PWA TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Vince Howard: This is a tornado tag team match for the PWA Tag Team Championships! Introducing first… one of the challenging teams… they are the current MVW Tag Team Champions… Bradlee Nelson and Bowie Abrams… SURF EXPRESS BRO!
The crowd gives a cheer as “Nothin’ But a Good Time” by Poison plays over the PA and Surf Express Bro make their way down to ringside.
Richard Parker: Do these idiots know where they are and what’s on the line?
Nick Stuart: I hope so? For their sakes.
Nelson and Abrams roll into the ring while their theme song comes to a close and Howard moves on.
“I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go…”
It’s the familiar theme of the Winds of Change, Oingo Boingo’s “Dead Man’s Party”. Only the reception for this song isn’t exactly what it’d been in the past year. There’s murmuring and confusion and more than a little booing. The pair of Joe Fontaine and Sid Phillips burst out from behind the curtains and head for the ring, paying little heed to the vocal fans in Mexico.
Vince Howard: The other challenging team… from Phoenix, Arizona… at a total combined weight of, uh… 2.8 powerbombs… JOE FONTAINE and SID PHILLIPS… THE WINDS! OF! CHAAAAAAAAAANGE!
Joe, with his doofus grin of confidence, can’t help but throw up the double birds for everyone to see. Sid doesn’t bother. He has the grim face of a man ready to powerbomb everything that moves, doesn’t move, or really in any state of existence whatsoever. Watch out, grandpa, that’s what I’m saying.
Nick Stuart: I can’t believe these two are showing their faces anywhere after the stunt they pulled last week.
Richard Parker: They can go wherever they want, Nick. No one’s gonna tell them “no” any more.
Both Joe and Sid take their time circling around the ring. Joe is still holding up deuces, while Sid simply walks in Joe’s shadow, threatening away anyone who might throw a bottle of piss at the two of them.
Nick Stuart: They better gear up, though. It’s not getting any easier…
Finally, after a lifetime of stalling, rude gestures and generally being a dick, Joe Fontaine rolls underneath the bottom rope… and keeps rolling until he reaches the other side of the ring so he can sit on the apron and use his middle fingers to perform a crotch chop in the general direction of some grandmothers, which is a verboten rude gesture that should have been left in the 90s where it belonged. Sid, who climbs into the ring a while ago, only shakes his damn head.
Richard Parker: Here come the HOTv tag team champions.
The camera pans over Arena Mexico. There’s a buzz in the air as the audience, the commentators, the timekeepers, the gatekeepers, the candlestick bleepers await the entrance of the HOTv Tag Team Champions (they would be disappointed if it were anyone else). Slowly, the lights in the arena start to dim, almost to black, but not quite. Then, “Daddy’s Home” by TJ Music begins.
A lightning effect flashes in the arena, followed by a thundering sound, and music begins to play.
The strobe lightning effect continues, and as the opening lines of the first verse start to play, two figures – one much larger than the other – step out onto the stage. Their appearance is met with another thundering sound, this time the sound of a healthy mixture of cheers and boos from all over the building.
Dan Ryan and Jatt Starr, collectively now known as “IN DANICUS JATTICUS VINCIMUS” stand center stage, one next to the other, soaking it in, their HOTv Tag Team Championships resting over their shoulders. Yes, Dan Ryan has been booed most of his career. They take a moment to soak it all in.
Suddenly, the music shifts from “Daddy’s Home” to “Back in Black” by AC/DC which prompts them to start walking down the ramp. Ryan has a natural confidence and swagger in his gait as he heads down the ramp, in his mind, this match is already won. The Ruler of Jattlantis, the Hero of Jattlanta, the Sultan of SeaJattle, Jatt Starr attempts to match his partner’s level of confidence, but to those who are paying close enough attention, they can tell it is just an act. The Jattinum Standard is less sure (moreso in his own abilities and letting down Dan Ryan rather than any lack of confidence in his partner).
Halfway down the ramp, someone throws something in their direction, but, with catlike reflexes unseen in a man his size, Dan Ryan sidesteps it but the cup of beer nails Jatt Starr in the side of the head (which is incredibly insensitive to the Jattlantic City Idol considering he is a recovering alcoholic and the sheer wastefulness of the cerveza). There is no EPU to hunt and beat down the fan, instead they rely on security.
Nick Stuart: You have to think these two men are the favourites, even if you like Phillips and Fontaine’s change in attitude.
Richard Parker: No love for the stoners? (pause) I’m joking; they’re worthless.
Nick Stuart: And yet Surf Express Bro are the only team who might have the whole arena on their side.
