PRIME: The Final Frontier
Walking down the back halls of the MGM Grand, Mister Dot Pfefferman is already prepared to step out for his match, in pristine white wrestling trunks and boots, with a white jacket, the left breast with an embroidered NP on it in cursive script, the same on his boots. In his hand, spine creased with love was Walter Rudin’s “Principles of Mathematical Analysis.” Pfefferman is spending the opening moments of the broadcast filling his head with more Mathematics.
You know who’s not filling his head with mathematics? “Event Horizon” Hayes Hanlon, exiting a dressing room, ready to roll in his black boots and tights. He slaps his cheeks a few times, breathing in sharp breaths followed by quick exhales.
The sight of Mr. Pfefferman approaching pulls Hayes from his pre-game pump-up. Resetting himself, Hanlon turns his frame toward the math wiz, whose nose is deep in the writings of Walter Rudin.
Hayes Hanlon: A little light reading before the opening match, huh? That must be a really good book!
Nicholas Pfefferman: … Yes. Something to that effect.
Hayes Hanlon: My bad, but I get it. I can get lost in the pages myself from time to time. Have you read “The Da Vinci Code?” That shit blew my MIND.
Nicholas Pfefferman: I am certain that was right at the ceiling of your “abilities”…
Hayes Hanlon: Well, I have to admit…
Mr. Pfefferman waits for the rookie to finish his thought, but not patiently.
Hayes Hanlon: I actually didn’t read it, I only saw the movie, but I hear that…
Nicholas Pfefferman: (interrupting) Yes, this is all so very exciting. Frankly, I’m rather busy with some important work and so if you wouldn’t mind…
Hayes Hanlon: Hey man, I think we got off on the wrong foot. (extending a hand) I’m Hayes Hanlon, they call me “Event Horizon.” We’ve got the opener tonight for the Five Star Scramble.
Pfefferman looks at the hand, then he looks at Hayes, then looks at the hand again. Hayes takes the hint and pulls it back. At the same moment Nicholas slams Baby Rudin shut.
Nicholas Pfefferman: I find it frankly preposterous that you, an uneducated lout of ALL people, would know anything about the work done by Rindler, and the variety of actual physical objects that encompasses. Or perhaps did you think because there was a talking picture on your magic box that you had some lay understanding of the mechanics at the extreme end of reality?!
Hayes Hanlon: (blinking twice) …what?
Nicholas Pfefferman: DO YOU HAVE ANY CONCEPT OF WHAT AN EVENT HORIZON IS!?
Hayes Hanlon: Oh, for sure! So check this out: in space there are these things called “black holes…”
Nicholas Pfefferman: (pinching the bridge of his nose) Yes. You might say I am familiar with the term…
Hayes Hanlon: Oh so you’ve heard of them! Great! So, they have this crazy strong gravitational pull, and there’s this point where not even light can escape…
Nicholas Pfefferman: Yes yes, I understand singularities both as a physical manifestation of the concept of asymptotes in reality where light can approach but can not actually penetrate, and while I am sure that you seem to have addressed the equivalent of a thumbnail against the human population, I would like to assure you that the work of many scientists and brilliant minds doesn’t need the elucidation of every Jim, Tom and OR Bob who wanders by. I doubt given the look of you that you would master the basics of algebra, let alone the advanced tensor calculus that would explain even one of the…
Hayes interrupts, almost frowning behind his dark mustache.
Hayes Hanlon: Listen, man. I just think space stuff is cool.
Nicholas Pfefferman: Why is it I must have every moment of peace and calm interrupted by every slobbering and drooling handyman, or whatever it is you are? If it is not the clown show that runs this building trying their best to explain to me in equivalent terms as to why their child is special and deserves some kind of special treatment, it’s every barely above the australopithecus thinker coming and gibbering about whatever “cool” term they heard on Cosmos!
Has it ever occurred to you…
It hasn’t.
Nothing has ever occurred to you, nothing ever will occur to you. Frankly, I have a match to get ready for, and If you want some tutoring in the basics of how the mechanics of the universe work, when you get done sweeping the hall, I am available for the reasonable and affordable rate of…more than you can afford. EXCUSE ME.
Pfefferman chooses this moment to tuck his book under his arm and exit briskly. Hayes watches blankly and scratches his head as Nicholas turns away, then chooses to call after him.
Hayes Hanlon: Good luck in the match, bro!