RIA LOCKHART vs. ALEX STEEL
With the ringside area finally cleared, Vince Howard stands ready to do his job. But first, as is tradition, there are signs to be revealed. Fair warning, a lot of them are very thirsty. Behold!
HAS TAL CONSIDERED REACHING OUT TO FLAMBO RE: BEING A SWORD
LET MUSHIGIHARA SAY… OH. NEVERMIND.
WOULD LUNCH TIME VS BANDITS IN A CHOCO TACO EATING CONTEST BE A HANDICAP MATCH?
CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME GET GAS?
KBB VS HANLON: MASK VS ‘STACHE
BOOK EL HIJO DEL SUPER COOL GUY VS. ONKERS MCGOO, COWARDS
IS CANCER JILES IN GUANTANAMO BAY?
CAN I GET DAM’S NUMBER?
RHINE SHOULD’VE LEFT PAXTON IN THE MUD PITS
CANCER JILES IS MY GUANTANAMO BAE
POWERBOMB COLOGNE HELPED ME LOSE MY VIRGINITY
CAN FLAMBO AND COLTON SHIP UP NOW?
FREE TICKETS FOR NATE COTTON’S REALTOR
COLOSSUS REFERS TO THE SIZE OF TRUCK NEEDED TO DELIVER CONDOMS TO THIS ROSTER
DEAR DR. REFORM WHY DOES IT HURT WHEN I PEE
HOW MANY STITCHES?!
WHY HASN’T ANYONE PRIMED THAT SHIT YET
There’s more. A lot more. Because we as a species have decided that there can never be enough signs. Some are in-jokes. Some break the fourth wall. Some are so meta that Facebook is preparing to file a lawsuit. Get it? Because Meta is the name of their company.
Let’s allow Mr. Howard to do his thing.
Vince Howard: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, making her PRIME debut… Hailing from St. Louis, Missouri and weighing in tonight at one-hundred and twenty-three pounds…
The collective attention of the crowd is drawn to the entryway.
“Got Each Other” by The Interrupters cues up as Alex steps into the entrance area amid the lights kicking up behind her. She stops to look at the crowd, does some quick stretches, then runs down the ramp. Alex slides into the ring, does a run into the ropes, before sliding out on the rebound to give her baseball cap and T-shirt to a young fan in the audience. She then slides back into the ring and waits for her opponent.
Vince Howard: AWESOME ALLEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXX STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!
Nick Stuart: Alex Steel well on her way to endearing herself to the PRIMEates with a gesture like that, Richard.
Richard Parker: A little light pandering never hurt anyone, I guess.
Vince Howard: And her opponent…
The opening riff to New Found Glory’s cover of “This is Me” blasts throughout the arena.
I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, “they say
‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts
I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars
Run away, they say
No one’ll love you as you are
But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious
As the chorus begins, Ria Lockhart slowly walks out. A pink and light blue jacket adorns her frame and a pair of pink mirrored wraparound sunglasses sit on her face. She remains motionless, stoic, for a moment. That changes in an instant as a wide grin breaks out on her face. Back and forth she goes on the top of the ramp, firing up the crowd.
Vince Howard: Hailing from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania…
Ria confidently strides down towards the ring, slapping hands and casually chatting with fans. Once ringside, she quickly traverses the stairs. Standing on the apron, she pulls off her shades, gazing around the audience. She flings the glasses into the crowd, again, a big smile on her face.
Vince Howard: And weighing in tonight at one-hundred and fifty-five pounds…
Lockhart grabs the top rope. She gives a small hop, bouncing off the bottom rope. She uses that momentum to flip up and over the top, landing on her feet in the ring. Almost as soon as she does, Ria bolts for a corner. She climbs it hurriedly, resting with one foot on the middle rope and one on the top rope. She flings her arms into the air to again get the crowd going. She hops down after a pause and backs towards the same corner, pulling her jacket off.
Vince Howard: RAINBOW ROCK… RIAAAAAAAAAAAA LOCKHAAAAAAAAAAAAART!
With both competitors in the ring, there’s only one formality left to cover.
Nick Stuart: There’s our opening bell, which means ReVival 16 is now officially underway! This should be an interesting test for both competitors, Richard. Ria is looking to get back on the winning path against the newcomer in Alex Steel, but Steel’s not to be overlooked.
Richard Parker: I heard she has a powerlifting background, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she manages to throw some members of this roster into the sun. Alex, if you’re curious, I have a list. It’s sorted alphabetically, except the first five entries are all Cancer Jiles.
There’s a bit of a feeling out process as the match gets rolling. The two circle each other, lock up, and Steel gets the upper hand given her strength advantage, pulling Ria into a headlock takeover and clamping down on the hold. It’s countered with a head scissors, but Steel pushes out from a headstand, and lands a snap dropkick as Lockhart begins to get back to her feet.
Both women are back to their feet quickly. Steel charges in with a short lariat, but Ria ducks, connecting with a solid elbow shot once her opponent turns around. A second one lands, staggering Steel back a bit, which gives Ria enough room to lunge in with a jumping calf kick.
Nick Stuart: Quick exchange here to start this one. Ria Lockhart using her experience to create some distance and get Alex Steel under control.
Richard Parker: It’s a smart play, Nick. Remember… Powerlifter. Sun. Yeet.
Nick Stuart: Yeet?
Richard Parker: Did I not use that word correctly?