Jatt Starr and Dan Ryan make it to the ring, Jatt still wiping the beverage off the side of his face, Dan stops and looks out into the crowd once again, soaking in the reaction with no expression. Ryan cracks his neck before looking at Jatt. They both nod at each other and then climb up onto the apron and enter through the ropes. Ryan dashes into the ropes, bounces off and sprints to a turnbuckle, step-climbing up and then roaring into the crowd and settling into a snarling stare out at the masses as the Duke of Jattmandu steps onto the second turnbuckle, raises the HOTv Tag Team Championship into the air.
Both men hop down and head to a corner, mumbling and whispering strategies on how to handle the match as they wait.
Nick Stuart: Well, we’ve got tornado tag rules for this one, so you better be sharp, partner.
Richard Parker: I’m the colour guy, you’re the play-by-play. You better be sharp. Also, there’s no way you catch all this action. Godspeed.
DING DING
Jimmy Turnbull calls for the bell when Joe Fontaine and Sid Phillips quickly find Bradlee Nelson and Bowie Abrams, rolling them BOTH up into small packages! Jimmy picks one of the pins and counts.
ONE.
TWO.
BOTH ARE BROKEN UP BY RYAN AND STARR!
Nick Stuart: We almost had new champions!
Richard Parker: Surprised Sid didn’t go for a powerbomb there.
Ryan tosses Phillips out of the ring while Jatt clocks Fontaine under the jaw. Ryan hits the ropes and nearly takes Nelson’s head off with a big boot while Jatt, who doesn’t move as quickly, takes hold of Abrams and whips him into a corner.
Ryan hammers elbows down on Nelson, as Bradlee stumbles around the canvas, not being completely put out of his misery. Starr continues to knock Abrams in the corner, but Joe Fontaine hops onto the apron, takes hold of Starr’s head and hangs him up on the top rope.
Joe gives the middle finger to Starr as the champ falls to the mat, where Abrams explodes out of the corner, realizing he has a chance. He jumps on top of Jatt and hooks BOTH legs! Jimmy sees the pin, drops to the mat and starts counting.
ONE.
TWO.
NO!
Broken up by Sid Phillips! Phillips immediately takes Abrams and positions him into a powerbomb…
Connecting!
Nick Stuart: I’m stunned! If it wasn’t for Phillips, I’m not sure Jatt would’ve kicked out of that pin fall attempt!
Richard Parker: You can see it. Jatt’s confidence has been shot and this right here is not going to do you any favours, almost losing the match to a Surf Express Bro.
Phillips tries for a second powerbomb on Abrams when Dan Ryan comes in with a clothesline! Sid stumbles back but he’s not knocked off his feet.
Nick Stuart: Really the only man who can measure-up to Ryan’s size. We’ve got six-foot-seven Dan Ryan against six-foot-five Sid Phillips.
Phillips ends up bouncing off the ropes and running shoulder-to-shoulder against Dan Ryan. Neither man budges.
They stare at each other.
Meanwhile, they don’t see Surf Express Bro scaling the top rope on both sides of them. Nelson and Abrams jump-
Ryan catches Nelson by the neck and Phillips clobbers Abrams in the shoulder. Sid, of course, is looking for a powerbomb while Ryan hooks his arms around Nelson’s neck and attempts a full nelson slam.
WHAM!
Both men hit their moves at the same time and then turn back to each other-
Only for Joe Fontaine to slide underneath Dan Ryan and find The Marquis of MadagaStarr making his way over. Fontaine ducks a Jatt Starr lariat and quickly perches on the top rope. Joe flips off and performs a perfect moonsault, knocking his knees against Jatt’s forehead and sending Starr to the mat. Ryan, however, plucks Fontaine from the mat and drives him back down with a quick powerslam. Dan’s about to do more damage… when Sid hammers the Murder Daddy in the back.
Phillips drives his forearm into Ryan again.
Again.
Again.
Again.
Nick Stuart: Sid has a lot of strength and it’s on full display here.
The crowd boos as Phillips works Ryan into a corner. He Irish whips the former HOTv Champion to the other side of the ring. When Ryan meets the padding, Sid comes in with a head full of steam-
OOMPH!
The wind (of change) is knocked right out Phillips as he fumbles backwards. Ryan looks for another blow but this time Phillips comes over the top with an axe handle smash! Now it’s Dan Ryan who stumbles to the center of the ring, and Sid’s eyes go wide.
Nick Stuart: He’s not going to… is he!?
Richard Parker: I’m not so sure…
Definitely, Phillips is going to try. He kicks Ryan in the gut and then throws the veteran’s head in-between his legs. The crowd rises, wanting to see if Phillips can powerbomb one of the most imposing figures in wrestling…
Until both members of Surf Express Bro are waiting on the top ropes AGAIN.
