PROCESSING INVENTORY VIA OPERATIONAL TACTICS
As we come away from the situation with one Tony Gamble, the big screen cuts to static, before transitioning to an all too familiar graphic:
As the graphic fades into a shot of a television studio, we see Kenny Freeman standing by wearing his best getup, but his mood does not seem to match his attire as he speaks with a rather glum tone of voice.
Kenny Freeman: Hello, I’m Kenny Freeman, here to present a public service announcement here in the land of PRIME beef. But first, we need to discuss a rather heinous moment in multiversal history. Let’s…let’s have a look.
We cut to footage from ReVival 17, during the B-Team’s match against the Kings of Popsicles for the PRIME Tag Team Championship…most notably, the moment in which King Blueberry goes after Randall immediately following an attempted coffee assault, eventually leading to a Jack LaLanne Driver. The crowd cheers for this, naturally, but as we cut back to Kenny we realize that, this being a pretape, Kenny has no reaction to the approval of the crowd.
Kenny Freeman: Absolutely sickening. A maneuver like that reminds me why the piledriver is banned in so many states, and we will be looking for that to be the case in the great state of Las Vegas. While we wait for the results of that legal entanglement, the Masters of the Multiverse are pushing forward with our dutiful response as Commissioner of Food and Beverage. Joining me now to address our plans moving forward is Randall Schwartz!
We hear a bit of “applause” piped in, the crowd inside the Grand booing as Randall steps out to join Kenny, and uhhh…it looks like he decided not to dress up. Oh, and he’s wearing a neck brace, a sign that his strained necktoral muscles are still recovering. Randall stands to the side of Kenny, trying his best to keep a brave face as Freeman speaks up again, his voice wavering at the sight of his injured companion.
Kenny Freeman: Give it up for Randall Schwartz, everyone! Folks, after what we went through two weeks ago, we have agreed as Commissioner of Food and Beverage to BAN certain types of food from catering going forward. Now, you may be wondering how we’re going to achieve this goal in such a short time…and my buddy Randall is going to tell you all about it!
Randall clears his throat before speaking up, his voice hoarse presumably from the tightness of his neck brace as he scratches at it slightly.
Randall Schwartz: Well, Kenny, let’s uh…let’s talk about what we call Processing Inventory Via Operational Tactics, or P.I.V.O.T. for short!
We get a quick text graphic highlighting the acronym as Randall pulls a sheet of paper out of his pocket, opening it before he reads it aloud.
Randall Schwartz: We have identified the following foods and beverages as being unsuitable for consumption in the workplace, and henceforth banned from backstage catering. Dairy products such as milk, cheese, and eggs are now banned from the backstage area, as are cocktails and other dangerous mixes of alcohol and other such beverages.
Randall folds the paper up, putting it back in his pocket as Kenny Freeman speaks up once again, his tone slightly more firm.
Kenny Freeman: And there ya have it folks…that is how the cookie crumbles. Any complaints can be placed in the suggestion box, it’ll be located near the forklifts and smoke machines backstage. Have a good night, PRIMEates!
Kenny gives a big smile and a thumbs up, a gesture Randall just manages to imitate much to the annoyance of the booing crowd as the big screen fades to black!