Ria shoots in, feinting going low so that she can get behind Steel. It’s enough of a distraction that she’s able to quickly capture the PRIME newcomer in a snap dragon suplex. She follows with a cover, hooking the far leg as Ashley Barlow – the referee assigned to his match – makes the count.
Alex Steel forcefully gets a shoulder up once the ref’s hand hits the canvas for the second time. Again both women get to their feet, and this time when Ria moves in to attack she’s caught with a quick jumping knee strike to the jaw. She staggers back, charges in again, but this time Steel is ready and catches her in a side released belly-to-belly suplex.
Nick Stuart: Quick flurry of offense from Alex Steel, and now it’s her turn to make the cover.
Which means it’s Ria’s turn to get her shoulder up.
Nick Stuart: Steel not allowing Ria the chance to get to her feet, smothering her with a pair of grounded elbows!
Richard Parker: This is one of many reasons why I could never be a wrestler, Nick. Wouldn’t want to get hit in the face.
Nick Stuart: I can’t imagine it feels very good.
Richard Parker: And also I’m very pretty. Can’t mess up this moneymaker.
Steel brings Ria back to her feet and sends her hard into the corner with an Irish whip. Ria is crushed almost immediately as Alex Steel charges into her with a spear, timed in such a way so that Ria doesn’t have a chance to react between hitting the buckle and being hit. She stumbles forward out from the corner, and is caught with an overhead belly-to-belly which sends her careening halfway across the ring.
Nick Stuart: HUGE suplex out of the corner by Alex Steel, once again putting that strength on display!
Richard Parker: You know, I wouldn’t want to get suplexed like that either.
Nick Stuart: Let me guess. You’re also secretly a part-time butt model?
Richard Parker: No, it just doesn’t look fun, is all.
Steel closes the distance, but from a prone position Ria connects with an upkick using both legs, sending Awesome Alex to the mat. She’s quick to her feet, but the opening provides Ria with the chance to regain her footing, and when Alex moves in she’s caught with a uranage backbreaker.
Nick Stuart: Very back-and-forth contest to kick things off for us tonight.
Richard Parker: Honestly, it’s pretty refreshing to see two people just have a competitive match without either one of them attempting to do crimes to the other.
Nick Stuart: Can’t argue with that, Richard.
Richard Parker: Now about that list of people I want Alex Steel to throw…
Ria pulls Steel in, trying to cinch her for an exploder suplex, but a series of back elbows to the jaw are enough to cause Ria to break her grip. Another jumping knee connects, and a stunned Ria is caught by a charging clothesline. Steel dives through the move feet-first, and kips up back to her feet.
Nick Stuart: Huge clothesline takes Ria Lockhart down!
Richard Parker: If I was Alex Steel I don’t know if I would be playing to the crowd right now.
In the ring, the newcomer has turned her back to the fallen Ria and is going through a few theatrical gestures.
Nick Stuart: No, you’d be throwing people off a list.
Richard Parker: I’m so glad you remembered!
Alex attempts a standing moonsault, but Ria was able to get her knees up in time. From her prone position on the mat, she pivots on the canvas and turns the move into a variation of a small package.
Nick Stuart: Countered! Could this be it?!
Nick Stuart: No!
Ria brings Alex back to her feet and grabs a rear waistlock. She lifts her opponent up, going for a back suplex variant, but there’s enough reserves left in Steel that she’s able to float over and land on her feet behind Ria.
Nick Stuart: Neither of these women are looking to give the other an inch here. Incredible back-and-forth contest and now… OH MY!
Nick’s sudden outburst is because Alex Steel has just hoisted Ria Lockhart straight into the air with a gorilla press pickup.
Richard Parker: Alex, no! Ria’s not on the yeet list!
Nick Stuart: And Alex Steel just dropped Ria Lockhart straight down onto the canvas!
Sensing an opportunity, Steel steps through the ropes and climbs to the top buckle. She perches there for a moment, looking out to the crowd and taking it all in. PRIME is a big stage, maybe the biggest she’s performed on, and an audience this size can be a little overwhelming.
Nick Stuart: Steel taking a little too much time here. If she’s not careful this could backfire.
She leaps from the buckle in a diving splash but is unable to course correct in time as Ria moves on the mat below, the hesitation having given her time to get out of the way. Steel connects with nothing but canvas.
Nick Stuart: And Alex Steel comes up empty!
Richard Parker: That’s Vegas for ya’. Sometimes you hit big, sometimes the house takes you to the cleaner, and sometimes your opponent rolls out of the way when you go high risk.
Nick Stuart: That… sure is… something?
Ria waits until Alex is just back to her feet before she strikes, snapping her opponent down with a jumping cutter.
Nick Stuart: LOCK CUTTER! Ria Lockhart picked her moment and caught Alex Steel!
Ashley Barlow slides into position to make the count.
Ding ding ding!
Vince Howard: The winner of this match… RIA LOCKHAAAAAAART!
Nick Stuart: Tremendous showing for Alex Steel in her first match here in PRIME. The future is definitely bright for this young lady.
Richard Parker: That made you sound so old, Nick. Like do you have pockets full of Werther’s candies, or what?
Nick Stuart: And for Ria, a big win as we start our road towards Colossus!
Richard Parker: Seriously, do you buy them in bulk so you have a few in all of your coats?
Nick Stuart: (sighing) Goddammit, Richard.