They fly off, but like clockwork each of them are snatched out of the air by Sid Phillip’s big mitts. However, this gives Ryan enough time to lift Phillips up, in a backdrop, sending the PRIME star up and over Ryan’s shoulders and to the canvas mat.
Ryan clotheslines the shit out of Nelson. He turns to see where Abrams is but can’t find him…
Because Bowie is out of the ring, leaning against the guardrail. Once Ryan notices where Abrams is, the MVW Tag Team Champion puts his arms up as if to say he’s not interested in wrestling anymore.
Abrams grins. He pulls out a blunt from his pocket and points to it, as if asking Dan Ryan permission to “sit this one out”.
Before the Murder Daddy can even make sense of what he sees, Joe Fontaine hits Ryan with a springboard dropkick and two middle fingers. Fontaine shoots off the ropes and flies across the ring again, catching Ryan under the chin with a perfect spinning heel kick, and two more middle fingers.
Nick Stuart: There’s no quit in Joe.
The crowd boos, but they don’t have a lot to cheer for here, regardless, because one Surf Express Bro is down and the other… is trying to light that blunt on the outside.
Fontaine starts superkicking Ryan over and over and over… working him into a corner. Phillips is back on his feet and ready to help his partner-
When Jatt Starr stands directly behind Phillips and spins him around.
Nick Stuart: Oh no!
Sid has Jatt by the neck. He thinks of choke slamming The Mayor of ManJattan but instead, Sid throws Starr into a powerbomb position…
And then crushes the legendary HOW talent with a ring shaking powerbomb!
Jatt looks like he’s out. Phillips covers while Fontaine prays his kicks to Dan can keep the big man at bay.
ONE.
TWO.
BROKEN UP BY NELSON!
Bradlee Nelson looks over to Bowie Abrams on the outside.
Bradlee Nelson: Whoa, I did that.
Fontaine comes in with a flying elbow smash, knocking Nelson for a loop. But it’s not too long before Dan Ryan gains a second, serious wind and EXPLODES from the corner.
He looks to take Fontaine’s head off but instead, Joe slips away and pushes Bradlee towards Ryan.
HAMMER OF GOD!
Blood flies from Nelson’s mouth. He crumbles to the mat like an accordion. Suddenly, Fontaine goes high on Ryan and Phillips goes low. They knock the big man down. Then Fontaine makes the smart play and hooks Bradlee’s right leg!
Nick Stuart: Winds of Change are going to steal this!
ONE.
TWO.
BROKEN UP BY BOWIE ABRAMS!
Richard Parker: Stoner was just waiting for the right time.
It doesn’t matter. All Abrams does is prolong the match. It doesn’t mean HE’s going to win it…
Sid Phillips drives an elbow into the side of Abrams head. He hurls the MVW Tag Champion into the ropes and upon return, he crushes Abrams with an elbow smash to the mouth.
Followed by a gutwrench powerbomb.
Followed by a top rope-aided powerbomb.
Followed by a jacknkife powerbomb!
Abrams is DOA.
Phillips places a foot on him for a pin… but at the count of two, it’s broken up by The Champion of Jattanooga.
Until Jatt Starr is whipped into a small package by Bradlee Nelson!
Richard Parker: I think I’m about to be sick…
ONE.
TWO.
THREE-
NOOOOO!!
The crowd is beside themselves, thinking they almost saw Jatt Starr lose to a stoner… but The Jattvian Prince rockets upright onto his feet, hands in the air, as if he won the Super Bowl or Stanley Cup.
Richard Parker: Starr has basically done nothing all match!
Nick Stuart: But he did kickout just moments ago! There’s that.
The Jattlantic City Idol turns to Nelson and clubs him square in the nose. Seemingly full of confidence now, Starr does a 180. He drills another right fist into Nelson, then positions him where he wants…
And connects with his finisher, The Falling Starr!
Just like that, Jatt is back!
He covers…
ONE.
TWO.
But Starr sees Phillips coming out of the corner of his eyes. Jatt breaks up the pin himself because he moves once Sid is too close.
Phillips dives an elbow onto Nelson while Jatt scurries to his feet and then dropkicks Sid on the side of the head. Before The Duke of Jattmandu can do more damage, however, Joe Fontaine is there with a tornado DDT!
Starr is planted in the middle of the ring. It looks like Fontaine wants to cover but Dan Ryan is ready to go. The smaller half of the Winds of Change nods. He cracks his neck and knuckles. He slams his fists against his head. He is more than ready to rise to the occasion and meet Dan Ryan in the middle of the ring.
Nick Stuart: I don’t like Joe’s chances.
Fontaine isn’t going to back down. He stands about chest-high to the big man, dead center of the ring.
Joe rears his right fist back…
Screaming as he brings it forward…
But the punch meets Ryan below the belt, not in the chest where it looked like Joe’s fist was initially going.
