge now congealing on the floor. He looks directly at the camera.
King Blueberry: Hey, you cool if I leave this here?
For a few seconds the feed goes shaky. Later, the camera operator in question will attribute this to nerves.
We go to ringside as the king begins ripping duct tape from his mannequin companion and their boombox.