Joe screams again as Ryan doubles over and the crowd boos. Fontaine bounces off the ropes, running back towards Dan with two middle fingers high- and then he absolutely eats a desperate big boot from Ryan, sending the Arizona native head-over-heels, crashing to the canvas.
Nick Stuart: It looks like ALL men are down, in one form or another.
Believe it or not, even after three powerbombs, Bowie Abrams is the first on his feet to cheers from the crowd.
Clearly, however, he doesn’t know where TF he is.
Abrams takes a moment to survey the carnage.
Bowie Abrams: Dude…
Bradlee Nelson is up next. He makes eye-contact with Abrams.
Bradlee Nelson: Dude!
It’s extremely short lived, however, as Sid Phillips takes both their heads and smashes them into one another. Nelson stumbles back while Abrams is ready to eat a forth powerbomb.
This one of the sit-down variety.
SLAM!
Nick Stuart: We’ve got a pin… AND NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!?
ONE.
TWO.
NO!
Ryan saves the day with a tackle to Phillips. The Starrabian Knight is also on his feet. He takes hold of Bradlee Nelson and sends him over Ryan’s way-
Ryan obliterates Nelson with a running clothesline, followed by a powerslam. Ryan takes hold of Nelson’s neck and ejects him out of the ring. It’s not so much an ejection, as it is an execution… because Nelson lands on top of the guardrail and hangs across it like folded laundry.
Next, Starr feeds his teammate Bowie Abrams. Ryan is about to throw Abrams into a powerbomb…
When Joe Fontaine clotheslines both himself and Starr over the top rope…
And Sid Phillips rises from the mat.
Sid and Dan are in a stare down as the crowd pays very close attention.
Nick Stuart: Another standoff?
Richard Parker: I hope Sid powerbombs the hell out of Ryan!
Ryan discards Abrams to the side, without performing his powerbomb. Sid rolls his shoulders and marches forward. He doesn’t want to wait any longer.
Nick Stuart: Here we go!
Ryan drags his right arm back and then throws it forward, clubbing Phillips in the chest. Sid budges, but not by much. One half of Winds of Change does the same thing… and strikes a blow across Ryan’s chest. Ryan moves back, a couple of feet, but that’s all for him, too.
Phillips grows impatient. He sends a WILD knee forward and it catches Ryan in the ribs. The Tag Champion doubles over while Sid’s eyes fall out of his head with excitement.
Nick Stuart: He’s going for it!!!
The crowd stands, wondering if Phillips is going to powerbomb Ryan and take the PWA Tag Team Championships.
Sid takes a deep breath and tries for it-
He can’t lift Ryan.
Phillips tries again.
No can do.
Ryan ejects himself from Phillips’ legs and aims for the Hammer of God…
NO!
Phillips moves out of the way! Ryan hits the ropes, bounces back and Phillips throws Dan in-between his legs again!
This time it’s El Jattador de Starrcelona who enters the ring with the save. He leaps OVER Dan Ryan and finds Phillip’s face with a knee smash! Starr hits the ropes for a second knee smash- this one knocks both Jatt and Sid to the mat.
Nick Stuart: SIROCCO!
Joe Fontaine comes off the top rope onto Jatt Starr with his springboard shooting star press!
…But Dan Ryan is right there to toss Fontaine out of the ring.
Nick Stuart: Uh, there’s just one problem.
Bowie Abrams is in the center of the ring, waiting to take down the giant.
Once Dan Ryan turns, Bowie thinks he has him.
Clearly, Bowie does not.
HAMMER OF GOD!
Abrams falls to the mat like he’s been shot.
Jimmy Turnbull slides into position as Dan makes the cover.
ONE.
TWO.
THREE.
Nick Stuart: Sid Phillips tried to get there but he was just too short!
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: The winners of this match and STILL PWA Tag Team Champions… JATT STARR AND DAN RYAN!!!!!
Nick Stuart: The Final Alliance holds on. Really a hell of an effort by everyone involved.
Richard Parker: Screw the Surf Bros.
Ryan is handed a championship as, eventually, a battered Jatti Master enters the ring and is handed his belt, too. PWA 2 stays with the champions for a moment and then switches to Sid Phillips, who exits the ring with a scowl look on his face, since he was unable to powerbomb Dan Ryan. Phillips finds Fontaine resting by the guardrail where Bradlee Nelson is still draped overtop of it. Bradlee hasn’t moved since.
Nick Stuart: In the end, a victory for Ryan and Starr, who retain the PWA Tag Titles.
Richard Parker: I like this change in attitude from Winds of Change. They’re on the up and up!
PWA 2 heads to commercial, as Ryan and Starr exit the ring.